Jake
A few days later, I was due to meet Haven again. It was the first of her dates with the so-called eligible men from Glass Introductions. Jenny, of course, called me to make the arrangements.
“I’ll give you the details of the three dates, then the idea is that you’ll photograph Haven before she leaves, then do a couple of shots at the beginning of the evening. But you have to make sure you don’t include her date’s face. It’s all totally anonymous,” Jenny said, explaining the set up for the rest of this feature. “Haven will pick one who she’ll have an additional date with and you’ll do the same with that one.”
“And what’s this article about? How to land a rich man?”
Jenny laughed. “I suppose. I think it’s an insight into the lives of the wealthy, what the moneyed look for in a woman, that’s all. But she might meet her Prince Charming. You never know.”
It was part torture, part insanity, making me watch her date other men . . . even if it was for the magazine. The thought was bad enough, but actually having to witness it? It was as if the gods were laughing at me.
“So tonight I have to go to Haven’s apartment to shoot her pre-date prep before going with her to the Holly Club?”
“Yeah. We thought you could photograph her in a couple of different outfits. I’m going to come along as well to make sure she wears something appropriate.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” I zoned out. I was trying to think of something that would take the edge off what wasn’t going to be my favorite way to spend my Saturday night.
I cancelled the call and started scrolling through my contacts. I found a name and pressed the green button. “Hey, Nicola.” One of my exes, Nicola and I had dated for three months, and despite it not working out, we still went out for dinner every now and then.
“Long time, no speak, handsome. What have you been up to?” Nicola answered.
“Work. I’ve been in the US recently. What about you?” We both knew that was code for asking her whether or not she was dating.
“Same, I’ve just come back from Milan.” Her response told me she was single.
Nicola was a model and was abroad a lot. She was a cool, drama-free girl who cared less about where she was seen than Millie and wasn’t as selfish. I hoped seeing her would distract me from having to work with Haven.
“Are you exhausted or can I take you to dinner tonight?”
“I’m never too tired to spend an evening with you, Harry.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll pick you up,” I said.
“Let me meet you there. Where did you have in mind?”
I hadn’t expected Nicola to be free so I’d not thought of where to go. “The Holly Club?” I suggested. I was a member and I was going to be there anyway, and it meant I could see how Haven got on with her date.
“Great. See you there at eight. Got to go, darling. Ciao.”
I slumped back in my chair. Nicola would be good. She was easy to be with and fun. She’d be the perfect antidote to Haven.
Later that evening, I pulled up outside the familiar railings in front of Haven’s apartment block. A rush of guilt passed through me as I looked up at the door to her building. I wondered what would have happened if I had set Robert straight that day and told him I thought he was crazy for thinking Haven wouldn’t outshine Sandy. Haven still may have run from me at some point—there was always that risk with her. She was naturally distrustful and didn’t open up easily, but if I’d had more time with her I could have at least shown her what she’d be missing.
It was pretty twisted—being at Haven’s to photograph her before she went on a date with someone else. The last time I was here, she wouldn’t let me in. As much as I’d accepted our situation, when I was forced to think about it, her decision frustrated the shit out of me. Being here, working with her, meant I could think of little else.
I pressed the intercom and was buzzed in without a greeting. When I arrived at her apartment, Jenny flung the door open.
“Who knew? Haven’s hot,” Jenny said excitedly, her eyes wide. “I’m styling her, it’s so much fun. She has color in her wardrobe, Harry! Colors that aren’t black and gray. Can you believe it?”
I forced a grin at her. I knew Haven well enough to guess that when she was with people she trusted, like Ash and Luke, she became more colorful in every way. I didn’t want Jenny to know that too—it made me just another work colleague.
“I’m going to get you to come and photograph her amongst a mountain of discarded clothing options. Sound good?”
“Sure,” I replied.
“You’re not very talkative. Are you okay?” she asked, leading me down a corridor.
“I’m fine. Just want to get this right. I didn’t bring any lighting or anything, so I’m not sure how it’s going to look.” We passed a huge mirror taking up most of one wall that had sticky notes and postcards plastered all over it. I wanted to stop to take it in, but Jenny was excited to get started and I was moved on quickly.
“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. We want them to look like they’ve just been snapped by a girlfriend.”
Haven had her back to us as we walked into the dimly lit room. “Can you zip me up, Jenny?” she asked as she squirmed, trying to fasten the back of the dress herself. The curve of her neck was revealed as she scooped her hair up, out of the way of the zipper. My blood started to heat. Memories of my lips pressed against that exposed flesh punctuated my breathing. I hovered in the doorway, not wanting to make things worse by being closer to her. It wasn’t meant to feel like this. I was supposed to be fine with her decision to end things. I was supposed to be over her.
