CHAPTER NINETEEN
Chris
Sex.
Sometimes it changed things…and sometimes it didn’t.
However, when you had the most intense, life-altering, earth-shattering sex of your life, it tended to change things. At least for me, it did. But clearly, it was different for other people.
As I stood at the bar wiping down the bar top, I tried my hardest not to stare lasers into Ky’s back—yes, his back, because that was what had been facing me all fucking night.
I didn’t care that he wasn’t hanging out with me, or all over me, for that matter. I didn’t even care that he wasn’t here to see me. What I did care about was the fact that he acted like I wasn’t even there.
He said he wanted me to feel him for days, and I’d tell you that there was no doubt that I would. He hadn’t taken it easy on me at all. He hadn’t given me tender loving. No, not Ky. He, literally, owned my ass that night. And even now, two days later, I still felt whatever the fuck had happened in that room that night. It was beyond sex. It was way past two people just seeking out one another for a release and a moment of pleasure.
However, it seemed like I was alone in that feeling. The only saving grace to this night was that he hadn’t even glanced at any of the women that were around. Not even when they tried their hardest to shove their big tits in his face. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have any interest, because I could tell that he was trying hard not to give into the temptation. It wasn’t that I really cared, I wasn’t one of those super jealous types. It more bugged me that I had no idea why he felt he had to shut that part of himself off. Was it out of respect? To me? If so, then why? Was he even aware of what he was doing? I didn’t have the first clue about any of it because Ky’s head and emotions were locked down tight right now.
“I’m gonna go grab some cases from the back,” I said to B-ry at the end of the bar letting him know to watch the place for a minute. He gave me a chin jerk letting me know that he heard me before I walked off.
In the stock room, I took in a deep, cleansing breath and stood there for a long moment trying to clear my head.
“Chris,” Ky’s voice said in a harsh whisper.
“What?” I barked, not even bothering to hide my irritation.
He closed the door and stalked toward me. I saw it coming. Oh, yeah, there was no way I could have missed it. His hands went into my hair, gripping to the point of pain. His lips crashed into mine, and for just a second, I gave in and let him take from me.
Then I broke away with a firm hand on his chest. As I looked into his eyes I knew I didn’t need to explain myself. He was well aware of what was going on and how I felt. He knew how he was treating me.
“I need to restock the bar,” I said in a flat tone as I turned away from him.
“You know that it has nothing to do with you, right?” His words were soft and full of regret.
“I know,” I said not bothering to turn and face him. “Doesn’t mean that it hurts me any less. I don’t think I can be what you need Ky, and maybe, you can’t be what I need. You’re not ready to admit to this thing between us and I’m not willing to hide. Walk away, Ky, before you destroy what little friendship we have left.”
A little dramatic? Sure, maybe. But the words were full of honesty and truth. It was not only what I needed to say, but what he needed to hear.
I heard his retreating steps as I reached out and grabbed the case of booze that I’d come back here for. Then I went back out there, my head held high, and finished out my shift. I didn’t seek him out, but I didn’t purposely avoid his direction either. I meant what I said and I knew that if I was going to get through to him, then I couldn’t go back on anything.
The next morning, I rolled out of bed earlier than I normally did. The sky was still dark as I made my way down the beach and to the shore. I stood there for a long time, the waves crashing around my ankles as my feet sunk into the sand a little more with each retreating pull. Once it was light enough for me to see where I was going, I made my way out into the water. I had a feeling it was going to be another one of those sit-and-bob type of mornings.
And it was.
I sat there for longer than I normally did. I sat there as the water around me began to fill with late morning surfers and the beach started to overflow with tourists trying to find their own little spots for the day. Knowing that I would be at the point of being rude if I stayed in the way any longer, I turned my board around and paddled back to the shore. I didn’t even bother trying to catch a wave in.
I hadn’t found the peace that I’d hoped to. I didn’t get the answerers that I had been seeking. I honestly just felt angry and frustrated as I made my way back to the house.
I flopped down on the couch and as his scent invaded my nose, I realized that there was no way I could shake my feelings for Ky. Somehow I’d started to fall for the guy. Seeing him in those moments when he let his guard down, when he showed me that he was human and vulnerable, they had got to me. They had made me realize all the reasons he was the way he was. Even his gruffness I found beautiful and part of his charm. It was stupid and I knew it. Falling for a guy that pretty much wanted to fight all the things he felt towards me would only end up with me brokenhearted.
This wasn’t one of those roll with it kind of situations. In the time since he’d been living here, with me, I’d begun to crave him. And now that I knew what it was like to be with him, there was no changing that. No denying that it happened. No moving on to the next one. Because I could have said that without a single doubt, Ky gave me something I’d never had before and I knew I’d never find it anywhere else.
Simply put, there was no going back after Ky.
And that really put me in a hard spot.
“Oh, hi, Chris,” Ingram said as she came into the room and found me in a sad, thoughtful lump on the couch. “I was starting to think you’d be out there all day.” She gave a little laugh.
