KATE

1.

I ran a rag down the counter for what felt like the millionth time that day. My back hurt, my feet hurt, and I felt annoyed. Except I had no real reason to be annoyed. Spending time with Sawyer had become something of a regular thing now. He and Jason got along. Jason was happier. And to my shock, Sawyer had been pushing me to talk more to Tate and the guys at St. Skin. In my heart, there had been this sense of fear. What the world of St. Skin would do to Jason. And a selfish fear of what everyone would think of me. A single mother of a kid that wasn’t hers. It’s not exactly the kind of story you bring up during a normal visit. And maybe it’s not a story that ever gets told. Which would mean I’d have to face those guys as a liar.

That was the thing about my life that seemed harder than everything else. I had to lie. All the time. I lied to Jason. I lied to everyone who saw me and Jason. It was the one thing I hated to do but had to do it to protect Jason’s innocence. Even in my own heart, I had been lying to myself for a long time. About what happened with Sawyer.

I checked on what would be my last two tables of the day and went back to the counter. I saw the door open and smiled when it was Sawyer coming to visit me. He was alone, which me being greedy, was a good thing. If he was with anyone from St. Skin the conversation wouldn’t exactly be the same. There had been some serious talks going on over at the shop about the future of the business and whether Sawyer liked to admit it or not, it weighed on him. I remembered those first days and nights when the St. Skin dream had been built. Yeah, Sawyer and Tate had been mostly drunk, but they were dead set on it. The moment an idea got into Sawyer’s head, there was no stopping him from getting it. And Tate had been right at his side, a more logical sense of thinking, which probably saved Sawyer’s ass more than he cared to recognize.

“What can you I get you, sir?” I asked Sawyer as he approached the counter.

“Cold beer and a shot of whiskey,” he said.

“So, that’s coffee, iced tea, soda…”

Sawyer winked. “How about a quick kiss from the pretty waitress?”

“Oh, I see what’s going on. You get a kiss and I get what?”

“A kiss,” Sawyer said, raising an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

I leaned across the counter and puckered my lips.

“Wait a second, darling. I don’t do cute. I’m not cute. Don’t say that.”

“Oh, did I hit a nerve, cutie pie?”

“Cutie pie,” Sawyer said. “Nice. You’re going to just lay into me here, huh?”

“Not unless you buy something.”

“You’re shaking me down?”

“Yes, I am,” I said. “I have bills to pay. A kid to feed.”

“Wow,” Sawyer said. “You’re like a diner gangster.”

I laughed.

Sawyer made a quick move, reaching across the counter, his hands pulling at my arms. I let out a quick yell of surprise as he stood up and leaned over the counter to kiss me. The quick peck I was going to give him turned into a much different kind of kiss. I sucked in a breath through my nose as our tongues flirted. I started to melt at the counter and wanted to pull away but I couldn’t. It was almost like he put glue on his lips to stick to mine.

“Oh, I like this. My turn.”

We broke the kiss and I saw Beverly standing there.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be,” she said. “What do I have to do to get that?”

I looked at Sawyer to let him fend for himself.

He grinned, not bothered at all. “Good coffee and good in bed.”

“Sawyer,” I growled.

“Coffee I’ve got,” Beverly said. “The bed thing? I think those days are behind me.”

“Then you get a hug,” Sawyer said.

Beverly laughed. She rarely laughed and when she did it was this quick two second laugh.

“You’re a jerk,” I said and slapped at Sawyer’s shoulder.

“Why?” he asked.

“What you just said.”

“What? You make good coffee. And you’re amazing in bed.”

I opened my mouth to yell at him again. “Really?”

“Oh yeah,” Sawyer said. “You somehow make coffee taste like one of the fancy places.”

“Stop,” I said, rolling my eyes.

That’s not what I was asking him.

“How’s your day, darling?”

“Oh, it’s been a day,” I said. “I’m ready to go home.”

“When are you done?”

“An hour.”

“What do you want for dinner? My treat.”

“Oh. You want to take me out? I can ask Maggie to watch Jason.”

“I didn’t say that,” Sawyer said. He reached across the counter and touched my cheek. “I can bring you dinner. Anything you want.”

“How about I make you dinner?” I asked.

“You just worked all day. And you have to go home to Jason. I don’t want you wasting your time on that.”

