Find Me
Sera is in a desperate position. After her best friend died in what the police deemed an accident, she couldn’t believe it and couldn’t help but dig a little deeper. And when she starts receiving unexplained notes warning her away from the case, Sera knows there’s more to the story. The only problem is no one will listen to her. With no one on her side, Sera sets out to find out the truth behind her friend’s death.
After months of digging and dead ends, though, she is struggling to make sense of the clues. When her only remaining lead turns out to be phony, Sera isn’t sure where to turn next. When she meets Dean, a police officer on leave and on a mission to find the truth, Sera is more than a little leery. The police didn’t want to help her before and she isn’t sure they can help her now. Even though Sera is defenseless when it comes to letting him into her bed, she’s not sure if she can let him in on her investigation.
But with her hope of finding her friend’s killer fading, Sera has little choice but to team up with Dean. Between the sheets, they have amazing chemistry, but outside of them Dean and Sera couldn’t be more different. When Sera starts getting too close to the truth, will their partnership be strong enough to save them both?
From my spot at the bar, I could hear the wind wailing outside. It was flapping around the loose siding that hung from the old building; its intermittent slap against the walls was beating out of sync with the music crackling from the dusty speakers. It had picked up since I’d gotten there hours ago. When I came in, it was sunny. Blindingly sunny. Even now, through the slats of the blinds and through the tint on the windows I could see the sun beating down despite the wind making its sound awful out there.
The clash of my senses didn’t sit well with me. Neither did the warm beer I was sipping. Neither did the laughter of the crowd behind me. Nothing felt right about being there, yet I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
Six o’clock had long since passed. The last and only lead I had wasn’t coming. My rational, functioning brain was telling me that, but still I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Leaving meant I needed to figure out where to go from here. It meant I had to return home with no answers and severely dwindling hope. I didn’t want to face that just yet, so instead I drained the dregs of my beer and ordered another.
The coaster barely had a chance to show a water ring before I scooped up the cold glass and swallowed some down. The crackle of the stereo and the laughter of the after-work crowd was grating on my already raw nerves, so when that beer was finished, I ordered two more and retreated from the commotion of the bar in search of a quiet hole to stew in peace.
A dive like this didn’t hold many options, but I managed to score a booth near the back. It was way too close to the bathrooms, but I took it anyways and ignored all the side eye glances from couples looking for a spot. Their judgmental stares at my lone ass occupying the booth did absolutely nothing to motivate me to move.
Maybe a few months prior I would’ve. Maybe before the police investigation and the newspaper headlines and the rumors. Maybe before Ashley died. But right then, I was past the point of caring. Something changes in a person when they’ve gotten a glimpse of the underside of life, the parts one isn’t meant to see. Or maybe it was just me who wasn’t able to handle the politics and the death.
Things had started getting too real again. The defeat was crowding in, but when I reached for the glass in front of me, it was empty. As was the one beside it.
Shit.
I wondered how I could so mindlessly drink down what must have been my fifth beer when normally I had trouble choking down one. But that was only a vague thought, taken over by the more pressing need to pee. I timed my trip, waiting until after two women came out, before I reluctantly left my booth unattended.
The bathroom was empty and the trip was short, but I was certain my refuge would be lost. All for the best, really. With the walls starting to weave in and out while I sat on the toilet, it was probably a good time to find my way out and head back to my hotel.
When I exited the bathroom I cast a glance over to my booth, confirming what I already knew. The spot across the table from where I had been sitting was occupied. Another lone patron, a broad and rangy man. A pint of beer was nestled between his hands, and one more across from him, taking up the spot where my empty one had sat.
The intention was to keep walking, but I made the fatal mistake of making eye contact with him. His crystal-blue eyes pierced me in place, their hold so strong that I was pulled from the path to the door, my thigh making abrupt contact with a table.
I easily corrected my gait, but he was standing almost instantly. His strong hands gripped my arm and guided me around the table and towards the booth. I was too surprised and embarrassed to object.
“Lost, Sera?”
It took me a minute to process his words. Not only was my world slightly delayed, but the low purr of his voice caught me off guard. He towered over me by several inches; his arms were thick and his eyes were sharp, yet his voice wasn’t gruff like I would have expected. I stared at him a beat too long before shaking out of his grip, finally able to react.
“Excuse me?”
“You were walking right past your table.”
I felt my brows furrow while my mind worked to figure out how he knew that. Or why he cared.
“That was my intention.”
“Well that’s too bad. I was hoping to catch you before you left.” He pointed to the table and the drink that was apparently intended to lure me back there.
“And why is that?” I asked, suddenly regretting not keeping my head clear and sober. There was a fog lingering in my head and in my vision that was interfering with my ability to place this man’s face. Something told me, though, I would have easily recalled those eyes had I met him before.
He bent over me, his face close to mine and his cologne permeating the fog. I took an involuntary breath in.
“I think we were both stood up by the same date.”
With his closeness and his warm breath on my cheek, I almost missed the meaning of his words. When they did register, I backed away a step and shot my eyes up to his. There was no humor in them, just the same hard stare. He gestured to the booth and this time I nodded, stepping past him and taking up my spot.
I watched as he sat, his broad shoulders taking up most of the space across from me. A man like him would normally intimidate me, but not tonight. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the gentleness that betrayed his looks, or the promise I’d made over Ashley’s grave, but whatever it was, I faced him with all the confidence in me. This man could be holding answers and I desperately needed to know them.
He nodded to the glass in front of me, but I shook my head. I was fighting to pick up the strands of my reasonable thought and more than a little regretting my lame attempt at drinking away my self-pity. He lifted his shoulder up in a shrug and picked up his own pint.
