Bella
My eyes open and I jerk upright when I see the clock reads 9:15. It’s Valentine’s Day. Yay! Not. Then I notice the beautiful roses and huge box of chocolate on my nightstand. Marco must home! And he’s lost his mind if he thinks flowers and chocolate will make me forgive him.
Realizing Micaela should have woken me up by now to eat, I lean over and see she’s not in her bassinet. In panic mode, I check the floor because it’s not like my six-week-old daughter is getting up and walking around the house. Oh, my god! Where is she? I jump out of the bed and run toward the front door only to be stopped in my tracks by Marco sitting on the couch holding our daughter. Duh! He’s home! Hence the flowers and candy in my room. He’s speaking softly to her and I can see her arms flaring in excitement.
“Seriously?” I bite out.
“I can explain about yesterday.”
“I don’t give a fuck about yesterday. I do care about the fact that I woke up to find my daughter gone. You want to run away without saying a word? Fine! Run! It’s what you do best. But do not take my damn daughter out of her bassinet without letting me know!”
Marco looks at me for a moment in shock. “I’m sorry. She woke up, so I brought her out here to feed her so you could sleep in. Did you see the flowers and candy next to your bed?”
“I did. And coming from a caring, selfless man all of this would be super sweet but since it’s coming from you, it’s called guilt. Now please give me back my daughter.” I put my hands out waiting for her because seriously… you don’t run and then the next day take my baby without saying a word. I almost had a damn heart attack.
“Bella,” Marco says as he hands Micaela to me. “Please give me a chance to explain.”
“There’s no explanation in the world other than you being kidnapped that would make walking out this door without telling me, ok. Were you? Were you kidnapped?”
Marco sighs and shakes his head.
“Let me ask you one question,” I continue. “Did you get drunk or high while you were gone?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Don’t dodge the question. Did you get drunk or high? It’s a yes or no.” Knowing a fight is about to ensue, I go to lay Micaela down in her crib in her nursery and give her, her pacifier knowing she always falls back asleep after her morning feeding.
Then I walk back out to the living room. “Did you get drunk or high?”
“No, I didn’t get drunk or high.”
“You. Are. A. Fucking. Liar.”
“Bella, listen to me, please. Logan went into cardiac arrest. His sister, Reese, said he might not make it so I drove to the hospital.”
“And what? You ended up drinking at Dexter’s and getting high with Janell?”
“Tristan fucking texted you?” Marco spits out.
“Tristan?” I’m confused, not sure what Tristan has to do with any of this. “I haven’t spoken to Tristan in months. Don’t bring him into this.”
“Who told you about Dexter’s?”
“Gina.”
“Well, maybe that coke-whore should get her facts straight. Yes, I had a drink. One drink. But then pretty boy showed up and stopped me.”
“Really? You are going to call her names when it wasn’t too long ago you were hanging out and doing the same drugs she does.”
“Yes! Because I know firsthand she doesn’t care about anything except her next fix. She’s starting shit because Tristan chose you over her. He was supposed to be her meal ticket and you got in her way. So now she’s going to cause problems.”
“She wouldn’t be able to cause problems if you were home where you belonged.”
“Bella—”
I cut him off needing to remain in control of this conversation. He’s not about to veer it toward Gina and her issues. “So, Gina and Tristan both saw you drinking? And this was before you went to hang out with Janell?”
“I didn’t hang out with Janell. I went to a party to—”
“Jesus, Marco! Do you hear yourself? It was posted on social media. Gina saw you drinking, Tristan knows you left, and Janell was posting goddamn photos of you! You promised! And you still left. How can you say I'm enough and then walk away from me so easily? You put me last. While I was scared and worried, you were putting everyone else first. You didn't stop drinking for me or for your daughter! Tristan stopped you. I can't do this. I have a daughter I have to protect from being hurt.” I sigh in defeat refusing to let any tears come through.
“It’s not like that. Please listen to me.” Marco stalks up to me. “I get that I fucked up. I should have told you I was leaving. I got the call about Logan and my phone died. I set it down on the dryer and left it! I got there and he was in such bad shape, I lost it and went to Dexter’s. I shouldn’t have had that drink. Tristan stopped me and then I went back to the hospital. I ran into Logan’s sister, Reese, and she said Kaitlyn was in a bad way so I went to find her to bring her home and Janell was at the party. But Belles, I swear to you, I didn’t touch a single drug.”
