Shayna let out a sigh as she settled on the edge of her bed. It had been a long week as she’d returned to work even though she’d still been in significant pain. Painkillers and makeup to cover the bruises had been the only way she’d made it through work. Thankfully, both the pain and the bruises were starting to fade.
In addition to work, she’d had to follow through with the insurance adjuster about the accident. Thankfully, she hadn’t been at fault, so that was one less issue to deal with.
What hadn’t been so great, however, was discovering that the damage to her car had been so extensive that they were going to write it off. That hadn’t come as a big surprise, but still, now she had the added stress of trying to find an affordable vehicle to replace it.
What had taken her completely off-guard had been the emotions she’d felt when they’d told her she wasn’t getting her car back. That had been the car she and Lorne had saved up for. It had taken awhile, but the satisfaction of knowing they’d done it and owned the car free and clear had been immense. The minute they had insured it, they’d loaded Timothy up in his car seat and taken a drive outside of the city.
That day had been one of the happiest days they’d spent together. Just the three of them, Lorne tossing smiles her way as he’d driven them along tree-lined streets north of the city. It had been perfect.
It was hard to think of losing the tangible connection to that day. In fact, she’d tried very hard not to think of that all week, but now that the week was over, and Timothy was sound asleep in his bed, the memory wouldn’t leave her alone.
But she refused to succumb to the emotions that wanted to eclipse everything else. On any other Saturday evening, she would have taken a bath after Timothy had gone to bed. Enjoying a soak while she read whatever book she had on the go. It had been a ritual that often helped her unwind from a busy week.
Right then, however, she was too tired even for the effort of a bath. She’d taken Timothy to the museum earlier that day, using the pass Tristan had gotten them, in an effort to distract him from the not-so-great week he’d had at school. There were times she wished she could pull him out of his school, away from the kids who liked to tease him.
At least there was one positive thing in the week. She’d received a call from someone named Eva on Wednesday, asking about renting Lisa’s room. It seemed that Tristan had followed through with his offer to spread the word among his family’s friends and acquaintances. Eva had said she worked for Belle Callaghan at her bridal boutique.
It would be a great relief to have the roommate situation settled. They’d made arrangements for Eva to come by the next afternoon so they could meet and she could see the place. Shayna hoped things might be settled on that front before Christmas. It would make the holiday a bit easier. If there was a promise of a renter, it would free up a little bit of the money she would have had to use for a security deposit at a new place.
That would mean she could buy a few more presents for Timothy, which is what she desperately wanted. Lisa had placed a couple of presents for him under the tree during her last visit, but so far, Shayna hadn’t bought anything but a science coloring book and a new set of colored pencils. He deserved so much more than that, and if it worked out for Eva to move in, she’d be able to get him a few more presents. Still, nothing like she would like to get him, but at least there would be more than just two or three presents under the tree for him to open on Christmas morning.
Even though it was barely ten o’clock, Shayna got up and pulled back the blankets on her bed and slipped under them. Though she wasn’t excited to go to church the next morning, Shayna found that she was looking forward to seeing Tristan. She was a bit surprised that she hadn’t heard more from him during the week, but at least she’d see him when she picked Timothy up from Sunday School. Maybe they’d have a few minutes to chat then.
The next morning, Shayna spotted Tristan when she took Timothy to the gym. She usually just dropped him off and left, but that day, she walked right up to the row where Tristan stood with several boys Timothy’s age. A couple of the boys greeted Timothy when he joined them, and Tristan looked up as she approached.
“It’s good to see you again,” he said when she was close enough to hear him over the excited chatter that filled the gym.
Tristan’s smile was friendly as she nodded her greeting. She felt a flicker of warmth and measured it against other feelings she’d had over her lifetime. It felt insignificant in comparison, but it was also genuine—real—and more than she’d experienced in a long time.
“I’ll see you after the service is over,” Shayna said to Timothy, but she lifted her gaze to meet Tristan’s, hoping he knew she included him in that statement.
