AFTER ALL THE CRAZINESS of the first few days of Spring Break, it feels amazing to just lay on the top deck of a sail boat, sun rays hot on my skin, sea breeze blowing over me. We’re all in a line — Bo, Ashlei, Jess, Skyler, Erin, and then me — our bright, matching beach towels beneath us. The few Omega Chi brothers who dragged their asses out of bed early enough to make our all-day excursion are on the bottom deck, getting boozy on the free drinks. For the girls, I think we’re finally taking the time to soak in some silence.
It’s already been a long day. I’ve applied sunscreen every hour on the hour just to be safe, and yet still I know I’ll go back to our suite with a burn. It will eventually turn into a slight tan, but I never get as dark as the rest of the girls. Skyler always seems to catch the darkest tan, probably from paddleboarding all the time.
We started at eight this morning and we’ve already been snorkeling, parasailing and had lunch. Add that to the fact that I’m getting practically no sleep because I’m too self-aware of how close Adam and I are in our bed, and you could say I’m a little tired. Now, we’re parked at a floating dock with plenty of activities at our disposal, but I’m not the only one who doesn’t seem eager to jump on them. We’re all catching our breath. Tonight, we’ll be back on Duval Street, so for now, we’re taking it easy.
Zack Brown Band croons from the speakers on the boat and I tap my toes to the beat, smiling as I recount all the memories we’ve already made this week. I was warned that my first Spring Break with Kappa Kappa Beta would be wild and crazy, but no one told me how amazing it would be, too. I’ve literally been having the time of my life, and we’re only halfway through.
“Hey,” a voice whisper-shouts right above me. My eyes fly open to a dark silhouette haloed by the sun. I shield my eyes with my hand and Adam’s goofy grin comes into view, along with his abs and the hard V that leads right down to his dark red swim trunks. “Come ride the jet skis with me.”
He looks like a little kid, grinning ear to ear, a small speck of sunscreen that hasn’t been rubbed in resting on the bridge of his nose. His tan shoulders are starting to freckle, and a sheen of sweat has gathered across his pecs.
Scanning the rest of the girls, I realize he’s talking to only me. Jess is snoring, mouth hanging open, while Bo and Ashlei lean together over a book. Skyler and Erin are both on their backs, eyes closed, and I assume since they’re not stirring, they’re probably sleeping, too.
I look back up at Adam, hand still over my eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”
He smiles wider, holding out his hand to help me up. I take it, ignoring the dull buzz that always hums through me each time our skin touches. When I’m on my feet, Adam watches as I pull the straps of my light green top up and re-tie them at my neck.
“Um, they’re parked over here. Come on.” He leads the way down the stairs and over to the starboard side of the boat where ten wave runners are parked along the same dock as we are. We listen to one of the crew members go over safety and speed reminders before each climbing onto our own and pushing off the dock. We wade out a safe distance and then hit the gas, speeding off into the waves.
We ride side-by-side for a while, laughing as the waves spritz us with cool ocean water. Adam breaks off and goes wide left, jumping the wake of another boat and doing donuts. I just shake my head and speed off, pushing the jet ski as fast as it will go. The wind flies through my hair, my eyes shielded only by my sunglasses as I tear through the water. It’s an amazing sound, an incredible rush, and I only slow down when I reach the distance the crew member warned was as far as we could go.
Releasing my thumb off the gas throttle, I let the engine hum and stare off into the distance, taking it all in. Adam rumbles up beside me and does the same and for a few moments, we just exist.
“My grandpa used to water ski,” he says after a while. I turn, watching as he leans forward and crosses his arms on his handlebars, his eyes still off in the distance. “It was so amazing to watch. I was young, but I still remember it. He was one of those men who excelled at everything he did. It wasn’t just on the water, either. He was like that in his job, as a friend, a parent, a grandparent. Everything.”
I nod, smiling, getting the sense that maybe I’m just supposed to listen right now. Adam chuckles softly, as if he’s recalling a memory as he leans back again.
“He raised me, you know?” he asks, turning to me with one eyebrow raised.
“Really?”
“Yeah. My mom and dad traveled a lot for work. They’re both in sales for a technology company, so it’s their job to schmooze the clients, keep them happy, and sell them on new products and services. They were gone at least ten months out of the year if you added it all up.”
I blanch. “Wow. That’s a lot, Adam.”
A short laugh escapes his lips, the wind blowing his dark hair back. “I know. But I had my grandpa. I stayed with him most of the time or he would come sleep at our house. Either way, he was the one always there, teaching me the things I needed to know, helping me with homework, showing me how to throw a punch the first time I got bullied. He used to have this one, long patch of hair that he would comb over his bald head” He crosses his arms over his chest, still smiling, the waves rocking us gently. “I miss him every day.”
A sadness washes over me. “He passed, didn’t he?”
