Jake
“If you find that paper on lignocellulosic biomass that I gave you earlier, that should give you some context,” I said to Greg, the programmer Eric had brought on board. We were at the new offices on Lombard Street, which were working really well. Eric and Greg were as dedicated as I was to making Elemental Energy a success. Finally, we had some traction and were making incredible progress.
“I need those results from the lab,” Eric shouted at no one in particular.
Now that we were set up in an office, with computers and people, it felt as though we were real. And that seemed more and more important. Instead of the baby splitting my focus away from my business, it had propelled me forward. Now a legacy was not just important for me, but also for my kid. I was going to be a father, and I wanted that kid to grow up in a cleaner world and I wanted him or her to be proud of me. When I was small, my father had been like a god to me. I mean, what was more impressive than having your own real-life superhero father? He caught villains and bad guys, just like Batman. I wanted to be just like him. I might not have a badge or a gun, but I wanted to be my child’s hero.
Millie had been due to get her ultrasound today and part of me was excited to hear about it. I wished she’d been okay with me going with her. I wanted to say hello and introduce myself properly. A business, a baby, buying a place to live that didn’t look like a squat. Somewhere along the way, I’d become an adult. How had that happened? And Haven. I hadn’t expected her to come into my life and shape it so completely. I felt cheated every moment I couldn’t be with her.
Fitting all the pieces of my life together was becoming more and more of a challenge, but I was determined to make my kid, my business and my girl a priority. They were all important.
I checked my watch; it was just before seven. I’d been here twelve hours and I’d promised to meet Haven for dinner tonight. I had so much to do here but I wanted to see her.
My cell vibrated in my pocket.
“Hey, Millie. How did it go?” I’d been waiting for her to call.
“The hospital gave me a CD and some pictures if you want to come round and see?”
I’d planned to see Haven back at her place. I’d not made it to her Sunday night dinner because of Eric’s arrival and I was desperate to see her, but this was my baby.
“Okay, I can swing by, but I really don’t have long.” I jumped in the car and made it to Millie’s in record time, then texted Haven.
Jake: I’m going to be a bit late, should be with you by eight thirty. J x
She’d understand.
Millie threw open the door almost as soon as I’d knocked on it. “It’s so amazing, Harry. I can’t wait for you to see.”
She had her laptop ready, and with a click the film of her ultrasound started to play.
“You see, that’s its head.” She indicated on the screen.
I grinned and nodded. I couldn’t exactly see what she’d pointed out, but it was amazing all the same. With every day, fatherhood was becoming more of a reality.
She put her arm around my waist and I pulled her into a hug. “Wow,” was all I could manage.
“It’s so overwhelming, Harry, isn’t it?” Her voice was faltering. Millie and emotion didn’t often mix. It must have been the hormones.
“It’s incredible. Do you have a due date?”
She nodded and couldn’t seem to get her words out. “January.”
“Okay. Good. Well, I’ll make sure I’m around at Christmas. Just in case.”
“Maybe we can spend it together?” she asked. “We’re going to be family, after all.”
And that was the problem, right there. I would never be with Millie in the way that she might want, but whether or not I liked it, and whether or not Haven could live with it, this baby meant Millie and I would be bound together forever. I wanted that connection with Haven, not Millie. I wanted to be married to the mother of my children. My parents had created a blanket of family, safety and love that I wanted to provide for my kid. I didn’t know if it was possible for me to do that on my own. I didn’t know how it worked when you weren’t in love with the mother of your child. When you had to fight over custody arrangements and schooling. I didn’t want to bring up children in a war zone. I was going to have to figure it out, and keeping Millie happy was part of that. I just wasn’t sure what that would do to Haven and me.
“Let’s see where we are at Christmas. I’ve got a lot going on,” I said. I didn’t want to give her false hope, but there was no point in upsetting her unnecessarily.
“We could be happy, the three of us,” she said softly.
My stomach churned and the sense of obligation that was never far from the surface agreed with her. I got her pregnant. I owed her, didn’t I? “I have to go,” I said.
She had tears in her eyes, but she nodded. I kissed her on the top of her head and headed out. To Haven.
“Hey,” Haven said as she opened the door. “How was it?”
I leaned forward, meaning to give her a quick peck on the lips, but as soon as I got near, her scent drew me in, the sweet honeysuckle and musk that was who she was. I circled her waist with my hands and turned the kiss deeper, wanting to get closer. Pulling back, I smiled at her.
“It was that good, huh?”
