Kristel
This is torture. Even though I’ve studied for midterms, all I can think about is Andre’s mouth on my own. I stare down at the questions and hear his voice in my ear. He whispers that he wants to bend me over the kitchen counter and –
“Miss Bryce, is everything all right?”
I jump at the sound of my instructor’s voice and look up at her. As I try to regain my composure, I realize a lot of people are staring at me. Why are they looking at me like that?
“Yes… everything is fine…”
“Who were you talking to just now?”
My face flushes, and now everything makes sense. I clear my throat and push some hair back behind one of my ears. “Sorry… just trying to remember the answers.”
“Well do that in your head next time, please.”
I nod to her and clear my throat as my gaze lowers to the paper once more. There are only two short answer questions left, and they’re the toughest ones. With a deep breath, I focus hard over the next ten minutes and finish the exam. As soon as I do, my instructor rings a bell up at the front to announce that our time is up.
A confident smile appears on my lips, and I get up with my exam and take it to the front. I drop it on the instructor’s desk and leave the classroom.
Danielle walks up next to me and gives my side a gentle poke. “Soooo. How’d it go? Was it awful or was it easy? I’ve heard a lot of shitty things about Mrs. Parter and her exams. They’re supposed to be unfairly tough. I mean, Wendytook it last year and she failed horribly even though she studied forweeks. And seriously, I thought English was supposed to be easy. It was in high school.”
“I don’t know. Okay I guess? I couldn’t stop thinking about Andre.” I wince and offer her a sheepish smile.
“Oh my god… Andre… you have to come with me immediately!”
My eyes widen as she grabs me by the hand and practically drags me down the hall and into an empty classroom. She closes the door and turns to me. There’s a bright light in her eyes, like she’s plotting something or about to ask me something she shouldn’t.
“I have barely talked to you in weeks. You’re either too busy studying or you’re too busy with your parents. We don’t go out, we barely talk, we —”
“I know.” I hold one of my hands up to stop her. “And I’m sorry. Things are just so insane right now.” With a deep breath, I sit down on the edge of a table. “Andrehas actually been taking up a lot of my time. He’s, um, demanding and…” I shrug with a smile. “And he makes me happy. More than that, I think him and I are actuallytogether, if you know what I mean.”
Her jaw goes slack. “What? Are you serious? You’rewith him for real? Holy shit, Kristel, why didn’t you tell me? Why am I just hearing about this now? Don’t you trust me?”
“Whoa, whoa! Danielle, you’re my best friend. Of course I trust you! It’s just… like I said, things have been crazy. After I realized how much I care about him, I kind of freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to my parents, and now they’ve made me move in with them because of the baby. All this time I’ve been trying to get out from under their control, and I’m under the same roof as they are again. It’s like the cycle that never ends. And I have barely had any time to think about finding work, about studying… about telling you.” I take both of her hands. “And I’m really sorry.”
She looks down at my hands around hers, then looks at me. “Oh, Kristel… this… is what best friends are for. I’m totally here for you, just like I always have been. I mean, if I ever got a boyfriend – poor him - you’d totally be the first person I told, hands down.”
“Even if you panicked like a buffoon?”
Her giggle fills the room and she gives me a tight hug. “Even if I panicked like a buffoon. So please… if anything earth shattering ever happens again, just tell me and I’ll be here 100 percent to back you up. Just like the night I took you to a biker’s club and you ended up getting pregnant with Andre’s baby. No big deal, right?” She snorts and rolls her eyes.
I laugh with her and shake my head. “You are impossible, Danielle, but I really have no idea what I’d do without you.”
“Trust me, it’d be pretty bad. Besides… who else are you going to tell about your baby and your new love affair with Andre? Hmm?”
“No one.” I laugh some more and take in a deep breath. Then it hits me, right after she mentions the baby: “I’m going to be a mom, Danielle…”
She beams at me and hugs me again. “You are going to be anamazing mom. You know that, right? Even if you’re living with your parents now, it won’t be forever. And besides, think of how much they’ll be able to help you. I know you don’t like the arrangement, but I think you should try and find the good in the situation… no matter how much it sucks.”
I laugh. “Whoare you? Last I checked you drown all your sorrows in alcohol and men.”
“I do… but you’re having a baby and that’s so much bigger than me and my bad habits. And I want to help you as much as I can.” She sits down in a chair next to the table I’m on. “Do you know how you’re going to finish college with all of this going on?”
“No idea. Like you said, mom and dad can help, but eventually I’m going to have to take some time off so I can have the baby and then figure out how to raise it.” I hold my breath and look at her. “Danielle?”
“Yes? Why are you holding your breath like that?”
“I have an ultrasound in a few days to see if the baby is a boy or a girl. Do you think you’d be able to –”
“Yes! Yes, yes! I would love to come! Wait. Why…” She seems to mull something over in her head. “Andre’s not going, because he’s a criminal, right? Oi. Can you imagine if your parents made a surprise visit, and he was there?”
