Quinn was right. I needed a night away from myself and going to the club where he was performing was the perfect solution. Not only did I get to see my brother command the stage while watching the women go crazy for him, but I also saw the band Quinn feels needs a chance, and he’s right.

The band, four guys with a female lead singer, is very No Doubtesque but more on the Top 40, pop front. They call themselves Unfaithful Perfection. When I asked them what their name meant, none of the members could tell me, making me believe they went to the web and asked the band name generator to create something for them. They’re new, and their name can easily be changed.

However, it’s what Leah said to me in the course of our conversation when I asked her how the band came together, that struck a chord with me. She told me she was in love with the drummer, Kelvin, and flew across the country to be with him, and that got me thinking, which is why I’m standing outside of Ben’s apartment, in the freezing cold, waiting for him to come home.

In a rush, I made Quinn take me back to our apartment, where I completely harassed June for Ben’s address. With much reluctance, she handed it over, mumbling something about how annoying I am, all while slamming the door in my face. I booked the first flight out of Los Angeles, and now here I am, waiting.

It’s stupid for me to be here. Ben and I haven’t spoken in weeks, and when I see him, I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to say. I’ve thought about smacking him for not telling me about his move to New York, but realize he might take it the wrong way and call the police on me for abuse. I imagine we’ll lay eyes on each other and we’ll both come to our senses. It’ll be like in the movies. We’ll run to each other and kiss passionately… until a taxi cab drives by and sprays us with water because that’s the type of relationship Ben and I have.

From the time I arrived, I’ve been tempted to reach out to Ben. In fact, I considered blowing up his phone with random pictures. Not only of the two of us but of the sites in New York, telling him I want to visit those places with him. Peyton and I have been here before, visiting a couple of the local tourist traps, but I’ve never done it with someone I love.

I do love Ben, but I’m not in love with him, at least not yet. There’s something between us, it’s been brewing for years, and both of us ignored it. Well I did, because honestly I never knew how he felt. I still don’t, but I’m here to find out. Either way, I leave New York with answers.

It’s late, and I keep looking at my phone, wondering when Ben’s coming home. For all I know this is where he lives, and Talia lives with him. If this is the case, I’ll look like a total wench, coming here to beg him to come home. Los Angeles is his home. I’m there and so is his brother, although I have a feeling Brad will move to where Ben is because he always has to play the big brother role.

The people coming and going into Ben’s building must think I’m a crazy stalker. Honestly, I’m surprised a police officer hasn’t asked me to move along being as I’ve been sitting on the stoop for hours.

When the sun goes down, I start to give up and head to the corner store for some food. Inside, it’s warm and a welcome reprieve from the cold air. I’m not built for winters. I need sun and heat, every day. The only time I like the cold is at Christmas, which needs the snow to make the day magical. Also, skiing, but I have a high-tech snowsuit, and that really keeps the cold out. I should’ve brought it.

It’s when I’m coming out of the store that I spot Ben. I haven’t seen him in a while, but can already tell he’s lost weight. There’s a woman on his arm, which causes me to see red. I know I have no right to be jealous, but I am. He’s my Ben, not hers.

The realization that Ben may choose this woman over me hits me like a ton of bricks causing me to gasp for air. What if he’s in love with her and tells me to go back to California and forget about him? I’m not sure I can do that. I mean, if he loves her, I’ll deal with it.

I stand tall when Ben and his “friend” walk by. He doesn’t notice me or even look in my direction. Instead, he’s focused on her. What if I’m too late? Although, I probably would’ve come sooner or begged him to stay had he been honest with me about the night of his birthday.

No, that’s not true. It’s taken me some time to come to terms with the fact because of me Ben and I are in an uncomfortable and awkward position. But I want the chance to apologize and ask him if he thinks there’s anything between us, something solid that we may be able to build a relationship on.

They reach the steps to the apartment, and I call out his name. Of course, with the traffic and people on the street, he can’t hear me. He’s looking at her, and that’s when I see it, the slow motion of her rising onto her toes and him bending down to meet her waiting lips. I cry out, “NO!” but not a single person on the street seems to care.

My feet move faster, all while I keep yelling his name. He pulls away from her and looks around, never seeing me. How can he not see me? My arms wave frantically in the air, and I’m out of breath when our eyes finally meet.

“Ben,” I say again, this time breathlessly. His mouth opens. It’s as if he’s in shock, which he should be. He left me high and dry, so to speak, and now I’m here for his explanation.

“Elle? What’re you doing here?”

“Do you know her?” the woman asks. She’s not shy about moving closer to him, letting me know they’re together. It’s fine. Like I said, I just want my friend back. “Wait, you look familiar.”

“You don’t know her,” Ben says. I don’t know if he’s dismissing her or me with his statement. He takes one step toward me before stopping. Ben looks at his girlfriend and frowns. Yep, I’ve totally interrupted their night. I should feel bad, but I don’t.