Adam gives one curt nod. “When I was a junior in high school. I had to stay with my aunt a lot after that, until college, anyway. But it wasn’t the same.” He blows out a long, slow breath. “He’s the reason I do what I do, you know?” He turns to me, black sunglasses misted from the sea salt. “He never half-assed anything. So when I came to PSU, when I rushed Alpha Sigma, I knew I had the chance to take an organization that everyone underestimated and really make something of it — and maybe of myself, in the process.”
My heart squeezes and I fight the urge to reach out to him. Adam and I have talked a lot since we met, especially when we were doing breakfast on a normal basis, but I never questioned why he cared so much about Alpha Sigma and the direction it was headed in. I always just assumed that was part of who he was, and I guess in a way it is — but it’s not just a part of him, it’s a part of his grandpa, too.
“That’s really beautiful, Adam,” I finally say, my voice low. He crooks a smile at me, his left dimple making an appearance as his hands find the handlebars again. But then he pauses, lifting his sunglasses, eyes wide.
“Cassie! Look!” I follow his finger and strain my eyes against the bright blue water.
“What?!”
“Do you see them? Dolphins!”
I scan the water, waiting, and then two fins break the surface followed by a third and fourth one.
“Oh my God!”
“It looks like an entire pod of them.”
“Wow,” I breathe, watching them as they come closer. “They’re so close!”
“They’re probably curious about us.”
They’re not alone there.
The dolphins play around us for a while and we just watch, pointing, laughing, talking. It’s easy and relaxed, and for once, I don’t feel awkward or afraid of my feelings around him. For once, it feels like maybe we really can have a real friendship.
As we ride back up to the dock, I think of Skyler and Clinton, how they are together. It’s clear they love each other, but not in a way that crosses the friendship line. I wonder if maybe Adam could be that friend for me. The thought of it twists my stomach just as much as it makes me smile.
Adam helps me off my jet ski once we dock and I unzip my life jacket, tossing it to the crew member as Adam does the same. We both head straight to the bar on the first deck of the boat to grab water, taking our plastic cups to the back of the boat and leaning our arms against the railing.
“If I ask you something, do you promise to answer me honestly?” Adam asks, sipping from his cup. I nod, though something tells me I might regret it. For a moment he’s quiet, but then he drains the rest of his water and turns to face me, one elbow still propped on the white railing. “What happened with you and Clay last semester?”
Yep. Instant regret.
I clear my throat. “You know what happened.”
“No I don’t.”
I shift my weight to my other hip, chewing at the chapped skin on my top lip. “I don’t know, Adam. I liked him. I thought he was nice. And honestly, I just wanted to have fun. We fooled around and stuff, and I didn’t expect it to go as far as it did, but that night after semi-formal, I was just so upset with you and he was treating me so kindly, even though you told me he was an ass. And I don’t know, I just trusted him for some reason. So we…” I trail off, shaking my head. “Well, I don’t think I really need to say it.”
Adam winces. “You slept with him because of me?”
My heart kicks in my chest. “Oh God, that didn’t come out right.” I know I’m blushing furiously, trying to save my ass but coming up with absolutely no words that help me achieve that. “I just mean that I was in a weird head space. I wasn’t thinking. Normal me, in her right frame of mind, would have remembered that I have always wanted my first time to be special. I wouldn’t have let some frat daddy take it after seeing each other for less than a month.”
I chuckle, but when I lift my eyes to Adam, his fist is clutched around the empty plastic cup, crushing it, his other hand still gripping the bar. His nose flares, murderous eyes hard on mine. “He took your virginity?”
Oh God.
Now I’m really blushing.
Covering my face with my hands, I shake my head, peeking through my fingers. “This is so embarrassing.”
“He took your virginity and then dumped you for your ex-best friend in front of everyone.” It’s not a question. His jaw is ticking beneath the strained skin. “Unfuckingbelievable.”
Dropping my hands to my side again, I offer a sad smile, the scars from that night stinging a little. “It’s okay, Adam. I mean, that’s what college is all about, right?” I shrug. “Lessons learned and all that.”
I force a smile, but Adam is still glaring at me like I took my own virginity. Finally, he sighs, blowing the breath out hard and loosening his grip on the cup in his hands. He doesn’t say a word, just takes my cup, too, and walks them to the trash can nearby. I watch him, wondering if I should have lied about what happened. When he reaches me again, he doesn’t stop in the space next to me. He pulls me into him completely, wrapping his arms all the way around me, his naked chest on mine, his abs pressed against my navel, his arms hard around my shoulders.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie,” he whispers into my hair and chills race from the point of contact all the way to my toes. He doesn’t break our hug, just holds me, and each second kills me and fills me with hope all at once. Hesitantly, I wrap my arms around him, too, and my eyes water.
When he pulls back, he sees, and he wipes at the corner of my eye with the pad of his thumb, catching the tear before it even had the chance to fall.
And it’s in that moment I know for sure.
We will never be like Skyler and Clinton.