The six-pack of beer I carry into my brother’s garage isn’t going to be enough to dim the memories I have of last night nor will it come close to erasing the horrors I felt this morning. Deep down, I knew I should’ve put a stop to everything Elle and I were doing last night, but I didn’t, and now I’m the one paying the price.

How does she not remember? One would think your body would remember a night of sex. It wasn’t some wham bam, catch in the morning romp either. I took care of her, and she, me. We made our first time count, and while she may have been drunk or tipsy when we started, I can guarantee she wasn’t by the time we finished. Yet, when the sun rose, she had zero recollection. I don’t even want to think how many times she’s done this. The thought literally makes me want to hurl.

I set the beer down on the garage floor next to the legs of my brother. He pulls himself out from under the car and smiles. “Two days in a row. I must’ve done something good in my past life.”

“And what were you in your past life?” I ask my brother.

“Hell if I know,” he says, sitting upright. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys, where there’s a bottle opener. He takes two beers out of the flimsy cardboard carrier, pops the tops, letting the metal clank to the floor and hands me one. “Cheers. So why ya here?”

“Do I need an excuse to visit you?”

Brad pauses briefly before finishing his sip. “I saw you last night at your birthday party getting cozy with Elle.” He waggles his eyebrows, which results in me shaking my head. I stand and go over to his current project. About six months ago, some guy asked Brad to rebuild a ‘65 Mustang for him, offering him a boatload of money and a fancy garage to work in, which he couldn’t pass it up.

“What color is she going to be?”

“Cherry red with white leather interior.”

“How long until it’s finished?” I ask.

Brad comes over to stand next to me. “Once I finish with the engine, I’ll start the paint. The seats will be here in a few weeks. I can’t sew so I had to outsource them.”

“Then what happens then?”

My brother tips his bottle back and finishes his beer, whereas I haven’t even touched mine. Honestly, I’m not much of a day drinker, and as much as I’d love to get hammered and forget about the past twenty-four hours, it’s just not in me.

“Mr. Berg says he has another project, but he’s yet to say what it is, so we’ll see. Never know, maybe you’ll have a new roommate soon.”

“Or you could sublet,” I tell him with a shrug. Brad looks at me expectantly as if he’s waiting for me to finish. I sigh and finally take a drink from my bottle of beer. “I’ve been offered an internship in New York. I have until finals to decide on whether I’m going to take it or not.”

“What does Elle say?”

I shake my head. “I haven’t told her.”

“Why not? You’ve told her absolutely everything from the day you met her, and you didn’t share your big news with her?” This is true. I’ve told her things she probably shouldn’t know, like things about Brad that should’ve never left our house.

“I don’t know. Lately, things between us have felt strained.”

Brad shakes his head and returns to the front of the car where he grabs another beer. He holds one up for me, but I show him the one still in my hand, barely touched. “Like I said, last night you and little miss Elle were looking awfully cozy. I saw the way she was touching you and batting her baby blues. Even saw your girl turn green when you were talking to other women.”

“I doubt Elle was jealous of anyone speaking to me.”

Brad scoffs. “Ben, have you gone on a date since you moved here?” He drops a tool into the toolbox causing a loud clunk, making me jump.

I shrug. “Once or twice. I’m focusing on school.”

“Same excuse you used in high school.”

“I dated in high school,” I retort. Although, not heavily. It was usually a movie date or two, maybe dinner on occasion. Most of the time, I hung out with Elle, Peyton, and our group of friends. We’d party, hang at the beach, have bonfires, some would hook-up, and we’d repeat everything the next weekend.

“Right, what was her name? Elise?”

“Ella,” I mutter. For months, everyone gave me crap for dating Ella because her name was so close to Elle’s. Sadly, our relationship didn’t last too long because I referred to Ella as Elle one too many times. Their names were just so close it was an easy mistake. I vowed never to make the same one again when it came to dating someone with the same name.

“Oh right. I remember Mom even called her Elle at dinner. That was awkward. Elle used to think it was all fun and games.”

Elle thinks life is a game most of the time. Brad and I make eye contact, but that’s it. I don’t shrug or try to think of a comeback.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Elle and I slept together last night.”

“Right on, bro!” Brad sticks his hand up for high five, but I shake my head. His arm slowly drops, as does the expression on his face.

“Maybe she was drunk, maybe not. She told me she wasn’t.”

“Is she saying you raped her?”

