I was in my room, listening to music and missing Kevin when I heard something like a loud thump. I lifted my head off my pillow and frowned, but I didn’t hear the noise again. I laid back down. But, instead of closing my eyes and getting lost in the music again, I stretched my arm out for my phone.

It hadn't been that long since I last saw Kevin, but for me, it felt like way too long. I wanted the day to be over already so it would be Monday. Not that I was particularly enthusiastic about school, and we didn’t even have a lot of classes together. But Kevin and I always found some time to be alone, just the two of us, while we were at school. There, we weren’t just keeping a secret from my family, but from the whole school, and sneaking around actually felt pretty great.

I was thinking about whether I should call or text when I heard some more loud noises. I frowned.

The fuck is going on. Mom and Rod are back already?

I checked the time. It was early evening, and they’d left sometime mid-morning. I contemplated whether I should go and see what was going on. Or, at the very least, to talk to my mom, because it had been a while since I’d done it. I might not be her ‘favorite’, but I was still her daughter.

After some hesitation, I heaved myself out of bed. My feet cringed against the cold floor, and I pulled on a pair of soft socks. Then, I pulled on a pair of track pants over the shorts I was wearing. We’d only start an argument if she saw me in something that didn’t at least cover me to my knees.

Then I turned my music off and left my room.

As soon as the music was off, though, I knew something was wrong. Because there was noise coming from downstairs, but there were two raised voices. I recognized my dad’s easily enough, and the other must have been Rod’s.

I frowned to myself as I froze in the hallway. The yelling was still indistinct. They were practically fucking screaming at each other, and I was worried because they’d never fought this big before. I couldn’t tell what they were yelling, but that they were at all made me not want to go down there. But this was my family, and I was done neglecting things that were going on in my house. If they were arguing about something important, I wanted to know.

Resolved, even if a little fearful, I walked down the hall and sneaked halfway down the stairs, stopping before the landing. The stairs were built so that I could partially see into the kitchen, even though I couldn’t see the living room. I sat there, watched, and listened.

Dad and Rod were both panting. I couldn’t see my brother’s face, but Dad was glaring at him. Dad put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, looking like he was trying to calm himself down.

“Look, kid—”

“Don’t fucking call me kid!” Rod complained immediately.

“And don’t you curse in my house!” Dad retorted. “Rod, I know you mean well, but these are adult matters that have nothing to do with you—”

“It is messing with my mother, how dare you tell me it has nothing to do with me. And if you’re such an adult, then you wouldn’t need a kid to tell you—”

“You are not telling me anything that I haven’t thought of or considered myself—”

“Then you’re deliberately choosing to ruin this family because you’re just that selfish? You’re supposed to be my dad, my role model, but who the fuck wants to turn into someone so pathetic—”

“You will shut your mouth right now!” Dad cut him off with a roar, his voice loud enough to get Rod to shut up. And he went on, sounding angry. “I won’t have you judging me like you know everything, Rod. You know nothing. I am going to ask you one last time not to butt in.”

There was a short silence before Rod spoke and this time his tone was softer. I had to strain my ears to hear what he said over the loud pounding of my heart.

“And what happens when Stacey finds out?” he asked. “Are you going to tell her the same thing? ‘It’s none of your business; you won’t understand, keep your butt out of this.’ How do you think that will go with her, huh?”

I startled, wondering why my name was mentioned. What secrets were they keeping, and why was Rod so sure I would be mad about it? Mad at Dad, especially, who seemed to have paused as he thought about it.

Because Mom had always held Rod above just about everyone and everything in her heart, as far as I saw it anyway, I’d gravitated toward Dad early on. So while Rod was a mommy’s boy, I was a daddy’s girl. While there were things I would rather talk about to my mom than my dad, if I couldn’t talk to my friends about it either, I went to my dad.

But I was so busy with Kevin. Lately, I barely talked to my dad when we weren’t all seated at the same table for a meal. It surprised me, then, just how long it had been since my dad, and I had a proper talk. I’d felt guilty about talking to him once I started dating Kevin and decided to keep it quiet, so it had been nearly a year.

He didn’t reach out to me often, either, though, so it was hard to tell if I was the one being distant, or if it was both of us at the same time. Whatever Rod was talking about must have happened within that time.