My heart raced a little. “Sawyer…”

“Darling, stop. What would you make tonight?”

“I don’t know. Spaghetti and meatballs. Something that Jason won’t fight me on.”

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll hit the Italian restaurant. Dinner is done.”

“You can’t keep doing that though,” I said. “Buying us dinner.”

“I know that,” Sawyer said. “But you said you’re tired. I want to help. I’m trying to figure out where this all goes to next, Kate. You and me. And Jason. What the next step is.”

“What do you want the next step to be?”

Sawyer stood up and smiled. “You know me, darling. I travel at the speed of light.”

“Like a superhero?”

“Like an outlaw on the run,” he said with a wink.

“On the run with my heart.”

“That’s sad and romantic.”

“That’s us, Sawyer.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I know. You want to have this conversation in a diner? Fine. I see us together, Kate. I don’t see us in that apartment though. I think you and Jason deserve more and deserve better. But to say that suggests what you have now isn’t good enough, and that’s not fair because you’ve been busting your ass to stay afloat. And you’ve done a job that nobody else could do.”

“Oh,” I whispered. I swallowed hard. “Meaning, what?”

“Meaning, I want to take care of you. And Jason. I want to get to know that kid and make sure he knows he has family. And that family includes St. Skin.” Sawyer slid his hand across the counter and touched my hand. “But here’s the shocker, darling, I’m not rushing this right now. This is your life. It’s not easy to fight that off. I want to carry you out of here right now and make you find a new place to live so I can buy it for you. And somehow protect Jason from all the truths that are waiting. But I can’t do that. I can just stand here and tell you how fucking beautiful you are. And bring over some spaghetti and meatballs tonight.”

I thought I was going to cry.

Sawyer took his hand back and shrugged his shoulders.

He was still my giant, muscle laced outlaw tattoo guy. But he was showing himself as vulnerable. And caring. Standing there as the man I needed. But still the wild bad boy that I desperately wanted. That combination was terrifying. To my heart and to my body.

“I love you, Sawyer,” I said. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Kate. I’m just telling you how I feel. The last thing I want to do is insult you or make it seem what you’ve done on your own isn’t good enough. But at the same time, I just want to give you everything I promised, and more. I walked away with good and bad intentions in my heart. Now I’m back and I’m all in.”

“Bring your intentions - good and bad - over tonight.”

“Can I just bring the bad ones?” Sawyer asked.

“Something tells me that your good intentions are still bad,” I said.

Sawyer waved me to the end of the counter as he walked.

I met him and he scooped me up and spun me around, sitting me on the counter.

“You’re fucking right, darling,” he whispered. “All my intentions with you are bad. And I love you right back, Kate.”

We kissed until Beverly interrupted us again.

Sawyer broke away and left me sitting there. I couldn’t catch my breath for a few seconds. And even after Sawyer was gone, I still tasted him on my lips.

Things were changing faster than I could keep up with.

Which was both good and bad.

And things were going to keep changing too…

* * *

2.

Jason jumped into my arms. He smelled like sugar. I knew it wasn’t exactly healthy but whatever. It wasn’t like I let him eat whatever he wanted, and Maggie always compromised with vegetables and fruit when it came to sweet snacks.

Before I could stand up with him in my arms, Jason grabbed my face and his eyes went wide.

“Is Sawyer coming over?”

I laughed. “Hello to you too.”

“Is he? Is he?”

“Jason, I think he’s going to bring over some spaghetti and meatballs for us.”

“Yes!” Jason yelled and pushed away from me. “I love spaghetti and meatballs. Yes.”

“Okay,” I said. “Why don’t you clean up some of your toys before dinner?”

“No way, Mommy. I have to show Sawyer.”

“Right. What was I thinking?”

“You weren’t,” Jason said. He pointed at me and winked.

I had to laugh.

He could sometimes pull out little comments that made him sound like a little man. The wink though, that was from Sawyer. Each time I would tell Jason it was time for bed when Sawyer was here, Sawyer would come up with some excuse and wink at me. So Jason picked up on it.

Which scared me. Sawyer was influencing my… my Jason. My son. My kid. The kid I was raising. My nephew.

I watched him hurry away to the living room and I shook my head.