She moved slowly from the gym to find her usual seat in the sanctuary. Over the years, she’d gotten used to sitting by herself. At first, in the weeks and months after Lorne’s death, she’d sat on the padded pew, her gaze on the platform while her thoughts had been far, far away. The ache in her heart had been intense. So intense, she’d wondered if she’d ever be able to take a deep breath past the tightness in her chest.
Now, as she sank down on the end of a row, that ache wasn’t as intense, but only because she’d learned to hide it. There were moments, like the previous night, when the ache slammed back into her on the heels of emotion and memories, but she was learning to press it down.
The stage at the front was resplendent with Christmas colors and decorations. The tree was adorned with twinkling clear lights and a variety of different kinds of angels. One of them was a decoration that she and Timothy had chosen together. The kids were given the opportunity to bring in an angel to decorate the tree, and Timothy had insisted that he wanted to bring one in.
It had taken awhile to find one that he liked because he hadn’t been willing to just take any angel off the shelf at the big chain stores. In the end, they’d found one at the thrift store they liked to visit. It had looked to be homemade and many years old. In Timothy’s eyes, it had been perfect, and Shayna had found herself agreeing with him.
The choir began to file into the seats behind the stage, dressed in green robes with red overlays. Once they were in place, the worship leader took his place on the stage with a few other singers.
The small band on the stage began to play Joy to the World, and Shayna stood with the others to join them in singing. When the song was done, a teen stepped behind the podium and began the advent reading for that Sunday.
Peace.
It wasn’t something she’d felt much of over the years, particularly when she allowed herself to think of Lorne and the future that was no longer theirs. For some reason, accepting Lorne’s death—being at peace with it—seemed to diminish what he’d meant to her. The strength of their love.
Still, the message of what the teen read seemed to resonate in a way it never had before. For the first time, she considered what it would be like to find peace. Or maybe, she needed to learn to accept peace.
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
She read the verse as it appeared on the large screens at the front of the sanctuary.
Let not your heart be troubled.
That was easier said than done. Lately, it seemed that life was determined to keep her heart troubled. From the moment Lisa’s mother had been hurt, it seemed everything had begun to fall apart. Worry had been her constant companion, and even now, with the potential of a resolution to the housing matter, she still found she wasn’t completely at peace about everything.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Be anxious for nothing.
Nothing?
Shayna couldn’t imagine being able to just commit everything to God and not worry about it. Especially when she was the only person responsible for Timothy.
The teen read a couple more verses as the candles were lit, then she stepped away from the microphone. Shayna focused on the flickering flames of the candles as the worship team began to sing It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.
When the pastor got up to speak, Shayna found herself more receptive to what he had to say than she usually was. Why that was, she couldn’t say exactly, but rather than question it, she focused on the pastor as he began to speak, continuing the theme of peace through his message.
As the service drew to a close a little while later, Shayna had more to think about than she usually did after a sermon. His description of what Mary might have been feeling as she faced the realization of being pregnant and unwed gave her pause. She could only imagine that peace wasn’t the overriding emotion Mary would have felt, particularly at the start, but according to what the Bible said, Mary got to that point.
Maybe she could too.
“Hi, Maman,” Timothy said as he wrapped his arms around her hips when she found him in the gym.
“How was Sunday School, sweetie?” she asked, her gaze going between Timothy and Tristan.
“It was great!” Timothy held out his hand. “Tristan gave us all a gift card.”
“Really?” Shayna took the card as she looked at Tristan. “That’s really sweet of him. Did you thank him?”
Timothy nodded. “Yep.”
Tristan turned to face another parent as they approached, and Shayna thought about leaving, but when Tristan’s hand came to rest on Timothy’s shoulder, she stayed put. While she waited, she opened the card Timothy had handed her.
The card had a childish Christmas nativity scene on the front, and when she opened it—mindful of the gift card Timothy had said it included—she smiled as she read the message Tristan had written there for her son.
Thank you for being such an important part of our Sunday School class. I pray that you continue to search after God and grow in your love for Him. Merry Christmas, Timothy! Tristan
Shayna closed the card and returned it to the envelope then slipped it into her purse. After the others had walked away, Tristan turned back to them.
