Audrey
I’m in the bathroom feeling terrified to leave this tiny room.
I know Nathan, Nattie, Ma, Big Joe, Trey, and Lewis are waiting on the other side of the door for me. How can they all be okay with my being with him? Don’t they feel I am trading one son, one brother for another?
I take a deep breath steadying myself with my palms against the cold ceramic sink. The water drips from the faucet making a plop plop sound as it hits the basin, reminding me of the rain hitting my windowsill.
I take a few more breaths not knowing what to do. I stare at myself in the mirror, wishing I could talk to Joey. I wish I knew how he felt. Would he be angry? Would he be happy Nathan and I have each other?
“This is your life now, Audrey,” I tell my reflection. I have to worry about the now. Live in the world around me today. I can’t go back. I can only move forward.
In the end it doesn’t matter what Joey would think, he isn’t here now, and he isn’t coming back. Maybe it’s too soon, but maybe Nathan was right, I did meet him first. What if fate was trying to tell me something back then? What if the world put me in Joey’s life to lead me back to his brother?
I believe in serendipity. I believe in Nathan and his love he wants to give me.
After we had sex and he flipped out one me, I ran. It’s easier to run than face the consequences of what my choices were causing. I knew that he suffers from PTSD. I know he’d never hurt me intentionally.
I think back to that night, the night we met for the first time.
I remember his smile, and how sweet he was for those fleeting minutes I knew him. I remember wishing I could see him again, even though I didn’t know his name. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to Joey, he reminded me of Nathan.
The war changed Nathan, made him hard, made him hurt.
We all have scars, some deeper than others. I have to let down my walls and let go of my fears if I ever want to be happy with anyone.
With Nathan.
With myself.
I don’t know if its love we feel for each other, maybe someday.
For now, all I can do is offer him the pieces of me that are left.
I walk back into the room, my bag is already packed, and in his hand. Everyone else is gone.
“Ma went to check you out.” He dangles my keys in his other hand. “You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I slip my shoes on. We run to my car in the rain, getting pelted with the large drops as they splash against our bodies.
Two months later
I’m with Nathan at his parent’s house for Natalie and Trey’s engagement party. After seeing that Nathan and I were going to make things work, Natalie decided to take a chance at finding her own happiness. Trey got down on one knee for her two weeks ago at the bar. I was scared for him for a minute. I thought she might say no, but as she stood there seeing his love for her in his eyes she said she just knew that he was her one.
She met his son, Treyton too. We all adore him. He has his daddy’s blond curls and grey eyes. Sometimes Nathan and I babysit so they can go out.
It feels strange, but it also feels right to be here as Nathan’s date. We’ve gotten a few strange looks from other family members, but Ma, believe it or not, tells me to ignore them.
We had a good talk, just the two of us a few days ago. She came over and brought me an I’m sorry apology cake. It was a sweet gesture and I know it came from the heart. Three months ago, I would’ve thought it contained poison.
She apologized for how she treated me when I was with Joey but holds firm she doesn’t believe we were right for each other. Part of me believes her. The part of me that believes in fate.
Nathan’s eyes find mine from across the yard. He makes his way to me, and we go over to Joey’s grave together.
I’ve not visited Joey’s grave since he died. It was too hard to think of him lying here in the ground.
Kissing two fingers, I touch them to the headstone. “I will always love you, Joey. I’ll never forget the man that you were. The love you showed me. The woman you made me want to be for you. I hope that one day when I see you again that you can forgive me and be happy that I found love again.” Before I pull away, a monarch butterfly lands on my fingers, and in this brief moment I feel Joey is giving me his blessing. I can’t stop the tears as they fall steady as rain.
“Hey, you okay?” Nathan twists my chin in his direction.
In his eyes, I see nothing but love and adoration. I feel able to let go of the past. I can finally move forward with him.
“Never better.” I offer him a true smile, feeling at peace.
Natalie joins us and gives us both a hug. She has decided to move in with Trey and his son to better help him. I guess Yvonne isn’t a great mom and Trey has full custody of him now. She’s leaving the running of the bar to Nathan and me, with the help of Lewis.
We are renting her apartment out to Freddie and Sasha, they decided to move in together.
I still have Joey’s apartment, but I spend most of my time next door at Nathan’s.
I’ll never forget Joey or the love that we shared, but life does go on. I will always love him and a part of me will always wish that he were still here with us, but I have to live my life. We only get one and tomorrow is never promised. Everything can end in the blink of an eye. I never want to take what I have been given for granted. The early detection pregnancy test I took this morning is evidence of the fact.
We haven’t told anyone, it’s so early I don’t want to jinx us, and I don’t want to steal Natalie’s thunder. Today is all about her and Trey. I’m going to miss seeing her every day, but I’ve never seen her happier than she is right now. I think just maybe she does love Trey.
She can’t stop smiling, it’s contagious.