You idiots, I grumbled internally. Why don’t you just say what this secret is, or give me a fucking hint? I want to be in on it, too!

“I will handle your sister when the time comes,” Dad said finally, after the two of them held a stare off for about a minute.

“And when will the time come,” Rod challenged almost immediately. “Will you tell her? Should I tell her, or should Mom? Or do you want to wait until she finds out on her own?”

“There’s no way she’s going just to find out—F.”

“She's as close to Kevin as I am, Dad, and she’s nowhere near as stupid as you seem to think she is.”

The fuck. Why are they mentioning Kevin? What does he have to do with this?

“If that is what you’re so worried about,” Dad said impatiently. “You can stop right now. I will tell her when I think we’re both ready for her to hear the news. And I’m going to be careful—”

He cut off when Rod downright growled at him, slamming a fist into the dining table. I jumped a bit at the loud sound, letting out a gasp. My hands flew up to cover my mouth, worried they might have heard, but I didn’t need to worry. They weren’t paying me any attention at all.

“Rod, come on…”

“No, Dad! Just no.” He let out a laugh, but the sound made my chest ache more than anything. Just what was wrong with my brother? “Even after all this, all you can tell me is you’re going to be careful? What, so she doesn’t find out your shameful secret?”

“There’s nothing shameful in what I’m doing,” Dad replied stiffly.

“If there’s nothing shameful, then why do you hide it? Why have you been hiding it, why not spread it all around town? It’s because you know the backlash that will happen, right? It will affect this entire family, and it will affect Kevin as well. You adults can do whatever the fuck you want, but what about us kids? How are we going to live in this town after this shit comes out, huh? Did you ever even think of that? You fucking adult.”

Dad had nothing to say about the curse words this time. But I had something much more important in mind.

Okay, that is fucking it. This is the second time they’ve mentioned Kevin! And what does Rod even mean?

More and more, instead of just wanting, I was coming to realize this was something I needed to know. So I got up off the steps and continued slowly down the stairs.

“I’ve already told you, Rod, I was handling things. You don’t need to worry about it, just think about school and your sister—”

“I am thinking about it!” Rod roared, so loud that I jumped and stopped again, then moved even faster. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about ever since I found out! Stacey, especially, how could you do this to her? You fucking spineless bastard—”

“Rod!” Dad snarled. “I know you don’t like me right now, but later you will understand. And like it or not, I am still your father, and this is my house, you will watch your mouth when I tell you to.”

“Don’t call yourself my father! That’s fucking disgusting!”

“What is going on!” I yelled, walking into the kitchen then, and froze.

I wasn’t the only one to freeze, and I stared, wide-eyed at my brother’s back. He had his arm pulled back, fingers curled into a fist, and I had a feeling he would have punched Dad had I not walked in. After a moment, he dropped his arm and looked over his shoulder at me. The look on his face, so angry in a way I’d never seen my brother before, made me flinch back. He snorted and turned back to my dad.

“Well, Paul,” Rod said, voice heavy with sarcasm. “You’re daughter’s here already. I think she has something she wants to ask you.”

Dad looked at me, and I saw alarm, then resignation in his eyes, even as his expression remained hard, and I wondered why.

“What the heck, Dad,” I breathed out. “If there’s something you need to tell me, then, please. I’m all ears.”

His nostrils flared, chest rising as he took a deep breath, then let it out of his mouth with a gust.

“It’s nothing, honey,” he said, his tone not convincing at all. “Rod and I just had a little disagreement—”

“A little?” Rod repeated with incredulity. “Give me a fucking break.”

Dad was angry; I could practically see a vein pop out on his forehead. Rod must have seen it, too, but he didn’t care, turning his back and stomping out of the room without even a glance at me. My eyes shot to Dad, but at that moment, there was only one thing I could do. I followed my twin and watched as he stomped his way up the stairs.

If there were someone I was going to talk to, it would be my brother. Before I could go up, though, I caught sight of something and jumped when I saw it was my mom. A moment later, my eyes widened on her when I realized, that she must have sat there the entire time, back straight, hands folded neatly in her lap, eyes trained on the TV where there was some commercial playing.

Like there was nothing going on.

What the fuck has been going on in this house?