Jenny hurried over and zipped up the back of the dress. I tried not to look at Haven, but it was impossible. She was beautiful. She always was, but it was the way she was so unaware of it—totally oblivious to the effect she had on me. I couldn’t stop trailing my glance up and down her body, taking her in as if she were still mine, pausing on the curve of her hip, then the roundness of her ass. I was pulled out of my thoughts by an awareness that she was wearing this dress for another man. On second thought, it seemed kinda short and very tight.
“Let’s get a look at you,” Jenny said.
Haven turned and something popped inside me. I had to dip my eyes from her. I couldn’t bear to see her excited about the evening. I scanned the rest of the room, looking anywhere but Haven. It was my first time in her bedroom. I hadn’t expected it to be under these circumstances. I’d wanted to be in here after Paris. I slid my eyes over the patterned bed quilt that was worn and homemade, and then to the metal-framed bed. We could have had some fun, tying Haven to that. Watching her come as if it were the first time her body had ever felt anything like it.
Jenny poked me in the ribs, pulling me out of my fantasy just before I lost myself in it. “See, what did I tell you? She’s hot. Give us the man’s perspective. What do you think?”
“You look beautiful, Haven,” I said, trying to sound as detached as possible, as I attempted to conceal that all I wanted to do was peel her out of that dress and tie her down. She was stunning. As I met her eyes, she seemed unsure. She was pulling on the inside of her cheek with her teeth. She had no reason to doubt herself. I smiled gently and she caught my eye, then looked away quickly as if she’d remembered herself.
“Do you think it’s right for a first date?” Jenny asked, turning her head toward me.
“I have no idea what your objective is, so I can’t comment,” I said. If she was going out with me, she could dress in a garbage bag for all I cared.
“We’re trying to find her a man, silly. She’s bound to impress in this.”
“I’m not wearing it. It’s too short. This guy could be a total pervert. And it’s too dressy for dinner,” Haven said.
“I’m not going to let you wear black, just be warned, but okay, let’s photograph it and then we can put in the article why we didn’t choose it. I’m going to pick something else out.”
Haven stood awkwardly as I took out my camera. “Why don’t you go and stand by the mirror—you can pretend you’re trying to decide if it’s right.”
She nodded and moved across the room.
“What about this? Great color,” Jenny shouted from the closet, holding up the red dress Haven had worn in Paris.
I watched for Haven’s reaction and she flicked her eyes quickly to mine, and then back to Jenny. “Not that one.”
“But it’s awesome. It will go beautifully with your hair,” Jenny said.
“No, not that one. What about the electric-blue, one-shoulder number? It’s Ash’s. She makes me wear it sometimes.”
Jenny was easily dissuaded.
I took a dozen or so shots, not bothering too much with setting, or direction. I just wanted to get this over with.
“I’ll go and wait in the living room while you change,” I said.
“Okay,” Haven replied without meeting my eyes.
I wandered back down the hall. The sitting room was bright and warm. There was none of the order that I might have expected of Haven. On her sofa, there were a thousand mismatched throw pillows. On a dresser in the corner, there was a collection of frames. I drew closer and saw pictures of Ash, Haven and Luke through the years. At the very back was a picture of what looked like her mother and father on their wedding day. Then another of what I could only assume were her parents, her and Luke. What all the shots had in common was that they showed a carefree, happy Haven. The Haven that, for a brief moment, I’d known.
“Harry, get in here,” Jenny called.
“This is totally the date dress, isn’t it, Harry?” Jenny asked, her attention focused on Haven. “It’s not too tight—it just hugs in all the right places.”
“I don’t know,” Haven said, sounding unsure.
Haven looked incredible. The dress came to well below her knees and her perfect tits were well covered, but the fact was, any guy was going to be imagining every inch of her body underneath that dress. It clung to her like a second skin. The room seemed to close in on me as her vulnerability and uncertainty hit me, mixing with images of her writhing on her quilt under my tongue.
I started taking shots in the hope that the camera would hide my desire, which I was sure showed all over my face.
“I think it’s too informal. It’s just jersey,” Haven said to Jenny as if I wasn’t there.
“No, if we add on some jewelry, it will be perfect. You don’t want to seem as if you’re trying too hard.”
“Jenny, I’m not going there to impress anyone, remember? This is work.”
“For crying out loud. First rule of dating, Haven—just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean you don’t want them to worship you.”
“That’s a stupid rule,” Haven replied.
“Says the single girl,” Jenny said. “Anyway, I thought we were doing three outfits. There might be something better in there.”
“No, I’m done. I don’t care enough about this shit.”
Warmth spread inside me. I’d missed her feisty mouth and the way she had no time for things that would have kept women like Millie occupied for hours. She was special and I’d not fought for her.