“No, I think I do, I just can’t place her.”

By now, Ben is standing in front of me. I want to reach out and touch his cheek to help soften his furrowed brow. His dark hair is shorter than I’m used to seeing, and I find that I like it a lot. It’s his eyes though. They speak volumes. I’ve hurt him, and I see it in the way he looks at me. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and feel his lips press against my hair, hearing him whisper that everything’s going to be okay because when I’m with Ben, my life makes sense.

“What’re you doing here?” he asks again, this time his words are soft and meant for me.

“You left me.”

He shakes his head. There’s torment in his eyes, and I want to take away the pain. “How’d you find me?”

“Well, you see, my neighbor June,” I pause on her name, waiting to see if he has anything to say about giving me a fake name. “Became a bit irritated with me when I wouldn’t stop asking for your address, so she gave it to me.”

“But how’d you know I was here, in New York?”

“June told me after I pounded on your, I mean, her door. Did you think I was going to give up trying to talk to you?”

Ben shrugs. “I sort of hoped you would.”

“I think you know me better than that.” He nods but doesn’t say anything. He looks over his shoulder, and I lean to the side to find his friend still standing there. “Do you need to go to her, Ben?”

He turns back to me and shakes his head. “I should, Elle. I should tell you to turn around and go back to California, to leave me alone, to let me live a life away from your level of crazy. But you’re here, and I can’t find the words, even though I just said them.”

“Ben?” her voice calls out.

“Give me a minute,” he says back to her. “I don’t know what to do here, Elle. I never expected you to show up or even care that I’ve been gone.”

His words cause me to step back. “Do you really think I’m that shallow? That I wouldn’t care that you moved away and didn’t say goodbye? I’ve been trying to give you space because…”

“Because why?”

“Can we talk inside?” I ask. He nods and turns toward his apartment. I’m praying he doesn’t live with her, but if he does, I guess she’s going to hear everything. I may have to leave some of the details out, like why I’m truly here though.

“Talia, this is Elle,” he says, nodding to me.

“This is Talia?” I ask, watching as Ben’s face falls. “I think I’ll head to the hotel.” I don’t give Ben time to say anything before I’m walking down the street. Tears threatened, but I hold them at bay. They need to wait until I’m in the comfort of my suite, where I can cry loudly, and no one will bother me.

“Elle, wait.” Ben grabs my arm and spins me around. “Just stop, okay.”

“No, I won’t. For years we’ve been best friends and then…” I take a deep breath. “Everything changed. Almost immediately, you disappear and tell me you have a girlfriend named Talia, and when I find you, you’re living together.” I stop and shake my head, wondering how life became so complicated. Oh yes, I remember the night well, thanks to my therapist. “I’m sorry, I bothered you.” I turn to leave, but he steps in front of me.

“You don’t get to show up here and expect things to be the same as they were in Los Angeles. I’m not the same man I was there. I had to make some changes, and you were one of them, and it kills me, Elle. I hate not having you in my life, but I can’t go back there with you, not after—”

“I know.”

“What do you mean, you know?”

I square my shoulders and prepare to tell him about the night our lives changed. I didn’t want to have this conversation on the street, but I’m left with no choice. “You lied to me, Benjamin Miller. I asked you what happened the night of your birthday and you lied. I knew, deep down, something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t figure it out. I felt different, and couldn’t ask you because you were avoiding me. For weeks, I begged to talk to you, hoping you’d come clean, but you refused. You ignored my calls and texts, and when you finally do get on the phone, you tell me it was a mistake. I know I screwed up, Ben, but you’re supposed to be my best friend. You’re supposed to call me out on my bullshit. So I’m asking you, what happened the night of your birthday?”

Ben runs his hand through his hair, ruffling the coifed look. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Are you embarrassed to be with me, Ben?”

“What? Are you joking right now? Any guy would give his right arm to date you, Elle.”

“Except you.”

He shakes his head. “I’ve given everything I have to you. I have nothing left.” Ben sounds defeated, and I hate it. I hate not hearing the happiness that belongs in his voice.

I grab hold of his collar and pull him down, so we’re eye to eye. “The night of your birthday, we slept together, three times to be exact. I remember it all, Ben. Every caress, every kiss and every time you looked into my eyes. I deserve the way you’ve treated me, but I’m here, asking for your forgiveness and asking you, if maybe, you’d like to go on a date with me and, if maybe, you’re willing to let me in and try a relationship because, Ben, I’m a shell of who I should be when you’re not around.”

“You don’t need a man to make you whole, Elle.”

“You’re right. I just need you.” I let go of him and pull out my phone. “I’m texting you my hotel and room number. I’ll be there until Sunday night if you want to talk.” With that, I leave Ben standing on the sidewalk. I’m tempted to look over my shoulder, but I don’t. I want to imagine him standing there, watching me walk away.