There’s nothing like kissing Ben. And to think I would’ve never fully experienced the act if my sister hadn’t opened my closed-off mind to the possibility of Ben being the one for me. I wish I could go back, months or even years, and stand outside of the relationship Ben and I have, and really take a look at what we were doing. So much wasted time has gone by. No, it wasn’t lost in a sense we weren’t together, but we could’ve been so much more.

Kissing your best friend is not awkward, at all. I thought it would be, which is probably the most significant part of my hesitation in believing Ben could be the one for me. Yet, I can't imagine anyone else making me feel the way I do. The warm and fuzzy sensation coursing through my body is everything a first love is supposed to be. It just sucks that we've waited so long. Well, mostly me. I have no doubt Ben would’ve jumped at the opportunity if it had presented itself much earlier.

However, we’re here now, and we're going to try, and I'm going to do my damnedest to make things work, which is why I told him I’d come with him to New York. Without a doubt, I’ll move anywhere he's going to be because building a relationship thousands of miles away from each other isn't the right way to start off. I told him, both feet in, and I mean it. There's no going back, only moving forward.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," I tell him, except his arms tighten around my waist, pinning me to his body. "Bennnn..." I draw out his name in exaggeration.

"Stay," he says. His voice is raspy, sexy. I want to stay, but Ben's right, sex complicates things, and as much as I'd love to stay locked up in this hotel room, being outside with him and touring the city where we're going to live is important to me.

"You promised me a date," I remind him, looking deep into his eyes. "And cheesy pictures to decorate my social media with." I wink, but he knows it's true.

Ben groans and closes his eyes. He's the one who knocked on my door at seven a.m. with breakfast. Mind you. It's one of the best bagels I've ever had. I would've never thought a grilled bagel could be so delicious.

I finally peel myself away from Ben. Our combined body warmth dissipates too quickly for my liking. Inside the bathroom, I take a look at myself. My lips are swollen, and there's a slight rash forming from Ben's whiskers. My finger brushes along my mouth as a smile breaks out until my eyes land on my hair. "My God, Elle, next time look in the mirror before you answer the door for your boyfriend."

Boyfriend.

I love the sound of calling Ben, my boyfriend.

What's even better, is Ben doesn't care what I look like in the morning. He's seen me at best, and certainly at my worst. There are no secrets between us.

I take a quick shower, just as I promised Ben I would. When I step out of the bathroom, he's hunched over, alternating between writing on a pad of hotel issued paper and searching on his phone.

"What're you doing?" I ask, keeping my distance from him. I'm naked under my robe, and the last thing I want to do is to start touching him. I won't stop because I'm eager to be with him again and be fully aware of everything going on between us.

"Mapping out our day."

I roll my eyes. Ben's a planner, always has been. It's not a bad thing, but sometimes you have to just go with the flow. "Don't want to be spontaneous?"

Ben sets his pen down and looks at me. His eyes travel down the front of the fluffy white robe I'm wearing before turning back toward the paper. He clears his throat. "I thought if you're going to move here, we'd hit the neighborhoods and decide where we're going to live."

"I heard Tribeca is a nice place."

Ben shakes his head. He stands and comes to me. I expect him to keep a sizable distance between us, but he doesn't. His fingers start to play with the wet strands of my hair, while his other hand rests on my hip. "It's expensive there and out of my price range. My starting salary is nice, but I don't want to struggle. I want us to have a life and do things."

"Ben—"

He holds his hand up, cutting me off. I have a feeling he knew what I was about to say. "Can we try to make it on our own? If we have a place that I can afford, anything you earn from your business will be butter. I know you can easily buy any home you want, but I'd really like the opportunity to take care of you."

"But you don't have to. You know that, right?"

"I know, Elle. I know you have a trust fund and two parents who will do anything for you, but this is a pride thing for me."

I nod, conceding an early defeat. I'm not going to argue with Ben because this seems important to him. "So what areas are we visiting today?"

Ben’s serious expression turns to one of elation. "I thought we'd visit Nolita, Murray Hill, and Brooklyn Heights, mostly because I know how much you love the townhouses."

"With those massive wrought iron railings?"

Ben nods, and I clasp my hands together. "I'm going to get dressed and do my girly stuff. I'll rush so we can go." I go to step around Ben, but he traps me. When I look at him, the happiness he was showing a few seconds ago, seems to be gone. "Ben?"

"Are we really doing this, Elle? Looking for a place for us, as a couple?"

“It only makes sense, at least to me. We’ve known each other for eight years, Ben. We’ve seen each other at our best, and worst. I think if we’re living apart from each other, we’ll end up together, wasting money on a place neither of us will use.”

“Okay,” he says, but he looks reserved.

My hand cups his face, and I use what little strength I have to pull him down for a kiss. When we part, I can't keep the smile off my face. I feel sorry for Quinn right now because I'm on cloud nine with the amount of happiness I feel. "Unless you tell me we're not."

