CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Cara and Sinner
CARA
“I’m guessing by the look on your face that things aren’t going well with Mark,” Dr. Penwarden said.
I shook my head. “He’s gone.”
“Gone? He wasn’t helping you as a therapy buddy?”
“Yes, he was.”
“Oh, so he wasn’t a good fit sexually.”
My face burned red as I thought of all the ways we were a good fit sexually.
“Ah, so, that’s not the problem either.”
I shook my head.
“Are you going to tell me what is the problem?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I told him about that last day.”
“That’s good. How did he respond?”
“He was wonderful. Maybe too wonderful.”
He nodded. “So, he was too much of a Prince Charming for you?”
“No, he got between my brother and me.”
Dr. Penwarden sighed. “Has anyone ever told you that you are not the easiest person to get to open up?”
“Pretty much everyone I ever knew.”
“If you want my help, you’re going to have to start talking. I think it’s great that you felt comfortable enough to open up to Mark, but then you kicked him to the curb for reasons I still don’t understand. I can’t help you work through this if you don’t talk.”
“He went and told my brother that he was part of the reason I wasn’t healing. He said that his attitude toward helping me is hurting me.”
“And you don’t think he’s right.”
“Of course not. He’s been my rock through everything.”
“Yet, you moved out of his house because you felt like you were suffocating there and have hardly spoken to him since.”
“Well, but that was different. I needed space.”
“From what?”
“From feeling like I was a burden. From feeling like I needed to be watched every minute of the day. From his need to make me better.”
“How did your brother treat you that Mark felt was damaging?”
“He was telling me that I wasn’t ready for someone like Mark because I was still too scared. I had just pissed all over the floor and couldn’t take care of myself.”
“And your brother said this in front of Mark?”
“And Drew.”
“Cara, it sounds to me like Mark had it right. I think your love for your brother is getting in the way of seeing what’s really happening.”
“So you agree with Mark?” I asked incredulously.
“I think that your brother dealt with a lot when you came home and you feel guilty about that. You allow him to talk to you like that because you feel you deserve it.”
“But I am all those things he says. I am broken.”
“Is that how Mark sees you?”
I thought back to him taking me in front of the mirror and running his hands over my body.
“No, he’s probably the only person that has made me feel like I’m strong and can get past this.”
“So, why did you push him away? And don’t say because he confronted your brother.”
I sat there and thought about it and I really didn’t know. I told myself it was because he overstepped with my brother, but was that really the reason?
“I guess I felt like if anyone was going to confront my brother, it should be me.”
“So, he took your control away.”
“In a way. I was finally getting to the point where I felt I could gain back my life.”
“And then he went and made a decision for you. You know, it’s okay to need that control, but you have to realize that what Mark did was out of love for you. He’s the first person who has really been able to help you heal in the last three years.”
“I made a mistake,” I said as nausea swirled.
“Not necessarily. You have every right to tell him what he did wasn’t okay, but you need to talk to him and explain why you feel what he did was wrong.”
I placed my head in my hand and groaned. I was so stupid.
“He tried to talk to me about it for a week and then I basically told him he was good in bed, but I didn’t need him anymore.”
“I’m guessing he hasn’t been back since.”
“It’s been over two weeks.”
“It’s not my place to tell you what’s best for you. Only you can make decisions for the way you want to live your life, but you need to step back and ask yourself what you really want out of life and who gives you what you need to be happy.”
“I thought I was supposed to make myself happy?”
“You are, but you need people to make life complete. It’ll be very lonely for you if you don’t let someone in.”
“Mark said something similar about my brother. He said that I needed to open up to him.”
“It’s a lot easier for someone to know how to help you if they know what you’ve been through.”
That seemed to be the resounding message people had for me.
I called Sean when I got out of my therapy session and asked to meet him. To say he was surprised to hear from me was an understatement. He agreed to meet me at my house, so I quickly went home and waited for him to arrive.
When he pulled in, I went out on the porch to greet him. He looked at me warily and then stopped several feet in front of me, putting his hands in his pockets.
“Do you want to come in? It’s too cold to stand outside.”
“Sure.”
He followed me in and it didn’t take long for me to start fidgeting. I was nervous about telling him, but it was time. I needed to tell him everything.
“I want to apologize for Mark yelling at you. It wasn’t his place to say that to you.”
He cleared his throat and sat down. “I’ve been thinking about what he said and he’s right. I was so worried about protecting you that I didn’t think about how much I was hurting you.”
