KATE

1.

Seeing Sawyer wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me. Aside from the obvious connection between us after all we went through when we were younger, I had Jason to consider. I had no idea how Sawyer would react to finding out about Jason, not that it was any of his damn business. Jason was my responsibility, not his. But it proved just how much things had changed since he left.

Fuck him for thinking he could just roll into Hundred Falls Valley and pick up where things left off.

Bad enough I had to worry about the lawyer calling me with bad news, now I had to look over my shoulder each time I left my apartment with Jason. Which was stupid. This was my life now. Maybe at one point in time it had been the plan to be with Sawyer. To live with him. To maybe marry him. To have kids and all that stuff. And, yeah, maybe there was a time I imagined holding the hand of our daughter and walking her into St. Skin while our son was strapped to my chest. So they could see their daddy as he worked at the tattoo shop he owned.

But you know what?

That dream was destroyed a long time ago. It was ripped up and thrown into the flames of the fire we created.

I knew I hurt Sawyer. And he knew he hurt me.

That was a long time ago and my priorities were different.

It didn’t help matters that he came into the diner every single day for three days straight. The first time he was alone. The other two times he was once with River and Maddox and then Zayne the other time. It took a lot to stand there and take his order, look at him, hear his stupid comments, and fight back feelings that were explosive.

I hated that things were instant with Sawyer. Like my mind couldn’t get a second to breathe before my heart took control. Just like when I was younger. Just like when I always found myself in trouble when I was with him.

The wildness in my heart couldn’t be tamed, but it could be distracted.

I sat in a small, red chair with an audience of three and four-year olds seated on the floor, eyes on me and the blue, plastic easel and sheet of paper as I drew pictures for the kids at Jason’s preschool.

“Now, who can tell me what this animal is?” I asked.

All their hands shot up.

I chose a little girl in a pink dress with almost white blonde hair.

“Horsey,” she said in a quiet voice.

“That’s right. Now, watch this…”

I faced the paper and began to draw a horn coming out of the horse’s head.

“Now, what's this called?” I asked.

For fun, I chose a boy sitting next to Jason. He had glasses on and jumped up to his knees to answer.

“It’s a horny horse!” he called out.

I gasped.

Miss Sarah put a hand to her mouth.

“No,” a girl called out. “It’s a unicorn. Silly.”

“Yes,” I said. “A unicorn.”

I hurried to flip the page, trying hard not to laugh.

Kids seriously sometimes just said whatever came to mind.

I mentally made a note not to draw anything else with horns to spare anymore horny comments popping up.

I decided to draw some houses, trees, and to appease Jason’s little heart, a dinosaur. That got the attention of all the boys but most of the girls thought it looked super gross. Their words, not mine.

Miss Sarah clapped her hands when I was done and everyone rushed back to their seats.

“Sorry about that,” I whispered to her, cringing.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said with a laugh. “You can’t imagine the stuff I hear. And they don’t even know they’re saying it.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

“Horny horse,” Miss Sarah whispered. She touched her forehead.

I laughed. “Well, I have to get going. My shift is starting soon.”

“Thank you for coming in again. The kids really love this. Maybe one of these times you can teach them to draw something?”

“I’ve never done that before,” I said. “But I can’t refuse trying to get kids to use their imaginations.”

“Better than sitting on a phone or computer.”

“True,” I said.

I made a quick trip to Jason and snuck a kiss to his cheek. His face turned red and he gave me the evil eye. I smiled at him and left the classroom. I heard Miss Sarah’s voice echoing as she announced it was time to get a snack.

It hurt me to have to leave Jason, but things could have been much worse. He was in preschool now and would start kindergarten in two years. I had Maggie to rely on. And while my job wasn’t exactly the one I had dreamed of when I was kid, at least I was able to keep a roof over mine and Jason’s head.

I got to the diner and looked around the booths to check for Sawyer. It was so pathetic to do because I wasn’t sure what I actually wanted… him to be there or not.

The booths were empty.

It was a disappointed relief that went through me.

Until I got to the counter.

And saw Sawyer sitting at the far end, looking right at me.

* * *

2.

“No friends today?” I asked him as I tied my apron behind my back.

“No. Just me and a notebook.” He patted a tattered black notebook. “Drawing some ideas. Want to see?”

“I have a shift to work,” I said. “I don’t get to just do what I want like you.”

Sawyer touched my hand. “You could though, darling.”

That made me shiver. My skin broke out in goosebumps. I swallowed hard and mentally shook my head, reminding myself of the reality around me.

“Yeah, right,” I managed to say before slipping away.

There were three tables for me. I took their orders and mentally battled between Sawyer and Jason. I knew what Sawyer wanted but he needed to understand that life for me was completely gone. At the same time, it wasn’t his business to know about Jason and it wasn’t fair to Jason to just have some guy just show up. Especially a guy like Sawyer, one who could just up and leave for years and not think twice of the damage it could do.

After I served the food to my tables, I saw that Sawyer was still sitting there. Sketching in his notebook. The sight of a pencil in his left hand, head down, eyes so intense as he drew. It was probably my favorite sight of him (other than him being naked). When the wild man would calm for a second and let the artist be free. It pissed me off sometimes how talented he was. A guy who could back up his cocky attitude with skill.

