I wasn’t sure how many days it had been since I’d last left the house. Since I went to school… since I last saw Kevin.

The situation at home had gotten worse. Mom had let Dad stay, and he’d kept to his word and stayed on the couch. He and I hadn't talked. Mostly because every time he tried, I ran away. Mom kept herself locked up in her room, our alliance cut short, and everyone ignored each other.

It is all Jenny’s fault.

The first time I had this thought, I was startled. Then, I felt guilty because she was Kevin’s mom. Kevin, who I still loved and hadn't seen in too long. I hated staying by myself in my room, but I didn’t feel like walking out either, unless it was to go to the bathroom, or to the kitchen to find some food.

One morning, as I was descending the stairs to do just that, I heard my dad talking on the phone, and I froze. I didn’t even care that I was eavesdropping on a conversation he must have meant to be private.

“…I swear, I don’t know what to do anymore, Jenny. Carol isn’t talking to me. I expected that. But even Stacey…every time we’re in the same room, I open my mouth, and she runs from me like I’m the bad guy.” He let out a tired laugh. “I guess to her I am, though, huh.”

There was some silence as he listened to whatever Jenny was saying on the other end. I pursed my lips, feeling irritated that he would talk to her when he had barely talking to Mom and me. That was our fault, but still. He’d made his choice about where he would have rather been.

He sighed. “I think that would be for the best…no, just stay at home. I can deal with looking for the house. It doesn’t have to be too big or too grand, just affordable so we can rent for a few months. Kevin is going to be so uncomfortable…”

I couldn’t listen anymore. I wasn’t stupid. With what he’d said, I could pretty much infer what he was talking about. Dad was moving out, and he was going to get a place where he would stay with that woman.

And Kevin, my mind added helpfully. Fuck!

He’d finally come home. He’d broken Mom down, and she wasn’t trying to send him away anymore, and he…was going to leave anyway?

Then why the fuck did you bother to come back! Fucking bastard!

Feeling angry, but most of all, feeling hurt, I ran back up the stairs, staying as silent as possible. I wasn’t feeling hungry anymore, anyway. Contrary to what I would have thought, my appetite had shot up, and I was always snacking on something the moment my stomach rumbled. Right then, though, I felt too sick to eat anything.

I went into my room and closed the door quietly. I didn’t want to alert him that I knew about his plans. I laid back on my bed, curled around my pillow and closed my eyes. Eventually, I fell asleep, tears drying on my cheeks.

My phone ringing woke me up a while later. I blinked my eyes open and stared at it where I’d left it on my nightstand.

In the first couple days after the accident, I’d gotten plenty of calls from my friends at school. They all wanted to know what was going on, why my brother and I were missing from classes, Kevin, too. I’d sent a group text that I would be out for a while, and I would explain things.

That was about a week ago. People stopped calling, and this was the first time in days my phone had rung.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but at the same time, I felt I would go crazy if I kept silent and to myself for much longer. The news should have spread around town, probably far enough to the high school that no one needed to be asking me about my brother. I stretched my hand out and brought the phone to my face.

“Oh!” I gasped, sitting up so fast my head spun.

Kevin was calling!

But I hesitated to pick up the call. Had it been a day ago, or even just that morning, when he called, I would have picked up without hesitation. I missed him, and I’d been berating myself for not reaching out to him sooner.

But after that call I just overheard from Dad…

I cut the call and sent a text instead.

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

I paused. “Is your mom there?”

There was a long pause from his side, then finally: “Yeah. She left a while ago, and she hasn’t come back.”

I pursed my lips. Dad had told her to stay home, but they’d probably gone together to look at this house they were all going to rent.

“I’m coming over.”

I sent the text, then jumped out of bed. I changed quickly, because the clothes I wore I’d been sleeping in for more than a couple days. I wanted to take the time for a shower, but I didn’t plan on staying there long, anyway. My phone vibrated, but I didn’t bother picking it up again.

Dressed, I ran my hands through my hair, then left my room, and went out of the house. I walked over to Kevin’s house and reached for the door handle, not bothering with knocking. He usually left the door open when he was inviting me over. My heart cracked a little when I realized he had left it open, but I firmed my resolve.

I stomped inside, and Kevin was just stumbling down the stairs.

“Stacey,” he said with obvious relief on his face. “I wanted to come see you sooner, but I didn’t know if…” He let his voice trail off when he noticed I was glaring at him. He frowned, tilting his head at me. “Stacey? What is it?”

I took a deep breath, and let it out. Just say what you came here to say and leave.

“Tell your mom to stay away from my dad,” I said, my voice loud and clear.

Kevin’s jaw dropped, then he floundered, opening and closing his mouth, trying to find words.

“Stacey, what the fuck are you talking about—”

“You heard me just fine, Kevin,” I cut him off. “Your mom is ruining everything for my family, and she’s still not stopping. I want you to tell her to stop.”

He flattened his lips, looking unhappy. “I can't just tell my mom what to do. I don’t like it either, and I don’t know what she’s thinking, but Stacey…” He started walking toward me again.

“She’s a fucking whore,” I said through gritted teeth. My words froze him in place, and I watched as his expression went blank, and he dropped his arm. “You might not like it, but Kevin, she is! All of this is her fault! Your mom should have never gotten close to my dad, and now because she did, my brother is dead!”

I was shouting before I realized it, tears streaming down my face. I’d cried so much the past week I’d thought my tears were dried up, but I guess not.

“Stacey,” Kevin said quietly.

“No!” I screamed until my throat itched, but I didn’t care. Kevin was surprised into taking a step away from me. “No, Kevin! I bet she hasn’t even told you the truth, right? That she was with my dad, and Rod found out, then my mom found out. No one told my brother anything, Kevin, he caught them out, and he and Dad fought over it! My mom told me that he suspected for the longest time.”

“What…” he murmured, shocked. “My mom told me your dad said he’d known for maybe a month.”

I shook my head, laughing. Even though I was the farthest thing from happy. “That isn’t true. Even Dad didn’t know, but Mom told me all of it. How Rod suspected it and kept dropping hints at her, hoping she could find out the truth and do something. Only it seemed to make her even more unhappy because your mom and my dad wouldn’t stop. And finally, Rod snapped. We got the reports from the hospital. Rod was definitely on steroids, and some other drugs, and it only started recently. Can you guess why?”

He had this dawning expression on his face as he realized it. How blind we had all been, all of us but Rod. How all of this had stressed him out, and Kevin and I were too lost in each other even to notice he was spiraling down. Even with my eyes closed, I should have figured that my brother blowing up at my dad was a bad sign because he never let himself get that angry.

But I hadn't questioned it. And I wasn’t going to be alone in feeling this guilt because everyone involved had played some hand in it.

“I just… I…,” Kevin stammered. “I had no idea he…”

I let out a sob, the tears coming so fast now my eyesight was blurred no matter how much I blinked.

“Your fault,” I choked. Then, I screamed, showing just how much of an emotional wreck I was. “It’s all your family’s fault this happened! Your mom should have left my dad alone, Kevin! Now my brother is dead, and no one can bring him back!”

I stumbled away, running back outside, even though I couldn’t see well. I knocked into the wall beside the door, but didn’t stop, couldn’t. I ignored Kevin calling my name as I rushed back to my room to lock myself in for several more days.