KATE

1.

I could’ve stayed there all night. His head back, me gently kissing him. My hands holding his shoulders so tight. He was still inside me even though we were long since done. His right hand resting against my hip. His other hand dug into my hair. Everything about us so wild, so free, everything we had been through and would go through. I figured as long as we could do that to each other, we’d be fine. On top of that, the right side of my body was on fire from the tattoo. I wasn’t exactly sure if after getting tattooed you were supposed to do what we just did.

But it was worth it. Even if something were to happen with the tattoo, I knew someone who could fix it, right?

I put my hands to his chest and pushed away. I put my feet to the floor and slowly stood up, biting my lip at the sensation between my legs. It was almost like I forgot how to walk for a few seconds. I stood there in front of him, not sure what I wanted to do next.

Sawyer put his hands to my waist and pulled me forward and kissed just below my belly button. My hands curled up into fists. I whimpered. Nobody ever did this to me. He made me go three times and I still wanted more. I wanted him to explore me all night long. I wanted to feel him, taste him, have him.

That’s what made me and Sawyer so dangerous. We could easily forget about the outside world and get so lost in each other that we’d end up messing everything up.

Sawyer slowly stood up, pulling up his jeans. He was fully dressed and I was in my shoes and my bra. I felt weirdly exposed and vulnerable but I didn’t care. I was with Sawyer. What more could I ever ask for?

He touched my face and stroked his thumb along my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Kate.”

“Thanks for the tattoo,” I said. “Are you going to tell me how to take care of it?”

“Nope. I’ll take care of it for you. I’ll change everything out and show you how to shower with it.”

“Something tells me that won’t end well.”

“Nope,” he said and leaned down to steal a kiss.

I caught myself blushing, which felt strange considering everything that just happened.

“I’m going to go get us a drink,” he said. “Then we’ll figure out what we want to do next.”

“You have no other plans?” I asked. “You brought me here to tattoo me and do that?”

“You say that like it’s a bad night out,” he said with a grin.

I opened my mouth but didn’t reply.

Truthfully, it was the best night out ever. Not since me and Sawyer running from the cops when we were teenagers did I have so much fun with him. Once St. Skin started growing and the tension between Sawyer and Tate kicked up, everything changed. We all became different people for different reasons. Sawyer didn’t want to lose his outlaw heart. Tate wanted to expand the business and become rich. And I felt a little jealous and left out, even though I had the chance to work at St. Skin several times.

But that was all in the past.

“I’ll be right back darling,” Sawyer said. “If I come back and you’re not dressed, we’re going again.”

“Is that supposed to make me want to get dressed?” I asked.

“Good point.” Sawyer rubbed his jaw. “Well, I think we have about twelve hours until the guys show up. I’m ready to go if you are.”

“I’ll think about it,” I said.

Sawyer left the room.

I got dressed and decided to look at my new tattoo. Which I should have done before I put my shirt back on. I peeled away the white tape that Sawyer used to tape a bandage to my side. It stung but the pain meant nothing when I saw the tattoo again. It was glossy and bright from the ointment he put on my skin. But the tattoo was beautiful. It was perfect. The stars made me think of the times we’d sneak away from the world and look at the stars together. The world crashing into a heart. It was so fitting for us. So fitting for me. Everything I had to go through. Having Sawyer. Losing Sawyer. Now having him again. Everything that happened with Kira. Watching her suffer for so long against an addiction I didn’t understand. But I did my best to never judge her for it. I never walked away from her. Right up to the night she died. I went to bed that night thinking the world was going to go my way now. That my sister was finally clean. She had her son - Jason - to take care of. And I’d get a chance to move forward with my life.

And that all came crashing down with the news that Kira was gone.

Thinking about everything made me choke up a little.

I blinked fast, not wanting to cry on a night like tonight.

Of course, that was the moment Sawyer came back into the room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I looked at him in the reflection. “Just thinking.”

He tossed two bottles of water to the chair and hugged me from behind.

He didn’t say anything, which was the best thing he could have done. No questions. No comments. Nothing. Just holding me in silence, letting it be the reminder I needed that he was actually here and he planned on staying.