“I’m sorry about your friend.” I can’t even imagine having to watch my best friend from the bedside while he remains in a coma, slowly deteriorating.
“Bella, I’m so sorry.” Marco places his hands on my arms. “Please forgive me.”
“I-I just,” I begin to say when I hear my phone ring. I run to grab it and see it’s a number I don’t recognize. “Hello?”
“Bella, this is Daniel West.” And just as my dad said would happen, Daniel offers me a chance at another fight, which I accept. When I hang up, I check on Micaela then get dressed because I just can’t deal with Marco and his shit right now. If I am going to win this fight and make a name for myself, I’m going to need to take training seriously and since I have made the decision not to go back to school until next fall, I can give my training one hundred percent.
After Micaela wakes up, I feed her and then put her in her car seat.
“Where are you going?” Marco asks from the kitchen, drinking his coffee.
“I’m going to the gym to train. Daniel West offered me a chance at another fight.”
“That’s awesome. I can watch Micaela while you go.”
“That’s ok. I’d rather my mom watch her. I can’t risk the chance you just up and leave. I mean, would you leave her here? Or would you take her with you? I could come home and my daughter’s photo could be blasted on social media.” Realizing how mean that sounds when Marco’s face drops in defeat, I add, “Look, I just don’t trust you.” And without waiting for another excuse or apology, I walk out the door.
I drop Micaela off at my mom’s and she asks me to come inside for a few minutes. We sit down on the couch together. “I need to talk to you about something but first, is everything ok with Marco? Have you found him?” My mom asks.
I let out a long sigh, shaking my head. “No, I mean yes, I found him. Marco’s home but everything is far from ok. I’m just so upset with him. He left for California and he has all these excuses for not telling me and they sound legit—his friend, the one in the coma went into cardiac arrest. Marco drove there to be with him and I get that, I do. But there were photos of him at a party and it’s all just too much. I can’t trust him, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to.”
“Oh, sweetie.” My mom envelops me in a much-needed hug. “Maybe you both need to take a step back. It sounds like it’s coming at you guys from all angles.”
“I know. That’s why I left. I need to just focus on this fight Daniel West offered me, and on Micaela. So, what was it you needed to talk to me about?”
My mom frowns and I mentally prepare myself for bad news. “Elsa is sick. She’s getting older and your dad and I think it’s time to put her down. Your dad brought her to the Vet this morning and she’s in a lot of pain.”
I knew this was coming but my heart still breaks. “I feel like I just keep losing my heart. Tristan, Marco, Elsa. Does it ever stop?”
My mom gives me a sad smile. “No, it doesn’t,” my mom says honestly. “Life is full of love and laughter but it’s also full of heartbreak.”
“When will they put Elsa down?”
“She’s at the Vet now. I thought you would want to say goodbye to her.”
“I do. I’m going to go there now. I want to be there when they put her down. I need to be.”
I give my mom a hug goodbye then drive over to Elsa’s Vet. When I walk through the door, my heart aches knowing this is the last time I will come here for Elsa. She has been coming here since we got her.
“Oh, Bella!” Peggy, Dr. Rowes’ wife and assistant comes around her desk to give me a hug. “She’s hanging on, sweetie. Go say your goodbyes.”
I’m completely choked up full of emotion, so I simply nod and follow her to the back. Dr. Rowes is there with Elsa. She’s laying on a soft dog pillow, and when she sees me, her tail wags but she doesn’t get up. “Oh puppy,” I cry, petting her head softly. “I’m going to miss you so much.” Images of all my years with Elsa float to the surface as I sob into her soft fur.
“Can I stay, please?” I ask Dr. Rowes. “I don’t want her to be alone.” He gives me a sympathetic look and nods. I don’t watch anything he does after that. I just lay on the ground next to my dog and pet her face, speaking soft words to her until Dr. Rowes says, “Bella, honey. She’s gone.” I give her one last kiss and then I stand up, and I lose it. Dr. and Mrs. Rowes hold me while I cry in their arms, mourning my best friend.
After I’m done crying and they assure me, they will have her cremated so I can have her ashes, I drive to the gym. It’s already the afternoon but I need to work out. I need to do something to get my mind off everything. I jump onto the treadmill and do five miles before going in search of my dad.
