It was time for the funeral. Mom came to pick me up and found me in my room with Amanda. She was surprised, but told us we had to go. Since Amanda came with her car, we followed behind my mom. Just as well, because I didn’t think I would be comfortable in one car with my mother at the moment.

“Amanda, what am I going to do?”

The situation was serious, but my voice was pretty calm. I’d be pretty freaked out when I realized the possibility, and I might have been a little quick to call Kevin. After he’d shut me down, though, I forgot to panic about it.

“What did Kevin say about it?” Amanda asked, shooting a quick glance at me, before looking back out the windshield.

“He didn’t want to talk,” I said, shrugging. “Not yet, anyway. I’ll have to tell him after the funeral.”

We were both silent for a bit. Then Amanda spoke, her voice hesitant. “Do you think that…you know… That you’re expecting?”

I cracked a small smile. She was avoiding saying pregnant like she would jinx me if she said it.

“I don’t know for sure. But Amanda, I’ve never been late. And I know I’ve never been as stressed as I’ve felt recently, but there no guarantee that’s why my period is late, you know.”

“It could be possible, though,” she said, and her voice was more confident than she had been in my room. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I read about it somewhere, that stress can do all sorts of things to your body.”

I just shrugged.

“How about this,” Amanda said. “We can stop by a store somewhere, and I’ll pick up a pregnancy test. You’ll have to go to a doctor to be sure, but a test will have to do for now.”

“I can't even think about this right now, though,” I said, frowning.

“But you can't put it off for too long, either. And you really should tell Kevin about it soon. This is… probably not the best time for something like this to come up, but you can't ignore it. How far along do you think you are?”

I looked down at my tummy, feeling some curiosity. There could be life growing inside my stomach. I pressed a hand over it. It was still flat.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But, I had my period just fine last month, so it’s recent.”

“Well,” she murmured. “I think you’re supposed to have morning sickness from around the third week. I mean, I think so, you might not have that at all.” She shot me a look.

“Yeah, I’d rather not want to keep puking,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“Your appetite should have gone up. Have you been eating more than usual?”

“No,” I said slowly. “I’ve been eating way less…”

Before last night, when did I even eat? Before I heard my dad’s conversation, I’d at least eaten occasionally when I felt hungry. After that, I’d gone to the kitchen maybe twice. Out of nowhere, I felt worry growing in my chest. I pressed my hand against harder against my stomach.

I hadn't been eating properly. If I was pregnant, wouldn’t that hurt the baby? Thinking back on the last several days, I suddenly felt ashamed. I hadn't been taking care of myself. Now learning that I might have to do it for two… that changed a lot of things.

I might be carrying Kevin’s baby.

Amanda was right, again. I couldn’t put off the possibility of a child, not for long. I definitely couldn’t hide it forever. And while it was too soon to think about how I felt about this, I didn’t want to hurt a little child. Both my family and Kevin’s were not in the best of place right now, but that wasn’t the baby’s fault.

“Amanda,” I whispered. “I might be knocked up.”

The shock was coming back.

She shot a glance at me. “Don’t worry so much, all right? I promise, I’m going to help you out. But you’ll want to tell Kevin and your family.”

My heart jumped in my throat at the thought of telling my dad. Technically, I wasn’t talking to him recently. My mom? How would she take it? Would she finally be there for me if I told her, or would she get mad that I was so careless?

“I think I need to go see a doctor soon,” I told her. “I mean, I haven’t been eating. And you’re right; the stress might be messing with my body. Amanda, what if something happens to the baby because of how I’ve been acting recently?”

“Whoa, Stacey. Slow down. As I said, you’re still not sure. That’s why I want to go for the test as soon as possible. We can talk about what you want to do after that, but try not to panic about a child that may or may not be growing inside your stomach, all right?”

I shot her a glare. How could I not panic? I’d stopped before because Kevin had reminded me of what was important at the moment. And while I couldn’t entirely blame her because I was the one to start up the topic in the first place, but how could she expect me to be calm? I might be responsible for another fucking life! I hadn't made my mind up about the baby, but what if it died? I was already going to one funeral, so the idea of death bothered me.

If I was pregnant and I lost the child because I was fucking careless, then I really would completely lose it.

“We’re here,” Amanda said suddenly.

I looked up through the windshield and saw the church building up ahead. There were a few cars in the parking lot, already, but I was pretty sure there would be plenty later on. I had deliberately not looked out at the streets through the drive because of what Kevin had said. If there were real posters of my brother around town, I didn’t want to see them. But because of them, plenty of people would be showing up to the funeral, if not the whole town.

Amanda parked her car beside my mom’s. She’d already stepped out and waited for us to head inside the church. She was in a black dress with full sleeves and a high collar that fell to shin length, and she was wearing black pumps. She had a single silver bracelet on her wrist that as I recognized as the one, she’d gotten from her mom. There were small diamond earrings in her ears, and she had some light make up on. With her solemn expression, she looked elegant and very ready for a funeral.