He finished his swallow, and set the glass down on the coaster, making sure it was perfectly centered before licking his lips and glancing out over the barroom. Slowly.
I was losing patience. He may not have been in a hurry to cut to the chase, but I was. I’d had enough of spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I couldn’t waste any more time on dead ends, and until he proved otherwise, I was looking at one big hulking dead end.
“Are we going to talk, because I assumed that’s what you hustled me over here for? Let’s start with how you know my name.” I didn’t try to hide my annoyance, and he trailed his eyes over to mine.
“That would be pretty goddamn suspicious, wouldn’t it?”
My head constricted slightly, and I thought hard to decipher his meaning. None came.
“Would it?”
“We came in separately, sat apart from each other for the majority of the night, and when I tried to play it off like a chance meeting, you caused a scene. Now for us to be huddling together whispering would raise some red flags to anyone watching.”
I ignored the open contempt coming through in his voice, fascinated by how he could look like we were having a genuinely lovely conversation while sounding like a complete asshole.
“And you think someone is watching us?”
“I think some strange shit is going on, and I wouldn’t count out the possibility.”
He diverted his eyes away from mine, continuing his scan of the room and I sat back and watched him. It was clear that I was a step behind here and he wasn’t about to catch me up until he was damn well ready.
While those sharp eyes looked out from under the beak of his ball cap, I took in the rest of him. He wore a dark leather jacket, unzipped with a tight-fitting white shirt underneath. Dark-blond hair curled out from under his hat and he hadn’t shaved in at least a couple days.
Why did such a perfect package have to house such a complete ass?
Finally he turned back to me, his eyebrow cocked when I didn’t peel my eyes away from him immediately. The smug half smile that tugged at the corner of his lips both infuriated and thrilled me in equal measures.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” he said, leaning back against the booth and stretching his legs long in front of him, a vision of relaxed cockiness. “We’re going to pretend we’re having a nice, friendly conversation; understand?”
“Do you always get to be in charge?” I interrupted.
“Absolutely.”
“I’m not sure how you fit into what’s happening here, or how you knew I was supposed to be meeting someone, but either way, you don’t get to tell me what to do. I don’t even know your name.”
“You’re not very good at having a friendly conversation, are you?” When I continued to stare at him, unwavering, he sighed and leaned forward. “My name’s Dean. And I can appreciate you not liking being told what to do. I’m the same way, but you have to understand that in this case, it would be for the best. You’re way out of your league here.”
Oh hell no.
I didn’t wait to hear what he was about to say next. I’d made it this far without anyone else’s help. And despite everyone else’s attempts to deter me. I’d be damned if I was about to let this stranger tell me what I could or couldn’t handle.
I pushed myself out of the booth, fighting to stay standing when light-headedness turned my vision fuzzy and black. I pushed through it, putting one foot in front of the other until the darkness receded to the periphery again.
From behind me, I heard Dean mumble something, but I was too far away now to hear. I knew he wasn’t coming after me; that would make too much of a scene for his liking. And even though I had no idea why, I did my best to make it to the door without drawing any attention to myself. I wasn’t stupid enough to completely dismiss Dean’s concerns. Maybe the asshole had been right.
It wasn’t until I was out in the cool night air that reason sank in. Twenty minutes ago I was escaping the reality of having no tangible leads left, and then a new one wrapped his fingers around my arm and I walked away.
The brisk air was chasing away the remaining fuzz from my head and with it came the very real regret of letting my stubbornness get in the way of my goal. Dean may have been an ass, but I also knew he might hold what I needed.
My steps slowed.
Shit.
I hesitated under the canopy of a storefront. I didn’t want to go back, but I couldn’t let him slip away. Before I had time to figure out what I was going to do, strong hands gripped my arm once again. My heart beat heavy in my chest before the already familiar cologne wrapped around me. I turned to face Dean.
“Is that your thing? Grabbing people you don’t know?”
“Oh, I know you, Sera,” he said, not letting go. “I’ve seen you at the police station, and at Ashley’s funeral. I’ve seen you sitting in that bar for hours. I know enough about you to know whose side you’re on.”
“Whose side are you on?”
Dean cut his eyes away from me, letting his hand fall from my arm and sweeping his gaze along the sidewalk.
“We should talk.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve been trying to do this whole time.”
“Not here. Come on.” He hitched his head down the street and started walking. I hated that he expected me to follow him, but I was left with little other choice than to pick up my pace and follow.
The ceaseless wind pushed against me, but I managed to keep pace with Dean until he stepped up to the passenger door of an old pick up a couple blocks down. When I stood unmoving behind him on the sidewalk instead of taking his silent invitation to enter the truck, he turned to face me.
“Are we going to have an issue with this now, too?”
“It would be stupid of me to not even ask where we’re going, don’t you think?”
“To my hotel.”
“Well then, yes. We’re definitely going to have a problem with this. And if you don’t see why, then you have bigger problems than just your bossiness.”
Dean’s scowl faded quickly and he nodded.
“Yeah.” He lifted his hat off his head and tunneled thick fingers through his hair. “This isn’t normally how I operate. People usually just follow my lead. Or my orders. I keep forgetting that I can’t always proceed like I normally would. Asking you to just blindly follow me is one of those times.”
Like he had been since he first opened his mouth, I had no clue what he was talking about. Not until he pulled the identification card from his pocket. His picture looked up at me from the police ID card. My eyes flickered between his face and the offering in his hand.
