I was disoriented when I woke up. There were noises around me, but I couldn’t immediately place them all. I stirred in bed and blinked my eyes, squinting at the brightness in the room. When I could properly open my eyes, I realized it was so bright, because I was somewhere sunny, and the walls and ceiling were all white. When I looked down at myself, I remembered.

Oh. I was in the hospital.

In the next second, I sucked in a sharp breath and went to get up, only to be stopped by the one voice I wanted to hear at the moment.

“There’s no need to panic, Stacey,” Kevin lightly chided. “Did you think I’d leave you alone?”

My eyes roamed around the room until I found him standing by the door. I remembered being in the operating room, about to give birth, and Kevin coming in and saying something along the same lines. I’d been at home with Jenny when I went into labor, and she’d called Kevin on the way to the hospital. I’d been so scared until he’d shown up.

I remembered a lot of pain and sweat and effort. Then the sound of a baby crying, and things went fuzzy after that. My eyes dropped to the bundle covered by a bunch of blankets Kevin carried in his arms. My arms, of their own accord, lifted.

“Is…is that…” I started hesitantly.

Kevin’s smile widened. “Yeah. You fell asleep before you could meet him properly, didn’t you? He’s been dying to meet you, too.”

He?

“How long have I been out?” was what I asked.

“Not long, maybe a bit over an hour. The doctor said you’d passed out from exhaustion, but I could wait around because you’d wake up pretty soon, as long as you got some fluids to replace what you lost.” He frowned. “It was a nightmare for me, Stacey. Our baby’s born, and suddenly you pass out. I’d thought the worst.”

I tried to arrange my expression into something apologetic, even though most of my attention was on the baby he held.

“I’m sorry about that.”

Kevin just chuckled. “Nah, it’s fine. Anyway, I know what you want, so I won’t keep you.”

He crossed the distance between us. It wasn’t that great, but he was moving so slowly, and my patience was wearing thin. I shifted around so I could sit back on the pillows, and Kevin came to sit by me, holding the baby out to me.

“Stacey, meet our little boy.”

I felt my breath hitch when I saw him for the first time. He was small and wrinkled, with small tufts of dark hair, eyes shut, and hands closed in little fists resting on his chest.

He was perfect.

Instinctively, I reached my hands under him to take him from Kevin. I had a moment of panic when I realized I didn’t know how to do this. I’d never even taken care of babies before. Kevin and I had gone to some classes about pregnancies and babies, but knowing the practical shit couldn’t possibly be enough.

But my hands seemed to know just where to position, one hand supporting his back, my other arms going under his little backside. I brought him close, pressing him close to my chest, and felt my heart swell in my chest.

I glanced up at Kevin. “Where are Jenny and my dad?”

He met my eyes, before going back to staring at the baby, taking one of his little pink fists and carefully playing with it.

“They went out to get something to eat, to give me a little privacy with the baby. The nurse only just handed him over to me when you woke up.” He grinned at me. “Maybe it’s your mommy instincts at play.”

I snorted, but didn’t argue. We spent some time cooing at the baby, quietly. When the door opened, we looked up to see our parents walk in. Kevin immediately placed a finger over his mouth, asking for silence. She nodded and crept over to us on the bed. Dad came behind her, and they cooed at the baby, too.

Then, Jenny turned to me with an apology.

“I hope you don’t get mad at me,” she whispered.

I frowned. She’d been supportive of me when my mother wouldn’t be. I hadn't liked her before, but my opinion slowly changed as I got to know her. So her saying that made no sense to me.

“Why would I be mad at you?” I questioned.

“Because I called Carol,” she admitted with a grimace.

I shared a glance with Kevin, suddenly feeling cautious. I didn’t mind that Jenny had told her. I wanted Mom to know about my son. If Jenny hadn't called her, I would have found some time to go and meet her. Like my brother, I didn’t give up. She would accept my baby if I had to make her.

“And?” I asked, anxious.

“Well…” she drew the word out.

In the next moment, there was a knock on the door, before it opened to reveal my mom standing there. She didn’t look much different than when I last saw her, dressed in a pants suit with her hair raised up in a ponytail. She held a purse in front of her with both hands, like it was her shield, and smiled awkwardly when all the eyes in the room went to her.

“Hi,” she murmured, raising one hand for a small wave. “I don’t know if you’d want me here, but I just really wanted to come…”

She trailed off, looking unsure of herself. It wasn’t a look I saw on my mom’s face often.

“Are you kidding? Of course, you can,” I said, smiling. “You’re still my mom, after all. Come here and greet your grandson.”

She glanced over at Dad and Jenny, giving them both nods of acknowledgment. Kevin’s was a bit slower, but she gave it. The three of them, like it was some cue, moved to stand against the wall, and Mom came to stand beside me, taking their place. Her eyes fell on the baby, and she gasped, a hand rising to cover her mouth.

“He reminds me so much of you and your brother,” she murmured, her words slightly muffled behind her hand. Then her eyes raised to mine, and she removed her hand so I could see the trembling smile on her lips. “I’m…changing, little by little. I know I was…a shit mother, in different ways to both you and your brother. But I want to be a good grandmother. That is…if you’ll let me.”

My face crumpled as my eyes teared up. How could I not? Just hearing from my stubborn mother that she as trying to change, having her there at all meant so much to me. I’d tried forever to get her to want to be closer to me, and she’d brought herself here. Already it was more than I could ask for, and if she were offering more, then I would be selfish and take it.

“I’ll agree that you weren’t the best mom,” I choked out. “But you’re still pretty great.” Rod wouldn’t have loved her so much otherwise. He just got to know her better. I was intent on changing that, and hopefully, she was with me.

Carefully, I shifted the baby, so I was holding him with one arm, extending the other to my mom. Her expression crumpled just like mine had, and she was careful as she moved to wrap an arm around me. We were both sniffling as we cried, tears of grief, relief, and happiness. And when I looked over her shoulder, Jenny and my dad were wrapped in their world, arms around each other and silent tears sliding down their faces.

Then, my eyes met Kevin’s, and I was pretty sure our thoughts were close together and the fact that we were divided by my brother’s death, and now, brought together by our baby’s birth.

Over my mom’s shoulder, I reached my hand for Kevin’s. He moved closer and to the side of my mom, taking my hand as two single tears fell from his eyes.

Yeah, I thought, looking down at my sleeping baby, my mom in my arms and holding my love’s hand. Rod would be just the perfect name for you.

* * *