Haven
Men like Jake should be illegal. I thought I’d successfully built a shield to render me immune to him when I saw him again. Not so much. He grinned as he greeted me as if nothing was wrong—for a moment I wanted it to be true. I wanted him to kiss me as though we had nowhere to be for days. I wanted to grab him and pull his hard body against mine.
But I didn’t. Instead, I gave him a terse nod and I said hello.
Perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to, but I thought the corner of his eye twitched and his nose crinkled when I called him Harry.
I tried to make conversation as if things between us were normal. “I don’t think you’ll have to stay long. Just to get a couple of shots of Paula and some of the building. As you’re early, you could take the outside pictures now.”
His chest rose as he inhaled, then hung suspended mid breath, as if he were about to say something. But he didn’t and he exhaled. He nodded and turned to the exit. What had he been about to say? Could whatever it was take away the ache in my heart?
Being on another assignment with him was a bad idea. I checked my watch to give me something to do. Was he affected by me at all? He probably had so many women that there was always another waiting in the wings, ready to step in at moment’s notice. My throat constricted and I gripped the bench as I tried to catch a breath. I needed to be logical. I couldn’t let him see how just a look from him tore me apart inside. There was no time to be affected by mistakes or history. He had been with Millie before me, and no doubt he’d been with someone since. Perhaps he’d met someone on his trip to the US. I had to find a way to be okay with that.
I stood, smoothed my hair, took a deep breath and headed toward Glass Introductions. Jake appeared at my side as I rang the doorbell and almost instantly we were greeted by a very petite older lady and were shown through to Paula’s office.
“Good to meet you, Haven,” Paula said. She grinned at me, placing her hand over mine as we shook. She kept eye contact with me as though she really was pleased to see me. Some of the tension around having Jake so close began to leave my shoulders. I was so preoccupied with Jake, I’d lost focus on what we were here to do. I needed to get my head in the game.
“Thank you so much for seeing us. I really appreciate you making the time,” I replied, smiling at her. She was in her late thirties or early forties and was one of those tall and naturally elegant women who made me feel short and frumpy. “This is Harry, who is going to take some photographs, if that’s okay?”
“I never say no to a handsome man who wants to take my photograph,” Paula said, smiling at Jake.
Hearing Jake referred to as handsome grated on me. Jake was a good-looking man, no one could dispute that, but he wasn’t just a pretty face. It had been his insides that had made his outsides all the more appealing to me. His easy manner, his warmth. The way he called me out on my bad behavior. The way he said my name when we were in bed, as if it were a prayer.
I closed my eyes. Head in the game. Paula rounded her desk, which was set back into the huge bay window overlooking the square, retrieved some papers and headed toward two sofas opposite each other at the other end of the room. She gestured for Jake and me to sit. “You founded this business, is that right?” I asked. Paula nodded. “Did you start off working for a competitor and then decide to set up on your own?” I took a seat in front of Paula. Jake sat beside me. The sofa was wide enough that we weren’t too close. It wasn’t that he made me uncomfortable, more that, with him sitting next to me, it was an insight into how things might have been if we were together. And although we were there as colleagues, for a moment, I could let myself imagine that we were more. I sat forward and reached for the water on the coffee table.
“No, I was a dancer,” she said. Something in my face must have given me away. “No, not that kind of dancer.” She threw her head back and laughed as I smiled uncomfortably. “I went to ballet school and when I was just past my twenty-first birthday I took a fall and had to stop dancing completely. I had to rethink all my plans at that point. I had no idea what I was going to do until I spoke to an accomplished family friend who told me I should make a business out of what I enjoyed doing.” She sat forward and began to pour the tea into the cups set out in front of us. “Everyone assumed I’d end up a dance teacher, but what I really loved was helping people find love. Even as a teen, I liked to set up my friends on dates and play Cupid. And really, that’s what I do here. I get to know people, and then I put two together who I think have chemistry.” Paula smiled at me. “Milk?” she asked.
“Yes please. That’s so inspiring and great advice,” I said as I scanned my notes. “Perhaps you could take me through what would be an initial interview with a new applicant? Or is it a form that you fill in?”
“We call them members, but of course, whatever you need.” She set my tea in front of me and poured a second cup for Jake. “The normal process is split into two parts. First, we discuss you and how you spend your time—your job, how many hours that takes up, and whether or not it involves any traveling and also any family commitments or hobbies you have. Then we get deeper into your character—your values and pertinent background. In the second part of the interview, we get into your previous relationship history and what you are looking for in a partner. I would never set it out like that to a member. Normally we would have a relaxed conversation. I try to ensure we pick up all the relevant information. Perhaps I could profile Jake and you can take notes? Then, of course, if you’re going to date our members I’ll need to hear from you as well.”
My face started to heat as Jake’s presence in the room became bigger and bigger as I considered Paula’s suggestion. Did I want to hear what he was going to say about what he wanted in a woman? He was all I was aware of as I faced the prospect of giving this stranger lots of personal information about myself.
“I’m just here as the photographer,” Jake said.
“Have you already found love?” Paula asked.
He held up his left hand, showing her his ring finger. “I’m still single,” he replied, and smiled tightly. “I’m very busy at work. I’m establishing a new alternative energy company. I don’t have much time for dating.”
Paula looked at me, as if I could elaborate for him, and then focused back on Jake. My heartbeat was so loud I wondered if they could hear it. He hadn’t answered her question. Had he found love?
“So you’re not looking for love?” Paula asked.
“Harry,” I managed to say. “So we don’t take up any more of your valuable time than we need to, why don’t you take some shots of Paula and then we can let you go and Paula can take me through the interview process?” I stared at his oh-so-broad chest. I couldn’t bring myself to glance up to meet his eyes.