I figured he meant for this to be an act of faith. That once I knew he was a cop, I would be happy to be following him around like a lap dog. He was mistaken. The last thing I needed was help from a man wearing an SPD badge. They didn’t want to help me months ago when it mattered and I didn’t image this man would be much help to me now.
“You don’t seem relieved.”
“Can you blame me?” I bristled at his assumption. “I begged your department to take another look at this case. I camped out in the waiting room with the letters I had been sent, the ones warning me away from the case, the ones that told me Ashley’s death wasn’t an accident. All you ever did was look at me like a lunatic. So no, I’m not relieved. If you think you’re going to help me or play the hero, then you’re hugely mistaken.”
“I didn’t do those things. Don’t lump me in with them.” His ever-suspicious gaze drifted over the street again and when he spoke, it was quieter. “Let me explain. We don’t have to go anywhere, but I don’t want to lay it all out on the street.”
This time there was no pushiness, no assumptions. This time I got in. Dean shut the door after me and went around to his side. When we were closed in to the quietness of the cab, he turned in his seat to face me.
“I see why you’re wary of my department. I saw what you went through to try to be heard. I was trying to be heard too. I was at the scene after Ashely’s accident. It was my case. Up until it was pulled from me. Something went on that didn’t feel right, but I was never given the opportunity to figure out what. I wanted to keep the case open. The captain wanted it closed. He won.”
“Why are you here then?”
“I couldn’t let it go at that. I don’t have a single unsolved case on my record. I still don’t, technically, but that’s not good enough.”
“So this is about proving a point?”
“Not entirely. I won’t lie to you, Sera: that part of it pisses me off. But more than that, this is the first time in my career that I’m not happy with how justice was served. I don’t think Ashley’s case was given all it could have been. It was a case pushed to be closed in the face of a record crime rate and election year. Politics isn’t why I wanted this job.”
“So you’re on your own here? Not as part of the investigation?”
“As far as my superiors are concerned, there is no investigation. I took a leave of absence to be here.” Dean ran his hands through his hair again and turned to look out at the street ahead of us. His face was shaded in frustration, vulnerability. Seeing this side made him seem so much more reachable, and I held myself back from moving closer to him. “I just needed a little more time to follow up on things that weren’t given enough attention. Like your letter.”
“Letters,” I corrected him.
“You’ve received more than one?” I nodded. “I’d like to see them.”
“They’re in my hotel room.”
I didn’t expand on that. I didn’t invite him to look at them. He watched me for a minute, waiting, and I relished every second that I had the control. Finally he lifted his mouth in another half-smile and shook his head.
“You’re stubborn.”
“I’m not the only one.”
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. Listen, if you want to team up and figure out where to go from here, then we can head back to your hotel. We’re both banging our heads against the wall and I think it’s our best chance of getting some answers. But if not, then we’ll go our separate ways here.”
He made a lot of sense. Again. And if I was being honest, I wanted to go with him, and not only because of his investigative skills. His body pulled me towards him and I knew that if I managed to pull myself out of this truck, I would feel the loss.
With my mind made up, I reached behind me and pulled the seat belt across. With a nod and that smile, Dean did the same. Trusting him seemed easy but I had been fooled before. I hoped I was right to let him into my world, because once I let him into my room, there would be no going back.
*****
The drive to my hotel was quiet and quick. Dean navigated the streets with ease and before I had time to process how completely my night had turned around, we were standing outside my door. I scanned the pass key and let us in.
The hotel was dated and the room was small, but I chose it for its proximity to the meeting place, not for its amenities. I’d hardly looked at it since checking in earlier that day, but with Dean practically filling all the free space, sucking all the air out of the room and out of my lungs, I wished I had picked a nicer hotel. One with enough room for a table and chair, instead of only the bed for us to sit on.
I shrugged off my jacket and threw my purse onto the floor. My suitcase was at the foot of the bed and I rifled through it until I found the envelope I had stashed at the bottom. I handed Dean the envelope and sat at the head of the bed and watched him.
He gingerly turned the envelope over in his hands, his sharp eyes looking over the whole surface.
“Were they sent to you in this envelope?”
“No. Each note was slipped under my door. No envelope.”
He lifted the flap and looked in. “You put them in plastic bags?”
“Yes. And I didn’t touch them with bare hands.”
His eyes flited up to mine with a small look of approval. It was the first thing I’d done all night that made him happy. I liked how pleased that made me.
He turned the envelope out onto the middle of the bed and came to sit beside me. Shoulders touching, we both looked them over. I had studied them hundreds of times, analyzed their meanings, guessed at their intentions.
All three were brief. Three different versions of “it was an accident; let her rest in peace.” All I could assume was the person who sent them knew more than I, and their only intention was to deter and raise doubt. Beyond that they had been useless to me.
Apparently Dean thought the same thing. “Not much help, are they?”
“No. The only one that gave me anything solid to go on was a bust.” I pulled out the note I had received two days ago, the one with the date, time, and address of tonight’s failed meeting on it.
“Have you had any other leads?”
“Not since I tracked down Ashley’s dad.”
“Right. We were looking for him too, but we never turned him up before the case got closed.”
“Sal is pretty good at staying hidden if he wants to.”
“If he wanted to stay hidden, that’s a good sign he has something to say.”
“Not necessarily,” I said, remembering with a sad, strange fondness the man who used to take us camping. The same man who, it turned out, practically had a PhD in criminal activity. “Sal has always walked the line between legal and otherwise. It’s not uncommon for him to disappear for months, or even years at a time. He lived with Ashley and her mom until she was 8, then she only saw him a handful of times after that. When Ash died I tried to contact him to tell him what happened in case news hadn’t gotten to him.”