We sat in one of the front rows. In the front, the casket was put up on a table. The lid was closed, and I felt choked up when I thought they might allow a viewing. I’d probably run out if that happened. On top of the casket, was a wreath of flowers, and a photo of my brother put in the middle on it. I grimaced when I realized it was that damn yearbook photo.

“Mom?” I whispered.

“Hmm?” She glanced over at me. “What is it, Stacey.”

“Who picked out the photo?”

Her eyes strayed toward it, and there was a painful look in her eyes, even as she smiled.

“I did,” she admitted. “I know your brother didn’t like the photo. The only reason he took it, was because I got him the suit and asked him to take the picture for me. That’s why I picked it.” Then she turned worried eyes to me. “I’m sorry, I would have asked you for your opinion, but the one time I went into your room, you looked like such a mess, and you were asleep. I sent the photo to Paul, and he didn’t object, so we went with it.”

“No, its fine,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel.

It made sense that she would pick the picture that meant the most to her. There was no point in arguing, anyway, because I didn’t think I could have looked at any of the photos, either. In a way, looking at this photo was easier. Rod wasn’t smiling, but who could offer up a genuinely happy smile on a day like this?

We sat down and waited. Pretty soon, other people started walking in. There would be a short service; then the casket would be carried some distance to the already prepared grave. Most of the people that came in walked to the front to pay their respects to my mom. I didn’t want to talk to any of them, so I stayed seated while she stood at the end of the bench. I held onto Amanda’s hand, staring straight ahead, occasionally glancing over at Mom.

Until I glanced over and noticed Mom suddenly going still. Her expression hard as she looked toward the entrance. I turned around to look, slowly getting up when I saw who had just walked in.

Dad. With Jenny on his arm and Kevin coming in behind them both. Dad and Kevin were both dressed in suits, though Kevin’s was slightly more unkempt. He had his hands in his pockets and a surly expression on his face. I just barely looked at him, though. My eyes were right on my father, walking with his arm around Jenny, while she had her arms wrapped around her chest. She was sniffling, like shed’ been crying, and for some reason, that annoyed me.

Which is why I didn’t protest or move to stop her when my mom turned to me.

“Would you excuse me, honey?” she said, voice calm. Then she walked toward them.

“Stacey?” Amanda whispered beside me.

I could hear the shock in her voice. She wasn’t the only one shocked. As Mom headed for the entrance, the other people present turned to look at what had caught her attention, and murmurs started going around the room, when they realized who had just walked in, and saw the intimate position my dad was in with Jenny.

The truth couldn’t stay hidden forever.

They started talking quietly, but I could see the stubborn set to my dad’s expression, and I knew it wouldn’t stay quiet for long. Sure enough, just a moment later, my mom was shouting, and everyone else went quiet, so the sound carried more.

“You will leave right now, Paul! I am not asking you, I am telling you.”

“And I’ve already said no, Carol! I have every right to be here at my son’s funeral.”

I found myself heading toward them. I hadn't consciously thought to move, but I was suddenly a lot closer to them. They didn’t turn my way, because other people were slipping into the aisle, too.

“You don’t belong here,” Mom was arguing. “How can you bring that woman here and dare say that to my face!” She threw a hand angrily in Jenny’s direction, who’d moved to stand just behind my dad and to his side like she wanted him to shield her.

“She has every right to be here!”

Mom shouted, “She is the reason all of this happened. And yours for giving in to her.”

Dad glanced around cautiously at the crowd. “I’ve already explained more than enough to you about this, Carol.”

“No, you have not,” she hissed out. “You have not explained anything to me. You did not explain anything to our son. If you had talked to him, we wouldn’t even be here waiting to start his funeral.”

His lips tightened. “This isn’t the right time to bring this up—”

“When would be the right time, Paul?” Mom’s voice was wavering. I could tell, even with her back to me that she was crying. “We are burying our son today! And you bring your mistress here as if she hasn’t done enough! And what about yourself? You know what, I changed my mind, Paul. You are both not welcome here!”

The murmurs were growing in the room again, with everyone growing agitated, seeing the commotion. Dad looked like he’d realized what would happen if they didn’t calm down very soon, but he was as stubborn as my mom, and I knew neither would easily give in. Pretty soon, the crowd would be joining the argument.

I couldn’t stop my mom, though, I probably should have. I wanted to go up there and tell them that we were here for my brother’s funeral, and nothing else should matter. But my feet were frozen in place. I glanced at Jenny, and I didn’t want to get near. Then I looked at her, and saw Kevin.

Kevin looked around until his eyes found me. His gaze zeroed in on me, and he stared at me with intent. The look of concentration on his face, was like he was trying to send me a message telepathically. I got what he wanted, but I couldn’t give it to him, either.

He must have expected something from me. But I just stood there and did nothing.