Micah
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I’m lost I’m winning
{‘All Of Me’ -John Legend}
He is so infuriating! How dare he bet on me against our friend. How dare he try to get a reaction out of me that way. Why doesn’t he just talk to me like a normal person? Have you talked to him, Micah, about how you feel?
I stop my rant. My inner voice is right. I haven’t said anything that would let him know that I wouldn’t like him kissing some strange girl in the first place. Ugh. Why does all of this have to get complicated? That’s the very thing that I never wanted.
Our friendship. I remember our friendship. My best friend is sitting in my living room with a bruised jaw because of his deadbeat dad. I’m in my room pouting over a bet that didn’t really matter. He wants to keep us in the friend zone. So, I go to him.
I walk out of my room and go back into the living room. Zant has his head lying back on the couch and his eyes are closed. He’s holding the ice pack so I know he isn’t asleep. I sit next to him as easy as I can so I don’t move him. He opens one eye and looks at me.
I open my mouth to speak. Nothing comes out so I try again. “Let’s go back to the way things were. I don’t know what is going on but, I’m uncomfortable and I just want my best friend to not make bets involving me for whatever reason. I don’t like mind games. You know that.” I say all of this while looking at his chest because I can’t seem to look him in the eye.
He lowers the ice pack and turns so that he is facing me. “I hear you and I agree. You are my best friend Micah and I didn’t mean to hurt you or confuse you or whatever I did.” He puts his finger under my chin so he can lift my eyes to his. His green eyes glow with weariness. “I have one question though,” he says and my heart beats wildly. “Do you like… Are you in love… with Levi?” He stutters through his question.
I look at him with shock. And then I bust out laughing.
I laugh until tears are running down my cheeks. He’s not smiling. He’s not laughing. He looks mad and that makes me laugh harder.
Finally, I quiet down and shake my head at him. “No, I don’t like Levi, not like that, and I’m not in love with Levi. Not in the least. We are friends and that is all we will ever be.” I tell him enough to make it clear in between small giggles.
He looks down at his hands and mumbles, “but y’all looked cozy last night at the theater.”
Now I get it. “Zant, Levi told me about the bet and we talked. He was making me feel better and apologizing for his part in it.” I’m not about to tell him everything that we talked about and I know Levi well enough to know he won’t tell Zant either.
“Ok. I get it. I’m sorry for my part too.” Still looking at his hands, he says his apology almost in a whisper. He finally looks up to me and almost looks embarrassed or something. But, why would he? I shake my head and grab his ice pack to refresh it.
“It’s ok. Let’s move on. What are we doing today?” I am just ready to move past this and get back to normal.
He’s followed me into the kitchen and sits on a stool at the bar. “I don’t know. I told your dad that we were probably going to the park. I’m staying with you guys tonight to avoid the dumb-a over there. So, whatever you want to do will be fine with me.”
That’s normal. Zant basically has his own room here. The guest room has several of his things because of how many times he’s had to stay here to avoid Roy. Dad refuses to let him go home after Roy has hit him. Over the last couple of years, he’s been at our house at least once every week. Roy is Satan in the flesh. It seems to get worse every year. It makes me sick.
“Ok. I’ll call the girls. You call the guys and see what’s going on. We will reevaluate afterwards.” He nods at me and gets up to go back to the living room for his phone. I go to my room to make my calls.
I make my way back to the kitchen once I’m done and he’s back on his stool with his phone in his hands. “Well, what did they say?”
He looks up. “Both Levi and Chance have plans with their parents today. They couldn’t get out of it.”
I nod. “Macy is shopping with her mom and Kelly is going to her grandma’s house today. It looks like it’s just us. What now?” I ask him as I look at him across the bar.
“I’m starving. Let’s go get lunch and then we will decide. I’ll text your dad while you get ready to let him know. He left earlier with your mom.” Zant goes back to his phone to do just what he said.
I run to my room and pull off my sleep shorts and t-shirt to pull on jeans and a tank top. Thank God, it’s been a nice Spring Break. Mostly sunny and warm weather. Not hot yet like it gets in the dead of summer in the South but, the cool before the death. I pull on my Chucks as I hobble out the door to get back to Zant. I’m a little excited that it is just me and him today.
“Wait here and let me get my car. Once I’m on the street, run and jump in. I don’t want you in my yard. Ok?” I nod at his words and watch him walk outside. I count to ten before I walk out the front door and lock it. Then I run to the street to jump in his car. We’ve done this more times than I care to count.
We end up at The Tavern for lunch and get a couple of sandwiches. Neither one of us mention Roy and I know that Zant doesn’t want to. I always try to stay clear of that topic even though I wish he would open up to me about it. I know he is hurting but, he schools his emotions like a pro.