“Sometimes news travels faster underground than anywhere else.” His tone told me exactly what he thought of a man who abandons his family in favor of his nefarious ways. I couldn’t say I blamed him. Or disagreed.
“I had another reason for wanting to talk to him,” I said with a shrug. Dean looked at me expectantly, like maybe I was holding an important piece of the puzzle when really it was another dead end. “Ash had mentioned Sal to me a few times in the last couple months she was alive, which was uncommon. Usually she never talked about him, but she mentioned they met up for coffee awhile back and that she might be seeing more of him. She never elaborated on it, and it wasn’t until after she died that I made any connection.”
“And you think Sal might have something to do with what happened?”
“No, I can’t imagine he would be involved, but I thought maybe he would know something I didn’t. That Ash mentioned something to him when they last met. I was grasping at straws.” I heaved out a sigh and shrugged again. “But it was a bust too, just like tonight’s note. He was broken up about Ashley, and when I told him it might not have been an accident, he assured me he would get his guys looking into it. I never heard back from him after that.”
Dean nodded, his eyes back to studying the notes. After a minute he pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, a duplicate of the one I was sent.
“I’m not sure if these notes are entirely a bust. It was sent to both of us. That’s got to mean something.”
“Yeah, but why not show up then?”
Dean leaned back against the headboard and ran a hand across his unshaven chin. “He wanted to watch us, maybe, or have both of us occupied for a couple of hours. Or he just chickened out.”
What Dean was implying was much more sinister than I had imagined when I started out the night. Between my single-trained focus on getting answers and a reluctant admittance of my naivety, the thought that someone lured me to that bar to watch me—or worse—was a distant thought. Until now, that is.
Unease slid along my spine and I drew my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees. I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes as the heaviness of the day settled on my shoulders. I had a feeling Dean knew as little as I did. If he knew more, then he wouldn’t have been sitting beside me staring a hole into the same pieces of paper I’d been staring at for months.
I focused on my breathing on the things I could feel and hear, staving off a panic attack. When I tried to focus, however, all I could sense was Dean. I felt the brush of his shoulder against mine, the sound of his gentle breathing, the smell of his cologne. It was working to reduce my panic, but not necessarily calm me down. My body seemed even more restless than before.
When I opened my eyes again, Dean was looking at me and not the notes anymore. His unwavering stare was fooling with me, making me think my body’s reaction was justified. He was confusing me further when I didn’t think I could be any more so. I didn’t know that I could be scared and aroused at the same time. But I was.
“You’re freaking out,” he said in his low rumble.
“Do you always sound so sure about everything?”
“Not everything. Just things I’m sure about.” I raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. “I’ve watched enough people to know what freaking out looks like. Even the quiet kind.”
I turned my head back into my arms. It wore on me then, the exhaustion and the doubt, with an understanding face recognizing it in me. I didn’t want to talk anymore; I didn’t want to make a plan on where to go from there. I just wanted this feeling to go away.
Dean touched his hand to my lower back and my focus was drawn to that one small connection. The warmth from his touch spread out through my body and amped up the beating in my chest.
His touch could have been construed as platonic, as one person trying to soothe another, but that’s not where my mind was taking it. I wanted more of his touch. I needed the sureness and the strength that Dean possessed. I needed to let go of the doubt, at least for this fleeting moment. When his hand moved lower with that same sureness, smoothing the top of my jeans, there was no mistaking the intention behind it.
My chest constricted, the blood pounding through my body harder at the offer issued. I pulled my arms away from my legs and looked to see the desire reflected back to me. I tucked my legs under myself and kneeled in the middle of the bed, knees touching his hip on the small bed. I faced Dean and his unrestrained heat.
I couldn’t deny that the booze still humming in my veins was pushing me forward, but I didn’t think I would regret the added boldness. I was pushed forward with more of a craving than I’d had for anyone—anything—in a very long time. My body buzzed with the anticipation of his hands on my bare skin, of his lips on mine.
With that thought in mind, I pulled my shirt over my head with no hesitation. I relished in the way his eyes watched me. He was confident and unapologetic and I loved how that was making me feel.
With his eyes never leaving me, Dean pulled his own shirt over his head and leaned back against the headboard. His body beckoned me, and I couldn’t turn down his silent invitation. I swung my knee over his body, planting my hands on his chest. His skin was warm under my fingers and I could feel his muscles contracting under my touch.
His eyes remained unchanged, but he brought his warm hands up and wrapped them around my waist. Just his simple touch was enough to send a shiver along my nerve endings and a heat growing between my legs. I bent and took my first taste of his perfect skin. He smelled like heat and rain and the spicy notes of his cologne. I pressed my lips to his shoulder, but couldn’t stop there. I worked my way up his neck, to his chin. I breathed him in as I went, and I felt his fingers grip me tighter with the slightest press downwards onto the erection I could feel growing beneath me.
It wasn’t until I had worked my way up to his lips, just before I touched mine to his, that I saw a new look in him. A restraint that hadn’t been there before. And before I had a chance to do anything else, Dean took over. In a rush, I had lost my ability to control what was happening. His one hand left my waist and threaded into my hair, holding me tight against his lips. Those lips pressed into mine, a mash of teeth and tongue and wet heat. His other hand slid down to grasp my hip, this time pushing my ass firmly into his rising hips.
His tongue and hips worked in unison and I moved into him with my limited range of motion. I met each of his nips and ground against his cock when I got the chance, not willing to let him take me over completely.