"I'll never," Ben whispers. “Being with you, it means everything. I don’t want to spend a single minute away from you.”

"Then I guess you have your answer." This time Ben does let me go so I can get ready for our day. As promised, I work quickly to get prepared, opting for a lighter look with my makeup. Thankfully, I brought along a beanie along with me so doing my hair, other than blow-drying, isn't needed.

In the main room, I find Ben relaxed, watching the news. I stand there for a second before he turns his gaze to me. "Ready?"

"I am," he says, turning off the television. "We're going to cram as much as we can into today," he tells me as he opens the door. "And eat so much food."

"Let me guess, New York has an app to locate food trucks?"

Ben chuckles. "Actually, I don't know. I'm not sure one is needed since every corner has a vendor on it."

The air is brisk, but the sun is shining. I'm going to have to get used to the colder temperatures and the snow, which doesn't make me happy, but I'll survive. Ben and I will have to take a lot of mini vacations south of the equator or at least fly home to see my parents.

Ben takes us to the subway and tells me to be careful as we descend the steep stairs. The tunnel reeks, and I try not to let it bother me. I don't know if public transportation will be my thing or not. It's not something I've ever had to use. Growing up, my parents, grandfather or any one of my aunts and uncles, would drive us everywhere until we were old enough to drive ourselves. My siblings and I are spoiled, and our needs are catered for.

"Is this how you get to work?"

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do with your car?"

Ben sighs. "Probably leave it with Brad for a bit, while I make sure this is where I want to be. If we decide to stay, I'll sell it."

I lean into Ben and hold onto his arm while we wait for the train. He tried showing me the map of the system and explaining things, but it looks so complicated. Too many trains to choose from, and different lines, not to mention if you take the wrong exit, you end up on the wrong side of where you want to be.

Once we’re on the train, I sit down while Ben stands next to me. It's crowded, and everyone is forced to violate the personal space issue. Ben doesn't take his eyes off of me though, and I have a feeling he's watching and waiting for a temper tantrum.

"I'm fine," I tell him, even though I don't believe my own words. This will take some adjustments, but it'll work out.

Ben grips my hand tightly when it's time for us to get off. I breathe a sigh of relief when we're back above ground. He leads me across streets, and by others, in a rush to get to our destination.

"A park?"

"Not just any park," he says, weaving in and out of trees until we come to a wall, keeping the bay away from us. "Look," he says, pointing out toward the harbor.

"Wow, she looks so small." Out in the middle of the water is the Statue of Liberty. "I've only seen her from the plane."

"You need a reservation to actually take the tour, which usually has to be booked three to six months in advance."

"So, no spur of the moment arrivals from your best friend."

Ben looks down at me. "Girlfriend."

I smile and nod. "I like that." After we take a selfie with just a small bit of the statue in the background, Ben takes me to every possible spot he can, including the neighborhoods he thinks we'll like to live. Of course, I fall in love with Brooklyn Heights, and he promises we'll come back after graduation to really look at places to live.

We stop and eat pizza in Little Italy, like tourists. The thought makes me giggle, but I love it. When we visit Times Square, we take another picture together, and I post this one. The caption is a heart, and my sister is the first one to respond with, "It's about time."

"Peyton agrees." I show Ben while we're sitting on the steps, people watching. He puts his arm around me and kisses my cheek.

"It's because she knows how I feel about you."

I look at him oddly. He doesn't shy away. "Explain."

"When she was in the hospital we bonded over being in love with people who didn't love us back. She encouraged me to tell you, but I couldn't. For the longest time, I thought you had a boyfriend."

"Why would you think that?"

The people in front of us leave, and Ben uses the space to stretch his long legs. "You kept disappearing from the hospital. You'd be gone for hours."

"Why didn't you just ask me where I was?"

Ben shrugs. "I didn't want to hear that you were with someone. I liked the bubble I was in, I guess."

"Ben?"

He turns his head to look at me.

"I was at the church across from the hospital, praying. Asking whoever would listen to save my sister, to not put my mom through the same thing she went through with my father. To ask that my dad and brother be spared from losing someone they love so much. While I was there, I met the priest, and I kept going back because he gave me hope when I was so ready to give up on her. When Noah first arrived, I told him to say goodbye to Peyton because I was so sure she was going to die. Without even trying, I had already expected the worst, and I hated myself. When she woke, I needed someone to tell me that I'm not a horrible person."

"And did they?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Not until the morning after your birthday. I sat on the beach, wondering how my life became such a mess, and all I did was think about you. If it wasn't for that night, I don't know if I'd be here right now."

Ben presses his lips against mine, keeping things brief. "Well, thank you for shunning me. It's been the best birthday yet." He smiles, and while I know he's joking and trying to make light of the situation, I can't help but feel like I almost destroyed everything important to me.