Fuck. Fuck. Fucking shit.

How the hell was I going to handle this? I’d been in the same room as Adrian for all of five minutes and already I’d ruined his suit, made an awful, awkward first impression, and ensured that he probably pitied me.

It wasn’t a great feeling to see someone for the first time in ten years, but then he’s your boss, and you’re a maid, and he’s on his way to being a millionaire.

Looking him in the face again felt like being punched and coming home, all at once. I didn’t know which was stronger: my urge to kiss him or my urge to fight him.

On the one hand, I had hated Adrian Terrance for so long. He was the man responsible for my best high school memory and my worst high school memory, both of which had happened within about an hour of each other. He’d put the blame on me, that night, making sure that he didn’t take the fall with his mother. As a young guy who’d just had his first kiss, I sure as hell hated Adrian more than anyone for about a year after the incident.

But who was I kidding? The years of distance I had from that night had softened my view of it, had made me see him differently, too. I sure as hell had years worth of regrets, now. I knew that people could do stupid things in the heat of the moment. And I also knew that Adrian had to have been deeply in the closet back then.

For all I knew, the guy could be married to a man now. Maybe he took cock like a champ and waved the rainbow flag at every pride parade.

Far-fetched. I know. But some glimmer of hope inside me wondered if maybe everything had changed.

It had now been three days since I’d met him in the hotel. The day I shook his hand, I’d gone home after my shift and immediately gone to sleep. I’d tried to jerk off, my usual routine before sleep, but I couldn’t even do that. Every time I felt myself getting close, my mind would drift off, and Adrian’s face would appear in my thoughts.

So I’d given up, and I lay in bed instead, my mind running an endless loop of that night ten years ago, and reconciling that person with the man I met that day.

I could still remember what Adrian had felt like. I remembered the taste of wine on his lips, the taut firmness of his athletic build. I remembered exactly how at home I’d felt in those deep brown eyes, even an hour after speaking to him for the first time.

I remembered how I had trusted him, and how wrong I’d been to have that trust.

Adrian’s eyes were the same golden-brown now, and I’d been dismayed to discover that they still had the same effect on me. I was fucking powerless in front of him, and the deepest parts of me loved that.

I didn’t want to like him. I didn’t want to trust him, to understand him, or have sympathy for him at all. But when I’d looked in his eyes and seen his shock at meeting me, I couldn’t help it. I saw in his expression that he knew he had hurt me, long ago. And I saw years worth of regret about it.

Adrian Terrance had never been malicious. He’d just been young, dumb, and scared.

Good God, it was going to be a struggle to have him as my boss. Even if he was technically my boss’ boss’ boss.

No. I had to distract myself, and drugs were resolutely no longer an option.

In the few days after his arrival at the hotel, I re-read books, re-watched movies, and did anything I could to think about something other than him. It felt just like high school had felt, the long days where I’d glimpse Adrian in the hallway, wondering what he might look like in the locker room shower after a long lacrosse game. Even back then, I’d tried not to think about him too much—I was a nobody nerd, and he was a wealthy star player.

Oh, how little had changed.

The next few days at the hotel, though, I blissfully didn’t run into Adrian. I knew he must have been busy—his parents were handing over the reins to him, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of paperwork necessary for the transfer.

But I finally walked into the lion’s den by the end of the week. It was midday Thursday, the last day I had to work before having my two days off. I was up on the lobby level, walking toward the long back hallway, when I saw Caroline Terrance speaking with Adrian, over by the big doors that led out to the back courtyard.

I tried to make myself invisible as I walked down the other side of the corridor. If I got by fast, it was possible they wouldn’t see me.

But right as I got to the hall, I heard Mrs. Terrance’s sharp voice cutting across the lobby.

“Sir? Excuse me. Housekeeping?”

I winced, stopping in my tracks, slowly turning around. She had certainly seen me, and was now beckoning me over, wagging her fingers at me in a ‘come here’ motion.

I took a deep breath, summoning all the power inside me I could, before walking over toward the two of them. I avoided Adrian’s eyes.

“Hi. Hello. Yes,” Mrs. Terrance was saying to me. “What’s your name again, sir?”

“Josh,” I said. “Josh Crane.” I’d been working at the hotel for over a year, and I’d had similar interactions with Caroline Terrance at least two other times. I would have been offended, but really I think it would have been worse if she did remember me.