A growl of appreciation left his throat before his hand at my hip abandoned its post in favor of unclasping my bra. I was more than willing to pick up where he left off and meet his seeking hips just as hard as he had been pushing me. The straps of my bra slid down my arm, and before I was fully free from it, Dean’s hands were gripping my shoulders and rolling us, pushing me back onto the bed.
He pulled at my pants while his mouth peppered kisses along my tits. A ribbon of pleasure danced through me and I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him to my chest. Once my pants were discarded, though, he pulled away from my grasp.
My disappointment was short lived when I propped myself up to see his hands at his belt. With his eyes on mine, he unfastened it and slid both his pants and briefs down at once. My eyes were drawn to his full and erect cock, as sure and confident as the rest of him. As he moved up the bed to cover my body with his own, my breathing became shallower, anticipation building.
Dean moved in to resume kissing, but I was far too distracted. With nothing between our bare skin, my mind was focused elsewhere. His cock nudged at me between my legs and all conscious thought left my head in a rush of blood to my center. My hips bucked up in response and I felt Dean smile against my mouth.
I exhaled my relief when he understood what I needed. In one swift motion, he guided his erection to my entrance and pushed himself fully into me. My walls constricted around him, muscles clamping tight. Dean’s face was fixed, his body rigid, but only for a moment. When he started moving, his rhythm was fast and unwavering. I balled my hands into the sheets beside my head and braced myself against him.
Without breaking stride, Dean moved his hands up and covered my fists with his hands. I released the sheets and instead laced my fingers between his. I closed my eyes, letting Dean’s breathy grunts and sweat permeated scent wash over me.
With a skilled motion, he brushed against my clit with every inward thrust. I never knew I could get so wet, and I all but gave up trying to suppress my moans of gratitude. Dean’s cock filled me over again, and the pressure on my clit intensified. The muscles low in my belly were drawn tighter with every thrust. His grip on my hands was making them numb, but all I could focus on was the pressure building in my core and the flex of his thighs against mine.
I was struggling on the apex, grasping for more of him. In my nearly incapacitated position, there was little I could do to take charge so I drew my legs up to wrap around to the small of his back. In an instant, a spike of pleasure shot through me, amplified by Dean’s low groan against my cheek. My muscles tightened as the change in position put more concentrated pressure on my clit. My fingernails pressed into the back of Dean’s hand as the culmination of sensations immobilized me.
With one more thrust, the rigid tension shattered apart and I came with a cry. The muscles in my legs stiffened around Dean’s body, holding me tight to him as pleasure flooded out through my body.
Above me, Dean continued to push into me with his limited range of motion, but only for a moment longer until his strained groan reverberated next to my ear. Jagged breaths mixed with jerking movements until the strength drained out of my legs and I released him from their hold. His body fell against mine and he stayed there, smothering me with his weight. I was a little reluctant to let him roll off of me, but after a minute, he did, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me in close to him.
Silence followed while we both caught our breath. Every nerve ending in my body was humming in a feat no man had ever achieved and I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. After a moment, Dean yawned and stretched a leg over one of mine. I could hear the smile coming through in his voice, too. I like the idea of a happy Dean. I liked it even more that I was the one to make him happy.
“I know I promised we would figure out a plan, but I don’t know if strategizing would be a good idea at the moment.”
“Agreed. This was a big enough accomplishment for tonight.”
Dean kissed the top of my head and pulled the blanket over our rapidly cooling bodies. I held as tightly to him as he was to me and let myself enjoy the first night in a long time where sleep came easily.
*****
When I opened my eyes again, it was morning. Just barely morning, anyways. The sun that was coming in through the thin drapes was tinted with orange and red. At this time of year, sunrise meant it was probably only just after five.
I turned to look at Dean. During the night, he had shifted so he was lying on his back, though his one arm was still extended out under my head. I studied him while his breathing was heavy and he was unguarded. I could see things I never noticed last night through the haze of the booze and excitement. Things like the soft creases around his mouth, the natural wave to his hair, the scar that ran along his jaw.
Men had been few and far between in my life, and never had I been with one like Dean. He was hard and stubborn, but fiercely protective too. Loyalty was hard to come by and impossible to fake. I trusted Dean and that was hard enough for me to admit.
I closed my eyes, not ready to figure out what that meant at the moment. I willed myself to fall back to sleep, knowing that wasn’t likely. Especially not with the steady thrum of Dean’s heartbeat under my hand.
The scratch of something against the door drew my thoughts away from Dean and my eyes opened again. I sat up slowly, ignoring the pounding at my temples and looked toward the door. From there, I could see the bright white of a piece of paper lying inside the door.
Once realization set in, I bolted the few steps to the door and opened it. Stepping out in to the hallway I looked frantically down one way then the other. Whoever had been there only a moment earlier was already gone and disappointment lurched in my chest.
I contemplated racing down to the lobby and searching, but the note behind me had me reconsidering. With a final glance down the hall, I retreated into my room, grabbed a tissue from the bathroom, and picked up the note.
It was just like the others. Same plain text, same brief instructions, same cautious feeling of hope.
I pocketed this one, not bothering to worry about fingerprints or anything else. Behind me, Dean was still sleeping, and I wondered if he would have gone after whoever left the note instead. It was the first time I had to be accountable to someone else for a decision and I wasn’t looking forward to earning another disappointed look. Being compatible in bed was one thing, but I was pretty sure our methods for going about this case were vastly different.
