“I think we are done here.” The social worker assigned to Maddie’s kidnapping case closed her file folder and smiled warmly across the play school table at her. “Would you like to go play with the doll house while I talk with your mommy?”
Maddie’s eyes lit up at the prospect. “Yeah! I mean, yes, please.” She waited for my nod then scooted off the chair and ran off to play.
“Overall, I think she’s handling things pretty well.” The social worker spoke low enough to keep Maddie from over hearing. “She remembers a lot, but what she remembers most is when you arrived. She remembers you telling her stories, and washing her face with cold air?”
I gave a little laugh. Not that it was funny at the time. “The room we were in was really hot, no open windows or anything. When the air turned on, I had my face pressed up against the vent, when she woke up she did the same thing, too.”
“Ah, that explains it.” Cheryl patted my hand. “You handled it all very well, and I think that’s what she’ll remember most. Her abductor didn’t harm her.” Her abductor, that was how Brittany was being referred to now. “Other than being scared about where she was and why you weren’t with them, she wasn’t scared of who she was with.”
“Well, I suppose that’s a good thing.” My lips scrunched up in concern. Maddie would probably need therapy, someone to help get her through what she remembered.
“Thankfully, her abductor has made a full confession and won’t be heading to trial.”
“What?” I sat up straighter. I hadn’t heard anything about that.
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew. Yes, she did plea out for a deal. She’ll be placed in a mental health facility for three years, but she won’t be forcing Maddie here to testify against her in court.”
My shoulders sagged with the relief. I had been fearing taking her to court for that. In the three days since we both returned home, I focused all of myself on Maddie. I had to. Not just because she needed me, but because if I didn’t, my mind would drift over to Rafe. And he was off limits now. I had seen to that.
“Can you give me a recommendation for a therapist that I can take Maddie to? I’m sure she’ll need something for a little while.”
“Yes, of course.” Cheryl dug through her other files and pulled out a sheet of paper, sliding it to me. “Here is a list of practices I recommend.”
“Thanks.” I folded the list and stuffed it into my purse. “Really, thank you. You’ve really been great with Maddie these past few days.”
“I’m just glad she’s doing so well. With a little help, I think she’ll come out of this just fine. But what about you?”
“Me?” The question caught me off guard. Maddie was the one I was concerned about, she needed to get through this crap and come out whole in the end. I would deal with whatever came my way as it did.
“Yeah, you aren’t made of steel you know.” Her raised brow and quirky smile softened her hard tone enough for me to smile back.
“I do know. I’ll be okay.” I nodded. “Can I take her home now?”
She studied me for a long moment then nodded. “Sure.”
We gathered up the pictures Maddie had drawn and a few of her toys she’d brought with her for her last meeting with Cheryl and headed out. I hated the police station. Too much noise, too many unidentified smells, I just wanted out of there.
Maddie held on to my hand as we walked out onto the front steps of the station. The sun was already high and the heat was blaring. Sliding my sunglasses down from my head to cover my eyes, I gave Maddie’s hand a little squeeze and started our way down the steps.
“Beth!” Chrissie ran up the few steps to us with a grim expression. Large dark circles underlined her eyes. I hadn’t called her after everything that happened. She’d sent me a few texts asking about Brittany and if Maddie was okay, and other than returning short responses, I’d broken that tie. Chrissy wasn’t to blame, but I just couldn’t see her yet.
“Mama.” Maddie whined and yanked on my hand. I could feel the slight tremble in her little hand and again my anger at the situation bubbled to the surface. Sucking it down again for her sake, I bent over and kissed her forehead.
“It’s okay, Maddie, it’s just Chrissy, baby. Remember Chrissy?” Her eyes widened, but she didn’t pull away anymore. “She won’t hurt you.”
“Of course I won’t hurt her!” Chrissy waved her hands in the air. “What are you telling her?” The angry tone didn’t help and Maddie scooted further behind me.
