CHAPTER ELEVEN
Cara
HE DIDN’T HAVE to say anything. The anger of the situation was written all over his face. I just didn’t know what was said to cause such a harsh reaction from him. Surely, it couldn’t be anything I hadn’t already heard. The question was, why was he willing to lose his job over petty comments?
“Mark, tell me what happened. Please tell me you didn’t lose your job because of me.”
“It wasn’t because of you.”
Something about the way he said that had me thinking that what he really meant was it wasn’t my fault, but had something to do with me. I knew I wouldn’t get anything else out of him, so I nodded and released his face.
“So, where do you think you’ll look for new jobs? Anywhere in particular?”
He blew out a breath. “Honestly, I’ve never looked anywhere else, so I don’t know where I would go. I’ll have to do some research for good companies.”
“Do you have friends from your military days that you could ask?”
“Yeah, they work with Sebastian.”
Her brows furrowed. “Who?”
“Cazzo and Burg. We were all on the same Special Forces team. We were recruited together. We were all thinking of retiring and were trying to decide what to do when we left the Army. Cazzo had met Derek in basic and they kept in touch over the years. Derek had started working here two years before and actually helped Sebastian build up the company. Cazzo bought in to help fund our operations.”
“So, Cazzo and Derek are partners in the company?”
“Yeah, but they didn’t start becoming more active in the operations until recently.”
“Can’t you go to Cazzo and get your job back? I mean, he’s part owner, right?”
“Lollipop, I wish it was that easy, but Sebastian is the majority shareholder. Besides, if we can’t work our shit out, there’s no way we can continue working together.”
“I guess I should start getting used to you being gone.”
I gave a small smile, but inside, it felt absolutely horrible. I had grown used to having Mark around in such a short time and he really was helping me. The sex was unbelievable and I wasn’t ready to let him go, but we made a deal and I couldn’t ask him to stay now.
“I wish it was different, Lollipop, but I’m going to need to find another job sooner or later. I have a friend out in California. There’s plenty of work out there, so I’ll probably see if I can crash with her until I find work.”
“Her?” my voice cracked.
“Are you jealous, Lollipop?” he grinned.
“No, of course not. I just didn’t realize that you had friends that were women.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?”
My heart thudded in my chest as I thought about telling him how much I didn’t want to be just his friend. When I finally spoke, my words came out in a whisper. “I think we’re so much more than just friends, Mark.”
He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. “I think you might be right,” he said softly. He kissed me harder, leaving me breathless. Then, he carried me to my room and showed me just how much we weren’t friends. When we were lying on the bed panting afterward, he rolled over and kissed me, then got dressed and left. I was so confused. He was sending so many mixed signals. I knew he wanted me, but he still didn’t stay, proving that in his mind we were still fuck buddies. Then again, he had to find a new job and would most likely be moving across the country. Maybe it was just easier if we didn’t allow it to be more.
✯✯✯✯✯
Sarah and I were having our morning coffee as we waited for the kids to wake up for the day. We had already planned out meals for the week and made a shopping list for Sarah. She would do the shopping and get a break for a little while and I would watch the kids.
“So, how are things going with Mark?”
“Um..They’re good.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to give me?”
“He lost his job and I think it might be because of me.”
“How would it be because of you?”
“Sean was spouting off at me about how Mark had a reputation and he didn’t want him anywhere near me. I think he might have said something to Sebastian.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You don’t think Sebastian would fire him just because Sean doesn’t want him near you, do you?”
“I don’t think that’s the only reason, but I think it’s part of it. Mark said that they came to blows over Sebastian’s jealousy of his relationship with Maggie.”
Sarah grimaced. “Uh, there was this one night that we were over at Ryan’s house before Cassandra died. We were talking about how men never listen and Cassandra suggested that we test them on how close they were listening. We were talking about eating ice cream and how they don’t clean up after themselves and make a mess everywhere. Maggie might have taken it too far.”
“Oh no. What did she say?”
“Well, she may have made it sound like she was sleeping with Sinner. The guys were listening on the stairs and so she made it sound like she was getting some from Sinner on the side. What she was really talking about was how Sinner took her out for ice cream after they went to the shooting range.”
I smacked my forehead. “No wonder Sebastian has such a problem with Mark.”