I don’t find him right away, but I do see Caleb. “Bella, get over here!” Caleb gives me a hug. “Your dad told me about your upcoming fight. You here to do some training?”
“Yeah, I was just looking for my dad.”
“I think he’s out back dealing with a delivery. Everything ok?”
“No, I had to put Elsa down this morning.” The words come out watery and Caleb pulls me into a hug. “I’m so sorry. I remember when your dad bought her for you. What are you doing here?”
“I just need to keep my mind off it all. The gym is the only place I can take my mind off things.”
“All right then. Throw on some gloves and let’s spar. Let’s take your mind off shit.”
“Ok.”
After about twenty minutes of sparring, we both stop for a water break. “I didn’t realize how badly I’m out of shape.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You just had a baby. You’ll get there. You have months to train and you have Marco to help you.” I feel myself flinch at Marco’s name and hope Caleb didn’t see it. I know he did when he comes and sits down in front of me.
“What happened?” I go into the entire story about Logan, Marco leaving, the photos and texts.
“I just can’t trust him. I know he was hurting but…”
“No, fuck that. Don’t make excuses for him. Many years ago, I walked away from Hayley because I was too scared to talk to her. It was the day her and Marco were kidnapped. Now it’s not the same as what you and Marco are going through but if I hadn’t walked away, they wouldn’t have been taken.”
I gasp, my hands covering my mouth. I was little when they were taken. I don’t know all the specifics other than Marco was selling drugs and his biological mom was spending the money. They got in over their heads and Caleb saved them. Marco’s mom had overdosed and died and the men were charged with a bunch of stuff. They kidnapped Hayley and Marco in an effort to get Caleb to drop the charges.
My dad, Bentley, Kaden, and Caleb got there just in time with the police and they were arrested. But I didn’t know he left them that day.
“You couldn’t have known.”
“No, I couldn’t have but it doesn’t matter. We all make choices that affect those around us. Marco shouldn’t have left without telling you. He’s a twenty-six-year-old man. He’s had to grow up too fast in some ways but in other ways, he still hasn’t grown up.”
“I’m afraid if I forgive him, I will look like a fool. Especially if he does it again.” I’m shocked to admit it out loud but I feel relief to have said it.
“Love isn’t easy, Bella. All you can do is listen to your heart. Every one of us have fucked up and anybody who cares about you isn’t going to judge you but that doesn’t mean you should run back to him with open arms. Make him earn that. Because if you let him get away with it, he will continue to do it.”
“Thank you, Caleb.”
I head to the office to talk to my dad and as I’m walking over, my mom comes walking in with Micaela, Lilly, and Nathan. “Mom!” I run over to her, pulling her into a hug, Micaela becoming the crème in our Oreo. “She’s gone, Mom.”
“Who’s gone?” My dad comes out of his office and asks.
“Elsa. They put her down.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I brought her to Dr. Rowes this morning when she wouldn’t walk on her own. I wanted to call you but you were already dealing with so much.”
“It’s ok. I got to say goodbye. I loved her so much.” Then I turn to Nathan and Lilly. “How are you guys doing?”
Lilly shrugs. “We said goodbye to her this morning. I’m sad to see her gone but she wasn’t doing well.”
“I’m sorry you lost your dog, Bella,” Nathan adds. “I mean, she was all of ours but even when you were away at college, she slept in your room.”
“Thanks, Nate.” I give him a hug.
We all go into dad’s office and spend the next hour talking about Elsa and our memories of her. I will miss her so much.
Eventually mom says she needs to head to the rec center and Lilly and Nathan head out with her. After I feed Micaela, my dad and I go over a schedule and he sends me some videos of Shawna Fields’ previous fights to look over at home, and when I can’t avoid my house any longer, I go home.
I walk inside to find the table set similar to the way it was the other night. There’s a different array of food this time and the table is where it belongs instead of in the living room, but it has the candles in the center.
“I figured with you training, you would want to eat healthy so I made dinner.”
“Hmm...this feels a lot like déjà vu. Oh wait, this did happen. The dinner. The candles. And I don’t really like how that all ended. What, with you leaving and all. So, I think I’ll just pass on dinner. I’ve had a long, shitty day, and I can’t deal with you right now.”
I go to walk away but Marco stops me in my tracks. “Please just eat,” he pleads, and of course at the moment my stomach growls. “What have you eaten all day?”
