Bella
Three months ago…
“Marco is finally healed enough to come home and will be arriving this morning. Are you seriously not coming to visit him?” Tristan gives me a look that tells me he thinks I’m being a bitch but I don’t give in.
“Marco and I haven’t spoken in over two years. I’m not just showing up at his condo.”
The truth is I have typed up several text messages to him but chicken out every time I go to hit send. The last text I sent him was me telling him I miss him and he never responded. The message said read so I know he saw it but he didn’t reply. It was the night of his accident, the night he won the championship belt. I got emotional and tried to put myself out there. Unfortunately, he didn’t reciprocate. I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt since it’s possible the accident happened before he could respond but I’m too scared to text him again and put myself out there again. What if he saw it and just didn’t want to respond? God! I sound like such a wimp right now!
“For reasons, nobody will clue me in on. Whatever happened between you two isn’t important right now. The guy was in a car accident. He was nearly killed. Shit, Logan is still in a coma. Whatever beef you have with Marco should be put on the back burner. He needs us, Bella.”
“Tristan, will you just leave her alone?” Gina, Tristan’s bitchy girlfriend gives me a saccharine smile but I know it’s fake as hell. Everything about her is fake. From her fake hair to her fake nails to her fake ass personality. They met at the bar she works at and hit it off, which completely blows my mind. She is the opposite of everything Tristan stands for. She smokes weed, dabbles in drugs, and has no goals for her future other than finding out where and when the next party is. To be honest, I don’t even know what the hell Tristan sees in her but whatever. She apparently makes him happy and I guess that’s all that matters.
“If she wants to visit Marco, she will. Can we just go, please? And we need to stop by Starbucks on the way. I need a coffee so bad. I have the worst hang over.” Ugh! Her whiny voice is the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard… No! Worse! The equivalent of a knife scraping a ceramic plate!
“You wouldn’t be hung over if you wouldn’t have hit the bottle so hard last night.” Tristan gives her a look that a parent gives a teenager who has misbehaved, and I have to hold back my eye roll. I swear he spends ninety percent of their relationship trying to reign her in and change who she is. When will he realize he can’t fix her?
“Tristan… can we please not do this? My head is going to explode.” Tristan sighs but nods in agreement grabbing his keys. Before they walk out the door he gives me a look of disappointment. I grab my phone and pull up my text messages. Scrolling down, I find Marco’s name. It still shows the message I sent him that night. I take a deep breath then type out a text.
Me: I heard you are going home today. I’m glad you are okay.
There! He knows I care but I’m not opening myself up to be rejected.
I stare at the phone for a few minutes and when it dings—even though I’m staring at the damn phone! —I jump.
Marco: Thank you.
Okay… well I guess that’s that. Another thank you as a reply pretty much makes it clear how he feels… or doesn’t feel, in this case. I click out of the text message and click on YouTube. I have a fight coming up in four months and I am determined to learn everything I need to about Shawna Fields. She is originally from Russia and has been fighting her entire life like me. She’s currently undefeated just like I am, only she has twice as many wins under her belt as I do. It’s not going to be a main fight but if I can beat her, I will be on my way to securing something bigger.
I watch three different videos but I couldn’t tell you what happens in any of them. My brain is mush. Ever since I found out Marco was in a horrific car accident, where his best friend Logan swerved to avoid a collision only to cause one of his own, leaving him in a coma and Marco with a broken arm, three broken ribs, and god knows what else, I haven’t been able to focus on anything but thinking about Marco and how he’s doing.
Because the accident was in Las Vegas, Marco and Logan were brought to the local hospital. After the doctors determined Logan was in a coma, Logan’s parents had him moved to a private facility. Marco was in the hospital for about two weeks then he spent another couple weeks recovering at his parents’ house. My dad asked if I wanted to fly over to visit Marco, but I told him I couldn’t. I used school as an excuse. With midterms next month, I need to stay on top of my studies.
The truth is I’m halfway through my Sophomore year and surprisingly, I’m enjoying being in college and I am on top of all my classes. I could have made a weekend trip to see Marco but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t walk into his room and see him battered and bruised and broken. I couldn’t see him after he almost lost his life. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. I would have lost it in front of everybody, and I can’t do that. I have to keep it together because whether I like it or not, Marco doesn’t want me the way I want him. I know he loves me in his own way, but it’s not the way I love him, and it hurts too damn bad to be around him knowing I will never have his heart the way he has mine. The way he’s had my heart for the last several years.
Deciding to get ahead on my homework, I grab my backpack and bring it over to the table. At the end of this year, Tristan and I are going to have to pick a major. Up until this point, we have taken all the same classes since it’s just been the general subjects but now we are almost done with them and will have to figure out what we want to earn a degree in.
While I know fighting is what I want to do with my life, I understand where my dad was coming from. I need to have a backup plan. Look what happened to Marco. Sure, he’s expected to make a full recovery but what if he wasn’t? What if he could never fight again? Then what?
The problem is I have no damn clue what I want to do with my life outside of fighting. My mom told me I need to do some soul searching. I’m hoping something will just fall right into my lap.
I pull out my English II reading for the week. We are expected to read the current event articles and write an argumentative essay on whether we agree with the topic. I read the article twice and still have no idea what the hell the person is arguing about. So, instead I run into my room, change my clothes, and head to the gym to get a workout in. At least when I’m working out, I don’t have to think.