THEY SAY AVOIDING YOUR PROBLEMS won’t make them go away, but what happens when you have too many problems to face them all at once?
That’s the question I’ve been battling with since Spring Break. First and foremost, I had to deal with the Omega Chi website—there was no running away from that. Once we hit campus, the website was texted to virtually everyone, and those who didn’t get the original text eventually found out from the masses. Gossip like that spreads like a wildfire at PSU, and with a threesome on the front page, there was plenty of juice to fuel the flames.
So, like my mom always taught me, I focused on one thing at a time—starting with Bo and the website. As I ignore yet another text from Xavier and slip my phone back into my pocket, I try to reassure myself that mom’s philosophy will pull through. If it’s one thing at a time, I’d rather start with Bo than Xavier.
Ralph’s is more packed than usual, but with a rather different crowd. The baseball game is over and all the students and parents have migrated north to everyone’s favorite bar. As they do every year, the owners of Ralph’s have set up karaoke on the same stage where we held the KKB auction just a couple of months ago and my dad is currently belting out Paradise by the Dashboard Light. His dark curls sway a bit as he animates the Meatloaf hit and Mom loops her arm through mine, bending over in a fit of laughter at our table. We’re the same size, twins by practically every feature, and I can’t help but mirror her laugh when my dad dramatically dips the microphone at the end.
“Bravo!” Mom yells as the bar erupts into whistles and catcalls. Dad takes a bow and hops off the stage, strutting back over to our table with a Cheshire grin. He kisses my mom’s forehead and flops down on the bench across from her, taking a long swig from his beer mug.
“Well now I see where Ashlei gets her performance skills from,” Skyler jokes, throwing my dad a high five. They’ve been buddied up all night, like two peas in a pod. In fact, my parents have been getting along with everyone—even Bo’s parents. Erin and her mom went out to a late dinner with Landon after the baseball game and Cassie took her parents to watch Grayson play at Cup O’ Joe’s, but Skyler, Bo, her parents, my parents and I all came out to Ralph’s to continue the night’s festivities. I have yet to see Jess or her family, but that’s been normal lately.
It’s strange. Jess has been sticking up for me and Bo more than anyone in the chapter, yet she hasn’t said one word to me since the day the news about the website broke. I can’t say I blame her, because I know she feels betrayed. We’re best friends and Bo is her Little. For many reasons, we should have told her, but we didn’t get the chance. She’ll come around, she just needs time. Jess is the kind of person who has to go through her own process, and she can’t be swayed by anyone else.
“You’re up next, sweetie,” Dad says, nodding at Mom. She snorts.
“You wish. I wouldn’t get on that stage if you paid me.”
“Oh yeah?” Dad rubs his chin, bright green eyes lifting to the dingy ceiling of the bar. “What if that Michael Kors watch you’ve been wanting was up for grabs?”
Mom’s eyes widen. “Don’t play with my emotions.”
“Come on, Mom!” I coax her further. “We can do a duet. Spice Girls or something equally as cliché.”
She chews her lip, contemplating. Her eyes find Dad again and she points a freshly manicured finger in his direction. “You swear about the watch?”
Dad holds up two fingers. “On my honor.”
Mom jumps up and skips to the stage and I follow. She selects Turn Back Time by Cher and we sound absolutely horrible together, but it’s the first time I’ve done something with my mom, just the two of us, in longer than I can remember. I’m always hidden behind my sisters, and as shitty as it is, part of me is thankful that neither of them could make it this weekend. For once, the attention is on me, and I don’t care how petty and immature it is to want that because I do. I need it right now.
I told my parents that I’m bisexual last night.
I expected Dad to scream and Mom to cry, but instead they gave each other a knowing look as if I didn’t even have to say the words out loud. They both hugged me and we talked all night, each word making me feel more and more okay. I even told them about the website, though I begged them not to say anything to Bo’s parents until she felt comfortable enough to tell them herself—if that day ever even came.
So maybe it’s the fact that I finally opened up to them that makes me feel like I’m part of the family again. Still, I didn’t tell them everything—I conveniently left out that I’m indebted to a drug lord and I lost a third of what I owe him a little over a week ago.