After eating, we get back in the car and head out of town. We decided that we just want to ride around and listen to the radio. It’s a beautiful day and we never get to do this with it just being us. Usually we have another or several with us.
We have this game that we play where one of us will pick a cd, put it in the player without the other seeing, pick a track, and then wait for the other person’s reaction to the choice.
Usually it goes something like this… “Ooooo I forgot about that song!” or “I was just thinking about that one. You beat me to it.”
This time Zant is picking the song and I’m waiting. After a little bit the opening chords to ‘You’ by Candlebox come on. I immediately tear up. With everything that happen with us yesterday, I needed him to do this for me. This is my favorite song and he is the only one that knows it. Him remembering means the world to me. I know he remembers because he wouldn’t pick this song. It isn’t his favorite. When I look over at him, he has a sheepish look on his face, almost like a blush. It is so endearing.
Next it is my turn. I put in the cd and pick the track. I look at him while the first notes start to play and his face lights up. “Smile Empty Soul. Gah I love this song.” He has a smile that looks like it’s going to split his face. ‘Therapy’ will always be his top Smile tract. I know this because he has told me a million times and I needed to give him this.
After a couple hours, we head home. We grabbed some movies that we wanted to see and Zant parked in front of my house. We walk in without even looking at his house.
“He kiddos, where y’all been?” Dad asks when we get in the living room.
“We just rode backroads after lunch. Nothing much.” Zant answers him while I head to the kitchen to check in with Mama.
She was swaying to some Lifehouse song. If my mama doesn’t know anything else, she knows good music.
“Hey mama. What are you cooking? Zant and I are starving.”
What? Lunch was a long time ago.
“We are eating red beans and rice tonight. Did y’all get some movies to watch?” She stirs her beans before putting the lid back on the pot. My mama’s red beans are the best in the state. I feel my mouth water just thinking about them.
“Yes ma’am. We got a few. Looks like we are having a slumber party since Zant is staying.” I tell her as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “We won’t stay up too late though, with church tomorrow.”
“That’s right. Y’all know we have to get up early and you both need to practice getting back into the routine tonight with school starting back on Monday.” My mama and her good logic.
I head back out to the living room to check in with Zant. I want to read but, I need to make sure he doesn’t want to do anything else before supper.
He and dad are watching some fighting on TV. UFC or something. Who knows with those two. I just turn around and head to my room. Mama will call me when supper is ready. Zant will come find me if he wants to. He’s been in my room lots of times. I never felt weird about it before but thinking about it now, I think I would feel weird with him being in here. I shake my head. I’m totally being stupid.
I climb up to the middle of my bed and grab my Kindle. I’m just getting to the good parts of ‘No Princess Here’ by Mandy Bee. Before I know it, Mike is punching Kyle in the jaw to knock some sense into him. I jump a little on my bed and smile. I’ve been waiting for that one. Man, this book is so good. I just love Sydney.
After a few minutes, there is a slight knock on my door before Zant walks in. I watch him without saying anything as he looks around.
“Hey. What’s up?” I say when his eyes finally land on me.
“Nothing. I was just wondering what you were doing. The fight is over and your dad had to do something.” He’s wearing a solid navy t-shirt over his firm torso. I can slightly see the muscles that he is building. I can only imagine what he is going to look like when we are older. The jeans that are covering his lower half are well worn and a little ripped at the knees. How can somebody look so good that you want to eat them somehow? His green eyes are glowing when I finally reach them. He caught me checking him out. I feel my cheeks heat but I don’t shy away from him. What’s the point?
He clears his throat and crosses the room to sit on my bed with me. I think I love his confidence in himself the most.
“H-how’s your jaw. Do you need to still have ice on it?” I ask him through a bated breath.
“I had ice on it while watching the fight a little bit ago. I’m good,” he says as he watches me.
“You ready to watch a movie or something?” I don’t know what to say right now. It is weird with him in my room. I can’t lie to myself. Seeing him kiss that girl last night has lit my fire for him. I really wish he would kiss me like that but, I will never say that out loud. He must see the look on my face. “Come here, Micah. Stop stressing out. We are fine. The look on your face is telling me that you are overthinking something and you shouldn’t. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
He has moved closer to me and wrapped me up in his arms. He settles back on the headboard of my bed as my head rest on his chest. He smooths my hair down as I listen to his heart beat a steady thud.
“I’m sorry Zant,” I tell him. I want to say more but I hope he understands why I’m apologizing. Even if I don’t.
He whispers, “It’s ok. We are both ok. There is nothing to apologize for.”