Micah
Sun comes up and goes back down
Falling feels like flying,
Till you hit the ground
{‘Parachute’ -Chris Stapleton}
Two years later
We have officially made it to our Senior year. Graduation is right around the corner.
None of us can believe it.
It has been a long two years but, we’ve made it.
This week is our last Spring Break of high school. We don’t have that many plans but, we plan to go all out. The six of us are going to the beach to spend the week.
This is the first year that we are getting away - just us.
I can’t wait. I need to get away.
“Macy, are you ready? God, you don’t have to pack that much. We are just going for a week.” I’m talking through a door to this girl.
We are at her house because she ‘needed my help to pack’ but, she won’t let me in to her room to help.
I roll my eyes even though she can’t see me.
“I’m almost done.” She yells. “I only have a few more shirts to grab.”
I go to the living room to wait for her. Standing at the door is pointless. She isn’t going to let me in. She knows that I will just point out all the things she doesn’t need.
A good ten minutes later, Kelly shows up. I let her in and sit on the couch.
“You all packed up?” I ask Kelly when we sit down.
“Yeah, it didn’t take long. Bathing suit, shorts, tank tops, and flip flops. We are going to the beach.” She says like it’s practical.
“I wish Macy was like that.” I yell so Macy can hear me down the hall.
Macy comes down the hall then, “I heard you. I did not pack much. You will see. I just didn’t get started until late and didn’t want you guys to see.”
I smirk at her. She isn’t fooling anyone. We know her better than she knows herself.
“Ok. Are you both ready? We need to get to my house and pick up the guys. Mom is letting us take her van so we have enough room.”
“Let’s go.” They both say as we head out the door.
We pull up to the house, Levi and Chance are in the front yard throwing a football.
I get out and walk up to them. “Do y’all have everything packed?”
“You know us, Mi. We are always on the ready.” Levi says as he throws an arm over my shoulders.
My entire body stiffens. He kisses the top of my head and slowly removes his arm.
“I love you, Mi, and you are ok.” He says the same thing every time. I know what he is doing. I know it is coming every time and my body still seizes up. It makes me angry.
I turn and put my head in his chest and close my eyes. “Love you too, Levi. Thanks.”
“Anytime babe.”
I lift my head and turn around to go inside.
He’s standing in the doorway of my house. He’s looking at me and in the bright sunlight, his eyes are glowing. It takes my breath away.
He takes my breath away.
I stare at him for a second and then move toward him.
“Hey baby. You ok?” Zant says.
Yes, a lot has changed in two years.
Zant and I decided a year and a half ago to just go with a relationship. After everything we have been through, why wait?
One night while lying in my bed, his head at the foot and my head near the headboard, he said, “Mi, I love you. I always have and I always will. You are it for me. I think we need to give this relationship thing a try. I know what I want and it’s you.”
Neither one of us moved. I held my breath. He touched my leg and I finally let go.
“Z, I love you too. I always have.” Neither one of us looked at each other. We just laid there staring at my ceiling.
We’ve been ‘together’ ever since.
He knew everything I needed. He held me when I would let him. He would just stand there and offer his strength when I couldn’t.
Six months later, I finally allowed him to kiss me. It was my first kiss.
He was so gently with me but, I felt his hunger. He held back, I know, but he didn’t – if that even makes sense.
Maybe it wasn’t as hot as the kiss he gave that no name girl in the movie theater but I know it was so much more.
Since then he has gotten closer to just being able to hold me without me going stiff or pulling away. It has been a long process, a lot of tears, but he has stuck with me and loved me through every second of my healing.
When I get in front of him, I answer him. “Yes. I’m good. I promise. You ready to go?” He has our bags near the door.
He gives me his handsome smirk. “Yep. I can’t wait to see you in that bikini you got.”
“She better not have a skimpy bikini,” my mama yells from the kitchen.
I roll my eyes and Zant laughs. “Mama, I don’t have a bikini. Zant knew you were listening and wanted to rile you up.” My blue eyes never leave his laughing green ones.
“Boy. Don’t make me get my wooden spoon after you. You know you are never too old.” Mama warns him.
His eyes get wide. “Mama, I’m just playing with ya.” He says in his slow southern drawl. “Micah doesn’t have a bikini. She doesn’t want that spoon after her.”
I laugh at that.
Mama and her rules.
Mama and her spoon.
We are all scared of mama.
“What’s going on up here? Is everyone ready? We need to get on the road.” Chance says as he comes up behind me.
He wraps his arms around me and gives me a quick squeeze before dropping his arms. I didn’t move a muscle. I just kept looking into Zant’s eyes.
I’m getting better. Every day is different. But, they keep doing the same thing so that I can get used to being touched.
My mama sat us all down and made this rule. For some reason, she thought that was what I needed.
I suppose she was right.
Both of my guy friends and both of my girl-friends are to touch me any time they are greeting me or when I am just standing around in my own little world. For six whole months, no one touched me. If they did, I screamed.
Mama couldn’t even touch me and I know that broke her heart. I saw it and that broke mine.
One night I woke up from a nightmare screaming. Zant immediately jumped in my bed and wrapped me in his arms. I was kicking and clawing and he wouldn’t let me go. He held me tight until I just couldn’t fight anymore.
Micah, I’m not him. He isn’t here. He can’t touch you anymore. You are safe. I have made you safe. Calm down for me. Let me hold you. Let me heal you.
He kept saying those words to me (let me hold you – let me heal you) over and over again until I gave up trying to get away from him.
That night changed everything for us. He was the first person to get through my wall and he knew that it could only be him. We became different then.
“We are ready, man. Is everything in the van? I’ll take our bags and you and Levi get the girls stuff out of Macy’s car.” Zant moves into his authority role. He has become our ‘leader’ if you want to call him that. He keeps us organized. Which is a good thing. We would all go crazy without him telling us what to do and where to be.
He just kind of fell into those shoes that night after my assault and we’ve just fell into step.
As we are getting everything into the van and Mama is loading our snacks, Daddy pulls up.
“Y’all fixing to head out? Micah, did you make sure to grab all of the chargers? None of y’all need an excuse to have a dead cell battery.”
“Yes, Daddy, I packed them all. We are good to go. We even have sunscreen.” I tease him as I hug him. He lightly pats my back.
We have worked on this and we both get what we want. He gets to touch me and I get what I need - my daddy’s hugs. It’s always quick and to the point. And I always initiate it.
“Ok. Good. I don’t want to deal with six lobsters when y’all get back.” He laughs at his own joke. We just chuckle and roll our eyes.
He tries. The poor man.
We all climb into our seats in the van and buckle up.
My parents stand at my window on the passenger side front seat and tells everyone bye.
Dad gives his last little speech. “Zant. Be careful. Don’t speed. Don’t text or call while driving. Let Micah fool with the radio.” He smirks.
Everyone starts laughing. They all know that I’m in control of the radio anyway.
“I’ve got it Mr. D. We are good. We will call when we have to stop every fifteen minutes for a pee break.” Zant says as he looks at us girls. We just roll our eyes.
“Ok. Love you all. See y’all in a week.” Mama says.
We pull out of the driveway. Zant puts his aviator shades on and laces his fingers through mine. We head out.
I put a CD into the radio and yell, “ok! Y’all know the rules. No talking unless you’re singing.” Everyone grumbles under their breath but shuts up. “Man In The Mirror” by Michael Jackson begins to play and we all start to sing.