Baby steps.
I’ve been so caught up dealing with the website scandal that I really haven’t had time to figure out what I’m going to do about Xavier. If I know him as well as I think I do, his patience is wearing thin, and it’s only a matter of time before he shows up at my door demanding his money. After my parents leave, I’ll have to face the music and figure it out.
I just have no idea where to even start.
Dad pays up just like he said he would, ordering Mom’s watch right on his phone once we’re back at the table. Bo’s parents have the same look on their face that’s been there all night—a cross between amused and terrified. Apart from her skin tone, Bo looks nothing like them. Her eyes are wide, pinched just a bit at the corners, her smile big and bright, hair sleek. Her parents, on the other hand, rarely smile, their narrow eyes always surveying the surroundings like they’re looking for escape routes.
“Well shit, looks like I missed the invitation to the party.”
We’re all mid-laugh when we turn and find Jess, solo, her eyes glossy and low, a half-empty beer bottle in her hand. I don’t have to look at her longer than two seconds to know she’s shitfaced. And, judging by the sneer on her lips, she’s still pissed at me.
“Jess!” My dad jumps up first with Mom right behind him and they each wrap her in a hug, but her eyes don’t leave mine. “It’s so nice to see you. Are your parents here? I’d love to buy your dad a beer.” Jess and I have spent a lot of time at each other’s houses on breaks, and our parents are close because of it. I wonder if Jess told her parents about me and Bo. For some reason, the thought of them disapproving upsets me more than anyone else.
Dad looks around Jess’ shoulder like he expects them to appear, but Jess just tilts her bottle to her lips and sloshes it back. “Nah, they went back to the hotel. Maybe you’ll see them tomorrow.”
Bo shifts in her seat, uneasy under Jess’ glare. Her parents seem to pick up her vibes, too, because they’re assessing Jess like she’s a threat rather than a sister.
“They didn’t drop you at the house on their way?” Skyler asks, and I know she’s picking up the same cues I am. Jess is swaying, even with one hand firmly propped on the edge of our table, and she simply shakes her head no. Skyler smiles, but with caution. “Well I was just about to get a cab, so we can ride back together.”
“We should probably get you guys back to the hotel, too,” Bo says to her mom and dad as she stands. Her parents do the same but Jess stumbles over to them quickly.
“Oh no, I just got here!” She trips over the leg of a chair just as she reaches them and I eye Skyler, silently making a plan to get her out of here—and fast. “Are these your parents, Little? You have to introduce me!” But instead of waiting for an introduction, Jess throws her arms around Bo’s mother first before fist bumping her father. They don’t even try to hide their shock, they just let their mouths hang open before pinning Bo under a disapproving glare.
“Māmā, Bàba, this is Jess. She’s my Big Sister in the sorority.”
Bo’s mother bows just slightly but her father narrows his eyes further before spouting off something in Chinese to Bo.
“Please, at least join me for one drink before you leave. We’ve just met,” Jess says, motioning for them to take a seat. Bo looks to me for help but I just shrug, feeling as helpless as she does. Painting on a forced smile as everyone sits back down, Jess turns to my mom. “How was your day? What did you do?”
“Oh we had a wonderful time! We toured the house and sat front row at the game. Oh, and then Ron did karaoke!”
Dad smacks her leg playfully. “So did you! Should I pull up the video on my phone, Cher?”
Mom cackles, reaching out to touch Jess’ arm, clearly oblivious to the tension at the table. Jess just listens patiently, sipping from her beer intermittently.
“Ashlei sang with me. She was actually kind of amazing. Who knew our little princess was keeping her singing talents a secret?”
Jess laughs with Mom, waving her empty beer bottle at a passing waitress. “Oh, she’s quite good at keeping secrets.”
“Jess,” Skyler warns, silently signaling to the same waitress not to bring her another damn drop.
“What?” Jess scoffs, balancing the bottle between her forefinger and the table. “The girl should get an award. Do they have one for that sort of thing? We could always make one.” Her lazy eyes find mine again. “Most Likely to be a Lying Bitch—Ashlei Daniels.”
“We’re leaving,” Bo snaps, pushing her chair back again as her parents lift themselves from the bench.