I sighed. “Chrissy, you’re a twin, remember?” I snapped. Brittany hadn’t hurt Maddie, not physically, but she had scared the hell out of my little girl by taking her from her home and putting her in that car with Gray. She heard every horrible thing he said to her, and witnessed her getting smacked around by him before they finally put her in that horrible little room. The first night she was home, she had several nightmares and in each one of them she visualized Brittany’s screams and cries. She heard her begging for him to stop, making Maddie terrified that she would be next. When we tried to talk about it during the day, she didn’t remember much about the dreams. It was only right after waking up that she remembered them. But seeing Chrissy, who was identical to her sister aside from the hair, stirred up the memories for my little girl.
“Maddie knows me!” She tried to peek behind me, but I moved over to block her.
“Just leave her be. What do you want?” I was exhausted. Between making sure Maddie was okay every second of the day and not getting much sleep from her kicking me in the bed all night, and worrying about what Rafe was up to and if I would ever see him again, my mental and physical capacities were drained.
The first night we were home, Maddie asked me a dozen times if Rafe was coming home. When I told her he wasn’t, she looked as heartbroken as I felt. The second day she asked a few more times and when I said he wasn’t going to be coming around anymore she just shook her head and told me I was wrong. “We are his girls,” she’d proclaimed. “I heard him say that. We’re his girls and he won’t leave us alone. Got it?” She had pointed her finger at me in much the same way he would when he was being stubborn. I decided to leave it be, even when Stephanie started again to tell me that all I had to do was call him. That he was just giving me space, and all I had to do was reach out. That wasn’t happening.
“They are sending Brittany to the crazy house. You can’t let them do that, Beth. You have to help her.” I stared at her with an opened mouth. The three of us had been friends since we were kids, and before all of this shit, I would have done anything to help Brittany. That loyalty was severed the moment she took my daughter to a warehouse and let some nutjob lock in her a room.
“She kidnapped my daughter, Chrissy. If you think for one second I’m helping her, maybe you should go with her.” I tried to keep my voice down so Maddie couldn’t hear exactly what we were saying. The anger over what she asked of me, anger at what her sister did to my daughter shook my voice.
“This is all that biker guy’s fault. Not hers. She got all twisted up with him, like you are with Rafe. You can talk to Rafe, make him help.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not only had I lost the man I loved, I had lost both of my friends. Maddie and I were completely alone now. I didn’t respond to her, I just shook my head, hoisted Maddie onto my hip and stalked off toward my car.
If she said anything to my back, I wasn’t listening. I returned my focus to Maddie, who was more than happy to forget all about Chrissy and Brittany.
As we drove home, a motorcycle ran past us and Maddie clapped while she pointed at it. “Is that Rafe?” she asked excitedly. I groaned. I should have known better to bring him around her, now she was attached and I would have to break her heart. Wasn’t it enough I’d managed to get mine broken again?
“No, baby,” I said, and made our turn onto my street. Being late afternoon, the sun was already behind the trees of our block giving us plenty of shade when I rolled up to my house.
“That’s Rafe!” Maddie squealed. In our driveway sat his bike, all shined up and looking no worse for wear. Leaning against it with his arms crossed and his eyebrows knitted in what I understood to be mild irritation was Rafe.
Maddie undid her belt, a feat I had only seen once before when she thought she saw a puppy sitting on our porch, and scooted to her door. The lock was on so she couldn’t open it. “Hold on, baby girl.” I sat back in my seat, staring at him through the windshield.
He didn’t move. Rafe just kept his eyes on me, watching me to see what I would do. Did he think I’d run? A part of me wanted to back out and drive away. He was dangerous. The last week couldn’t be clearer about the danger he brought to our lives. So why the hell did seeing him there, looking all pissed and hot, make my stomach flutter like some teenage girl?
“Mamma!” Maddie whined. “Open my door!”
“Hey, now.” I looked at her in the rearview mirror and she shied away, but only slightly.
“I’m sorry. Can you please open my door?”
I went back to glowering at Rafe as I shoved open my door and went to hers. “Maddie, you can say hi but then you have to go inside okay? I need to talk to him.”
“Okay, okay.’” She jumped out of the car, landing on both feet before she took off in a dead sprint towards Rafe.
His face instantly softened when he saw her coming at him, and a wide grin broke out across his lips. Bending down he scooped her up in his arms and tossed her over his head. She wiggled and screeched, gripping onto his neck once he caught her again. Something that looked so touching shouldn’t have been ripping my chest open so damn much.
