I got up early on Sunday morning, earlier than my parents usually did. I crawled out of my bed, and peeked my head out my door, looking up and down the hallway and listening for any noises. Then I quickly got dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and went back to the bed and tried to shake Kevin awake.

“You need to get up,” I whispered with urgency, shaking a little harder when he didn’t wake up immediately. “Kevin! You seriously have to get up!”

But all he did was grumble and roll over. He wasn’t exactly a skinny guy, both he and my brother were into sports, and he had a couple of inches on me. He was all muscle, and the most exercise I ever did was gym class at school. Moving him when he didn’t want to be moved wasn’t exactly possible for me.

This is all my fault, I groaned to myself.

I was starting to think he wasn’t all that wrong when Kevin said I brought this kind of shit on myself. After we’d hung out for a bit last night, I’d made him go home. Then, he’d snuck back inside in the middle of the night. But he needed to sneak the fuck back out before he was caught, and his thoughts would come true.

I don’t want my family finding out like this, though!

“Kevin!” I hissed, taking one of his arms and tugging hard on it. “Get the fuck up already! Do it, or I won’t see you for a fucking week!”

“What?” He turned his head over to face me, frowning. “Seriously?”

I glowered. “Were you awake the entire time?”

He sat upright and scratched at his bed head. “It’s kinda hard to keep sleeping with you shaking me, Stacey.”

“Then get the fuck out already!”

He sighed and heaved himself out of bed. “Yeah, yeah. Just give me a minute…”

I pouted my lips and crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. How dare he be so relaxed when I was so worried about this shit! He was the one pushing for us to tell them, and he wanted to let them find out this way? I knew better than to say those words out loud, though, because they’d probably just start an argument. We were both anxious about it. Kevin just wasn’t a morning person.

“There,” he said, pulling up his pants and doing up the fly. “I’m done, and it didn’t even take a minute.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm, opening the door to peek out the hallway again, before pulling him behind me. We tip-toed down the hall, then down the stairs. I was never more grateful that the house didn’t have creaky floorboards.

We got to the front door, and I unlocked it, then opened it. I stepped aside so Kevin could walk out, but he didn’t.

“Hurry!” I hissed, glaring.

He just grinned down at me. “I’ll see you later,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me.

My heart was beating too hard in fear, but I stood still and let him kiss me, kissing him back. I pushed him away after a little bit, though, before I could start clinging to him. He chuckled and took hold of the door.

He opened his mouth, probably to give me a parting shot before he left, but we both froze at the sound of my brother’s voice.

“Kevin?”

Immediately, my heart froze, and then started beating even faster and harder. I thought I’d have a fucking heart attack! We both turned to look, and there my brother stood, staring at the two of us.

Did he… Oh, fuck! Did he see us kiss?

“Dude, what are you doing here?” he asked.

Only then, when I heard it in his voice, did I notice that he looked more confused than anything else. He wasn’t even suspicious to see Kevin and me standing by the open front door, I was barely dressed, and Kevin still ruffled. I felt relief, and guilt right on the tail end of it. Because that lack of suspicion just told me how much Rod trusted both Kevin and me.

We do need to come out with the truth. Just one more week, I tried to reason with my mind. Then Kevin and I can talk things through. One more week…

“You mean,” Kevin said slowly, “what am I doing in your house?”

Rod gave Kevin a look like he was out of his mind. “Uh, yeah, that is what I mean. It’s a little early in the morning, isn’t it?”

“Oh.” He glanced at me out the corner of his eye, then forced his lips to curve up in a smile. “I just wanted to come check in, see if you were in. I tried yesterday a little later and you were gone, so I thought I’d try…coming early?”

That last bit sounded like a question, but Rod still didn’t seem to think anything was strange. But he was frowning to himself, and I thought my heart would stop again when he started muttering.

“I didn’t hear you knock, though, and I was right in the kitchen…”

Kevin laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he dropped his arm and shrugged, trying to act natural and failing.

“I don’t know, man. Maybe you were too preoccupied with something? I didn’t want to ring the bell because of your parents, so I tried knocking, but not too loudly. I was going to call your cell if no one opened up.”

“Huh.” His eyes turned to me. “And you just happened to hear him?”

I shrugged, the movement a little too jerky, and crossed my arms over my chest defensively. “I was out of my room because I wanted to use the bathroom, that’s when I heard him. I didn’t think anyone else was up, so I came to open the door, and there he stood.”