“Hey. Yeah, I lost track of time. Come sit,” I said as I patted the cushion beside me and she lowered herself down without hesitation. “You doing okay?”
“Yes,” she said with a bouncy nod. “I…um…I am not sure what to do now. I feel like it’s getting close and that has sort of, um, made things become very real. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, I completely understand what you’re saying.”
“I don’t know what to do, Chris. Or what I’m supposed to be doing.”
This was the very thing that I’d been trying to get Ky to get out of her. As much as I wanted him to be here, I knew it would be best if I just stepped in. I couldn’t leave Ingram hanging and waiting around for Ky to get his head out of his ass.
“Well, I’m here. Let’s talk about it. What’s going on in that head?” I asked with a smile in hopes of setting her at ease.
“Where am I going to live? I mean, thank you for offering your place and I really love it here, but I simply cannot burden you with bringing a baby into your home. I feel like it’s too much.”
“Ingram,” I said turning to her. “I knew what I was signing up for when I offered my place.”
She gave me a pointed look.
“Okay, fine,” I said with a chuckle. “I didn’t know everything. But I had a good idea it wasn’t going to be an overnight kind of thing. I wanted to give you and Ky a place where you could figure things out without having to worry about where you were going to stay.”
“You care for him, yes?” she asked.
Though it should have been a simple question, it was anything but at the moment. And there was that whole thing of how she’d been raised. Oh, and I was sure Ky wouldn’t want her to know anything.
Fun times right here.
“Yes. Ky is a good friend and I want to be there for him when he lets me.”
“He can be a grumpy head sometimes.”
“That he can, but he’s just protecting himself. He doesn’t mean to be a giant asshole, but it’s almost like he doesn’t know how not to be one.”
“But it’s more than that, or am I reading things all wrong.”
Her statement shocked me. There was no judgment or disgust on her face. Just simple, open concern and wonderment.
“He likes you,” she went on when I couldn’t seem to open my mouth to say anything. “He watches you every morning when you go out on the water. He just stands there the whole time you’re gone. He tries to play it off, but I see things.”
I looked at her with a brow raised. I knew she wasn’t dumb. I’d been able to tell that within the first few hours that I’d hung around her. But I never expected her to call Ky out like that. I wondered if she’d actually done it to his face. The thought had me dying inside with laughter. I could only imagine how he would have handled that.
“Um, aren’t we supposed to be talking about you?” I asked playfully.
“I know what you’re doing. This is an attempt to change the subject and I have to say, it’s not very sly, Chris,” she said with a shake of her head like she was disappointed with me for my lame attempt.
I busted out laughing and she joined in. I couldn’t help but throw my arm around her shoulders and pull her in for a friendly hug.
“Ky has all of those men that are his brothers even though they aren’t related. Does that mean I can make you my brother even though we don’t share blood? I think you are easier to get along with than Ky.” Her smile let me know she was half joking.
“You know what, Ingram? Yes, I would be honored to be your non-related, adoptive brother.” I ruffled her hair like a good brother would do.
“I think we should go get tacos to celebrate this newfound awesomeness. That’s a thing, right? I heard it on a show the other day.”
“Sure, it works,” I said with a chuckle. “Tacos, huh? Alright.” I got to my feet, I needed to shower before I left the house, that was for sure. The salt water still coated my skin making it feel not only sticky but tight as well.
“Can we get them from that place that is near the coffee shop that Laurel works at?”
I looked at her confused, wondering how the hell she knew about that place. I hadn’t taken her there, though I had thought about it. I knew she’d love the tacos there.
“Mouse went and got me some the other night when we went to that open microphone thing. I got hungry and he asked me what I liked. I said tacos automatically, but I was thinking about the ones you make. He said he knew a place that was close. He went and got them for me and, I am sorry to say, Chris, but they were a little bit better than yours. But not by much.” She rushed to say the last part as if she thought it might hurt my feelings.
“Those are some pretty damn good tacos. I wouldn’t even argue with that statement.” I said with a smile. “Let me shower real fast then we can go.”
I had the day off and I was suddenly glad for it. I was going to spend it with Ingram, feeding her damn good tacos and figuring everything out with her. By the time Ky would be home, Ingram and I would have some sort of plan of what needed to be taken care of next. He wouldn’t have to worry about it because I was going to step in. Ingram couldn’t wait around forever.
If only I could apply that same thought to the Ky situation I had going on.
I knew it was going to be a hard road ahead for so many different reasons. There was going to be a baby in my near future because there was simply no way that I’d let Ingram go off and try to do it by herself. I already knew that I wasn’t going to let her tell me any differently. That was just one of the big things. Of course, Ky was the other one, but I tried my hardest to push that out of my mind for the rest of the day.
I should have just shrugged it off, saying that things would work out or they wouldn’t. That was how I handled pretty much everything in my life up until this point. Why the hell couldn’t I do that with Ky? A question I knew the answer to but didn’t want to say out loud.
And right now, it was a question that would have to be addressed another day.
Today was all about Ingram.