I quickly shake my head. “No, nothing like that. She doesn’t remember.”

“You’re joking?”

I bring my bottle of beer up to my lips again, and this time I guzzle the contents down. Brad quickly hands me another with the top already popped. I drink about half before I feel like I have the confidence to face my brother with the most fucked up story of my life. “I wish I were. Last night was…” I pause, realizing Brad doesn’t need to hear the fluffy details about my encounter. “This morning, she freaked out when she woke up naked and asked me what happened. There was something about the way she looked at me and her voice. This feeling in my gut told me she was afraid we had crossed the line, so I lied and told her we kissed, but didn’t do the deed.”

“But you did?”

“Many times.”

“And she doesn’t remember?”

I take a long pull and finish this bottle as well. Brad goes to get me my third, but I wave him off. “Has this ever happened to you?”

Brad laughs but quickly stops. “Sorry, man. Nah, can’t say it has. I get the job done.”

“I got the job done, Brad. I have the scratch marks to prove it.” I turn and lift my shirt up. My brother utters some profanities before whipping me with a towel. I cry out and dodge his next maneuver. “Be serious for five seconds. I don’t know how you get so many chicks.”

Brad holds his arms out to the side. “It’s the bad boy image. Put some gel in your hair, act like you don’t give a shit and they come flocking to you with their daddy issues.”

“Somehow I don’t think gel is going to make Elle come running.”

“So forget her,” Brad says. He leans up against the car, his coveralls stained with paint and grease. “Honestly, it’s time to move on, Ben. This is your wake-up call. You slept with the chick you’ve been in love with for years, and she dogged you first thing. If that doesn’t scream friend zone, I don’t know what does. It’s time to pull up your big boy pants and get the hell out of dodge. Where’d you say your internship is?”

“New York.”

“Take it and run. Get out of California and explore the world for both of us. You don’t want to end up like me, working in some old man’s garage, praying he’ll have another car for me to fix so I can eat.”

“You know you could always come live with me.”

Brad shakes his head. “Nah, you need peace and quiet so you can graduate and become something. I’m good here, watching you succeed.” Brad heads to his toolbox and rifles through it until he finds whatever he needs. We’ve never really discussed our differences. While we look alike, we have different fathers, and while mine left me with a trust fund, which I can’t touch until after graduation, his father has always been absent. I think this is why Brad followed me to California when I moved out here for college, so I always had him.

“If I go, my apartment will be free for six weeks.”

“I got a bed here. You should sublet it and make some money back, and then take that money and find a nice girl to spend it on who doesn’t go by Elle James. She doesn’t deserve you, Ben. She never has.”

“You say that, but you like her.” I point out.

Brad nods. “I do. Elle’s a cool chick. So is Peyton. But liking her and thinking she’s the best fit for my baby brother are two different things.” Brad drops down onto his creeper and pulls himself under the car. A sure signal our conversation is over. I try to linger and even look around for something to do, but this is where Brad and I differ greatly. He’s good with his hands, while I’m creative with my mind.

“I’ll see,” I say loud enough for him to hear.

“Call me when you need a ride to the airport. I’ll take you.”

“Thanks.”

As soon as I pull away from the garage, I drive toward the beach. It’s early spring, a Saturday and the traffic is going to be a pain, but it’ll give me time to think and process everything Brad said. As much as I don’t want to admit it, he’s right. I need to move on. I need to do what’s right for me. I think last night had to happen to bring me to this point. Elle and I are on two different pages. She wants to party and hook-up. I want to graduate and start a career and a life with someone I’m in love with. That’s something we can’t do together.

It takes me almost two hours, but my toes are finally in the sand. Of course, everywhere I look there are couples, chasing each other, making out or walking hand in hand along the shore, making me feel like I’m missing out on something very important in life.

The thing is, as hard as I try, I can’t imagine myself with anyone other than Elle. I’ve tried, and maybe it’s because she’s always there, living next door, barging into my apartment, calling me at all hours of the night. I can’t escape her, even if I tried.

And I really need to try.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on. It comes to life with messages from classmates thanking me for the party, but nothing from Elle. Honestly, I didn’t expect her to text or even call. What would she even say? I knew better than to sleep with her, yet I went ahead and did it anyway because I’m stupidly in love with her and now I’m going to be the one to pay the price. That price will be our friendship because I don’t know if I can go on pretending like nothing happened between us, and I definitely don’t know if I can turn a blind eye when she brings another guy home.