After a second, his eyes drifted away from me again, and I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief.

“So where were you, anyway?” Kevin asked quickly, changing the subject before Rod had a chance to ask too many questions.

“Oh, well. I promised my mom I’d keep her company for the weekend. I don’t know what has her down, but she’s been acting a bit depressed recently, and I wanted to cheer her up.” Then he aimed a pointed look at me. “Something, I might add, which should have been more Stacey’s doing than me.”

I snorted. “Yeah, right. You’re the mommy’s boy, remember, Rod? She probably prefers you to me, you’ve always been her favorite.” But then I frowned. “Wait up; Mom’s been acting depressed?”

His look turned unimpressed. “Fuck, Stacey. That’s probably why I’m her favorite. How have you not noticed?”

I pursed my lips. Yeah, I hadn't noticed, but that was just because I had my mind too full of Kevin these days. And the fact that Rod didn't deny he was Mom’s favorite—even though, he was, she didn’t bother trying to hide she’d always preferred sons—meant that it was something serious.

Cue even more guilt.

Don’t tell me… because of this fucking secret, I’ve been neglecting my family? Not paying attention to my mom was poor form, but not noticing Rod was worried? I knew him way better than that!

And better yet…

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me something was up with her?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “I would have liked to know there was something wrong with Mom. And how do you not know the cause if you know she’s feeling down?”

He rolled his eyes and waved a hand at me. “Don’t worry your pretty little head,” he mocked. Then he got serious. “It isn’t something to be too worried about. I didn’t want to bother you, and you looked like you were pretty preoccupied with something lately.”

I did my best to hold back a wink. So, he’d noticed I was acting strangely. I should be lucky he hadn't tried to ask or investigate on his own yet, but I knew he would at some point.

“Anyway,” he continued, sighing. “I promised her I’d be with her for the whole weekend.”

He drifted over to the couch and slumped into it. Slowly, Kevin and I walked over and sat down as well, keeping some distance between us.

“What did you guys do yesterday?” I asked. “And what do you have planned for today?”

And why was I not fucking invited? Even though I knew and accepted Mom’s obvious favoritism, I didn’t like it. Most girls my age weren’t too close to their mom’s, either, not best friends level close, anyway. But, all of my friends at least talked to their moms. My own would rather sit down with my brother to watch a football game than sit down and make time for a chat with me. A lot of shit I would have been grateful had she taught me; I went to my friends after they learned from their moms.

That didn’t mean I hated her or anything. She was my mother, of course, I loved her. Just, sometimes, I wished I existed somewhere in her life when it wasn’t just that she needed to make sure I stayed fed, or the few times I was in trouble. Even then, sometimes, she’d have my dad be the one to handle it.

“Secret,” Rod said, winking at me. Then he turned to Kevin. “Anyway, we have a test coming up this week. I hope you’ve studied for it because I’m going to need to borrow your notes before the test.”

Kevin frowned. “Fuck. I don’t remember there being a test, though?”

“For fourth period English? Around Wednesday? Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

By the look on Kevin’s face, he probably had. I couldn’t join in the conversation, because we had some different classes, and this was one that I didn’t have with either of them.

“Whatever,” he said, waving a hand at Kevin. “Just try and study, okay? You’re good at making notes, even if you’re crap at using them.”

“Hey!” Kevin cried out, indignant.

Rod laughed, and then let out a sigh. “Seriously, I’m going to need them. With this shit with my mom, I don’t know when I’ll be able to do it myself, so I’ll be counting on you.” Then he slapped his knees and pushed himself back up off the seat. “Let me get you something to drink. My dad would kill me if he found us with his beer, though, so you’ll have to be okay with root beer.”

“No, man, that’s okay,” he said quickly, jumping up with my brother. “I can get some for myself.”

I slowly got up and watched them go, moving back to the stairs. Rod wouldn’t want me to be a part of the conversation. Even though he shared Kevin with me, there were still times when he would rather it was just him and his best friend.

How is he going to take it, when he realized I have more of Kevin than he does?

Kevin met my eyes before they were both out of sight. The look in them was probably mirrored in mine.

Yeah, that was such a close fucking call.

I sighed, letting out the tension in my body, and suddenly, I felt like I could sleep some more.

Soon, though, I told myself, trying to be firm. Soon, we’ll tell them everything.