“Is that an apology letter to me?” I asked as I grabbed the coffeepots to walk them to the kitchen to wash them and make fresh coffee.

“That’s exactly what it is,” Sawyer said without looking up. “Want to see?”

“In a minute,” I said.

I found myself hurrying to wash and set the coffeemakers. I ran to check on my tables. I moved so fast that I smashed my hip off the end chair at the counter. A burning pain shot down my leg as the chair spun so hard I thought it was going to go flying across the restaurant.

My cheeks felt warm as I rolled my eyes.

This is what he does to me. I’m fucking flustered because of him. Dammit, Kate…

I couldn’t believe how fast I caught myself moving so I could get back to Sawyer. This was the exact kind of stuff that always got me into trouble.

“Let’s see the letter,” I said.

Sawyer turned the notebook around. “I don’t write letters, darling. I draw stuff.”

It was a sketch of a beach with a few large rocks. Waves crashing to the rocks. And a woman sitting sideways on a rock.

Honestly, it was beautifully drawn. A messy kind of sketch with just a pencil, but it was perfect.

“How nice,” I said. “Is that your girlfriend?”

“I hope so,” Sawyer said with a smile.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Take a closer look, Kate.”

It took me two seconds to realize the drawing was of me. More heat rushed to my cheeks, thinking about what I had asked him.

“It’s nice,” I said.

“It’s you, Kate.”

“At the beach. I can’t tell you the last time I went to the beach.”

“Maybe we can fix that,” Sawyer said. “I’m familiar with the beach.”

“I’m sure you are,” I said. “Good for you, Sawyer. You lived on the beach while the rest of us suffered here.”

“Suffered,” Sawyer said. “Yeah, I know suffering, Kate.”

“Do you now?”

Sawyer touched the notebook and curled his lip. “This is how I see you, darling.”

“Meaning what?”

I shouldn’t have asked that.

“Meaning this… I see you, Kate, free. Sitting on a rock next to the ocean. The edge of the world. The greatest sense of freedom. The unknown always waiting. An ocean breeze playing with your pretty hair because you finally decided to let it down. The way I always liked it. The way I fucking loved it on you. But you’re just sitting there, thinking. Always thinking. You were always thinking. I think thinking got you into trouble.”

“Let me stop you there, Sawyer,” I said. I put my hand flat to the page and leaned forward a little. I hated his dark brown eyes. I hated the look of his perfectly chiseled chin. I hated the scruff on his face that made my fingertips tingle with temptation. I hated that he smelled so good. “The only thing that ever got me into trouble was you.”

I pushed away but not before Sawyer put his hand to my wrist and stopped me from getting away.

“Last time I remembered, you enjoyed the trouble. Running through the alleys in the middle of the night, looking for a place to steal a kiss here and there. Or maybe just stay out all night and kiss the sunrise before falling asleep in each other’s arms.”

I didn’t want to admit that my heart was racing, so I tried to just stand there and act like I wasn’t impressed.

“That’s a great story,” I said, taking my hand away. “I lived it. Hear that? Lived. As in the past.”

I walked away to check on my tables and to catch my breath. I remembered every single night with Sawyer. I remembered every single kiss. I remembered every single touch. There wasn’t a moment I didn’t remember when it came to being with him and near him. But it was all in the past. He chose to leave. I chose to stay. And there was no going back to fix that.

I returned to the counter to refill some drinks and Sawyer was still sketching.

I hated him even more that he drew a picture of me. And honestly, I hated myself for letting stuff like that get to me.

A few more people came in and I sat them, giving them menus and taking their drink orders. I looked at the clock and knew Jason was done with preschool. Maggie had him now. My heart skipped a beat, really hoping she would just take him home. Which was stupid. Why would it matter if she brought Jason here? If anything, maybe it would show Sawyer how real my life was now and he’d back the hell away.

Then again, maybe I didn’t want him to back the hell away.

“Hey, Kate,” he said as he stood up.

“What?” I asked.

He reached into his pocket and left money on the counter. “I need your advice on this.”

“What?”

“I need to know what it needs,” he said. “I can’t leave without finishing this. You know me. I have to finish this. Get it off my mind.”

I was sucked right back into his world. “Show me.”

He spun the drawing around again. There was more detail, but not all that much. He did draw me pretty damn accurate.

“What do you want me to do here?” I asked.

Sawyer put the pencil down. “Add your finishing touches. Like you used to do. I know you still got it.”

“Oh yeah? You just assume I still draw?”

Sawyer nodded. “There’s no way you’d give that up. Ever.”

I looked at his arms. They were so big and strong, bigger than when I met him. Covered with tattoos, the sleeve on his right arm pulled up just enough to show the bottom of his first tattoo. The one I drew for him.

That’s when reality really smacked me across the face.

I looked at Sawyer. I nodded.

You crushed me. You left me in pieces. You have no idea what happened to me after you left.

Instead of saying that, I lifted the pencil and went to work.

I put the so called finishing touches on the drawing and spun the notebook back around.

“Find somewhere else to have lunch tomorrow, Sawyer,” I said. “I’m not doing this anymore.”

I flicked the pencil at him and walked away.

My heart hurt but it felt good to say and felt good to do.

What did I do to the drawing?

I drew myself giving him the middle finger.