Andre

 

I stare at the door with a baby in my arms as Kristel leaves. After several long seconds, I look down at Henry. It was Kristel’s idea to name him that. I wanted Andre, Jr. As with most things, we came to a compromise. This morning, however, ‘compromise’ was not on the table, at least when it came to Henry.

 

My nose wrinkles with the smell, but I hold him with all the love in the world. My son, Henry is the most important person in my life next to Kristel, and I try to prove that to both of them each and every day. Some might consider me soft for feeling that way, but they’re my family. They're blood. What other way is there? With a faint smile, I walk into the baby’s room. The walls are powder blue and the floors have lush blue carpets. There is a crib, a small dresser, a toy box, and a number of other baby necessities. Next to the crib is a door, which leads into a much smaller room.

 

With a raised eyebrow and a soft sigh, I walk into the smaller room, which houses everything I need to change Henry. It is, by far, the cleanest room in the house.

 

“Okay, here we go… I guess…” I pull down the changing bed, which lays against the wall like an ironing board, and lay him on his back. “Um…” I rub a hand against the back of my neck and sigh. Well… here goes nothing.

 

I remove Henry’s diaper and look away with disgust. Blood, gore, and vomit I can deal with, but this is... I have no words. With a deep breath, I wipe him from front to back as I’d been taught to and awkwardly go through the motions of cleaning him. He wriggles on the table and looks up at me with a smile, his little hands reaching for me. I feel my gaze soften and gently touch his fingers, then let him play with them.

 

“Hey, little guy. Your mommy was mean and made me do this. Just remember that when you’re older and we can get her back together.”

 

“Dada.”

 

The breath catches in my throat at the sound of Henry’s voice. Did he actually speak to me? My brow furrows, and I finish cleaning him so that I can slide a new diaper under him. I do up the Velcro straps and wash my hands, glancing back at him once in a while. As soon as I’m done, I go to him and lift him from the table. He all but vanishes in my big arms, and I wrap a blanket around him to help keep him warm.

 

“What did you say?”

 

He stares up at me and opens and closes his mouth, but no sound comes out. After a few wide-eyed blinks, he takes one of the buttons attached to my shirt and sucks on it.

 

“Dada. Did you say ‘dada’? Can you say ‘dada’ again?” I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but being a parent doesn’t come with an instruction manual. As far as I’m concerned, it should.

 

He lets out what I can only ascertain as a giggle and chews on my button some more. Wondering if I’ve just imagined things, I carry Henry into the living room and sit down with him on the couch. Laying against the back while I put my feet up on a coffee table, I stare down into his big blue eyes. They look just like Kristel’s. He has a head of curly blonde hair, the same color as hers, and I swear he has my nose. He has a pale complexion and a slender build for a baby his age. His inquisitive nature knows no bounds, and Kristel, and I both have to be careful not to keep anything around that he can swallow because he will inevitably find it.

 

“You look just like your mother,” I murmur. “And maybe a little like mine. She had a nose like yours. That’s where I get it from, too.” A small smile crosses my mouth, and I let my eyes close. “My mom loved me, I’m pretty damn sure. She was always looking out for me, and I really wish she’d had the chance to see me grow up the way I’m going to watch you grow. I promise you, to the depths of my soul, that I won’t let anything happen to your mother. She’ll be safe and if anyone ever hurts her, I hope they have life insurance because she is one tough bit… woman.” As I let my walls drop for someone other than Kristel, that smile grows. I feel slightly silly talking to a baby, but at the same time it feels good to let him hear my voice. “One day you’ll understand what profanity is, but for now your mom doesn’t want you to know any of it. It’s really handy when you’re upset or excited and have nothing else to say, but otherwise it’s really overrated. Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Dada…”

 

My eyes snap open, and I stare down at Henry. The smile fades from my mouth, and I can’t help but feel a sense of awe. “Yeah. That’s me. I’m Dada.”

 

His little hands reach for me again, but this time I can tell he’s trying to get to my face. I lower my head and close my eyes again, and his tiny fingers press all over my mouth and my jaw. He plays with one of my nostrils and makes me wrinkle my nose. He seems to like it because he giggles and flails his little hands against my cheeks. I snort in amusement, and the rush of breath makes him wiggle and squirm. He won’t stop giggling, which warms my heart and softens my expression.