“Ah, yes. Josh. Might I ask you to inspect the patio at the edge of the courtyard? I believe one of the stones has been scuffed, and part of the hydrangea arrangement toppled over. It looks absolutely dreadful, and needs to be attended to quickly, before guests come across it.”

“Of course, Mrs. Terrance. I’ll get right to it.”

I’d always hated her—of course I had, ever since ten years ago. But I also knew that she could be the one to make the final call on whether I got the promotion to housekeeping manager when Grace retired, and so I’d always been nothing but perfectly polite to her.

I had a strange realization now that it likely wouldn’t be Mrs. Terrance who made the final decision, after all, though. It would be Adrian.

“You’ve met my son, Adrian Terrance, correct? I believe Mason mentioned it was you who’d been tasked with keeping his room in perfect cleanliness while he’s staying at the hotel.”

“Yes,” I said, briefly turning to Adrian. It was a mistake to look at him, though—he looked great, dressed in a casual suit. It looked like he may have gotten a haircut since the last I’d seen him, and he truly looked the part as a member of the Terrance family, now—clean and polished and very, very attractive.

The whole family was attractive, after all. Half of them might have been heinous in personality, but nobody could say a bad thing about their looks.

“Ah—yes, actually. I met Adrian the other day, when he came to the housekeeping lounge. Everyone there loved him.”

Mrs. Terrance raised an eyebrow. “Adrian? Down in the basement?” She turned to her son. “Why were you down there?”

“I need to know the whole hotel if I’m running the hotel,” Adrian said. “I wanted to meet everyone.”

“Darling, you don’t need to worry yourself with lower-level staff.”

She said the phrase lower-level staff with a tone of pity, and she acted as if I weren’t standing right there next to her as she said it.

“There’s no such thing as lower-level staff,” Adrian said, shaking his head. “All of us are working here together, after all. Surely the hotel would crash and burn without a good housekeeping staff, right?”

Fuck me. Did he have to say something so perfect? It made my heart jump, and I didn’t need my heart to be jumping for Adrian right now.

Mrs. Terrance nodded slowly, but she looked unconvinced. “Right,” she said, aloof. “Anyway,” she continued, turning suddenly back toward me, “Adrian was just telling me how he is planning to bring a date over tomorrow night. His room must be clean for her. Be sure to refresh the candles, and do make sure his room is not disturbed.”

I couldn’t help my surprise. “Her, huh? You’re bringing a woman over?” I asked. I immediately regretted it—I knew it was absolutely the wrong thing to say, but the words had tumbled out of my mouth.

Adrian’s face was stony, and for the first time his eyes looked dark, not at all the normal warm brown. “Yes,” he said, curt.

Mrs. Terrance looked lost again. “Well, yes, of course. It’s about time Adrian started a family of his own.”

“For Christ’s sake, mother. It’s my first date with her. We’re hardly at starting-a-family time.”

“Well. She’s from a very well-connected family. Someday, if you play your cards right….”

“That’s enough,” Adrian said. His mother rolled her eyes.

“I understand,” I said, babbling to fill the silence. “I didn’t want to assume. In all honesty, I was just surprised to hear Adrian isn’t married yet, to a woman or a man. Seems that he would be a prime catch.”

Mrs. Terrance’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Well, he certainly will be a catch to all women, now that he is associated with the hotel.”

Just then, Mason walked into the lobby, and Mrs. Terrance immediately beckoned him. “Mason!” she shouted, “Will you come here? I need to ask you about the schedule for Mrs. Markson’s visit…”

Mason came to her side and the two of them launched into an intricate conversation, leaving me and Adrian standing at the side. He gazed over at me and immediately caught me staring. I felt my cheeks heat, and I gave him a feeble smile. He just watched me, though. After a moment, Adrian interrupted her.

“Excuse us for a second,” he said to his mother, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to show Josh exactly where the scuffed stone is out on the patio.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea, dear.”

Adrian pulled me outside, then, and quickly shut the big glass door that led out to the back courtyard.

And holy shit. Maybe this was my chance. Maybe he wanted to pull me over to the garden again, to kiss me, to tell me he’d been waiting all these years to find me again.

It was stupid. But I couldn’t control where my fantasies went.

I followed him over to the corner by the big patio, past a small fountain and a thick row of shrubs.

“Oh, is that what she considers a scuff?” I asked, bending down to one of the stones at the side of the patio.