Slowly, Sawyer patched the tattoo back up and turned me around. “Tell you what, darling. I really had nothing else but this. I thought maybe we’d go grab a drink or two. See if the guys were at the bar. Piss Pecker off a little. Maybe I’d get into a fight or something. But I sort of feel like going home.”

“Home?”

“Well, to your place, Kate. I don’t have a home yet.”

“When are you going to get a place?” I asked.

“Why?”

“It sort of feels like you have an out,” I said.

“An out?”

“Yeah. No commitment.”

Sawyer laughed. “You think an apartment or a house would be the only reason I stay here? Darling, I haven’t gotten a place for good reason.”

“Which is what?” I asked.

“You.”

“Me?”

“I told you before that I want you and Jason to have more. That it’s hard for me to just assume that because of what you’ve provided. But is it so bad that I want to spoil you two?”

“Meaning…”

“Kate. I want you to find a new place. Right here in Hundred Falls Valley. I want you and Jason to find a place. And then I’ll be there.”

That caught me off guard. I stepped back. “Whoa. You mean live together. You and me.”

“And Jason, obviously,” he said. “I know it’s crazy. It’s a big change for everyone, especially him. That’s why I didn’t bring it up. That’s why I’m not going to pressure anyone into it. But it’s the reason why I haven’t gotten a place.”

“I don’t know what to say to that, Sawyer.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to say it this way,” he said. “But I don’t want you to think I’m looking for an out. Or some kind of stupid excuse. I’m in love with you, Kate. I came back for two things. This shop. And you. I’ve got both.”

“Just so you know, I want the same thing as you do,” I said. “It’s just not as easy as if I was alone.”

“Of course not.”

“That’s not fair to you though,” I said.

“Fair? I didn’t ask for fairness, Kate. I asked for you. Everything that comes with you. Nothing else matters.”

I shook my head. “I don’t get why you say that crap to me. It builds me up, Sawyer.”

“Good,” he said. “Now, let’s get out of here. If you want to go get a drink and watch me fight someone, let me know.”

“How about we go back to my place and you do the same thing there that you did here?”

“You want another tattoo?” he asked with a sexy smile on his face.

“You know what I mean,” I said. “Idiot.”

“Love you too, darling.”

We left St. Skin and Sawyer locked the place up. We rode back to my place and I found Maggie at the kitchen table with a lot of work spread across the table. She was surprised that we were only gone a couple of hours. As she packed up her stuff and casually left a folder on the table for me to look at for work purposes, I looked at my phone and saw I had three missed calls. Back to back to back. And one voicemail.

I forced myself to keep a straight face as I hugged Maggie and thanked her for her help. She left and I hurried to listen to the voicemail. As I heard my lawyer’s voice start to talk, Sawyer appeared from the hallway.

I was thankful he was there.

Because by the time the voicemail ended, I had collapsed to the floor.

* * *

2.

“What’s wrong?” Sawyer asked as he scooped me up and held me.

I cried.

I cried hard.

I clutched his shirt and felt my entire body shaking with fear. I felt like I was going to be sick. So much so that I wrestled my way out of Sawyer’s arms and ran to the sink. I hung over it, gasping for air. The room began to spin.

“Kate, what’s going on?”

I reached for the fridge and ripped my lawyer’s business card and threw it.

“That,” I managed to say.

“What? Your lawyer?”

I took another deep breath and turned, balancing myself against the sink. “Yes.”

“What…?”

I looked at Sawyer and felt more tears escape my eyes. “That was the call.”

“The call?”

“What’s my greatest fear, Sawyer?”

Sawyer crouched and plucked the business card off the floor. He turned and reached for my cell phone. He stood and walked both to the table.

“Sawyer?” I asked.

His eyes met mine. “No.”

“Yeah. It’s happening. Jed is getting out of jail.”

“What?”

“Sal called me three times while we were coming home. He finally left a voicemail. Jed is getting out of prison. He’s going to come and take Jason from me. I’m going to lose Jason.”

“Jesus, Kate, no,” Sawyer said. He moved at me, wrapping his arms around me. “No. He’s not going to do that. There’s no way he can do that.”

