Chapter 6
Zant
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
{‘I Never Told You’ -Colbie Caillet}
We sit in her room, on the bed, until Mrs. Lucy calls us for supper. We both straighten up and make our way to the dining room. I help Micah set the table while Mrs. Lucy and Mr. Davis bring the food in. We all laugh and joke around as we get everything ready and sit down to eat. This is what family is supposed to be. These nights make me miss my mama.
“Zant.” Mr. Davis gets my attention, “I could use your help with getting something fixed on my boat after supper if you don’t mind.”
I nod my head at him as I put the last bite of food in my mouth. “Yes sir,” I tell him, “whatever you need.”
I’m more than grateful to him for how he always helps me with things so it’s never a problem for me to help him with anything he needs. He has taught me a lot over the years. Way more than Roy has ever thought about teaching me.
Roy has taught me only one thing.
How NOT to be.
Once Mr. Davis and I carry the dishes to the kitchen for the girls, we get out of the way and head outside.
“My tail lights on my boat trailer aren’t working good. I need you to help me figure out what’s going on. They were working when I pulled out last weekend to go test the boat out at the lake.” Mr. Davis explains as we get out to his shed that he keeps his jet foot boat under. It is a really nice boat. I’ve been fishing with him several times. We catch catfish on the Mississippi and Homochitto Rivers during the spring and summer. He has taught me everything that he knows about fishing and I find it very relaxing.
“Ok. Do you know what could be wrong with them?” I don’t really know anything about lights.
“It’s probably just a blown bulb or water damage but, I figured you could help me figure it out.” I just nod. I’m beginning to think that he wants me out here for something totally different.
We work for about thirty minutes before the question comes.
“Is there something going on with you and Micah?” He asks the question without looking at me. I really didn’t expect him to be so blunt though.
“What do you mean, sir? We are best friends.” I answer him honestly but, I am going to feel him out. I do not need him to hate me when he finds out that I love his daughter.
He looks at me then. “That’s not what I meant. Let me be clear. Have you told Micah that you love her?”
If the look on my face does not show my shock, then I am better at facial expressions that I give myself credit for. With a dry mouth, I ask him the only question I can. “How did you know?”
“Son, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve seen a boy in love. I have been a boy in love. I know it when it shines so bright in my face. You love my daughter. I know you always have. Am I right?”
I just nod my answer.
“And I am assuming you are not telling her because you want to keep your friendship and you are worried about when high school is over and you both go to college.” He says it in a questioning tone but I know it is a statement.
“Am I wrong for that, Mr. Davis?” What is the point in denying anything. This man has known me my whole life. He has seen me beaten and bruised. He has witnessed me cry over both of my parents. My mother is gone. My father is a monster. Who will help me if he doesn’t?
“No son.” He sighs but I know more is coming. “I understand. You guys are still young. I know that Micah feels the same way. She may not understand her feelings like you do. She has not lived the life that you have. She has only had love to surround her. She doesn’t comprehend the emotions that come with someone that is evil. She doesn’t know how to appreciate love that could just disappear.” He is looking me in my eyes. I know he is speaking the truth. I know everything he is saying as well as he does.
I just look back at him. I show him through my eyes that I agree with him but, I want him to know how I feel.
“I agree. She has only known pure love.” I drop my gaze. “She has not been heartbroken yet and a lot of the time I do not feel good enough for her. I never want to break her heart. I want to make sure that when I finally tell her how I feel, I’m in a good place. I want to be away from Roy. I want to be able to prove to her that I can take care of her heart too.”
He doesn’t speak for a long time and I finally raise my eyes to his. He’s just looking at me.
“Zant, let me tell you something son. You tell Micah when you are ready. It was never my intention to make you feel like I wanted you to rush anything. Micah is my baby girl. She is my princess and believe me when I tell you this. You are good enough for her. Even now.” With that, he turns and walks toward the house leaving me there to think about his words. What now?
I walk back in the house about ten minutes later. Micah is on the couch watching a show so I sit down next to her. I throw my arm onto the back of the couch behind her. She turns to look at me. “Did you guys get the lights fixed? Daddy came in and went straight to his room. Did something happen?”
“No. The lights are working. He’s fine.” We know Mr. Davis. If he has a hard time working on something, he needs time alone afterwards. He is a perfectionist. Whatever he is working on better work or there will be wrath to deal with.
She just nods and goes back to her TV show. After the show is over I look over to Micah. She fell asleep about half way through. I move my arm from behind her and rise from the couch. I bend over and pick her up. Waking her is useless. She can’t walk a straight line when she is half asleep and she has bumped into everything in the house at one time or another. After watching Mrs. Lucy replace a couple lamps I decided that carrying her to bed was a safer bet.
I lay her on the bed and remove her socks and shoes. This is a routine that I am used to. I leave her jeans and shirt on. No way am I going there. She would kill me. I know her too well.
I press my lips to her forehead and make my way out of her room. I lightly close the door and go to the kitchen for something to drink.
I’m staying here tonight. Mr. Davis would have my head if I went and slept at home after what Roy did this morning.
I don’t have my church shoes though. If I go in the morning, I will run into him. If I go now, he is probably passed out and he won’t even know I’m there.
The Carson’s are watching TV in their room and I will be back long before they know I’m gone.
I silently creep out the front door to make my way to my house. I use the key under the flower pot to let myself in.
It’s quiet. He must be in his room. I look around to make sure he isn’t hiding to sneak attack me again. I look in the living room and the kitchen. He isn’t in either room so I make my way to my room. I don’t need to turn any lights on. I know this house like the back of my hand.
I make my way to my room and shut the door. Apparently, Roy got sober enough to fix it. I don’t make a sound in case he is in his room. He may pass out most nights dead drunk but, he can hear a mouse slip a piece of cheese off a mouse trap without setting the trap off.
I quickly grab my shoes and my phone charger. I make my way out of my room as easily and quietly as I made my way in. I take a chance and look at his room door. It’s open. I go and take a look to make sure he’s in there. He usually shuts his door. Maybe something has happened to him.
When I get to his door, I see his bed is empty. So is the floor. So is the bathroom that is connected to his room. After that, I look everywhere. He isn’t in the house. It is unlike him to not be home.
I go to the kitchen and that is when I see it.
There is a glass on the counter with fresh ice in it. He was just here. Where could he be?