“I don’t give a shit about the scuff,” Adrian said, and when I stood back up, I saw that same hardened look on his face.

I felt like a butterfly pinned to a wall in front of him. “Well, your mother does, and at least for the time being, she’s still the one in charge—”

“What the fuck was that, inside?” Adrian asked, gesturing toward the lobby.

I swallowed. “What?” I asked.

He was silent, letting out a long breath as he closed his eyes. When he finally opened them again, he looked slightly calmer.

“Asking my mother about women and men? What are you trying to pull?”

The words that Adrian was saying were confrontational and firm, but his face still betrayed him. There was a sweetness in his eyes that he couldn’t hide, even when he was trying to be stern. I remembered that sweetness from long ago, and was surprised to see that even now, he couldn’t shake it.

“I… I didn’t know,” I said. “What your… situation was.”

“Listen, Josh,” he said. “I don’t... do that kind of thing anymore.”

“You don’t do what? Fuck guys?” I asked, biting my lower lip as soon as I’d said it. I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t seem to turn my filter on. This felt like the millionth wrong thing I’d said in the past ten minutes. “I’m sorry—nevermind—”

Adrian bit his bottom lip, giving me a cold stare. “Not anymore,” he said, his voice low. It looked like this decision might have been a recent one on his part.

“You’re bringing a woman over tomorrow night,” I said. “I understand.”

“Yes,” he said. “And I struggle to see how that’s any of your business whatsoever.”

If I was a butterfly pinned to the wall before, I felt now more like a flayed animal. I broke eye contact, looking down at the scuff on the stone below. Suddenly, I was thinking less about all of the intimate conversation and kisses I’d shared with Adrian, and reminded fully of how the night ten years ago had ended.

After all, Adrian wasn’t my friend.

“You’re right,” I said finally. “I’m sorry.”

He paused for a few moments, his expression unreadable.

“Look, you’re not—” he said, his voice suddenly dropping lower, as if he didn’t want to risk being heard. “You’re not wrong. I have… fucked… some guys, when I needed to let off steam. But it has nothing to do with my everyday life. But I need to make something very clear.”

“Sure,” I said. “What is it?”

“I’m going to ask that you never mention that around my mother, or any of my family, ever again,” he said. “Saying that you were surprised I wasn’t married to a woman ‘or a man’ was absolutely unacceptable.”

I paused, unable to speak for a moment. “Wait,” I said finally, “have you… actually… still not told her? Still not told your family the truth? After ten years?”

My foot was straight in my mouth, all over again. Jesus, I was going to ruin my own career.

“What truth? What are you talking about?”

I let out a long, slow breath. I’d gone too far now, though, and I had to say something. “I’m just surprised you aren’t open about being… attracted to men,” I said, daring to look him in the eyes again.

A look of pure, innocent confusion fell across his face. “I’m not gay, Josh.”

And then, any confusion I still had left within me quickly disappeared, dissipating like steam on a cold night. How could I be upset at someone who was still so lost?

I let out a breath. “Alright. I’m not calling you gay,” I said, “but… that night, Adrian. Can you honestly tell me that you weren’t just as into it as I was? You couldn’t possibly—”

“It was practice,” he said, his eyes stormy again.

“And… those other guys you’ve fucked?”

“I meant what I said,” he replied. “I was letting off steam.”

I ran my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry. This is hardly how I expected my first conversation with you would go.”

“Likewise,” he replied. I wanted to stay angry at him, but the look on his face was pure, genuine worry, like he was trying so hard to stay afloat. He looked authoritative—his suit, his clean haircut, the fact that he was about to be the man in charge of this entire hotel—but in his eyes, all I saw was the same scared kid from ten years ago.

He really, truly wasn’t trying to be difficult.

I shook my head and let out a small laugh. “Christ. There I was thinking you were asking me outside to steal me away and… hook up with me in the garden, or something.”

His eyes flew open wide, his expression something between rage, shock, and incredulity.

“Of course not, you’re my employee.”

Dumb, dumb dumb. Of course Adrian was right. I felt like my brain had been replaced by a rabid, horny hyena in the last few minutes, and I was doing everything in my power to fuck everything up. This was a professional relationship, despite our history, and I knew I couldn’t keep acting this way if I wanted any chance at the promotion. But finally speaking to him again had ignited a small, slow-burning fire inside me. I wanted him, because of course I did—but I couldn’t believe that ten years had passed and Adrian still wasn’t open with his family. But, then, he didn’t exactly seem open with himself, either.