Before I reached the bed to wake him, I stopped and reconsidered. The doubts that he introduced last night rose to the surface again. With the exception of yesterdays, whoever was behind the notes had just been sending them to me. And there was a good chance that whoever it was didn’t know that Dean was on my side. Waking Dean and bringing him along would do one of two things: either it would scare off the mystery person who assumed it was only me coming, or, if Dean was right and there were more nefarious things at play here, it would give away our position by telling them we were in this together.
I took the note out of my pocket again.
East side of the boardwalk. Seven a.m.
Not a lot to go on, and with a glance at the clock, not a lot of time to make up my mind. I knew that if I woke Dean and told him where I was going, he would never let me go alone. He was too controlling, too protective, to do that.
I dressed quickly and quietly, barely giving myself the chance to pull my hair back into a bun. With a last second guilt, I fished the note out of my pocket and tossed it down on the bedside table before easing the door open and heading out.
I had plenty of time to get to the boardwalk, but I was propelled with a sense of urgency. I parked my car as close to the east side as possible, but still had to walk a ways. I forced myself to slow down, to stroll past the cafes and browse the street-side shops. I tried to channel Dean’s propensity for observation, scanning the area beyond the tourist stops. I didn’t know who I was meeting or what I would be getting into. Rushing into the unknown wouldn’t be wise.
As I passed the last shop and the boardwalk narrowed, there was still no sign of the person I was to meet. By now the crowd had dispersed and the only people I passed were the odd person on a morning stroll or couple returning from fishing. With the noise of the crowd behind me, I heightened my surveillance. I could hear people, on their boats or down a different section of dock, but few were visible from my vantage point. My legs carried me forward, the gulls calling above me. Their screech echoed and added simultaneously to the pit forming in my stomach and the rapid beating in my chest.
I had no idea what I was looking for, so I continued east. I kept going until I had reached the end and the path had narrowed to a rickety and worn dock. With no sign of anyone, no other note, I turned around and started my way back.
Out on the old dock, with no houses or shops nearby and fewer boats docked there, the wind off the ocean was stronger and lifted the hair from my face. Now the only sounds I could hear were the gulls and the lapping of the water against the dock. It was peaceful out here, and I couldn’t help feel guilty about leaving Dean behind. Given yesterday, I should have known it would have been a bust, but at least I wouldn’t have ditched the only help I’ve had.
There was no way I could slip back into my hotel room and play it off as an innocent trip out. He had to be up by now and would have seen the note. As I followed the curve of the boardwalk toward a more populated area, I reached the unexpected truth that even if I had the ability to lie, I wouldn’t be able to. Not with those intense, blue eyes looking at me. Trust was a two way street I guessed.
Carried on the wind, an unusual sound stopped me. It had been a quiet noise but was such a contrast to the organic hum around me that I felt compelled to look around. I hadn’t noticed anyone at this part of the dock on my way past the first time and my heart raced with the admittance of my uncertainty. I was caught between trepidation and curiosity. It seemed silly to come all this way and not see it through to whatever end awaited, but reality was starting to sink in.
I pushed through the fear and proceeded, surveying the docks like Dean had the street last night. I scanned down each branch of the dock that darted off the main line, my steps slow. My caution was in vain, though. I heard the brush of fabric behind me only seconds before I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. A blinding pain shot through my body, black filling my vision for a few fleeting seconds.
With no time to react, a second hand moved to cover my mouth. With an impressive strength, I found myself being dragged backwards, heels bouncing off the joints in the boards. My head was held tight between hand and shoulder, and trying to turn my head was useless. My eyes desperately searched, but I could only see sky and a small slice of the boardwalk. From my limited view, there was no one near enough to help.
Too soon we were walking across the narrow gangplank of a boat. My mind raced to figure out how to stop from being pulled onboard. My chances of escape were a lot better out here than trapped on a boat.
I frantically kicked my feet, the sound reverberating off the planks and echoing. But all too soon we were across and on the boat. In a matter of minutes I found myself in the cabin of the boat, zip ties holding my wrists to the chair arm.
In the dim cabin light, I caught my first glimpse of my captor. I willed my mind to stay calm, to focus on the details and commit them to memory. To not panic.
His profile was one of a tall man, though I assumed so from the strength it took to drag me here. His head was covered in a tan-colored hat, and his frame was covered in a baggy fishing vest. The best kind of camouflage given the setting, I guessed.
There wasn’t much distinguishing about him, nothing to help me tell him apart from anyone else. Not until he turned to face me, that is. I had to suppress a vocal reaction when his dark eyes settled on me.
“Sal?”
His eyes twitched up as if to smile, though his mouth never moved.
“Sera, Sera, Sera. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. But you never were any good at leaving things alone, were you? Neither was Ashley.”
I licked my lips and cleared my throat, buying myself time while my mind worked hard to think.
“I don’t think I understand.”
“I would be happy to explain it to you.” He took a step closer, and I caught a glimpse of the length of rope he held. He was wrapping it around one hand, then the other in a mindless, practiced manner that made me uneasy. “When you first called me, all concerned and righteous, I was happy to let you come up with your notions and your theories. Especially because no one was listening to you. I thought that in itself would be enough to deter you.” Sal stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “Unfortunately, I was wrong. I hate being wrong. You started digging around on your own. You forced me to take action.”
That piece was starting to become clear and my dead end was turning out to be very much alive. Never in my mind would I have though Sal would be behind it. He was a lot of things, but I never doubted his love as a father. How naïve I had been.
“So where does that leave me?”
“It leaves you as a loose end.” He took another step towards me, rope continuing its infernal passing back and forth between his hands. “Just like Ashely. I hate loose ends.”