“I think I know what this is about, Jess, and I understand why you’re upset,” my dad says, his hands up just a bit. When I filled my parents in on the website last night, I told them my suspicions that Jess was far from okay with the whole situation. He’s talking to her like she’s about to jump off the ledge of a building. Right about now, I wish she would. “But maybe we should talk about this later.”
“Huh,” Jess surmises, chewing on Dad’s words. “I don’t know. Now seems like the perfect fucking time to talk about it, actually. Especially since we’ve got the whole fam damily here.” She gestures to Bo and her parents and suddenly my entire body is alert. I feel it—something bad is about to happen.
“What is she talking about, Bo?” her mom asks, brows bent inward in confusion.
“Nothing, Māmā. Let’s go.”
“What, you don’t know?” Jess interjects before barking out a loud laugh. “Oh, please, let me be the one to fill you in.”
“Jess!” Skyler hisses just as I warn, “That’s enough, J-Love.” My parents and I stand together, ready to escort Jess out to a cab.
“You see, your lovely daughter here, my precious, sweet Little, has been keeping a secret from me. From all of us, actually.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” my mom tries, but Jess just keeps talking louder.
“Don’t worry, she’s not alone, because Ashlei was part of all of this, too.”
“Big, please,” Bo pleads.
“But now, their secret’s been leaked—because they’re all over a website. And wasn’t that just the peachiest way to find out that two of my best friends are lesbians.” She pauses and my stomach sinks through the floor. “Together.”
Everyone is silent for a stretched moment and as Jess’ face crumples, I know she regretted the words she said before they even left her mouth. But now it’s too late. And after just three quiet seconds, chaos erupts.
Bo’s hand flies to her mouth as her parents start screaming at her in Chinese while my parents scream at Jess in English. Skyler pinches the bridge of her nose and I flop back down into my seat, feeling the weight heavy on my chest. I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t think.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Bo yells so loud her voice cracks and tears break on her cheeks. Her parents are still screaming, fingers waving, faces red with anger. Bo snatches her purse off the table and I shake myself out of my trance, jumping up to pull her into me.
“I’m so sorry.”
When I touch her, her parents go absolutely ballistic and she rips away from my grasp.
“Not now.” Bo snaps as her parents shove her toward the door.
“Just call me later, it’ll be okay,” I lie, calling out after her. She turns just enough for the light to catch the fresh tears on her cheeks and I suck my bottom lip between my teeth, knowing in my gut that nothing is okay, least of all this.
Whipping around, I pin Jess with my glare, chest heaving as what she did finally settles in. “Are you fucking happy, Jess? Is this what you wanted? You aired our dirty laundry so now you can feel better about yours?”
Jess’ face is sheet white and her palms grip the edge of the table hard.
“We all know you’re still fucking your teacher, but guess what? We’re your sisters. And we know you’ll tell us when you’re ready, just like Bo and I would have told you. It’s not our fault that website happened, but thanks for making an already shitty situation ten times shittier.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Jess gags into the back of her wrist and takes off for the bathroom, parting the sea of drunk parents on wobbly ankles.
Skyler’s shoulders sag and she lets out a long sigh. “I’m so sorry, guys.”
“It’s not your fault,” my dad assures her, running a hand through his thick hair, the curls bouncing right back into place. “She was hurt and upset and she acted irrationally. It happens.”
“She’s a bitch,” I correct him and he scolds me with his eyes, but I just cross my arms over my chest.
“You better go check on her, sweetie.” My mom motions toward the bathroom and Skyler nods, giving my arm a squeeze on her way.
Dad lets out a breath through his nose before crossing to me and pulling me into his arms. He wraps me in a tight hug, the one he used to save for the bad days, and I fold into him, squeezing my eyes tight against the pain.
“It’ll be okay, baby girl,” he whispers into my hair, rocking me gently. “Her parents will understand. That’s their daughter, and they’ll support her. No matter what.”
I sniff, shaking my head against his chest. “Nice speech. Now tell me what you really think they’ll do.”
Dad just pulls me closer and Mom rubs my back, her sad eyes connecting with mine. He doesn’t have to say a word.
The answer is in the silence.