 

Those small digits play with my nostrils some more, and I make sure to wrinkle them often to keep his giggles going. After a few minutes, he starts to tug on the lobe of my left ear. I lower my head further so he can get to my hair, those little hands of his patting and pulling at it. While he occupies himself, I pull out my cell phone and turn on the video. I set it down on the couch next to me and just let it run, the screen facing the ceiling; right now all I want is to hear him say ‘dada’ again. Since talking to him worked last time, I try it again:

 

“When your mother told me she was pregnant with you, I didn’t believe her at first. I thought she was pulling my chain or attempting to get money or… one of the things people do to try and get by or get even. She’s never really been like that, though, so in the end I believed her. One of the things I regret the most about that day is how angry I got. I don’t even know why… I guess I was afraid. Because sometimes, even when you’re big and tough, you get scared of things. Like commitment and sharing your life with someone. And sometimes even admitting something, like when you’re wrong or when you want something but never think you’ll get it. But these are all dumb little life things you’ll figure out as you go along.”

 

As I look down at Henry, I realize my attempt at getting him to say ‘dada’ on video has been thwarted because he’s fast asleep. A soft sigh parts my lips, and I turn the video off, but leave the phone where it is. Still holding him close to me, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep myself.

 

The sound of a door closing startles me awake, and I open my eyes with a shallow gasp. I look around, but when I don’t see anyone, I start to stand. Then, in the doorway of the kitchen, I see Kristel with her arms folded loosely around her waist. She’s got a big smile on her face and my phone in her hands. It’s obvious that she’s been taking pictures.

 

“Hey… how long was I out?”

 

She shrugs, still smiling. “An hour since I’ve been back maybe? I couldn’t wake you. You two were just so adorable.”

 

“Hey, I’m not adorable. He’s not, either. Look at that face, he’s a tough little man.”

 

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” She rolls her eyes and chuckles. “You can’t claim that after what I heard on your video. You’re very sweet when you want to be, which is rather shocking. And scary. Maybe not a terrifying biker after all?”

 

My eyes narrow. “I’d come get you if I wasn’t holding Henry.”

 

“Uh huh, sure.” She turns around and walks into the kitchen, now out of sight. As she does, I hear my voice on the video as I talk to our son. A low groan rolls from my throat.

 

“Why did you record this anyway? Seems a little odd, babe.”

 

I shrug as best I can with the baby in my arms. “He spoke to me so I wanted to get it on video. He fell asleep before I could get it again, though.”

 

Kristel immediately appears in the doorway and stares at me. “He what? What did he say?”

 

“He said ‘dada.’ Twice. Once when I changed him and once after I rambled on about something. I figured he liked the sound of my voice, so I rambled on about something else to see if he’d say it again. I guess I was too boring.”

 

“That’s amazing! Oh my God…” She comes over to the couch and sits next to me. One of her hands rests on my knee. “Henry’s first word is ‘dada.’I find that very fitting, considering how much you’ve done for us.” As she leans in, she kisses me soundly. “Saving my life…taking me in… loving me… should I go on?”

 

“Nah. You don’t need to.” I press my forehead to hers and smile. “I get it. But why are you using such flattery, hmm? What do you want?”

 

“Dada.”

 

Before Kristel can answer me, Henry says it again. My eyes widen, and I laugh. “There! Did you hear him? He said it!” I can’t ever remember being this excited about something, and I surprise myself with my enthusiasm. Normally I’m far more reserved.

 

“Yes!” Kristel’s reaction, on the other hand, doesn’t surprise me at all. “He actually said it. You weren’t kidding! Henry, can you say it again? Say ‘dada?’ Yeah? Can you say ‘dada’ again?” She takes him gently from my arms, her eyes bright and her face practically glowing. As she cuddles him against her chest, she looks at me and gives me a wide smile.

 

“Da…da….da…” Henry tries to grab Kristel’s nose as he speaks, then looks at me and points.

 

My jaw slackens, and I draw in a shallow breath. Not only has he said ‘dada,’he also seems to know exactly who I am. I stand from the couch and go to my little family, an arm wrapping around Kristel while I kiss Henry’s forehead. Kristel’s jaw is just as slack, and I can’t ever remember seeing her so happy.

 

“He knows you.” She kisses the corner of my mouth and hugs he tight. “That’s amazing. I read about things like this, but…”

 

“It’s better than you thought it would be?”

 

“Yeah. Way better.” As she lays her head on my shoulder and watches our son, I kiss her temple. There’s just one more thing I need to do before everything is in its proper place.