Despite writing an entire novel that rips apart romance films, I’m actually a wildly romantic person. Falling in love is pretty much the best thing about being a human – but it can also be the worst. I spent years working as a relationship advisor, and therefore gravitate towards films that show the real sides of love. Here are the films that made me the cautiously optimistic romantic that I am today. (You’ll recognize some of them from the book.)
Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight
Ideally, you need to wait a good nine or so years between these films for the full effect. They start with Jesse and Céline falling in love when they’re both idealistic students. They share one perfect romantic night strolling around Vienna – the sort of thing you just WISH would happen to you. But the second film catches you up with them in their late twenties, and the last film another nine years later. You see how the characters’ love, and their ideas of what love is, evolves as they get older. They’re painfully realistic, but there’s so much beauty in them.
The Way We Were
Barbra Streisand as Katie is EVERYTHING in this film. This is a love story about a “difficult” woman who refuses to adhere to society’s expectations of her, and how this makes love with (a useless) Robert Redford difficult in return. This is a film for anyone who’s ever had one of those near-miss relationships, a film for any girl who’s ever been told she’s “too much”. You’re not too much, you’re brilliant. Watch this film and find your inner Barbra.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
After the pain of a break-up, it’s common to think, What was the actual point of all that? Eternal Sunshine is about precisely this feeling. Clementine and Joel have a turbulent two-year relationship that ends with them both going to a specialist service where they can wipe their memories of the whole love affair. It follows their story backwards, as Joel realizes halfway through the process, that, actually, it was all worth it and he would do it all over again. Can he stop the procedure and save the memories before it’s too late? A gorgeous, quirky, brilliant film.
Lost In Translation
I adore Sofia Coppola and I adore this film so much and the last five minutes are actually perfect. On the surface, it sounds a bit gross. A jaded and aged film star, Bob, meets a young bored wife, Charlotte, in a Tokyo hotel. But the film manages to bypass any uncomfortable, sleazy vibes and instead tells a story about how unexpected people can help each other when they’re both lost.
How to Make an American Quilt
I mean, this film has Maya Angelou in. What more do I need to say? Reluctantly-engaged Finn spends the summer at her grandma’s house to get her head around marrying Sam. While there, her grandmother’s quilting circle make her a wedding quilt – each elderly lady telling Finn the story of their own love and heartache. The film’s a great examination of the perils of modern monogamy, but I mostly adore it for its tribute to female friendship and the power of stories.
When Harry Met Sally
Can a boy and a girl ever be friends without sex coming into it? That’s what you initially think this film is about, but it’s not. It’s more about how the best love comes out of knowing someone really well – their quirks, their neuroses, their annoying habits. True love is about taking that all in, and saying, “Yeah, I’m still here.” It also just has one of the best endings of all times.
(500) Days of Summer
Sometimes boys…not all boys…but a lot of damn boys, fall in love with the idea of a girl, rather than the girl herself. This film is all about a boy called Tom doing just that with a girl called Summer, despite her repeatedly telling him she is not able to give him what he wants. Not only is this movie a brilliant takedown of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope, it’s also just a stunning piece of film-making, with all sorts of random techniques, including surprise musical numbers.
Roman Holiday
Oh, it’s just so stunning and Audrey Hepburn is brilliant in it, and Gregory Peck is SEX and you literally cannot watch this film and not fall in love with it. It’s a scientific fact.
High Fidelity
I like any film that highlights the fact blokes totally have feelings too, and can get as upset about broken hearts as any girl. Record-shop owner Rob is hurting from yet another break-up. This leads him to revisit the five girls in his past who broke his heart the hardest. The soundtrack is stellar, Jack Black is funny in it, and the book it’s based on is pretty brilliant too.
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Look, so I know I write for teenagers, so a lot of you won’t understand the significance of this movie. But come back to me when you’re in your late-twenties/early-thirties, yeah? And watch this. Because never has a film so hilariously shone a light on what it’s like when you hit that age and everyone and their cat are getting married. It also has the best un-proposal ever. In some top-notch rain.