“Good morning, ladies,” Drew said as he came into the kitchen.
“Drew, you look like you could use a day off.” He had bags under his eyes and he wasn’t moving quite as fast as he normally did.
“Work’s been rough. I won’t be home until late.”
“Again,” Sarah said as she rolled her eyes.
“Yes, again. Do you want me to piss off my bosses so I can sit around with you ladies and gab all day?”
Sarah stood and narrowed her eyes at Drew. “Gab all day? Did you seriously just say that to me?”
“Come on, Sarah. It’s not like you’re out doing physical labor like I am. I’ve been working long days, so please don’t bust my balls over semantics.”
“Semantics? You basically just said that taking care of four kids, four, Drew, is easy work. You were barely here while Cara was out and you have no idea what it was like for me. The twins are two months old and Henry and Charlotte are little hellions during the day. Frankly, I was wondering how Cara was going to handle it on her own when I go back to work.”
“What are you saying? You want to stay home with her so we can pay to have a nanny help you out?”
“Hey, you guys. Maybe you should talk about this when you’re not so tired,” I interjected. “You guys have both been under a lot of stress. Why don’t you both step back before you say something you don’t mean.”
Drew clenched his jaw and walked out the door. I turned to Sarah who looked absolutely devastated.
“What’s going on? This didn’t just happen over the weekend.”
“No, Drew’s having a hard time with Cassandra’s death.”
“Why?”
“I think it reminds him of what happened when his wife died. Everything just changes so fast and he got to run away, but Ryan has an eleven year old to think of. Drew’s been taking turns with the other guys to go over and get him out of his funk, but I don’t think it’s working.”
“Still, that doesn’t explain why he’s taking it out on you. We’re not talking about one baby here. We’re talking about four.”
“I know, but Drew doesn’t typically help out a lot. He tries to, but I tend to take over because he doesn’t do things the way I like and it irritates me. That’s what happened this weekend. He came home from work and he wanted to help, but I just wanted to get stuff done my way. He got pissed and went out with the guys.”
“Sarah, you have to let him help. Even if he does it the wrong way. He’s trying and the more you tell him he’s doing it the wrong way, the less he’ll want to help.”
“I know, but I think sometimes he does things the wrong way just to get out of helping with things.”
“Are you really thinking about staying home instead of going back to work?”
“Yeah. It would be different if Henry and Charlotte were in preschool, but they aren’t and it’s a lot of work for one person. I was thinking of taking a year off.”
“But would your boss hire someone to replace you?”
She sighed, “Probably, but I have all that money from Todd’s life insurance policy. It’s more money than I could ever spend in one lifetime. I’ve already set money aside for each of the kids and I’ve put some in a retirement account, but there’s plenty left over for me to take a year off.”
“Look, if Drew doesn’t think it’s a good idea to pay for a nanny if you stay home, I’ll understand.”
“What would you do for a job?”
“Sarah, I don’t want to be kept on out of pity. If this is the choice that you and Drew make, I’ll understand.”
“Drew has no idea what it’s like. I need to find a way to show him.”
“Well, do what’s right for you and your husband, and don’t even consider me in the equation.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I trudged home from Sarah’s house feeling like absolute shit. I felt like I was coming between the two of them and I just couldn’t handle that. As much as it scared me, I was going to have to get a job soon. Sarah sounded pretty certain that she wanted to take some time off work and I couldn’t blame her. They were her kids after all.
I was just walking up to my front door when headlights appeared in the driveway. Since Drew was already home, it could only be Sinner or my brother. I hoped like hell that it wasn’t my brother. I had no desire to see him anytime soon. When the lights shut off, I could clearly see that it was Sinner. Just the sight of him had my core tightening with need.
“How’s it going, Lollipop?”
“Better, now that you’re here.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
I turned and unlocked the door and walked inside. I didn’t even bother to hang up my stuff. I just plopped everything on the ground and walked to the couch.
“Drew and Sarah got in a big fight this morning and I feel like it’s all my fault.”
“Why would it be your fault? Married couples fight all the time.”
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “Drew made some comment about not being able to sit around and talk with us all day. Sarah took offense to it because he doesn’t really understand how hard it is to take care of four kids under the age of four all day long. It’s exhausting. Sarah said that she didn’t know if I would be able to handle it by myself when she went back to work, implying that she would take more time off and Drew said that he didn’t want to pay for a nanny if she was going to stay home.”