“I was busy putting my dog down, thank you very much. Then I went to the gym to work out.”
“Elsa? You had to put her down? Why didn’t you call me?”
“Marco! Seriously? Why would I call you? You have made it a habit of breaking my heart not piecing it together, so I’m pretty sure the last person I would call when I need to be comforted is you.”
Marco’s head hangs but I don’t have the energy to feel bad. “Ok, I get that. I hate that you can’t come to me or count on me to be there for you. But you can at least let me feed you.”
“I’m not hungry,” I say stubbornly.
“Belles, you’re breastfeeding and training. You need to work out a food plan. You need high proteins plus you need to eat several small meals to make sure you and Micaela are getting the nutrients you both need.” I know he’s right. I didn’t even think about any of that.
“How about we eat dinner and then we can go over a meal plan?” I want to say no, but I know he’s trying.
“Fine. But only because it will help keep my mind off Elsa and I need a meal plan.”
After dinner, we go over a meal plan and Marco says he will pick up the food tomorrow so we can put them together for the week.
After I get out of the shower, he knocks on my half-open bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“I guess.”
Sitting down on the bed next to me, he holds out a box. “I bought this for you for Valentine’s Day. You know, before I messed everything up.”
Taking it from his hands, I open the teal blue box and inside is beautiful silver charm bracelet with a heart dangling from it and written on the heart says Mom.
“It’s a locket,” Marco says.
I open it up and nestled inside is a tiny picture of Micaela. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” I take it out of the box and hand it to Marco to put on me.
“I know Valentine’s Day is supposed to be romantic but it’s also about love. No matter what happens between us you will always be the mother of my child and you are a damn good mom, Bella.”
He leans over and gives me a soft kiss on my cheek before standing up. “Good night.”
“Goodnight, Marco.”
The next several days we fall into a routine. I leave to work out for a few hours, my mom watches Micaela, and Marco has dinner waiting when I get home. He always makes sure my meals for the day are packed and he never asks to take Micaela. The food he makes is always healthy and delicious and we always eat in silence. Finally, after a week or so, I decide to ask Marco something that’s been on my mind while we are eating dinner.
“Why aren’t you at the gym working out?” He looks shocked at my question, which I don’t understand. He’s been fighting his entire life. Sure, I appreciate that he’s doing some laundry while I’m gone and having dinner ready, but what I don’t get is why he isn’t working out. I know he’s been attending more meetings but those are only like an hour long.
“I can’t,” he mumbles out. I didn’t even think about the fact that he hasn’t been cleared yet.
“When do you go to the doctor?” He just shrugs and continues to eat.
Several more days pass and our routine continues. Then one day my dad says, “So I take it Marco found another gym to train at.”
“What do you mean?” I huff out, hitting the mat flat onto my back as my dad throws me into an arm bar for the takedown. I smack the ground in frustration, tapping out. Every time my dad sweeps my legs, bringing me to the ground, I get even more pissed. Standing up fighting, I got that shit all day, but the minute I hit the ground I am fucked! I used to be so good at ground fighting but as I got older, I focused more on stand-up fighting and less on grappling. Now it’s become my weakness.
My dad reaches his arm out and I take it, letting him help me up. “Well, he’s got to be training somewhere. The fight is coming up and he’s got to be freaking out.”
“My fight?”
“Well, honey, I mean, yes, it’s your fight but Marco is getting paid six figures to defend his belt on top of what he gets paid in his contract.”
“What?” I say louder than I mean to. “Marco isn’t fighting. He’s not even allowed to.”
“Unless I misunderstood Daniel, Marco is fighting and he’s the main event. It will be announced in a few days. Daniel called to see how Marco is doing but I told him he’s not training here. Marco’s got a lot at stake here. If he wins, his bonus is huge, so he has to be training somewhere.” He pulls out his phone and shows me the text.
Daniel: Marco is cleared. You training him?
The conversation continues, and everything my dad said is true. Marco is fighting the same night as me as the main event. I am stumped by this. Every day I have left to train Marco has acted like he’s been home or at a meeting. Is it possible he’s leaving to go train somewhere else? I know he’s been giving me space since the whole California thing happened; he doesn’t go to my parents with me, and he hasn’t stepped foot in this gym since we returned but would he really lie to me about not being able to train? And why? Why hide the fight? It’s not like I’m not going to see him at the MGM Grand on fight night.