“Hey there, sweet thing.” He gave her a hug. “How’s it going?” He asked her the question, but his eyes drifted over to me for an answer.
“I got to play with a doll house today!” Madison proclaimed. “They were real Barbies!” Another twist in my gut.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Maddie, how about you go watch some TV while I talk with Rafe.” I didn’t look at him yet; I wasn’t ready for that much of a connection.
“That sounds like a good plan. You go watch some cartoons, then when we’re done out here, I’ll take you both for dinner.”
“Ooh, can we go to McDonalds?”
“Sure.” He nodded.
Before I could interject, he’d planted her back on her feet and sent her off with a pat to her bottom.
“The door’s locked,” I said, and followed her to the house. Once I had her situated on the couch with one of her favorite videos on, I headed back out to deal with Rafe.
“So, where were you two?” he asked me before I even stepped back onto the driveway.
“Police station.” I folded my arms over my chest and stopped, leaving enough space between us that he couldn’t touch me if he wanted to. Even though I really wanted him to.
He gave a curt nod then looked over my shoulder back at the house. “How is she doing, for real?” I saw more concern in his eyes when he asked that question than I ever saw in Jeremy the entire time he lived with us.
“The social worker says she’s doing well. She said she seems to be hanging on to the parts that I was with her, and that Brittany and Gray didn’t hurt her. Well, she didn’t mention Gray, just Brittany. I assume that was your doing?” I gave him a knowing look.
The night everything happened we’d been visited by the police. They said they had received a call about the kidnapping. Stephanie sat with me while I gave my statement, and I cuddled with Maddie while she answered a few questions. I wouldn’t let them ask too many. I kept my answers brief, not sure who called them and if I was playing into a trap of some sort. When I started to say something about him, Stephanie pinched my thigh beneath the kitchen table.
“Gray’s been taken care of.” He didn’t flinch, or show any remorse, just stated the fact as it was, a fact.
“I’m not going to say I’m sorry about it. In a way I wish you’d let me do it.”
“No.” He shook his head and stepped toward me. “You will never know that sort of life. Never.” His deep voice hit me hard; he sounded angry.
“I know.” I nodded. “It’s probably better this way, you going your way and me going mine.” I said the words, heard them with my own ears, but my heart ached with each syllable.
“That’s not what I meant.” He took another step toward me, and I willed my body to move away, outside of his reach. But my mind wasn’t mine anymore, not when he was around. With just a look he put me under his control, and damn if I didn’t love it. And loved him.
Tears filled my eyes. “I have to think about Maddie,” I whispered, tilting my chin down and starting at his boots.
“I am thinking about her. And you.”
“Stephanie said you were giving me space.” I slid my hands into the back pockets of my jean shorts, for no other reason other than I had no idea what else to do with them.
“I was, but I’m done with that now. You had time. You had space. Now you have me.” Another step toward me. He seemed to be approaching me like I was a wild animal, one false move on his part and I might bolt. “There were a few things to get squared away at the club. I wanted it all set before I came to see you.”
I just nodded.
“Look at me, Beth.” That arrogant demanding tone was back. I raised my chin slightly, enough to see him through my lowered lids. “You haven’t been working, have you? You look tired.” His hand gripped my chin, thrusting it upward then turning my face to the right then the left. Inspecting me.
“No.” I tried to pull away, but he was set on having his way. “And not because of your threat either,” I bit out.
He scoffed. “You lie.” He pushed my chin down and drew my gaze to his. “My promise to spank you had more to do with it than you want to think.”
“I’m not afraid of a spanking,” I announced, sounding every bit a defiant child. I couldn’t blame him for the laugh he let loose. “I mean, I’m not afraid of you.”
“Good.” He let go of my chin. The pad of his thumb ran across my cheek, collecting the tear that fell. “I don’t want you to ever be afraid of me. I’ll never hurt you. And because you have a hard spanking coming your way.”
My breath caught in my throat. “What?” Did the man think of nothing else?
“You lied to Stephanie. You fed her that bullshit about the warehouse and the wrong time, knowing she’d feed it to me. What happened wasn’t your fault. Gray did what he did, and that’s his shit to take to his grave. But you were dishonest. You tried to play the situation and keep me from protecting you. And that I can’t let go unpunished.” His eyebrows knitted together again.