“Stop,” I said. “Don’t fucking say that to me.”

“Kate, you don’t…”

I forced my arms between us and I pushed at him. “You don’t get to say that to me, Sawyer. You don’t get to come back to town and say all the right things at all the right times and then just act like you’re going to fix me.”

“Whoa, Kate. Take it easy for a second.”

“Fuck you, Sawyer,” I spat. “You’re not going to fix me. Or fix this. You’re not going to buy me a fancy house or a car and make up for the reality I’m living. You’re not going to tattoo me and kiss me and act like nothing is wrong.”

I saw his lip curl. “Wow. Are you going to try and push me away right now?”

“I don’t have time for this,” I said. “I’ve got to call Sal and figure out what’s next.”

“Kate, can you stop for a second and look at me. There’s no way Jed can get to Jason.”

I had my cell phone in my hand and I pointed it at Sawyer. “That’s what you want to say right now? What the fuck do you know about this? You weren’t there, remember? When Kira was pregnant. When she gave birth. When she died. You weren’t there when Jed made it clear that he was Jason’s father and that he would come after me. And if you think for a second Jed will… you know what? No. Fuck this. You weren’t there.”

I turned, knowing damn well I had ripped out what was left of Sawyer’s heart and stomped on it. But that’s what we did to each other.

I didn’t want to lose Sawyer. And I didn’t want to lose Jason either.

Sawyer didn’t understand who Jed was or what he was capable of doing.

I walked away from him, not really sure what I was supposed to do now. Probably call Sal and figure out what he wanted to do. He was the lawyer. He was the one who got paid to do this stuff.

But the actual news itself hadn’t hit me all the way just yet.

Jed is getting out of jail. Jed is going to be a free man. Jed is going to come after Jason. Jed…

Hands touched me.

I screamed and turned, swinging a fist, thinking it was Jed already there.

Sawyer caught my hand with a surprised look on his face.

“Darling, you can push me away all you want. You can swing at me. You can do anything you need to do to get at me for what I did to you. But I am not walking away from you. I’m not walking away from this. I can help you.”

“Help me? How?”

“You tell me what I can do. I’m sorry I don’t know the entire situation. I’m sorry he’s getting out of jail. But we can fight this.”

“We? You’re going to throw the word we around? After all I’ve done all these years alone?”

Sawyer rubbed his jaw. He slowly showed his hands and backed up. “You’re right, Kate. You did this all alone. I’ll never be able to take that back and make it up to you. I fucked up. If I knew about Jason sooner I would have been back sooner.”

“For him? Not me though.”

“I didn’t say that. Jesus. No matter what I say right now I’m going to come up short.”

“So leave,” I said. “Go ahead. This is your out. We’ve had our fun, Sawyer. But this is real now. This is really fucking real. I’m going to lose him.”

“You’re not.”

I felt the anger swell in me again. I stepped toward Sawyer. “Once again, you weren’t there. You left to go chase some kind of dream on the beach. Living a good life. Living an easy life. So, go do that again. Right now. Go.”

I knew my voice was getting louder and I knew if I woke up Jason it would only make the night worse. But my anger was peaking and Sawyer was the easy target. Even though he did nothing wrong in this particular situation, I let my heart and mind twist everything up into one thing and he was bearing the brunt of it.

“You’re making a mistake,” Sawyer said.

“What?”

“You want me to leave that bad I will. But I’m not leaving. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe it does. It’s my turn now, Sawyer. My turn to turn my back on you for years. Leave you waiting and hurting and suffering.”

Sawyer opened his mouth but didn’t speak another word. I had hit him harder with words than my hand across his face could ever do. I wanted to break him like I was broken. And judging by the look on his face, I had succeeded.

There was this moment when he looked beyond me, toward the hallway. He really cared about Jason. I didn’t doubt that for a second. But this wasn’t about pretending to be a family and playing house. This was more serious than that.

“I’m not leaving, Kate,” he whispered. “I’ll be by your side for whatever you need and in any way that you need me.”

He reached out and touched my face.

I watched him turn and walk through the kitchen toward the door.

He left, like I told him to do.

Why did he have to start listening to me now?