“Hey, you okay?” Maggie asked.

I snapped back to reality and hugged her. “Hey. How was your day here?”

“Oh, just a tribute to Sawyer.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Maggie said. “Everything was about Sawyer. I think Jason really likes him.”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s partly my fault. Jason has never had a father figure in his life.”

“That’s not your fault. You’re protecting him. That’s a good thing.”

“Too much protection,” I said and frowned.

“So, he’s coming over tonight? Making you dinner?”

“Buying dinner.”

Maggie laughed. “I was going to say… if he takes care of Jason and cooks you dinner, you should marry him.”

“I think I have enough going on in my life right now without marriage,” I said. “Speaking of which, can I talk to you?”

“You want to marry me?” Maggie asked. “I don’t know how Sawyer would feel about that.”

“No, not marry you. I wanted to talk about your business.”

“Oh. Okay. Do you want me to make us some coffee?”

“Stop,” I said. I unrolled my apron and took out the money I owed Maggie for helping with Jason. “You’re off the clock. We’re friends now.”

“Friends. Right.”

“Sit down.” We took a seat and I started to bite on my thumb nail.

“What’s wrong?” Maggie asked. “Are you going to fire me?”

“What? No. I want you to hire me.”

“What?”

“I need to stop resisting what’s in front of me. I don’t want you to hire me out of pity, okay? But you know my qualifications. You know what I’m capable of. So, if there’s anything I can ever help with…”

“Finally,” Maggie said. “I can totally use your help, Kate. I’m not kidding either. I have a couple projects I could use you for.”

“Really?”

“Yes. There have been times when I had to turn people away and that really annoyed me. But if I can take on extra work and give it to you, that would be amazing.”

“I’ll take it,” I said. “I’ve been sort of stubborn.”

“Sort of?” Maggie asked.

“Okay. I’ve been stubborn. But it’s for good cause. I wanted to prove I can do this on my own. You know people will come and go in your life? Like all of a sudden I’m having a bad day and half the people are gone and half the people suddenly care?”

“It’s called help, Kate,” Maggie said. “Everyone needs help sometimes. It’s not a judgment on you. You really don’t give yourself enough credit for what you’ve done in life.”

“This isn’t about me,” I said. “This is about Jason. Maybe someday I can have a life where I don’t need a babysitter. And I can be there for everything. The drop offs. The pick ups. All that stuff.”

“We can grow this business together,” Maggie said.

“It’s your business, Maggie. I just want some work. To make money.”

“Right,” Maggie said. “Work. Whatever you need. I don’t want to hold you up for your hot date tonight.”

“Hot date,” I said.

“Don’t even say a word to that. He’s hot. He’s like really hot, Kate. And he’s bringing you food. And he’s going to play with Jason and help him get to bed. And then he’s going to play with you and put you to bed I bet.”

“Stop it,” I said with a grin, knowing everything she just said was true.

“Don’t hate me,” Maggie said. “I should be hating you. Lucky.”

“Fine. I won’t argue that. Thank you for everything, Maggie.”

“I’ll email you later with some work. Be ready.”

“I’m ready.”

Maggie left and I slowly walked to the living room.

Jason was watching some cartoon with talking vehicles. He had a bunch of dinosaurs set up on the table but wasn’t playing with them.

I just stood there and watched him.

It was the wildest journey to be a parent. To wonder what he was going to become in life. To wonder if my decisions, my words, everything I did… how it would touch his life in good and bad ways. Almost like every little step I took carried the weight of his future. It was enough to steal your breath and leave you overwhelmed. But that was the task of being Jason’s mother. He was born into the world as my nephew but now was so much more.

Jason looked back at me and frowned. “Why are you crying, Mommy?”

I touched the corners of my eyes and blinked fast. “I’m… I’m happy.”

“Oh, okay.”

I caught my breath and shook my head.

I thought about everything Sawyer wanted for me and him. What woman wouldn’t want to be swept away and spoiled?

Maybe I was still hurting from what happened the last time Sawyer promised me the world.

* * *

3.

I watched as Sawyer finished the outline of a T. rex head that had the body of a python. This was he and Jason’s new game. Jason would come up with his own creatures and Sawyer would bring them to life.

“Okay, big guy, I’m going to hand this off to your mom,” Sawyer said. “Fist bump goodnight?”