“We got the results we wanted from the testing and Eric’s happy, so I’m happy.”
“You don’t seem that happy. Are you just tired?”
“It’s good to see you. But yes, I’m tired.” I headed into the kitchen for a beer. I was shattered mentally and physically. It was okay as long as I kept going, but being with Haven relaxed me and now I felt the weight of everything I was juggling.
“How’s Millie?” she asked as she went to sit on the sofa.
“She had her ultrasound. Everything is how it should be. It looks like an alien from the DVD, but apparently that’s normal.” I fought back a grin. Was it okay to talk about this stuff with her? I didn’t want to keep secrets from her, but at the same time I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.
“You saw it?” she asked as I sat down next to her.
“Yeah, I stopped by on my way here. Is that okay?” I patted my lap, wanting to touch her. She lifted her feet and I snuck my hand up her trouser leg to stroke her smooth, soft skin.
“Of course it’s okay. It’s your baby.”
I nodded. It was my child. My responsibility. I was going to be someone’s protector, their safety net. I wanted it, but the reality was increasingly daunting.
“I was cooking chicken, but would you prefer to go out?” she asked as she removed her legs from my lap and rearranged herself farther away from me.
“Hey.” I pulled her closer and wrapped my arm around her, bringing her head to my shoulder. “No, let’s stay in. I want you to myself and I want to hear about your day.” I didn’t want to talk about the things that took me away from Haven anymore tonight.
Her arms curled around my waist and she hugged me tight. Normally, we would be three steps away from naked, but for now, this was what I needed. Haven close to me, holding me as I was holding her. I wanted to know she was with me on this journey.
The alarm on her phone jolted us from our embrace.
“I need to take the chicken out,” she said and I reluctantly let her go.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked. Her eyes were glassy. She nodded. “Are you upset?”
She smiled and shook her head. “No, not at all. I have a bit of hay fever, that’s all.”
She was clearly close to tears but I didn’t want to push her. The situation was impossible. I was asking a lot of her but I needed to know we were okay, that she was mine.
I stood up and held out my hand. “Come on, dinner can wait.” I led her toward the bedroom.
There were no ropes that night. No need to restrain her. She’d never looked so beautiful.
“Turn over,” I said. She was on all fours and although she had the most perfect ass, I wanted to see her face. I wanted her eyes on mine as she came.
She turned, kneeling to face me, placing her fingers on my shoulders. I loved her hands there. They were so frail and small against my bulk. I grabbed her ass, lifted her and threw her back on the bed. “I have to be inside you right now.”
She reached for her breasts and I pulled her hands away. I wanted an unrestricted view as they moved when I pounded into her.
“Oh, Haven, feel that?” I asked as I felt her warmth.
“Jake,” she whispered and tilted her head back. She was close. She was perfect when she was at this point. She’d do anything for me. She’d tell me anything. It felt powerful and intimate. I knew only I’d ever seen her like this. So exposed. So undone.
Her fingernails dug into the skin of my upper arms and I tried to focus on the pain instead of the beautiful look on her face. Her body went rigid and I saw the climax on her face a second before her muscles rippled around me. I thrust harder, deeper, my orgasm taking over and crashing through me. I groaned as I came, collapsing on top of her the way I knew she liked. Her hands snaked round my back and pulled me closer. She was usually limp and exhausted, but tonight she wouldn’t let go of me. When I rolled to my side, she clung to me.
“Hey,” I said.
She kissed my shoulder again and again. Small, sweet kisses.
I tried to move her so I could see her beautiful face, but she concentrated on pressing her lips to my skin and who was I to argue? Eventually, her grip loosened and she moved off the bed to go to the bathroom.
She came back wearing my t-shirt and I pulled at her waist, bringing her back to my front.
“I may be passing your office later today. I thought I’d come in and say hello.” Haven was sitting at her dressing table as I came out of the shower, towel drying my hair.
“That would be great. I could introduce you to Eric.”
“And Beth’s back tonight?” she asked.
“Yeah, this afternoon. Do you want to come over? I could cook for the three of us.” The more I thought about it, the more I was excited about having a new place, with a big kitchen, where we could cook together and have friends round.
“I think you should catch up with her. I have a deadline so I’ll probably be working late anyway.”
And when I had the new apartment, I could properly ask Haven to move in. I’d mentioned it but she wanted to wait to see how things went with my Dad and Millie and Elemental Energy. But when I was actually moved in, she’d see how great it could be and she’d know how I saw her as a crucial part of my future.