AS THE KAPPA KAPPA BETA house fills up with sisters and their dates, everyone dressed to perfection, I can’t help but feel displaced. It’s almost as if I’m under water, the sounds muffled, vision slightly blurred. I’m here, but I don’t feel here.
The past few weeks have been exhausting. I finally let myself break on the way home from Key West, and I guess in a way it’s good that I got it out of my system then because I’ve had no time for myself since. With the Omega Chi website and recruitment preparations, not to mention studying for finals, I haven’t had time to breathe let alone think.
Still, Bo leaving so unexpectedly has me shaken. Did she feel the same way I do right now—like an outsider? Was the website combined with her parents just too much for her to handle? I wonder if her shoulders feel lighter now. I wonder what would happen if I just packed up my room after this semester and never came back. Would I feel better?
I know the answer before my mind has even finished the question. I can’t quit, it’s not in me—it’s not who I am.
Besides, now is the time for me to shine and prove I’m ready to be president next year. I’m the Recruitment Chair, which means all summer I’ll be focusing on planning our fall rush. I’ll be responsible for the clothing, the music, the food, the entertaining—everything. And more than that, I’ll be responsible for the next pledge class of Kappa Kappa Beta.
That makes me smile.
As shitty as the semester has been, Ashlei was right when she said the KKBs are a special family. Eventually, this fog I’ve been living in will clear and I’ll be back to having fun with my sisters. It may take me a little time, but something tells me spending the summer planning recruitment will put me back in the spirit. We already have an amazing organization, one of the best on campus, and I look forward to being a part of what makes our family grow even stronger.
“Ready, gorgeous?” Landon asks, his hands framing my upper arms from behind as he plants a kiss on my cheek. I jump a little, stirred from my daze, but smile back at him over my bare shoulder.
“Yeah, I just need a minute.”
“I’ll go grab us a seat on the bus,” he says sweetly, leaning in for a longer kiss on my lips. He looks handsome tonight, his blonde hair styled perfectly in a swoop, his jaw freshly shaven. He selected a beige tuxedo with light blue accents to match my dress and I can’t help but feel a little like Cinderella with her prince.
When Landon’s gone again, I scan the room for the rest of the girls, knowing we’ll all want to stick together tonight after what happened with Ashlei. When I find them at the photo booth, my heart stops and kicks back into rhythm quickly at the sight of Clinton standing with them. He’s just off to the side, his eyes on me as Skyler, Jess, Ashlei, and Cassie crowd around the green screen with silly props.
I don’t know why I can’t look away from him.
Maybe it’s because he’s looking at me, really looking at me, for the first time since Spring Break. Maybe it’s because he’s absolutely mouthwatering in the light gray tuxedo he’s wearing. Or maybe it’s because the anger I felt behind his eyes last time we spoke is completely gone, replaced instead by something else. Sadness? Curiosity?
Remorse?
He grabs one of the speech bubble props and a marker and scribbles something out before holding it in perfect position, so that it appears the message is coming from his lips.
Sorry for being a giant bag of dicks.
I laugh out loud, covering my mouth with my fingertips as I shake my head from across the chapter room. He quirks a smile from the left side of his mouth and shrugs. I shrug, too. Then, I mouth, “It’s okay.”
Skyler loops her arm through his, tugging him toward the bus, so he throws me one last wink before following her. Slipping into our downstairs guest bathroom, I check my makeup one last time. My lips are nude but glossy, eyeshadow natural yet complementing. My hair is pulled up off my neck and twisted into a side bun held together with bobby pins, accenting my bare collarbone from my strapless gown. The light blue sequins sparkle in the low light of the bathroom and I turn, checking the back one last time before shutting off the light and making my way out to the buses.
There are three large charter buses ready to take us all to the location for formal. Landon taps on the back window from the third one and I smile up at him, waving to the girls who are already climbing onto the one in front of us.
“See you guys there!” I call out and they all smile and wave back. It’s then that I notice Adam is here, too. I didn’t realize anyone had invited him.
When I reach the back of the bus, I slide into the seat next to Landon and he greets me with a longer, steamier kiss than before. If we keep on this track, I know exactly where this night will lead.
And I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“Whoa, easy,” I say with a giggle, pulling back from his kiss. “At least let me take a few pictures before you smudge my lip gloss.”
Landon grins, his eyes low from pre-gaming. “Fine. On one condition.”
“And that is?”
His grin widens. “Turn around.”
I do as he says, tucking my knees up slightly as I turn my back to him. When his strong hands find my shoulders and he begins to massage my tense muscles, I moan out loud.
“Oh my God,” I breathe. “That feels amazing.”
“Mmm,” Landon groans with me, kissing the soft skin just below my ear. “You’ve been so stressed lately, Ex. I know you’ve had a lot going on with the website and with recruitment, but for tonight, even if it’s just for tonight, you should let loose. Try to enjoy yourself. We’re only young once, you know.” He plants another kiss and it spreads warmth through my chilled skin.
“I don’t know, I’m on the executive board. I don’t want to get too crazy . . .”
“You won’t. Just relax. Here,” he says, squeezing my shoulders once more before removing his hands. I turn in my seat to face him as he pulls a leather-bound flask from the inside of his jacket. “This should help.”
Chewing my bottom lip, I eye the flask before lifting my gaze to Landon. He looks so happy, so content, and he’s been a complete gentleman to me all semester. I’m not even sure why he’s stuck around for as long as he has. Maybe he knew I needed someone to lean on. Maybe he’s a sort of gift from the gods for putting me through such hell lately.
“You know what,” I concede, taking the flask from his hand. “You’re right. I think I should loosen up a bit. The semester is almost over and I feel like I haven’t had one ounce of fun this entire time.” I cheers to him and he pulls a different flask out, tapping the lip of mine with his.
“Cheers, baby.”
We both knock back a few swigs, me cringing as the liquid burns my throat. I shake it off quickly and plaster on a smile, throwing my fist in the air. “Let’s party!”
The entire bus erupts with my declaration and Landon’s eyes devour me, lighting my insides on fire more than the alcohol. Maybe I have been too uptight lately. I tried the whole staying-sober-to-maintain-control thing during Spring Break and look where that got me. Is it possible I’ve been going about this all wrong?
It’s time to let go of everything that’s been plaguing me. What’s done is done, and Clinton’s apology somehow made me feel like everything will be okay. For the first time this semester, I’m going to enjoy myself.
Landon tips his flask once more and I follow his lead, this time pulling him in for a long kiss once the liquid settles in my stomach. His hands find my waist and grip tight as I snake my fingers into the back of his hair, pulling him closer, needing his escape. With each stroke of his tongue against mine, I feel the water clearing. With each brush of his skin against mine, I feel less and less stressed. It’s like my mind and body are screaming together for me to let go, to live life tonight. So, when Landon pulls back, his brows pinched together and his eyes on my mouth, I answer his question without him having to ask it.
“Screw the lip gloss.”