Each click of my mother’s heels on the marble floor was like another tick of the clock, counting down the seconds until my execution.

“Come with me,” she said, pulling me toward one of the private lounges on the sides of the lobby. She slid the door shut behind us, sitting down on the plush couch, and motioned for me to sit, too.

“I hear there were photographs,” she said, her voice cold and stern. Her face was tight, and her usual elaborate makeup was nowhere to be seen. It made her look older, in a way, and also slightly more human. It was a strange thing to see.

I nodded, clearing my throat. “I… I was… drunk,” I said. My brain and my mouth didn’t feel connected, like I had forgotten the English language altogether.

She crossed her legs, sitting up a little straighter, and gave me one quick nod. “Well, I haven’t seen the photographs, and I don’t need or want to know what they depicted. I know that they were explicit, and that we have successfully paid off the fool who thought it was wise to extort us. I’m looking into legal action, but of course, if you were in public… this man likely was within his rights to take the photographs.”

I nodded, staring at a spot on the ground. The room smelled like fresh roses and the same lavender scent that Josh always used to clean the surfaces. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, but that scent, that fucking scent, was like a kiss and a slap in the face all at once.

I had fucked up so, so irreparably. And somehow, even though it was the second time I had hurt Josh, it felt a hundred times worse.

“Adrian, do you know why your father and I are retiring from managing the hotel?” my mother asked, her voice thin.

I was silent, just shaking my head. “No.”

“Partly,” she said.

I looked up at her, and found her expression very serious. She was watching me closely, as if she was wondering how much to divulge to me.

“Being in the public eye is a full-time job, Adrian—not in the sense of forty, or fifty, or sixty hours a week, but truly full-time. You are never exempt from the job of being a Terrance, a representation of our company, our values, our image.”

“You can save the spiel,” I said, my voice weak. “Lynn already told me plenty. I know I fucked up.”

“You did fuck up, Adrian, yes,” she said, raising her voice slightly before taking a sharp, deep breath. “But it may surprise you to hear this: I know what it is to fuck up on a massive scale.”

I furrowed my brow, my eyes darting up to her. I wasn’t sure I had ever in my life heard my mother say something like this. “What?” I asked.

She still remained poised and proper, her lips pursed, but she looked away from me. “Your father and I are done managing the hotel, yes. And this retirement was a long time coming. But…” she cleared her throat, sighing. “I was involved in a scandal of my own.”

I paused, watching her. “What, did you accidentally use the wrong salad fork at an event, or something?”

She glared at me. “This is not the time for idiotic jokes,” she said, her voice razor sharp. “I’m about to tell you things that you quite frankly have no reason to know.”

“What is it, Mom?” I asked.

“Your father and I haven’t been… happy, for years. And a couple years ago, I took matters into my own hands.”

“What?”

“I had an affair, Adrian. Do I have to come out and say it?”

I blinked, shocked. “What?” I repeated.

She brushed some imaginary dust off her lap. “I met Alfonso when he was on a trip to the US from Italy, and he was a guest at the hotel for a few weeks. He was everything your father wasn’t—a little younger, a little more dangerous, and a whole lot richer. But the most important thing was that Alfonso had no idea about the local Mistview scene. He didn’t know anyone here, and Adrian—nothing could have been more appealing to me.”

I wanted to be angry at my mother, but her words resonated so deeply with me. I was in disbelief as she kept talking—it was truly the first time she had ever been fully honest with me.

“The affair went on for over a year. No one caught us, and the thrill of it was only fuel to me,” she said. “And then one night, when I was certain your father wouldn’t be home for many hours, he came home early, finding me and Alfonso together. I’d never seen your father so furious.”

I knew my father could be stern, but had no idea how he would react to something like this.

“He broke a few glasses, but of course he didn’t hurt me or Alfonso. But it was clear the affair had to end, that night. Do you know what happened, Adrian?”

I shook my head.

“I kept the affair going,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “I was defiant. Still going around behind your father’s back. It was truly reprehensible, but for the first time in my life, I felt I had to continue with this awful thing. And then, a few months ago—right before I called you to tell you the hotel was going to be yours—it imploded.”

“Jesus, did he extort the hotel, too?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Alfonso and I had been in my office, late at night. I made the mistake of leaving him in there while I went downstairs to retrieve a bottle of wine. And when I went back upstairs, he was gone—along with my wedding ring, some gold jewelry, my Rolex watch. And of course, I didn’t want to involve the legal system, because it would just make everything too public. But when I told your father, he told me he was done.”

“...Done?” I asked, in complete disbelief.

“Done with the hotel, done with me. He ranted on and on about how the hotel had just been a good investment for him, but always a burden. Saying it been your grandfather’s idea, and saying awful things about the way he used to run things.”

“He insulted Grandpop?”

“He never did like my father, much,” Mom said, shaking her head and looking down at the floor. “Our divorce will be finalized sometime next year,” she said, “and I didn’t want for us to be the ones in charge of the hotel when all of it happened. I wanted to make a slow exit, to transfer the hotel to you, first. Your father had been ready to sell it to the highest bidder, but I couldn’t bear it.”

“Selling it would only mean one thing,” I said quietly.

She nodded. “It would be demolished, turned into some modern, boring, clinical monstrosity.”

We were silent for a few moments, as I reeled in the knowledge.

“I know that I’m exacting, Adrian,” she said. “But you must know that I only want to keep the hotel alive. And that I want the best for you, too.”

I shook my head slowly, just watching her. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this. Why does it matter what anyone thinks?”

“Because without them our hotel dies,” she said simply. “I know you don’t want that. And I know your grandfather wouldn’t, either.”

She was right, but I couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t honor my grandfather, keep the hotel alive, and be myself, all at the same time? Were investors really so backwards that they would pull the plug if they saw me with another man? My photos had been explicit for other reasons—but what if I were seen with Josh and all we’d been doing was holding hands? Would that have been too far?

But of course, even through it all, Josh was my employee. Even if he weren’t a man, it would still be inadvisable. It would still be a scandal.

All I could think about was where Josh was, and all I knew was that he was hurting because of me.

“Adrian, you know there is one simple solution to all of this,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“And what might that be?” I said.

“I’m going to give Maxine a phone call. I know she isn’t your first choice, but her family—”

“I’m not getting back with Maxine,” I said. “Ever.”

“Don’t be foolish. Do you think this hotel would be anything like it is today without your father’s connections? He and I may be through, but I don’t regret a thing. I’d be nothing if I hadn’t married him. This hotel would have gone under long ago.”

I stared at my mom in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. “After all that… you don’t regret a thing? You’re not in love with him anymore, Mom. Were you ever in love with him?”

“Marrying your father was the right thing to do,” she said, her voice firm. “And no, I do not regret a thing. I regret that I was caught with Alfonso.”

I was stunned into silence. I watched as she pulled out her phone, tapping away. “I will contact Maxine’s assistant,” she said, her voice final, “and tell her she is invited to the retirement party.

At that moment I thought about the last few months of my life, and then the last few years. I couldn’t believe how I had gotten here, how after all my efforts to move away, I’d ended up right back in the same place again.

The hotel was supposed to be mine, but my life was being manipulated all over again.

But if I didn’t play my part—play the role expected of me—the hotel really could be in danger. My mother was hard to get along with, but she wasn’t a liar.

And if the hotel really did decline because of my behavior, I’d really, truly have nothing left.

There was no good answer, no right choice to make. It felt like there was a vice grip around my head, squeezing tighter and tighter, and there was nothing I could do to be free.