“I still don’t see how that’s your fault.”
I thought about if I really wanted to voice my fears to Mark. He was a great listener, but there was only so much I could take of showing him exactly how insecure I was.
“Hey, Lollipop, tell me what’s on your mind.”
“After what happened a week ago, I guess I just wonder if they think I’ll flip at any time and leave them hanging. Maybe they think..”
“Maybe they think what?”
“That I’m not worth it,” I whispered.
Tears filled my eyes as feelings of self-loathing took over. I hated always feeling this way. Why couldn’t I be like a normal person and have good feelings about myself? This had been going on for so long that I didn’t know how to think any differently. Then, to top it off, every time I thought I was getting better, something would happen and Sean would be there to remind me how broken I was.
Mark stood and held out his hand to me. I looked up at him in question. “Give me your hand. I want to show you how worth it you are.”
I placed my hand in his as he led me back to the bedroom. When we got there, he led me over the free standing mirror and had me look at myself as he stood behind me.
“What do you see?”
“I see a broken girl standing in front of a gorgeous man.”
“No, look at you. What do you see?”
I looked at myself and I wasn’t happy with what I saw. There weren’t many days that I chose to look at myself. I used to be obsessed with how I looked, but after I was kidnapped, I couldn’t stand to look at myself anymore. The scars were too ugly.
I looked down at my feet, but Mark grabbed my face and held me looking at myself. “Why can’t you see it? You’re beautiful. You’re obviously smart and you have enough sass to drive any man crazy. Not to mention, you’re great in bed. But those things are all superficial for you. You are so much more than that. You’re a survivor.”
He took the hem of my shirt and started to lift if over my head. I immediately pulled it back down, but he removed my hands and proceeded. My face flamed as I saw the scars appear. It was somewhat dark in the room since only the light from the hall illuminated the dark space, but I could still see every mark on my body. When my shirt was removed, he undid my pants and pulled them from my body. He stood and ran his hand over the faint scars from where the spikes had dug into my body. I hadn’t thought he had seen them when we’d had sex before. It had been dark, so I’d hoped that my body was concealed.
He got down on his knees and kissed the slashes across my back. As he continued to kiss my back, he took my panties and slowly slid them down my legs. His lips caressed the cheeks of my ass, kissing each mark that the asshole’s belt had left. He continued down to my thighs, his tenderness making me melt. He slid his hand between my folds as he stood and slowly worked me until I was wet for him.
“You think that these marks make you ugly. You let them define you, but I know that you’re more than what that bastard took from you. You survived and you will come out stronger for it. You just have to believe in yourself. Do you feel yourself quiver from my touch? Does this feel like the touch from a man who doesn’t think you’re worth it?” I shook my head. “Does it make you feel alive when I touch you like this?”
I nodded and stared at him touching me in the mirror. He wrapped his other hand around me and massaged my breast as his other hand worked my clit.
“There is nothing more beautiful than when you come for me. I want to be the one to always put that look on your face. Maybe that’s selfish, but I see you for who you are and I want you all for myself.”
He pushed two fingers inside me and pumped in and out. My heart beat out of control as he pushed me higher. “You are not broken, Cara. You’re strong and we’re going to make you stronger yet.”
My pussy contracted around his fingers when he used his thumb to massage my clit. “Oh!” I almost collapsed as every sensation in my body heightened to an unbearable level. He held me up as he continued to drag out my orgasm.
“Beautiful, Lollipop.” He pulled his fingers out of me and licked them. Groaning, he carried me over to the bed and threw me down, spreading my legs. “Speaking of, it’s time to have another taste of my Lollipop.”
His head pressed between my legs and he slowly licked me to another orgasm. Everything was a haze to me as he worshiped my body in every way possible. When he was done eating me, he moved up and hovered over my body. His eyes asked me if this was okay and it really was with him, so I nodded. He made sure to stay off my body as he slowly pushed inside me. His thrusts were slow at first but became more frantic with every stroke.