He nodded and stood. Paula didn’t push the point. I watched as he expertly moved around the room, directing Paula and taking shots with various backgrounds and in different poses. I buried myself in my notes, pretending to be doing anything but absorbing every detail of Jake’s movements.
Twenty minutes later Jake seemed to have what he needed.
“You were great, Paula, so natural. I think I have everything I need, so I’m going to head out,” Jake said.
“You can come back anytime. Let me give you a card.”
“Thanks,” he replied. “I don’t seem to get it right on my own; so you never know, I might give you a call.” My gut twisted. I’d thought about Jake with another Millie, but the thought of Jake finding love was a whole different ball game. It was as if I couldn’t think about that and breathe. Somehow the two things weren’t compatible. Thank goodness he had resisted Paula giving him the full interview. I didn’t think I could take much more of him being so close, let alone hear about his potential future without me.
“Well, I have a couple of beautiful and successful women who I would love you to spend some time with, so keep in touch.”
“Thank you.” Jake smiled. “I’ll let you get down to the real interview now.”
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Harry.”
“The pleasure was all mine,” he replied.
His smile receded when he turned to me. “Haven, I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he said, and then he was gone.
I watched as the door closed behind him. If I hadn’t been sitting down I would have fallen. I reached for my tea, trying to stop myself from rewinding and replaying the last words he had spoken. My hands shook as I brought the glass to my lips. What did he mean when he said that? Was he angry with me? Hurt?
“How long have you been single?” Paula asked, pulling me out of my head.
This was going to be a bit more difficult than I expected. I wasn’t great at opening up to strangers at the best of times. “A while.”
“Okay, so, talk to me about what you want when you’re dating,” Paula interrupted my thoughts of Jake.
“I’m not sure,” I replied. I wasn’t aware that I looked for anything in particular. The fact that they had asked me out seemed to be the common factor among the men I’d dated.
“We have to narrow down the pool. Let’s start physically. What are your turn ons and turn offs.”
“Well, obviously, if he looks like David Gandy, that would be a bonus.”
“Or Harry? He’s very handsome. Are you sure he’s single?”
“I don’t know. He always has women on the go,” I replied. I couldn’t imagine he would stay single for long.
“I’m sure he has plenty of options, but that doesn’t mean he’s making the right choices. Is he wealthy?”
I shrugged. I wanted to get off the subject. Why was she still talking about him?
“Sorry, so yes, David Gandy. You like them tall and dark.”
“I guess.” I shifted in my seat.
“And successful, obviously.”
I stared across the room at a painting, trying to think about whether a man’s wealth made a difference to me. Before Jake I would have said categorically that I preferred a man who wasn’t wealthy, but now . . .
“I’m not sure money and success matters so much to me. More that they love what they do. I don’t like men who are too . . . cocky? Not unless they’ve got something to back it up with. And that can’t be just wealth. There has to be more to them than that.”
“That’s interesting,” said Paula. “And what else? Describe what sort of person he is.”
I paused and then said, “Confident.” She nodded, encouraging me to continue. “Kind and funny. Strong and hardworking—and family should be important to him.”
“Anything else?” she asked.
“I like the idea of being better because of the man I’m with, you know?”
“Tell me,” Paula said.
“Someone who sees the best version of me and nurtures that part of me so that’s the side that grows.”
I took a deep breath and my mind wandered to the picture of me that Jake had sent along with the Sandy interviews. That was the woman I wanted to be.
I was describing Jake.
“And are you sure you haven’t found him?” Paula asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I smiled and shook my head, though I wasn’t so sure.
“Okay. I have some ideas of who you might be a good fit with. I’ll need to make sure they’re fine with the article, though.”
“No identifying information will be put in the piece.”
Paula nodded. “That’s important and I’m trusting you. We guard our member’s anonymity as fiercely as they guard their wealth.”
“Of course. You don’t need to worry,” I said.
“So, I’ll arrange three dates for you. Can I make a personal suggestion?”
“Um . . . okay.” What was she going to say?
“You’re a gorgeous girl who’s not making the most of herself.”
My cheeks began to heat. I was used to Ash saying stuff like that to me, but I wasn’t prepared for the oh-so-charming Paula, a woman I had only met an hour ago, to say it.
“You need to loosen up a bit. The hair needs to be less . . . rigid. And perhaps show a little cleavage or leg, or both.”
“Um.” I tried to formulate a response that wasn’t defensive. “Should we be judging people on their looks?” I asked.
“I don’t work with ‘shoulds.’ All I know is that in reality, people will and do judge others on their appearance. And it’s such an easy win for you—you’re a beautiful girl.”
I raised my eyebrows at her. I didn’t know how to respond, I just felt awkward being assessed by a stranger. I had armor for a reason—I didn’t want people to have access to the fleshy truth of me.
“Don’t get me wrong, I advise strongly against having sex until couples properly know each other and have committed to an exclusive relationship. This isn’t about being slutty. Just, brighten things up a bit. Just be you, but the best version of yourself.”
She really sounded like Ash. It smarted, because I knew she was right, they both were. I was deliberately hiding and had been ever since I could remember. The clothes were a form of protection. If people didn’t see the real me, they couldn’t hate the real me, they couldn’t hurt the real me. I just didn’t know how to do anything else.
“You know that this is for a magazine article, though? I’m not actually searching for a boyfriend. And shouldn’t love be based on more than looks anyway?” I asked.
“Are you telling me that you don’t look at a cute guy over an ugly one? Looks are important but they’re only a part of the package. A beautiful diamond is always a gem, but it doesn’t hurt to put it in a velvet box and tie a satin bow around it. You’re single. You never know, love might just find you. Be open.”