“I know you didn’t mean to, but I have to take some responsibility also. I’ve kept you in the dark for too long and it’s about time I fix that.”
His eyes widened and he shook his head. “Cara, you don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do. If I’m going to move past it, I have to stop letting it control me.”
I told Sean over the next half hour about my experiences that last day and why he had decided that I was going to die that day. Sean hung his head and I saw how much it took to keep control in that moment. He hated knowing that I was almost killed that day because of him.
“Sean, I need you to know that I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault. He was a psychopath and if he hadn’t chosen that day, it would have been a different day. Besides, who’s to say that events would have still lined up the way they did. Maybe the farmer wouldn’t have stopped by and I would have been there for a lot longer. The important thing is that I’m not there anymore.”
“Can I ask you something?” I nodded. “What made you decide to tell Sinner?”
“He made me feel safe and worthy of more. It’s probably not a big secret to you that I don’t have the highest sense of self worth right now, but he was helping me see that I was stronger than I thought, that I was more than what happened those ten days.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t do more.”
“It’s okay, Sean. We both made mistakes.”
“So, is he the one that convinced you to talk to me about this?”
“No, I blew that big time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I got mad at him for going over to see you that night and I kicked him out. He came by for a while, but then I said some horrible things to him and I haven’t seen him since.”
“Well, call him. Talk to him like you just talked to me.”
“This isn’t a conversation I want to have on the phone. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s still around. Sebastian fired him and he was going to be looking for a new job. When did you get all Team Mark?”
“Since he came over and put me in my place. When he left, I just couldn’t help but think that he was exactly who I wanted for my baby sister. You should have seen him. He was so protective of you, but it wasn’t that that got me. It was that he saw this side of you that I never could. He knew how strong you were and he made sure I knew that I was missing out.”
I hung my head in shame. To hear what lengths he went to defending me, only for me to kick him out and tell him he wasn’t anything more than a good fuck..
“I don’t know if he’d take me back. Besides, he needs to work, so I’m sure he’s already found a new job.”
“Well, you’re not going to find out sitting around here. I’ll call Sebastian and see if he’s heard from him. If not, we’ll go check out his place and see if he’s there.”
Just like that, my big brother took control, and this time I wasn’t going to confuse someone doing something they thought was right with trying to help me.
Sinner
I stepped off the elevator at Reed Security, only this time I had to be granted access first. I felt a tightness in my chest knowing that this would be the last time I entered the building again. I wouldn’t have come back here, but I wanted to say goodbye to my teammates.
“Mark, I’m so sad to see you go,” Becky said as she wrapped me in a hug. “I’m going to miss your handsome face around here.”
“Don’t be too sad. You’ll see me in your dreams.”
She smacked my chest and grinned. “You are so bad.”
“Where is everyone? I want to say goodbye before I head out.”
“Oh, um, they’re out training right now, but if you wait, I’m sure they’ll be back soon.”
Damn. I thought I would get to say goodbye to everyone before I left.
“It’s alright. My flight leaves soon, so just tell them I said goodbye.”
“Maggie’s here. You know she’ll kick your ass if you don’t say goodbye to her.”
“Damn straight I will,” Maggie said from the doorway of the conference room.
“You know I’d never leave without saying goodbye, Freckles.”
“I can’t believe you’re really leaving. Who’s going to take me for shooting lessons?”
“I’m sure Cap would love to take you.”
She cleared her throat and stepped back.
“Still haven’t made up with him, I see.”
“I’m still mad at him. He said some awful things to you and I don’t like the person he’s become. He’s going to have to change some things before we can fix what’s gone wrong.”
“Just don’t wait too long. You and Cap were made for each other. It sure would be a waste to let it slip away.”
“I’m not the one letting it slip away.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you know how many stories I’ve heard about the way you taunt that man about our supposed relationship? You’re not totally innocent here, Freckles.”
“Fine. I’m not innocent, but that man is so infuriating. I came back for him and look at where we are.”
“If you want, I think we have time for one last car chase. I’ll even pack a few grenades for you.”
“One last car chase? Sinner, do you really think this is the last time you’ll see me? Come on, I’m bound to get into trouble again at some point.”
“That’s true. I’ll keep my phone on at all times.”
“Take care of yourself in California and don’t be a stranger.”
I gave her a hug just as the elevators opened and Sebastian walked out. Fuck my life.