I feel my whole face light up with my relieved smile. “Thank you! I was dreading going alone, and I really don’t want my parents there. That sounds horrible, doesn’t it?” After a pause, I nod. “I know… even if mom may not know who he is, I bet you anything my dad will.”
“A little, but I won’t tell them about the appointment or Andre.” She winks at me and pulls out her cell phone. “So when is the appointment?”
“It’s in three days at 9 a.m. at the hospital. It will be in the medical imaging department, so you’ll have to park at the back. And, as dumb as it sounds, you have to pay for parking now, so bring a credit card.”
She inputs the information into her phone, then gawks at me. “What? You have to pay to park at a hospital? What do the people do who have a serious emergency?”
“I know, it’s really stupid.” I sigh and shake my head slowly at Danielle. “Thank you so much. What would I do without you?”
“Apparently you have been ‘doing’ without me, and you’ve been just fine. But I will make things much better, as I always do.”
“You know what you could actually do? Maybe?” I give her a bright, hopefully charming smile. “If my parents ever ask you anything about who the father of my baby is, could you tell them that you’re helping me look for him? Hopefully the tall tale won’t spin completely out of control, but, as you know, they can’t find out who the real dad is.”
“Absolutely. There aren’t many people who are as amazing at lying as I am.”
“Thank you so much!” I give her a quick hug as I sigh in relief. It’s nice to know that I have someone in my corner who I can trust with everything, even my biggest secrets.
* * *
Three Days Later
“Okay, Kristel, this is going to be cold. Are you ready?” The ultrasound technician offers a reassuring smile.
The cot I’m in is comfortable, and the top of it is raised so I can sit up like I’m in a reclining chair. There’s an ultrasound screen next to me, turned so that I can see it. Danielle sits next to me with an excited smile on her face, and she holds one of my hands in a tight grip. I feel nervous, excited, ill, and scared all at once. My nerves are on the verge of an epic explosion, but I take deep breaths to stay in control. I still can’t believe I’m about to see the life growing inside me.
“Ready… I think.” I look to the technician and try to smile back.
The technician squirts some cool ultrasound gel just above my bellybutton while I hold my shirt out of the way. It’s cold enough to make my toes wiggle, and I take in a deep breath. She smiles at me again and presses the ultrasound against my belly, slowly circling it to spread the gel. Seconds go by, and I watch as she stares intently at the screen.
“Okay, here he is.” She points to the screen, and I draw in a shallow gasp.
To me, he’s barely discernible, but I can see that little heart beating and I think I can see his head. Maybe. Either way, the tiny human is a creation that both Andre and I brought to life. I swallow hard, and I don’t know why but I feel a single tear slide down my face.
“Kristel? Are you okay?” Danielle squeezes my hand.
“Yes. I’m okay. He’s just… I don’t know… I don’t have words right now. I didn’t think I would get this emotional, I’m sorry.” I don’t apologize that often, either, but the word falls from my lips anyway. As I use the sleeve of my shirt to wipe at my eyes, Danielle is watching me as though I’ve grown multiple heads.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Kristel?” She actually reaches out and presses the back of her hand against my forehead.
I giggle and push her hand away. “Yes! This is just… amazing beyond words. I mean, look! That’s inside me right now… a baby boy, and he’s growing. And somehow I’m nurturing him and giving him a chance at life. That just… absolutely blows my mind. But I’m not actually crying. There’s a lot of dust in here.”
She eyes me. “Sweetie, you’re in a hospital. There’s no dust in here.”
“Okay, it’s all the cleaners then. I’m sensitive…”
“You are not. Admit it, you’re crying.”
“I am not.” I draw in a deep breath and hastily wipe a few more tears from my eyes.
“Liar.” Danielle grins at me.
I stick my tongue out at her before I look to the technician. She has an amused expression on her face, likely from listening to us banter. “Do you think I could get some copies of the ultrasound picture? Four should do it.”
“Of course. But before I do that, I should tell you that he looks healthy. His heartbeat is steady and he’s developing well. If all goes well, you’re going to have a healthy boy. By the looks of things, he’s going to be a strong one.”
I smile at her and swallow. “I hope so. He’ll have to be to keep up with everyone. My family is a little bit crazy.”
“Aren’t they all?” The technician laughs as she wipes the goop from my belly. “Do you have any questions for me about your ultrasound?” She pauses, then adds, “If not, you can always call the medical imaging department and ask them later if you think of something when you get home. It’s what we’re here for.”
“Okay, thank you.” My stomach is balled into anxious, but excited knots as I push my shirt down and slide off the bed. Within minutes the technician returns with copies of the baby, all in a folder. I take it and give Danielle a quick grin, even as I pull one of the pictures out and hand it to her. “Here… you should have one.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet!” She laughs and hugs me. I return the hug tightly and take in a deep breath. This is really happening.