Chapter Eighteen
Alyssa
“Was that your dad?” I asked, watching Holly’s face turn pale white. “Is something wrong?” I pushed for more information.
My heart started to race, and panic rolled through my mind. Why did Holly want to skip school?
“He’s in the hospital,” she said somberly.
My foot hit the brake, slamming the car to a stop in front of the school.
“What happened?” I asked.
“He got a nail in his hand,” Holly said, tears starting to flow down her cheeks.
Oh God, just a nail. My mind started to calm; my body quit trembling. It was just a nail. Nothing serious. I wasn’t losing Liam… I mean Holly wasn’t losing her dad.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” I assured her, stroking her long blonde hair with my palm.
“I want to go see him,” she sobbed.
“You have to go to school,” I insisted.
“Then you go, make sure he’s really okay,” Holly pleaded.
“He said he’s fine. I’m sure he’s fine,” I stated.
“No, he could be lying. What if it’s worse than he said?” Holly started to become hysterical.
“Baby, I’m sure he’s fine,” I gripped her in my arms and held her tight.
Her little body was shaking. My God. She was terrified of losing her father. I hadn’t realized just how close they’d become, how much it truly meant to her to have him in her life.
“I’ll go. I’ll go check on him before work,” I promised.
My promise calmed her down. She sniffled, her body lifting in my arms, and then lowering with a deep sigh.
“Thank you,” she said sweetly.
I pulled from the embrace, wiped the tears from her eyes, and offered her a tissue to blow her nose.
Kids were already walking up to the brick building, ready to start their day, and I knew the bell would go off soon.
“You better go,” I smiled, getting a faint one in return as she opened the door of my car.
I loved my mornings when I could take her to school, my late days, but now instead of stopping for coffee and a donut, I’d be visiting Liam in the hospital. What was I even going to say?
Anxiety poured over me like a rainfall as I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Aiden’s truck was parked beside me, and as I got out, I noticed blood on the passenger side door.
My stomach turned as I looked away, heading quickly into the emergency room.
Aiden was asleep in the hard chair outside the triage entrance, roused awake by my presence standing over him.
“Alyssa, what are you doing here?” he asked groggily.
“Holly insisted I check on her father,” I admitted.
I wondered how much Liam had told Aiden about our hookups, my crazy behavior. Ugh, probably everything. Why wouldn’t he? They were best friends.
“That’s sweet,” he smiled.
“Where’s Liam?” I questioned.
“He’s back there, waiting for a doctor,” he advised, pointing me towards the door behind him marked as triage.
I moved to the desk beside the door. A small woman with mousy brown hair and a thin nose greeted me with a less-than-friendly smile.
I gave her Liam’s name, avoided telling her we weren’t a couple, and simply explained I have to check on him for our daughter.
She was reluctant, but got up with a sigh and opened the door.
“He’s in room two,” she pointed down the hall.
The hallway was long, winding, and the rooms I passed all had drawn curtains so I couldn’t see inside. I finally made it to the room she directed me to, again, greeted by a closed curtain. I hesitated before sliding the curtain open.
“What are you doing here?” Liam asked, surprised.
“Holly wouldn’t calm down until I promised I’d check on you,” I chuckled.
It was awkward, being in this hospital where I gave birth to Holly alone, now with Liam lying in a bed similar to the one I’d had.
“I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t want to disappoint her by standing her up in case I wasn’t out of here. This place is crazy,” he gasped.
“It is. Always has been,” I smiled.
“Oh yeah, you have experience?” he asked, a slight smile on his face.
I wasn’t sure I was in the mood for small talk. I was still leery of him, fearful he’d leave, break not only my heart, but Holly’s.
“This is where I had Holly,” I admitted.
His eyes widened, and his smile disappeared.
“I wish I’d been here,” he admitted.
“Me too,” I sighed, taking a seat in the chair next to his bed. “Let me see your hand,” I asked, leaning forward.
He extended it towards me, covered, but obviously still bleeding quite a bit.
“You want me to take the wrap off?” he asked.
“No,” I shook my head.
“You still queasy around blood?” he laughed.
“Not as queasy as you. How’d you keep from passing out?” I teased.
“Being in the SEALs, you learn to deal with blood,” he grimaced.
“Having a baby, you learn to deal with it too,” I chuckled, lightening the topic.
“I’m really sorry I wasn’t here,” Liam reached out, placing his right hand over mine.
“Being a SEAL was your dream, your destiny,” I smiled.
“It was amazing. I saw the world, fought a war, made life-long brothers, and I’d trade it all to have been here,” he gushed.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to do that,” I sighed.
It was true. I wouldn’t have wanted Liam to miss out on all those experiences, even though I did try to make him stay after my brother died. He died doing what he loved. He wouldn’t have been happy here, living a long life to please us, giving up on what he was born to do. Liam wouldn’t have been either. I knew that. I’d made peace with that.
“How big was Holly when she was born? Was she as cute as she is now?” he asked, somewhat giddy and a little groggy.
It was obvious he’d been given pain medication for his hand. I chuckled at his messed-up expression, leaned back in my seat, pulling my hand from his, and told him the story of when Holly was born.
He listened as I explained the car ride, the doctor that forgot my name, and how Holly had come two weeks early, determined to be in the world.
“Yes, she was just as cute,” I sighed, remembering what it was like to hold her for the first time.
I cried so hard that day, missing Liam, and praying that he would walk through that door. I didn’t tell him that part.
“I want to see her baby pictures,” he smiled proudly.
“You will,” I replied, thinking it may be nice to have an evening on the couch going through her baby albums.
The doctor came in, unwrapped Liam’s hand, and gave me the first glimpse of his injury. My stomach twisted and turned as the doctor explained how he planned to remove it quickly and then pack the hole with gauze for the next few days.
“Hands heal quick,” he smiled.
I wanted to throw up.
Liam’s drugs had either kicked in, or he truly had grown accustomed to blood overseas, because he turned his hand back and forth, checking out the nail that went all the way through.
“It isn’t so bad,” he laughed.
“Ugh,” I groaned in disagreement.
“Are you his wife?” the doctor asked.
My throat closed, nearly instantly. I couldn’t speak.
“Yes,” Liam slurred.
My face went pale, and I could feel my hands beginning to sweat. Why would he tell him that?
“So, you’ll be taking him home?” the doctor asked, directing his question towards me.
Aiden walked in through the curtain. “No, I’m taking him home,” he announced.
Thank God.
“Okay. He will be loopy for a few hours after this procedure, probably the rest of the day. Let him sleep. He can clean the wound out with water, nothing else, but the gauze should stay in place for at least twenty-four hours,” the doctor gave instructions on his care.
I was still reeling from what he’d said. His wife.
“I better get to work,” I patted Aiden on the back and then nodded towards Liam with a smile.
I had an urge to lean in and hug him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
The sky covered with gray clouds, and rain started to spit on my face as I walked out of the hospital. It matched my mood.
I climbed into my car, sitting there for what felt like an eternity. I was in a daze, a trance, just numb from the emotions that had flooded through my heart once again.
I loved him. I loved Liam. It was a mistake. I knew that. I had to shake it off.
Tears spilled from my eyes, burning my cheeks as they flopped onto my scrubs, competing with the ones from the sky, growing larger as they splashed onto my windshield.
What was I crying for? Was it the fact I still loved Liam, or that fact that I knew I couldn’t, that I shouldn’t?