Mom got the go-ahead to come home the next day. She was fine, so there was no reason for her to be left at the hospital. Besides, she didn’t want to be there.

She was devastated when she heard the news, especially because she’d been the one to let Rod behind the wheel. The first thing she’d done when she saw me, was breakdown and start apologizing.

I’d hugged my mom for the first time since I was a kid, we both cried and grieved together.

Over the next few days, neither of us wanted Dad in the house.

I still couldn’t fucking believe it! This was the secret that would ruin our family and Kevin’s life, the secret that cost my twin brother his? I remembered the argument with them and ruthlessly agreed with my brother. Dad should have kept his dick in his pants. Or fessed up instead of sneaking around.

How long had it even been going on?

“I don’t know,” Mom replied when I asked, sniffling and wiping her nose with a tissue. We’d both gone through several boxes of them already, and I reached for one myself as my eyes stung with more tears.

“Then, when did you find out?”

She shrugged. “Not that long ago. It was something your brother said that got me thinking. You know how he goes to Kevin’s house often? He came home one time and told me he could have sworn he saw your father’s coat in their coat closet. Only he had to be wrong because there was no way. That was more than a month ago.”

So, her suspicions had lasted for more than a month. But, if my dad and Jenny had been so comfortable around each other that he was even going to her place and forgetting things there, how long could this affair have lasted?

Would it have gone on for years?

“It isn’t fair, Mom,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around my stomach. It kept growling at me, and I realized it had been a while since I ate. But I hardly felt like eating anything as it was. “Of all people, why did Rod have to…” My voice trailed off as my face crumpled, and I let out a low whine.

Mom patted my back, ran her hand through my hair. “I know, honey. I know it hurts. It hurts me so much, too. I was so scared when I saw we were going to crash, and I screamed. Then I blacked out, and the next moment I was in the hospital hearing…” She paused to take a deep breath, centering herself… “Hearing that your brother died in the accident. I wish I could take his place…”

“No, Mom,” I refused immediately. “I didn’t want either of you to die.”

She smiled, and it was shaky around the edges as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

“I know, honey,” she whispered, voice hoarse. “Neither did I. But most of all your brother, and especially because of me…”

I leaned forward to pull her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around me, too. We rocked each other and cried. Mom kept babbling her regrets, but I didn’t want to hear any of them.

As far as I cared, this was caused by my dad and his affair. I hated thinking ill of Kevin’s mom…but I couldn’t help it. She hadn't only ruined my family, because of her, my twin brother was taken away from me.

Even after we both calmed down, we didn’t let each other go. And I relished the closeness with my mom, especially since I couldn’t have Kevin with me. I would have loved for him to be there, but he’d gone back home with his mom and stayed there. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to see him, considering the blame I put on his mom over my brother’s death. I knew it would hurt him if I ever actually said it to his face. He’d loved Rod like a brother, had treated us like family, and it turned out his mom was fucking my dad.

As if my thoughts of him brought him back, the door rattled as it was opened with a key from outside. Mom sniffled and pulled back, wiping at her eyes. We both faced the door as it opened and Dad walked in.

“What are you doing back here?” Mom asked, her tone cold.

I just glared at him. He didn’t even deserve my words.

Dad sighed. “Come on, Carol. This is my house, too, remember? I’m tired of sleeping at a hotel.”

“Why don’t you go sleep with your mistress, then,” she sneered.

Dad grimaced. “You know I can't do that, Carol. She’s dealing with things, too, and there’s Kevin. You know how close he and Rod were, of course, the poor boy is taking things badly. I can't just budge in on them like that.”

My heart ached at the mention of Kevin. I did want to see him. But he knew me so well; he probably knew why I hadn't sought him out. He must not have sought me out for that very reason.

“That’s funny,” Mom said, voice sarcastic, but trembling. “I thought she meant more to you than anything, more than this family. So I don’t see why you’re back here, Paul. I do not want you here.”

Dad heaved another sigh, then fisted his hands on his hips and tilted his head back. When he lowered his face again, he suddenly looked very tired and like he’d aged another decade. My heart wavered for a moment, but I forced myself not to give in. Did he feel remorseful now? Then he shouldn’t have done what he did the day after Rod confronted him. Whatever he’d been thinking, even I knew that was a bad idea. Rod was his son, so why the fuck didn’t he know that Rod wouldn’t let things go so easily just because he said so?

Had I known what this was all about before, instead of Dad deciding I needed to stay in the dark… I would have insisted on staying with Rod, the both of us going to school together. I’d thought he’d left before me, but he probably just circled, waited until both Dad and me were gone, then picked Mom up and followed Dad to where he met Jenny.