“Rafe.” I whispered his name, the sound of it almost hurting to speak. He was right. I knew damn well Stephanie was going to go to Rafe come morning. I fed her that crap so he wouldn’t get involved. Why I thought I could handle Gray on my own didn’t make much sense after it all went down. At the time I assumed Gray would give me Maddie if Rafe wasn’t with me. If he couldn’t hold her as a prize, he’d let her go home. But another spanking? I wasn’t sure I wanted that, either. “We can’t—”
“We’ll wait until Madison’s asleep for her nap, but then you’re taking five with my belt for lying.” He looked completely serious.
“I’m not yours.” My voice cracked when I spoke that lie. My heart ached for him, but what sort of future could we really have? He saved us from Gray, but what about next time? He was still dangerous. Could I really let him pull us into his world?
“Did you want to add more for lying again?” He sounded firm, but when I glanced up at him, I could see the torment in his eyes as well. I could say no. I could walk back into my house and lock the door and never see him again. He wouldn’t stop me. The call was mine to make.
“Madison could have been killed,” I reminded both of us.
He gave a slow nod. “I’m not denying that my life isn’t as uncomplicated as a guy who wears a suit and heads off to a cubicle every day. But I’m promising you that I’ll keep you and that little girl safe from all of it. I’m taking the club into legit businesses.”
“They made you president.” I reached out and traced the patch on his chest. Just feeling him beneath my hand made me want to lean into his strength. “How can we be safer now that you lead the club?”
He pulled me into his chest, letting me lean into the length of him and felt his arms wrap around me. His chin heavy on my head as he rested it there. “Baby, I will never let anyone hurt you or Maddie again. “
“If I hadn’t made you leave that night, Gray wouldn’t have taken me,” I whispered into his chest, inhaling the now comforting scent of leather.
“Do you want me to leave the club?” The question was asked with sincerity and I knew that if I asked it of him, he would do it. He’d walk away from the only family he ever knew, the thing that, outside of us, made him who he was. He may not have been perfect, but he was strong, devoted, and he would protect his family to the death.
I shoved away from him to look up at him, not sure if he was serious or not. He was. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” And I wouldn’t. Stephanie hated the club after losing her family because of the violence, and truthfully, I was terrified of ending up in her shoes. But that night I spent with her, she told me about Jason and the club. Gray wasn’t a true member, he saw the club as a means to gain power and fortune. That wasn’t what the Anarchy’s Reign was really about. Not at their core. Even with her grief, she knew that and knew Rafe sat on the right side of that table. “But I really don’t want to live at the clubhouse. Maddie can’t be around that all the time. She needs normalcy as much of it as possible.”
A smile spread across his lips. “You won’t have to. We’ll live here.” He nodded to the house behind me. “No, someplace better. Better schools for Maddie. You can keep working at the ER if you want, but you don’t have to.”
I watched the excitement of what he was saying cross his face. Could I really be doing what I was planning? “Madison adores you.”
“I love that little girl, too. Just as much as I love her mama.”
My heart stopped. “What did you say?”
“I said I love you,” he growled. “Now you say it back.”
I laughed. “You can’t demand me to tell you that I love you.”
“Sure as fuck I can. Remember, I give the orders, you follow them. Now stop making me wait and say it.”
“Impossible man.” I shook my head. His hand moved to my ass and his fingers gave me a pinch. I jumped but he didn’t let me go. “Okay. I love you, too.”
“I know you do. Now, don’t you ever stay away from me this long again. Ever.”
“You stayed away. Not me.” I gave his shoulder a little shove. He gave me a good glare, but it didn’t frighten me.
“Well, I’m never staying away again, no matter how much you cry and yell. You and Maddie, you’re my family now, you belong to me, you got it?”
“Yeah.” I sighed with a grin. “I got it.”
His hands framed my face, holding his mouth just above mine. “You deserve way better than a biker like me, Beth. But I swear I’ll never let you want for anything.” His lips pressed into mine, capturing me once again and making my head spin.
His hands held me right where I belonged, with him.