The three of us walk back to the tent where all the guests are gathered.
The food has been served and is waiting on the table for us. I take my seat next to my man and Lewis. When I reach for my water instead of the wine, with piqued brows Lewis says, “Hold up. Since when do you turn down any form of alcohol?”
I give him a mean scowl. He needs to be quiet. “I do like water from time to time.” I take a hearty sip.
“What’s that?” Ma questions from across the round table.
“Audrey isn’t drinking her wine,” he rats me out.
Traitor.
“Is something wrong with the wine? It’s not bad is it?” Big Joe asks with a grin. His smile is handsome like son’s.
“I’m sure the wine is fine.” I look to Nathan to help me out and he has the biggest smug smirk on his face.
Ma and Lewis look at him and back to me.
“Oh. MY. Gawd. She’s pregnant. Audrey’s pregnant!” she screams, nearly leaping over the table to hug our necks and kiss our cheeks.
Big Joe gives me a hug and squeezes his son’s shoulders. Natalie is grinning while Trey says he can’t wait to be an Uncle.
This nutty bunch is my family now.
I’m where I’m meant to be. I touch my stomach, even though there’s no bump. This baby will be loved. Whether we have a boy or girl we’ve already decided on a name.
Eight months later
“Please put the camera away, Nathan,” I snap at my husband. He proposed one week after I found out we were expecting. We had a small double ceremony in Ma’s backyard with Natalie and Trey a few months ago. It was sweet and intimate. It was perfect.
However, right now I don’t need to see my sweaty swollen face on film as I push a watermelon out of a pea. That’s what if feels like I’m doing as I bear down, giving my all, with what I hope is my final push.
Natalie grabs the camera from him and I’m thankful, until I realize she is still filming. That’s okay though. I’ll get to repay the favor in about three months when she gives birth to her son.
Ma keeps trying to poke her head through the door to get a glimpse. The nurse threatens to call security, but I ask for her to allow her in. I wouldn’t take this moment away from her. She wants a grandbaby to spoil so badly. Sure, she spoils Treyton, Treys’ son, but I know getting to hold her own flesh and blood means so much to her.
Nathan returns to my side and kisses my forehead. “You’re doing good, babe, just one more push.”
Easier said than done. He isn’t the one giving birth here.
I squeeze his hand as hard as I can as I grit my teeth. Raising up, knees to my ears, I push until I feel like my eyes are going to pop. “NUGHHHGUHH!” I scream out as I feel our child being pulled from my body, and into the doctor’s hands.
I don’t relax until I hear her wail. She has strong lungs. Nathan cuts the cord and holds her first, while I get stitched up.
Seeing him with our daughter, I know we belong together. I no longer see glimpses of his brother, Joey, when I look at him. I am able to see him for the man he is, the man who loves me.
He hands our baby girl over to me, and I have to count her fingers and toes. Pink and wrinkled, she’s beautiful. She has the thickest mop of dark hair on her head. I kiss her cheeks and dote on her for a moment, until they take her away to clean her up, and do a hearing test.
I know Ma is eager to get her hands on her, she’s over in the corner with Natalie crying tears of joy while snapping pictures.
Later in the day, Lewis comes by to see his Goddaughter. He has his new beau with him, Garrett. He’s his third boyfriend in six months. I hope they last. Garrett is funny and everything Lewis needs in a good man.
“Girl, if I didn’t see those stretch marks last week, I wouldn’t think you even gave birth, you looking fierce, honey,” Lewis gushes kissing my cheek.
“Ha. Ha.”
Nathan brings our newborn from the nursery, and Lewis lights up like a damn lighthouse beacon. He holds her for a few minutes, and immediately hands her over to me as soon as she starts to cry.
“Mamma, that is all you.” He laughs and promises to come by the apartment after we are released.
I was afraid of how Nathan would cope with the baby crying, he seems to be doing okay, continuing to take his medication regularly and he has a dog, Lucky who seems to help him tremendously. She can sense when he needs her. If life ever gets to be too much for him, he knows all he has to do is say the word. I know he wouldn’t never hurt our daughter intentionally, but I still want him taking every precaution when it comes to his triggers.
“You make me so happy, Audrey. I love you,” he whispers in my ear taking our sleeping girl from my arms as I drift asleep.
When I awaken he is sitting in the glider in the corner feeding her. He doesn’t notice I’m awake and listening to him as he talks to her.
“You get your name after your Uncle, Joey. He loved your Mamma as much as I do. I know he’d love you too. I wanted to call you Rain, after the thing that brought your mom and me together. You see Joey Rain Carwell, when it rains…all is right in the world.”
A tear slips from my eye.
It’s been raining all day.
The End
Allie Faye is a small-town girl from Kentucky who lives and breathes writing. She loves getting lost in the pages of a great romance. Her stories are sweet and spicy. Every woman should get in touch with her naughty side.