“Please, Carol,” Dad said, trying to sound reasonable. “I can't keep sleeping at a hotel. We can't afford that kind of cost right now. There’s still the hospital bills and the funeral to think about…”

Mom stiffened next to me. “I can handle the costs,” she said, jutting her chin out in defiance.

“With what money?” he returned, incredulous.

She sniffed. “With the inheritance money I got from my parents. I was always saving it, but this would be the best occasion to use it, don’t you think?”

Dad had nothing to say to that, and he flattened his lips.

“So you don’t need to stick around,” she said pointedly. “Go and get married to that woman for all I care. If it’s a divorce you want from me, have your lawyers send me the papers. I’ll sign.”

Before, I might have panicked had I been hearing my parents talk about a divorce. But right then, I couldn’t help but think it was the right decision. Hell, if Dad had just done it from the beginning, everything wouldn’t have gotten so messed up because of his lies.

“That isn’t what I came here to talk to you about.”

“Then what? Were you planning to elope—”

“Damn it, Carol!” Dad snapped, reaching the end of his rope.

Mom just sneered again, and it only seemed to make him angrier.

“I am grieving for him as much as you are. And so is Jenny.”

“What does she have to do with this family?”

“Everything, considering you were the one to get her involved in the first place.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “I thought I was helping her. Her husband had a heart attack, and she couldn’t even focus on her son, so I brought him to our house, and invited her in so we could help her. If I’d known this would happen, I would have kept them at arm’s length.”

There was silence as they both stared at each other. I felt like neither of them even realized I was there at all, and I was just an unwanted spectator. I’d never noticed how strained my parent's relationship had gotten until I saw them in that standoff. Right then, I wished I could be anywhere but there.

I wished a lot of things, but I still sat there watching the train wreck between them.

“Carol,” Dad said, breaking the silence first. “Please, I just want to come home. I will sleep on the couch; I don’t care. But I want to stay here. It’s my home.”

Mom was silent for a moment. Then, she took in a shaky breath.

“Fine,” she said.

My eyes shot to her in my surprise. I hadn't realized she would relent. But she wasn’t done talking.

“You can come back to the house,” she continued. “But only on the condition that you stop seeing Jenny.”

That made Dad freeze, and he stared at her with a look of disbelief. “… I can't.”

“Why not?” Mom snapped, glaring daggers at him. “Why ever the fuck not, Paul? It was what Rod wanted you to do, and you said no! Then look what happened—”

“If you hadn't dragged him into this—” Dad accused.

“Dragged him into what! Paul, your son was not as stupid as you seem to be making out he was. I told Rod nothing. He figured things out on his own then confronted me about it. I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t deny it either, and he made his conclusions. If anyone is to blame here, it is still you!”

Dad was left stunned, his eyes widening as his jaw dropped. “What…” he breathed out.

“Yes,” Mom said, jutting her chin out again. “What? You thought I found out about the two of you and ran to my son to rat you two out? Don’t fucking look down on me. He figured it out all on his own. Or what, did the two of you think you were discreet? The moment I knew to look for it, I knew, Paul. And so did Rod.”

I frowned to myself. Was I so unobservant that I was the only one that didn’t even suspect it?

There was another length of silence, and I could see my dad’s expression settling into devastation again. In that one moment, it looked like he’d aged some more. But then, after his lengthy silence, he started shaking his head. Mom burst out laughing, though it sounded pained and hysterical.

“Even now, even after all this, you still…”

“I can't just stop seeing her because you want me to,” Dad said, sounding defeated, even as he stayed firm about this. “This affair isn’t just because I want to get off. I love her, I’ve been in love with her. I know you’ve felt it, how this marriage just hasn’t been going right for years. I stuck it out for my children, Carol. I am fucking allowed to grieve because my son is dead.”

Mom didn’t have a comeback for that. I’d never even heard my dad curse before. After they stared at each other for long moments, Mom calmly got up off the couch. I watched as she avoided looking at my dad and headed up the stairs. Moments later, we heard the door to their room slam closed.

Dad heaved a sigh, then turned to me. “Stacey,” he called, reaching out an arm to me.

But I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. I jumped off the couch and ran. I couldn’t keep up a calm front like my mom. I slammed the door to my room and threw myself on the bed, curling on my side as I clutched a pillow to me and squeezed my eyes shut.

Shit, Kevin, I thought, wishing in that moment that he was there with me. Everything is so fucking messed up, Kevin. What the fuck are we gonna do?