Sal unwound the rope so both ends were secure in his hands, leaving a gap in the middle. With one more step forward, it didn’t take me long to realize how I would meet my fate, and my minutes were ticking down.
As he moved to take the final step in my direction, I had to act now or be forced to go out quietly. That sure as hell wasn’t going to happen. With useless, bound hands, I used the only thing I had to my advantage. I paired my legs together and kicked them straight out. The force of both of my feet hitting his knees was enough to knock him backwards and to the floor.
It wasn’t enough to keep him there, though.
With a roar, he was back up on his feet, face red and teeth bared in a grim line. His footsteps thundered on the deck beneath him and I tried to kick at him again. This time I wasn’t so lucky. Sal grabbed my legs just below the knee. With a pressure that made me wince, he jerked me forward, forcing me from the back of the chair. The ties at my wrists burned, but the look on his face was worse. With a swift step behind me, Sal wrapped the piece of rope he still held around my neck.
I never imagined what it would be like to die, to be choked at that, but there was no reprieve. It was all pressure and abrasion and gasping for air. I gulped what little I could into my lungs, but it wasn’t enough to sustain me. My hope was limited and my voice was constricted, but my feet kicked at the deck anyways, my only strategy for salvation. In far less time that I thought, my world started to narrow. Black lined the edges of my vision and I fought to keep my eyes open.
As I began to lose the battle and my eye lids started their slow drop, bright light streamed across the cabin. Consciousness faded in slow measure, but the deep rumble of familiar voices floated into my awareness. I only heard it briefly, but when my eyes finally fell closed, it was to the most pleasant sound.
******
Another thing I never imagined in my life was having a dream so brilliant and clear and peaceful, only to wake and face a reality much more dreamlike than when I was sleeping. In my head, I had been happy, on a beach so vivid that I could hear the waves lapping the shore and smell the sun warmed sand. I tasted coconut on my lips that was so real I had to blink my eyes several times to acknowledge that it was indeed a dream and I was far from it. An ambulance was pretty much the furthest one could get from that kind of dream.
The ambulance I found myself in was a flurry of activity that seemed to have increased with my opened eyes. I scanned the space from my limited perspective, surprised to find Dean hovering near the back. Close, but too far away to touch. And that’s what reality felt like.
After we arrived at the hospital, there were tests and checkups. There were people talking, but no one talking to me. A few asked questions, lots explained things, but no one talked to me. I learned that the voice I heard was Dean’s. I learned that the reason I was alive was Dean. I learned that Dean incapacitated Sal in a manner that would insure he couldn’t hurt anyone. I learned a lot without a lot of words spoken. Especially by Dean.
After I was given the all clear from the hospital, I was taken to the police station. There held another interesting sort of reality, one where I should have been smug and justified for being right, but that wasn’t the case. It was a decidedly anticlimactic event in which I was merely shuffled through the process until they were done with me.
With Sal booked, processed, and in the hospital, Dean and I headed out of the precinct. He had earned a few days off and I was ready to go home with a peace of mind I hadn’t possessed in months. We were mostly quiet on the ride back to my place. It wasn’t even articulated that he would be coming with me; the expectation was just there. Even when he parked outside my house, a look was all we exchanged before he turned off his truck and got out with me.
I let us in and tossed my purse down on the table. I winced as I turned my head, and Dean was behind me in mere seconds, pulling my coat from my shoulders and gliding it down my arms.
“Does it hurt?” It was the first full sentence he said to me, and I couldn’t help but hear the quiet worry in it.
“Not too bad. Only when I move in certain ways.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“There wasn’t much he could do for it. Rest, ice, take something for the pain if I need it.”
Dean nodded and looked away. His face was so serious, as it usually was, but the firm set of his mouth told me there was more behind it. I faced him fully and touched my hand to his cheek.
Dean’s eyes flashed back to mine and they lost their edge.
“I’m sorry I made you mad.”
“I’m not mad.” His voice was loud in my small apartment and I drew back my hand. He closed his eyes for a long blink, then focused them on me again, taking my hand back and pressing it to his cheek again. “I was so fucking scared, Sera.”
His hands wrapped around the back of my head, holding me tightly and gently pulling me into him. I slid mine to the back of his neck. His mouth was on mine immediately, and I could feel him pouring himself into that kiss. All his fear and relief filtered through, and I wanted to let him kiss me until he wasn’t worried anymore. But all too soon it was over.
“I’m sorry I scared you.” I whispered against his lips.
“I’ve never been in a position to be worried about someone else. But this morning when I woke up and saw that note…” Dean closed his eyes and inhaled a breath before opening them again. “When I knew you’d gone, there was no denying what I was feeling.”
I had no other words. Nothing that would comfort him and give him back the control today had taken away. And I wanted to, because without it, he wasn’t the same man. And because I wanted him to know that when I had lost all hope today, it was him I was thinking of.
I may not have had the words to do all that, but I pressed myself against him tighter and hoped that my actions would do what words couldn’t. With hungry lips, I kissed him back, threading my fingers into his hair. I slid a hand down to his hip, tugging him into me and pressing my hips to his.
I could feel his sureness growing in the way he kissed and nipped at my lips, by the way his cock pushed up against me. I let him take me over, let him possess me. I let him know that I was still there and that I was his. I wanted him any way I could get him, but especially when he was confident and cocky and stubborn.
It didn’t take long for Dean to understand my intention. Strong fingers pulled at my shirt, freeing the buttons with force. There was no ceremony to his actions, just lust fueled movements that left me topless and wet and needy. He jerked the button free on my jeans and yanked them down, but didn’t finish the job before pulling me back in for another round of bruising kisses.
