Kristel

 

I don’t know how much time has gone by, but I know I’m lost. Leaves crunch under my bare feet, and I pull the thin sweater closer around my shoulders. I intended on just a short walk, but the sound of bells and my whirling brain took over. Now I have no idea where I am. Everywhere I look there are more fields or more trees. Who in their right mind would ever own so much land? And where are those bells actually coming from?

 

A few drops of rain patter against the ground, and I tilt my face up toward the sky. “Great...” An angry frown tugs the corners of my lips down. Of course it’s starting to rain. That’s just my luck, right? My eyes close, and I rub my hands down my face and go completely still. “Think, woman, think. You can’t bethat lost.”

 

As my eyes open again, I slowly turn around. I look at the trees and at the little meadow off to my right. Then I look behind me at more trees. No matter how hard I search, I can’t locate the direction I came from.

 

More rain falls, and now I can feel the cold water against my skin. It sends a cool chill straight through my flesh to my bones. I fold my arms across my chest and draw in a deep breath. I have to stay calm; if I panic now, I’ll just get more lost. “Stupid Andre,” I whisper. “Because of him, look where I am.”

 

“Stupid Andre, huh?”

 

I gasp at the sound of his voice and turn around so fast my head spins. My jaw drops, and my shoulders stiffen. “What… how did you find me??”

 

He holds his hands in the air, as though he wants to convince me that he’s not a threat, and steps closer. “It wasn’t that hard. All I did was follow your tracks. One of your hair elastics or something got caught up in some branches not far from here, too.” He lifts an elastic that must have fallen out of my pocket. I usually keep them on hand just in case. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

 

A frown touches my mouth again. “I got pissed off, so I left.”

 

“You decided not to call a cab?”

 

“No…” I look away from him and fold my arms across my chest. The wind is picking up, and the rain is falling harder. “You confused me. I don’t know what you want. I don’t know whatIwant. Just like you, I keep going back and forth. Is it better to keep the baby, or is it better to get rid of it? Do I have it and put it up for adoption, or do I have an abortion? And if I do decide to keep it…” I look at him intently. “Do I want you involved? Do I want my child to be raised among criminals? Or do I want my parents to help me? I just… there areso many questions, Andre! And none of them have easy answers!”

 

“I don’t really know what I want, either. But how about we go back inside? Try again?” He lifts his eyebrows. “Would you be willing to do that?”

 

I take a step toward him without really understanding why. “Just one thing.” With a deep breath, I look toward the meadow. “Where are those bells coming from?”

 

A smile crosses his mouth, and for the first time since I’ve seen him today, it actually looks genuine. “Those are cows. I’ve always had them, and they wander where they please on the property. The bells are so I know where they are.” He pauses and shrugs. “My parents enjoyed farming when they weren’t doing… other things… so I kind of got into the hobby, too.”

 

I arch an eyebrow, but shake my head. This man really is full of surprises. I look upward toward the sky as more rain falls. It’s heavy enough now to start soaking my hair and my clothes, and I subconsciously step closer to Andre. “Not that I’m not curious, but can we go back to your place now?”

 

“Ishould just leave you here.” He chuckles when I glare at him. “But fine. Follow me. And on the way you can tell me how you ended up out here in the first place.”

 

I glare at him some more, my arms wrapped around my body. With a quiet huff, I lower my head and follow him into the trees; I don’t recognize anything. “I just intended on walking a short distance. I saw a pond, so I went to it and thought it would be a nice place to… I don’t know, sort out my feelings. Then I just got madder and madder, and I heard those bells. So I decided to go for a walk to try and cool off. And I got lost.”

 

“You have got to be the most insane, most spontaneous woman I have ever met.” He chuckles again as we break the tree line. There, not one minute from where I thought I’d been lost, was the cabin. I can’t believe it.

 

“Are you shitting me? This was here the whole time? It felt like I walked for hours!”

 

He laughs again and trots up the steps to the door. “Well, you didn’t. Now come on inside.” As he reaches for the door, I notice blood all over his hands. They look raw and painful.

 

“Andre?” I glance his way and walk through the door. As I do, I reach over and gently take one of his hands. “What happened?” I have a feeling I already know, but I don’t like to assume things.

 

“The wall offended me.” He looks away and closes the door behind me with a gentle click. “Right after you and everything else did.”

 

“I’m sorry…” It feels like a kick in the gut to say the words.

 

“Are you?”

 

“Yeah. Mostly. I mean, you’re right about a lot of things.” That feels like an even bigger kick to the gut.