“Okay,” Jason said.

They fist bumped and Sawyer handed me the drawing. “You do the rest. This is your time, darling. I know what it means to you.”

Damn Sawyer for being perfect.

“Hey, Sawyer?” Jason’s little voice asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I have a hug goodnight?”

“Wow. A hug? I can do that.”

As if my heart couldn’t take much more, I watched as Jason’s little arms wrapped around Sawyer’s neck as they hugged.

“You get some good sleep,” Sawyer said. “Dream big.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Sawyer.”

Sawyer exited the room and I finished up the drawing with Jason. I filled in all the colors and whatnot as he explained to me the history of this T. rex massive snake combination. Jason had one heck of an imagination and I was sure he would grow up to do something artistic. Maybe write books. Maybe draw comics. Maybe he’d be the next generation for St. Skin.

I tucked Jason into bed and left the drawing next to his pillow.

Sawyer was in the kitchen, cleaning up from dinner. Washing plates and putting them into the dishwasher. Throwing out the bags and food containers.

I touched his arm and stopped him. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Everything.”

“Why not?”

“It’s my job.”

“You’ve been doing this long enough by yourself. You deserve a break.”

Sawyer shut the water off and slipped his hands to my waist and pulled me close.

“Am I overstepping here?” he asked.

“Yes. But I like it.”

“Good.”

“I talked to Maggie today about taking on some work. For extra money.”

“Really?” Sawyer asked. “That’s great. I’m proud of you.”

“You did this to me,” I said. “The good and the bad.”

“I get that, darling. And I know there’s not enough dishes in the world to wash to make up for me leaving the way I did before. And there’s not enough pasta in the world to prove to your worried heart I won’t do it again.”

“I wasn’t innocent,” I said. “At all. I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Everything you had,” I said.

“Kate…”

“No. Listen to me for a second. Please.”

Sawyer nodded and closed his mouth.

“I fucked you over, Sawyer. When the business was growing and booming. Things between us just started to get weird.”

“I know.”

“I don’t even remember us breaking up.”

“We didn’t, Kate.”

“Yet we tried to date other people.”

Sawyer laughed. “Yeah. Talk about jealousy.”

“Did you ever… with someone else?”

“Never,” Sawyer said. “I would never do that to you.”

“But after you left though…”

“I’m sure we both did what we had to do,” Sawyer said. “I can promise you, Kate, there is nobody else but you that makes me do this.”

“Do what?”

“Wash fucking dishes and draw pictures of dinosaurs,” he said with a smile.

I inched forward and rested my head to his chest. I sighed and groaned. “I’m sorry, Sawyer. The way it all happened.”

“Don’t be.”

“I am though. I purposely wanted to hurt you. To get your attention.”

“I think we both wanted that. Things were shaky back then. Tate and I weren’t seeing eye to eye on the business. We had that one guy stealing from us. I took you for granted, Kate. I just assumed you were forever mine.” Sawyer inched me away so he could look down at me. “I’ll never do that again.”

“I pushed too hard at you though. The night everything blew up. I purposely sat there to make you jealous. I told everyone I was meeting someone when I wasn’t. I touched Tate’s jaw, hoping you’d see.”

I saw the look on his face. That was a raw nerve to touch. But I had to say it.

“Touching Tate’s jaw… right.”

“Nothing ever happened between us. Truthfully.”

“Either way, darling, I don’t care. I’m not worried about what happened then. Just what’s happening now.”

“I know. I just want to make sure that the past doesn’t come back to hurt us.”

“It won’t. We control everything now.”

I moved to my toes and kissed his scruffy jaw. It sent a warm tingle through my body. “Thank you for everything you said today. I know how much you care. I want you to spoil me. To do everything you said. But at the same time…”

“You want to do it for yourself,” he said. “Because if it ever failed, you don’t want to be left hanging.”

“Exactly.”

“Then nothing changes,” Sawyer whispered. “I’ll come flirt with you at the diner. I’ll bring you fancy spaghetti and meatballs. I’ll help get the kid to bed. And then I’ll…”

Sawyer stopped talking so he could kiss me.

Our lips met and his hands slid around to my ass and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his body and he carried me to bed.

Sawyer was becoming my favorite thing to wear at night.