I knew for certain that my bossy man was back when my efforts to pull up his shirt were thwarted by his strong grip pinning my hands and his chest, pushing me back until I stopped at the wall behind me. He held me there, lips seeking my chin and neck and lower. Eventually he had to release my hands to crouch in front of me, his mouth sucking at my tits and his hands pushing my pants down the rest of the way.
Lust burned a path from his grazing teeth on my nipples down to my core. I could feel how wet I was, and I would give anything for Dean to feel it too. As he stood back up, one hand at the button on his pants, his other hand granted my wish and ran up the seam between my legs. My legs quivered and threatened to give out, but I willed them to keep me upright.
With that cocky grin that I loved, Dean stepped back and out of his pants and pull off his shirt. When he touched my pussy again, it was with his firm erection in hand. The smooth skin circled my clit, grinding a maddening path before dipping into my wet heat. With a steady push, he entered me fully, his free hand pulling my leg up to his waist. My body buzzed with his touch.
My hands wrapped around his neck and I held onto him while the small of my back touched the cool wall behind me. I raised my other leg around him, desperately holding myself to him. His hands slid down my back and supported me against him while he began moving with a steady pace. His actions were strong and measured, not hurried, but executed with such a wicked force that I gripped tight to him.
I closed my eyes and took in the rhythmic thump of my body knocking the wall and our labored breaths filling the room. I took in the tremors that shook my body when he pulled all the way out only to fully sheath himself again. I took in the feel of his mouth on my shoulder and neck. This man was sending my senses reeling. I cherished every second until his gentle voice cut through my lust haze.
“This isn’t right.”
His words made me open my eyes and Dean’s thrusting hips slowed. He brushed his lips against mine with a look I didn’t know how to comprehend before gripping my ass in his hands and pulling us away from the wall. The question on my lips died as I clutched at his shoulders and hung on. With him still pulsing inside me, Dean walked us down the hallway and to my room.
The bed dipped as he sank to his knees and laid me down. Hovering over me, he kissed me softly once more, his lips eliciting a sensation that his rough thrusts couldn’t. I moaned against his lips as he started driving into me again. This time his movements were slower, deeper.
I finally understood what he meant, what he wanted. This closeness, this intimacy that neither of us had ever had before, filled our kisses and permeated our movements.
Between the intimacy and the glide of his cock over my sensitive skin, my body was drawing ever tighter. Despite my efforts to the contrary, my breathing became shallow and a persisting quiver wracked my legs.
I willed myself to hang on, to not give in to the sensations just yet. It worked for a moment until rational thought started fading and my body took over. I couldn’t hold back the sounds coming from deep in my throat and the way my walls clamped down around Dean’s cock. Soon our lips tore away from each other and Dean’s deep groans mixed with mine. We were both fraying at the edges, holding tight to this new feeling we found. Too soon, though, our bodies gave in and our mingled sounds grew louder.
Orgasm burst through my body, warming me all the more and contracting my muscles. My legs clamped hard around Dean, fingers digging into his shoulders. I could feel my pulse beating throughout my body and I cried out.
As the tightness started to fade into lax muscles, Dean’s body went rigid above me. My eyes were finally able to focus on him and I saw that he had been watching me shatter, had been holding on until I rode out the sensation. But his face told me that he couldn’t hold out any longer, and I braced against the jagged thrusts and the weight of his pulsing body. The sound of him coming reverberated against the walls of my tiny room.
With heavy motions, Dean ducked down to press a final kiss to my lips before collapsing beside me. We lay on our backs, breathing hard until Dean rolled to his side and wrapped an arm around me.
In the quiet of my room, with the sweat cooling my body and the weight of Dean’s arm on my waist, I looked up at him. He was watching. He’d been watching me ever since he’d found me on the boat. The only time he didn’t have his eyes on me was when the doctor kicked him out of the examination room, and even then it was begrudgingly.
“Tell me what you’ve got going on in your head. You’re always so quiet.”
He smiled down at me, more relaxed now. “I’m just sorting some things out.”
“Care to share?”
“Earlier I was so confused. I didn’t know why I was so out of control back at the marina. Even when I’m following a lead and full of adrenaline, I’m calm. Things don’t usually get to me. But I was a wreck when I saw you there and all the shit that came afterwards. And initially I figured I was mad at you. Mad that you left on your own and got in trouble.” I looked away, the guilt of that decision and the danger it put us both in still fresh. Dean hooked a finger under my chin and turned me back to face him. “It took some time, but just now I figured out that it wasn’t that. It was so much more.”
I licked my lips and swallowed to wet my dry mouth. “It was?”
“Yeah. I now know that it was because I felt so much for you. That I loved you.”
I felt my eyes go wide with no way to stop them. Dean didn’t seem like the kind of man to admit that if he wasn’t sure, but I had to ask him anyways.
“You can’t be so certain.”
“Sure I can. I know what I want and how this feels. I’ve never been more certain.”
I smiled at his confidence, at the conviction in the decisions he makes, even those of the heart.
“I wish I could be as self-assured as you sometimes.” I said, settling back against his chest and snuggling into his embrace.
“You’re not sure about us?”
“Oh no,” I said, shaking my head and looking up at him. “Not that. I knew I loved you the moment you pulled me from the brink of a panic attack just by looking at me. I mean about everything else.”
“If you’re sure about love, what else is there?”
Those words spoke volumes to me. Everything I had done in the past months had been out of love. This time, though, that love didn’t trap me in fear or uncertainty: it set me free.