“I have business to attend to,” Adrian said, not meeting my eye. “I’ll trust that you’ve taken this conversation to heart?”

“Sure,” I said softly. “I... understand, Adrian.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I get it. I’ll never mention anything in front of your family, ever again.”

He pulled in a deep breath, straightening out his shirt. “There’s a lot more to this job than it seems, Josh,” he said. “I have a public reputation to uphold with investors. And if that means dating certain women, then… so be it. It’s what I have to do.”

I watched him as he surveyed the courtyard. I felt a strange combination of wanting to hate him more with every passing minute, but also a deep pool of sympathy for him. He was right—his every move would be scrutinized by many local businesses and investors. This first year especially, all eyes would be on him, as everyone would want to know how he’d fare in comparison to his parents.

For years, I had been so angry every time I thought of Adrian Terrance—the way he’d blown my mind that night, and then dropped me like a hot coal when he was caught. But I realized now, after years of other men and experiences, that… I held all the power. He was still afraid, still closed off, scared. I had ten years of being open and comfortable with my sexuality under my belt. I was the one who smiled my way through years of pride parades and would tell any living soul I was gay.

He didn’t seem to have gotten comfortable with anything at all.

But in the end, it didn’t matter what I thought. I was his employee, and after this afternoon, it seemed likely that it was all I’d ever be to him. “Of course,” I said. “I’ll get right to this scuff on the stone.”

He nodded at me. For a moment his gaze was soft again, and I felt the willpower draining out of me. I couldn’t hate him. Not really.

“Thank you,” he said. Something about his tone sounded like something more than just a boss talking to his employee—more vulnerable, full of some emotion I couldn’t place. “And… ignore everything my mother says, about keeping my room ‘pristine,’ all of that garbage. The room is just fine. You… do an incredible job, Josh.”

I nodded, studying his face, feeling something for him that approached sympathy.

He turned and gave me a forced, polite smile, and then he was gone.

I worked on cleaning the stone, and then rearranging the flowers in the planter so that everything looked perfectly in place. Occasionally, I’d glance over at the tall windows and see Adrian, standing as his mom talked at him instead of to him.

Every time I looked over, he was either looking down at the floor or looking out at me.

I had three minutes left on my shift when my phone buzzed. When I got a call on my work phone, it was only ever one of two people: Mason or Grace, usually just asking if I could prioritize one guest room over another.

The number was one I didn’t recognize, but that wasn’t weird—Grace often called me from whatever room she happened to be in at the time.

“Hey, what’s up?” I answered.

“Josh,” came a voice on the other end that was definitely not Grace or Mason.

I stood up a little straighter, just out of instinct. I knew that voice. “...Adrian?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, and I could hear him fumbling around at the other end of the line. His voice sounded distinctly different than it had earlier. The authoritative man-in-charge act was nowhere to be found, and instead, he sounded almost nervous.

“Is… something wrong with the room?” I asked. “Is... everything to your liking?”

“What? Oh—no, the room is fine, it’s nothing like that—”

“I see.”

“I feel that we got off on entirely the wrong foot, earlier this afternoon,” Adrian said. “I wanted to ask if you’d like to join me for a drink in my room. I think I owe it to you.”

“You want me to come up there now?” I asked.

“It’s the end of your shift, isn’t it?”

“So… this isn’t a work meeting, then.”

He paused. “I was hoping it could be a personal one. It’s been so long, Josh. You have no idea how… well, we can talk about it. If you’re available, that is.”

Immediately, alarm bells went off in my head: keep everything neutral, Josh. This man holds the power to give you an incredible promotion, or revoke that promotion, whenever he chooses. Keep professional, and everything will go alright.

For a moment, I didn’t know if I should even accept the invitation. But then, I thought about what my night might consist of if I went home, and I knew it looked a lot like a TV dinner followed by a shitty movie on the couch.

When was the last time anyone genuinely invited me over? Not a drug deal, not a money exchange, not a hook up.

Just a genuine invitation.

Adrian was a mess, to be sure—a beautiful, fragile mess, though, and something about the pleading tone in his voice made me feel compelled to do what he asked.

Or maybe it was time to admit that I really just liked the sound of his voice.

“Sure, Adrian,” I said finally, in defeat. “I’ll be up in two minutes.”