“Would you like to join me for lunch?” he asked.
“Can we go, Maman?”
“I have to be home by four,” Shayna said. “Eva is coming to look at the townhouse and to talk about moving in.” She paused and gave Tristan a smile. “I have you to thank for that.”
“I just asked a few people if they knew anyone looking for a roommate. Belle—my sister-in-law—said that one of her employees needed a place, and she would happily vouch for her,” Tristan said. “I’ll be sure to have you back in time to meet with Eva.”
“Then I suppose I have no reason to say no,” Shayna said with a smile.
“I’ll take my truck and meet you at the restaurant, to save time afterward.”
After a short discussion, they decided to meet at a nearby restaurant that served pancakes, among other things. Though Timothy asked to ride with Tristan, the man told him it was more important that he ride with his mom.
Once at the restaurant, Tristan waited by the door for them, opening it as they neared. They were immediately greeted by the music of a Christmas carol and the rich aroma of food. There was a large Christmas tree decorated with white lights, red bows, and candy canes next to the hostess stand.
Thankfully, the restaurant wasn’t too busy, and they were seated almost immediately. When they got to the booth, Timothy asked to sit beside Tristan. Shayna nodded as she slid into the opposite side.
“Pancakes,” Timothy said without even looking at the menu. “I want pancakes.”
“And bacon?” Tristan asked.
Shayna found herself wanting to laugh at the two of them as they discussed the different types of pancakes that were offered on the menu, and that urge surprised her. She had often laughed with Timothy and Lisa, but it wasn’t something that others had inspired in her much in recent years.
When the waitress returned with their drinks, Timothy was quick to place his order. Tristan gestured for her to go next, and she ordered a Caesar salad with chicken, while Tristan ordered a burger with fries.
“How has your week been?” Tristan asked. “Did you hear from the insurance company?”
Shayna nodded. “I was surprised at how quickly they got back to me, but I suppose it didn’t take too long to look at the considerable damage and write the car off. So now I need to get the money from them and look for something else.”
“When you get to that point, let me know. We have a family friend who owns a garage. His mechanics do work at a subsidized rate for lower-income people. He’s also started buying vehicles and fixing them up to sell. Again, at a reduced rate.”
“Why would he do that?” Shayna asked, certain that a business doing that would be out of money fairly quickly.
“He does it as an outreach. People donate to him. Either money or old cars that they’re getting rid of. Also, some of the people who work for him are ex-cons or people who used to live on the streets. It is definitely a ministry for him and the others who support it.”
“And I’d qualify?” Shayna asked.
“They don’t make anyone go through an application process or anything like that,” Tristan said. “Mostly people end up there as a result of word of mouth. Recommendations.”
Shayna shifted on the padded booth seat. “I wouldn’t want to take a car from someone who might need it.”
Tristan gave her a smile that Shayna could only describe as gentle. “You need it. Between your job and Timothy’s schooling, it’s important that you have a reliable car. You are exactly who they do that work for, so let me know when you’re ready, and we’ll go see what they might have for you.”
Shayna nodded, accepting his offer. She supposed she was fortunate that he wasn’t trying to talk her into keeping the car she was currently driving, or worse, taking her to a car dealership to buy her a new car and paying for it himself.
“Can we get a red car this time?” Timothy asked.
“Uh…red? Really?” Shayna knew she wouldn’t be allowed to be picky, but she really hoped that whatever car they ended up with wasn’t red.
“Red is so bright and pretty.” He paused. “Or maybe yellow, because then it would be like sunshine.” His smile grew even bigger. “We could drive around in a sun!”
Shayna didn’t even bother to hold back her shudder at the thought. Tristan laughed, his blue eyes sparkling, and Timothy joined him, giggling as only he could when something struck him as funny.
“So, no red or yellow?” Tristan said when he and Timothy finally stopped laughing.
“Well, I realize that I can’t exactly be too picky, but given a choice between a yellow car and a gray one, you can bet the yellow one will be hanging out for a different owner.”