“None of this makes any sense.” I grab my bag and head home to find out what the hell is going on. Before I take off, I text my mom and tell her I will be by the rec center to pick up Micaela but she says Marco has her. She dropped her off to him a couple hours ago because she had a meeting she needed to go to.
I send her an angry text because seriously? She knows I don’t trust him and she goes and leaves Micaela with him without even letting me know. She texts back she is sorry and that it was an emergency, and I immediately feel bad because she is already doing me a favor by watching my daughter. If she had to drop Micaela off to Marco, it had to be for a good reason. She wouldn’t just do that for no reason. I send her back a text apologizing and thank her for watching Micaela.
When I walk through the door Marco stands up and looks at me confused. “I didn’t expect you home, yet.”
“Yeah, well, I found something out today and figured I should come home and give you a chance to explain.”
“Ok…” Marco takes my hands and pulls me onto the couch next to him. I pull my hands out of his and back up a bit so we aren’t touching. He frowns and says, “Talk to me.”
“You said you weren’t cleared. You lied.” He flinches but quickly composes himself.
“No, I said I couldn’t fight. You assumed that meant I wasn’t cleared. I just didn’t correct you.” I glare at him because really… lying by omission. Will this man ever learn?
“So, you can fight.”
“No, I can’t.” He shrugs and hits play on the television to continue watching whatever he was watching trying to end this conversation. Not happening. Grabbing the remote, I click pause and toss the control to the other side of the couch.
“Don’t ignore me, Marco. Why can’t you fight?” The look he gives me is one I’ve never seen before. It looks like he’s scared, which is crazy because Marco is one of the strongest people I know, at least physically anyway.
“Marco,” I say again.
“Fine! I’m fucking afraid, Belles!” He scrubs the side of his face with his hand and I keep quiet to let him continue. “I’m afraid I’ll go back to getting high. I’m afraid of the pain. Then there’s the fact that one of my best friends is lying in a coma because of my fighting. I spent the last four years training with him and now he’s in a goddamn coma. I’m a dad now and I’m trying to make shit right with you. Look what happened a few weeks ago. I had a shot of liqueur, and yeah, I know I can drink if I want to, but it’s not smart. I’m just trying to stay above water right now.”
In this moment, my heart breaks for this man. He has been through so much his entire life and the only time he was truly happy was when he was fighting and now the one thing that makes him feel whole is the very thing he’s afraid of.
I crawl into his lap to be close to him, suddenly missing Marco and our friendship. We might be living in the same house but we have been a million miles apart lately. His words of admission remind me how fucking human he is. His entire world imploded the night of that accident. Then there was the pain and drugs and what happened with us.
He turned to the one thing he swore he never would do, the very thing that killed his mom. And now he’s associating fighting with everything bad that’s happened.
“Hey,” I murmur. Marco’s hands hold onto my thighs lightly, his face looking down between us. “Hey,” I say, again. This time his face lifts and I can see the tears. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hug him as tight as I can. We sit like this for I don’t know how long before I pull back.
“Are you still in pain?”
He shakes his head slowly.
“You’ll get through this.” I give him a small smile before getting up. As I go to swing my leg over to the other side, Marco’s hand grabs my thighs tighter sending an electrical charge straight to my center.
“Marco…”
“I need you, Bella.” He pulls me close to him and nuzzles his face in my hair. “I miss you so damn much. It’s like I was given a sample but when I went to order the full portion it was sold out.”
I roll my eyes and laugh softly but go along with his analogy. “No, it was more like you had the perfect, homemade, cooked to perfection meal right in front of you and you walked out without finishing dinner.”
I don’t hear Marco but I feel him shaking with laughter. “I was stupid Belles. I’m so hungry.”
“Yeah well maybe next time you won’t choose a drive thru over a home cooked meal.” It’s meant as a joke but Marco stiffens and I feel bad for throwing that in his face. I know he didn’t do anything with Janell or any other woman for that matter. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize. I’m going to earn your trust back Belles. But not just your trust, I’m going to earn your mind and your body and your heart. One day, you will be completely mine and I will have earned it.”
Silly boy… if he only knew—he already owns me, all of me, every piece of me: mind, body, and heart.