 

His eyes narrow before he gives my hand a squeeze and leads me into the den. He pulls me down onto the couch next to him, and I cuddle into his side. I’m not too soaked, so I’m not worried about getting him wet. My head rests on his shoulder, and I find that I want to go to sleep. I’m exhausted from all the fights and the sex; I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I’ve barely even been here a full day.

 

“What do you think I’m right about?”

 

I shrug as his fingers stroke through my hair. “I don’t know if I’m ready. A baby is a huge responsibility. It’s terrifying. And new. It’s full of unknowns, and you see that. I don’t. I just see a life. And I don’t want to snuff it out.”

 

His hand pauses in my hair. “Then don’t.”

 

I glance up at him. “What about what you said? You said you didn’t want me to keep it.”

 

His hand starts to move again, and this time it trails along my cheekbone. “I also said I wanted you to keep it. To be honest, I don’t know what I want. And it also doesn’t really matter.”

 

My brow furrows, and I sit up so I can look him square in the eyes. “I won’t lie, Andre. For a while there, I was just as pissed off at you as you were at me. But I got so mad because…” Am I really about to admit this? I swallow and look away. “Because I care about you. I care about the baby’s future. Growing up, I had both parents, and I can’t imagine being raised with only one. I don’t want that for this child.” My other hand presses against my belly as I turn my gaze back to him.

 

His eyes search mine, and I can’t help but look away after a few seconds. “I know how you feel. This is all happening so fast and I have some big commitments and some even bigger responsibilities. Maybe I was being selfish, but I didn’t want to weigh everything I’ve worked so hard for against a baby that wasn’t planned. Because…” It’s his turn to look away from me. “It scares me, too. The whole thing. My world is full of surprises. It’s full of chances and opportunities, and any one of them could end up with me dead or in jail. But the responsibility of a child is so much more. It’s someone’s life. And on my side, it will be in danger every step of the way. The same as you.”

 

“And my side will be… safer. Is that where you’re going with this?”

 

When he nods, I have to admit that he’s right. The damn man isright. “Okay…” I run my hands through my hair before I lean into him some more. “You do have a point. I hate it, but you do.”

 

His eyes are narrowed as though he’s in thought; I know him well enough now that he’s got to be onto something important. At least I hope he is.

 

“I have an idea. You might not like it, but it could be an option.” He pauses for a moment before he continues. “What if you don’t tell your parents who the father of your baby is? You just tell them you had a one-night stand with a stranger, and all you know is they left town the next day.”

 

I bite down on my bottom lip as I listen to this plan. Thus far, it’s the best one yet. It also means I won’t have to give the baby up. “That’s brilliant. But what about later in life? When I have to talk to my child about her parents? Am I going to have to lie to her, too?”

 

He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it and looks at me carefully. The most beautiful smile I have ever seen on his face lights his whole being up. “You think it’s going to be a girl?”

 

I feel his hand start to run through my hair again, and I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe. It just slipped out.” I smile myself. “My whole family is made up of girls, at least on my mom’s side. I don’t have any uncles except for those who married into the family. Same with grandparents. I think it would be really weird if I had a boy. The first in generations.”

 

His hand strokes down the side of my neck as his other arm closes around my side. I sigh softly and let my eyes close. This is so much nicer than fighting.

 

“Are you going to get an ultrasound to see?” His lips brush across my temple. He’s being unusually gentle, but I’m willing to take advantage of it while I have it. “I could come if you wanted.”

 

“I think that’s too far into the future.” I bring one of his hands up to my lips and gently kiss one of his wounded knuckles. “Why don’t we forget about the future for right now and try to go a few hours without yelling at each other?”

 

“Or getting lost?”

 

“Shut up.” I keep my eyes closed as I playfully smack his shoulder. “So it was a stupid idea to run off. But… it ended up with us like this.”

 

“This is true.” He kisses my temple again, then nibbles along my hairline. His hands slide against my side, and one cups underneath one of my breasts. Soon, his lips are on mine, and I’m helpless against them; they feel too good to be real.

 

I pull back anyway. “Wait… one thing.” After a deep breath, I open my eyes and look at him. “I don’t want you to think this is stupid, but whenever my parents fight, they sometimes make up by telling each other something they like. For example –”

 

“You have the most amazing breasts.”

 

I can’t help but giggle. That’s not what I meant, but I have to go with it. “You’re really smart. You’re loyal.”

 

“I love your mouth.” He kisses me again, only deeper this time. His tongue laps against mine. He won’t let me say anything else as he winds his arms around me tighter and shoves his tongue between my lips. I don’t know how he managed to twist this exercise into a sex game, but I’m not about to complain.