“See you around, Freckles.” I whispered against her ear and then kissed her forehead. I nodded to Cap and walked into the elevator. It wasn’t going anywhere without one of them joining me, so I waited. Sebastian got on grudgingly and took me down to the parking garage. He didn’t say a word as I stepped off and I couldn’t help but feel that this was all so wrong. Cap was like family to me and I hated walking away, but he obviously decided he didn’t want me around anymore. I had half expected him to call me and tell me to get my ass back to work, but that never happened, so I had to move on.
I got in my truck and took one final look at the building before pulling out onto the road and heading for the airport.
✯✯✯✯✯
“I appreciate you letting me crash here while I find a place.”
“It’s not a problem, Sinner. I’m sure I can find some way for you to repay me,” Vira smiled and batted her lashes at me. I knew from experience that she was a good time. When I’d brought her out here over a year ago, we hadn’t wasted any time getting to know each other’s bodies. I was only there for a week, so both of us got what we wanted out of it.
Now, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go there with her. I was still holding out some ridiculous hope that Cara would call me and want to patch things up, though I wasn’t sure how that would work now that we were on opposite sides of the country. However, Vira knew all about boundaries, so there was no worry about her confusing sex for something more. Maybe a little friendly fucking was just the thing I needed to get past this thing with Cara.
“I’m sure we could work something out.”
“Come on. Let’s finish unloading your stuff and then we can grab a bite to eat.”
I hadn’t brought a lot with me because I didn’t have a place of my own yet, so unloading my clothes, weapons, and other necessities took hardly any time.
“So, are Sean and Lillian still together?”
“Yeah, they got married not too long after you left.” I looked at her and she did her best to put on a cheery smile.
“Well, I kind of figured that’s the way it would turn out. I still can’t believe Sean went for prim and proper Lillian. I mean, if she only knew the things he did in bed to me.”
“You’d better not be thinking about what Sean did to you in bed while I’m fucking you.”
“I guess you’ll just have to give me something else to think about.”
I grabbed her around the waist and kissed her hard. Her lips weren’t quite as soft as Cara’s and her body had more curve to it, but she was here and willing. I spun her around and bent her over the kitchen table, pulling her hands behind her back.
“Stay,” I whispered against her ear. I yanked her yoga pants off her and felt her wet for me. This was going to be fast. Quickly unbuckling my belt, the first thing I thought of was that I hadn’t worn a belt since that night with Cara. Pushing those thoughts aside, I pulled out my cock, which wasn’t as hard as it should be and shoved it inside her. Slowly, I hardened and started fucking her. My thrusts were frantic and jerky, even by my standards.
I went through the motions of fucking her and doing things to please her. I pinched her tits and rubbed her clit, but I wasn’t there. The entire time, I was thinking how wrong this felt. When she clamped down on my cock, I tried my hardest to come, but it just wasn’t there. I could already feel myself going flaccid inside her and she knew I hadn’t come. I could see it on her face when she turned around.
“Okay, Sinner. That was subpar even compared to the worst fuck I’ve ever had. What’s going on? Who is she?”
I ran a hand over my face and tucked myself back in. “Cara.”
“Cara? Sean’s sister? Oh, that’s fucking great. Just one more reason for him to hate me.”
“We’re not together anymore.”
“Judging by the way you just fucked me, you want her back and you’re going to be a lousy lay until you do. What happened?”
“I blew up at Sean over the way he was talking to her. She got mad at me and said it wasn’t my place to interfere. Now she doesn’t want to see me.”
“Wait, I thought you moved out here because you lost your job?”
“Yeah, well it was shitty timing all around.”
“So, you would have stayed if she hadn’t broken it off?”
“Probably.”
“There’s no probably, Sinner. Either you wanted it to work or you didn’t.”
“Yeah, I wanted it to work. I tried to get her back, but she didn’t want me anymore, so here I am.”
“Can I make a suggestion?”
“Shoot.”
“Don’t take that thing out in public.” She pointed at my dick. “You don’t want to ruin your reputation.”
I laughed and pulled her in for a hug. “Subpar, huh?”
“Way worse. That was one of the worst fucks I’ve ever had.”
“You still came.”
“Baby, I was faking it so it would end. Seriously, if I didn’t know how good you really were, I would take away your man card. As of now, I’m going to suspend it until you can prove you’re worthy.”
“So, are you going to help me get off probation?”
“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t go through another fucking like that if you paid me. I won’t be tasting Sinner again until he’s fully functional.”
“Damn, that’s harsh.”
“It’s the truth. You can’t just go around sticking your flaccid dick in women. It’s not attractive.”