“Do you feel that, Lollipop? Do you feel my cock aching for you?” He pumped into me harder and harder. “There has never been anyone more worth it than you.” He reached between us and played with my clit as he continued to make love to me. “I barely know you and I see what a magnificent woman you are.” He pulled my legs up and pounded into me over and over until I screamed his name. Spots danced in front of my eyes from the force of my orgasm. He stilled and grunted as he jerked inside my body.
“Fuck, Cara. Your goddamned pussy is a danger to my cock.”
He collapsed on top of me, but then rolled to the side and pulled me with him. He pulled my leg on top his and ran his fingers up and down my thigh. We laid in the quiet for a few minutes and I enjoyed snuggling against him. I hadn’t had a man hold me like this in so long and I never realized how much I craved to feel it again.
“What happened that day?” he asked quietly. “I know what happened with Alex, but you were only held for ten days and you seemed to suffer just as much.”
As much as I didn’t want Mark to know what had happened to me, he was also the only person I was willing to tell at the moment. I took Dr. Penwarden’s advice and chose to put my trust in this man that already had so much of me. What was one final piece?
“I’ve heard what happened to Alex. When he first took me, it was very similar to what Alex went through. Punching, cigarette burns, shallow slices on my body. It was all scare tactics. He didn’t actually want to cause lasting damage.”
“Those marks on your body don’t suggest that. What changed?”
“The last day I was being held, he woke me up with a bucket of water and stripped me naked. I watched him set up poles in four corners. Then, he tied ropes around my arms and legs and tied each one to a pole until I was suspended in the air.”
I took a deep breath as I remembered the spikes coming into view for the first time. It was more terrifying than anything else I had experienced.
“He had spikes mounted on boards that he slid underneath me. There were hundreds of them. He..he took off his belt and started beating me with it. He said he had wanted to drag it out, but he found out Sean was a cop and knew that he wouldn’t stop looking for me. He didn’t want to take the chance with me.”
I started trembling in his arms and he pulled the comforter over us. I wasn’t cold, but it made me feel protected. He ran his hand over my leg while the other massaged my arm.
“I knew that was it. He was going to kill me and make it as painful as possible so that he could still enjoy it. He beat me so hard with the belt that I passed out. When I woke up, he was gone, but I had a terrible pain in my stomach. My body had sagged and the ropes were giving out. My torso was already partially impaled on the spikes. They weren’t deep enough to do a lot of damage, but it was very painful and the fear made it worse.”
“Did he ever come back?”
“No. I heard a car pull up and I assumed it was him, but the footsteps on the stairs never came. I took a chance that it was someone else and I screamed until my throat was raw. It was a farmer that had come to check on his crops. He told me that he never came over to that section, but he had decided to check it out that day. When he came downstairs, he was so shocked that it took him a moment to run over to me. He held me up as he kicked the spikes out of the way and then he untied me. He called 9-1-1 and wrapped me in a sheet he found upstairs. I don’t remember much after that. I think I was in shock.”
“Did you ever tell Sean about what he said?”
“No, I never told Sean anything about that day. He saw me when I got to the hospital, but I asked the doctors not to release any information about me. Sean would have blamed himself for the timeline being sped up. Maybe I wouldn’t have been quite so injured when I was found, but I never blamed him. I was in the hands of a psychopath. Then, three years ago, when Alex escaped, recounted everything else, but I just couldn’t tell him about that day. I told him everything that was relevant to finding the guy.”
“It’s amazing how ten days can change your whole life.”
“Before..I was just a normal woman in my early twenties. I didn’t go out a lot because I worked so much, but I hung out with friends. We got coffee and I would go out for dinner when I had a night off. Now, I stay home and read or watch TV. My whole life is wrapped up around those ten days and I would give anything to just feel normal again.”
He kissed my head and then laid with me in silence. I was just starting to doze off when I heard him get up.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to leave.”
He wouldn’t look at me as he got dressed and I had the feeling that I made a terrible mistake telling him what I had. He would never look at me the same after those images were in his head.
“Okay, I’ll see you later?”
He glanced quickly at me and nodded. “Lock up behind me.”
Then he was out the door. His truck rumbled to life and he tore out of the driveway. I had never felt so torn up in all my life, which meant that I felt way more for Mark than I should. Judging by the way he left, he didn’t return my feelings and probably regretted everything he had said tonight.
I want to be the one to always put that look on your face.
Was everything that had just happened all a lie?