“That’s so boring, Maman.” Timothy slumped back against the booth. “Yellow would be so nice and bright. It’s one of my favorite colors.”
“How many do you have?” Tristan asked.
“Three.” Timothy held up his hand, counting off each color as he said their name. “Red, yellow, and blue.”
“Ah. The primary colors.”
“Yep, because I can make even more colors from those three. Purple. Green. Orange.”
The waitress returned with their food, distracting them from the discussion of the color of whatever car she’d claim ownership of next. After Tristan said a prayer for their food, Timothy turned his focus to the stack of chocolate chip pancakes with a dab of whipped cream on the top that sat on the plate in front of him.
“Is school out for Christmas break?” Tristan asked as he added ketchup to his burger then squirted some onto his plate and dipped a French fry into it.
“Yes. Friday was his last day.”
“Do you have someone to watch him?”
Shayna glanced up at him before returning her attention to her salad. “Yes. The woman who has been watching him in the morning before school has agreed to watch him while I work.”
“I don’t like staying with her,” Timothy muttered as he forked up a piece of pancake.
Shayna sighed. “She’s a perfectly nice woman, Bug.”
“Yeah, but her kids are annoying.” Timothy shoved the pancake into his mouth.
“Timothy, come on.”
“They are!” Timothy scowled. “All I want to do is read my book.” His expression smoothed out as he looked at Tristan. “I’m going to read some of the Narnia books during Christmas break.”
“So just ignore the kids and read,” Shayna said, hating that they were having that discussion yet again.
“But they want me to play video games with them.”
“You don’t like to play video games?” Tristan asked.
Timothy shrugged. “I do, but not with them. They don’t like me to win, so what fun is it to play a game I always have to lose? And if I do play with them, they cheat.”
“Cheat?”
“Yeah. We’ll be playing a game like Mario Kart, and in the middle of the game, if I’m winning, they bump my arm, so I lose control. It’s just not fun.” Timothy sighed. “I’d rather read.”
“I can understand,” Tristan said. “I’d rather read than have someone mess with me while playing video games too.”
“It was easier when Lisa lived with us,” Timothy said as he focused again on his meal. “She took care of me when school was out.”
“I know, sweetie, but that’s not possible,” Shayna said with more patience than she felt. She was just glad the babysitter had been willing to take him for full days during the Christmas break. Though she did mornings while school was in session, she hadn’t wanted to add any extra time during the weekends or evenings. “Lisa’s responsibility is to her mother, not us.”
“Will the new roommate help us like Lisa did?”
“No. She can’t work from home like Lisa.”
With a resigned slump of his shoulders, Timothy let the subject drop. He knew that they had no other options, but still, he found it necessary to voice his displeasure with the plan at least once a day. She knew it would likely get worse once he’d spent a whole day at the babysitter’s house. She sure wished that she had another option, but there really wasn’t any.
“I know it can be hard having to spend time in a situation like that, especially for people like you and me who like things like reading books and being quiet,” Tristan said, turning his full attention on Timothy. “But learning how to deal with people different from us builds character. And it helps us later in our lives because, at some point, we’ll have to deal with people like that whether it’s at school or in a job. As nice as it would be to only have to be around people like ourselves, it’s not realistic.”
“Did you have to go to a babysitter you didn’t like too?” Timothy asked as he ran his fork through the whipped cream and syrup pooled on his plate.
“No, but when I was your age, I had seven siblings, and most of them weren’t like me. They liked noisy things like sports, and even though I didn’t mind playing video games, they wouldn’t let me play because, like you, I tended to beat them all.”
“Do you still beat them?”
Tristan grinned. “At every possible opportunity, which is probably why they still don’t like to play with me.”
“Maybe we can play someday,” Timothy said, thoughts of days at the babysitter apparently forgotten.
“I think we could do that,” Tristan said with a nod.
The waitress came back to their table with fresh drinks for them. When she left, Tristan asked, “What are your plans for Christmas?”