Zee

Quinn was gone last night when I went back into the bar looking for her in Savages and Saints. And I hated that I missed her song. She was good. Her voice, a soft, velvety alto that came from her soul. Beautiful. Pure. With a touch of mischief. Just like her.

I wanted to hear more. Shit, I hated karaoke. Pretty sure it was one of the devil’s instruments for torture, but I could have sat there listening to her sing all night long.

Then I got Ana’s call.

The woman is a mental fuck. Manipulative with no scruples, she’d begged and cried and threatened until I’d almost given into her demands. And really, why the hell should I care if she gets clean? She’s done nothing but screw me over since we met. Who's to say she won’t continue to do so even when she’s sober?

But I do care. That’s the fucking problem. Because I know she won’t last another year the way she’s spiraling. She’s in the same place I was a year ago. As much as I’d love to toss some money at her and make everything go away, my conscience won’t let me.

Not when I’m the one who fucked her up in the first place.

Speaking of things I’ve fucked up, Kade’s head snaps up when I walk into Savages and Saints, and he looks ticked.

“What the hell is this?” He slides off his stool, holding up what I assume are the papers my lawyer faxed him this morning.

It’s still early, and I haven’t even had coffee yet, but after finding Quinn’s door closed last night, I’d paced my room for hours, until I finally made the decision to come clean today. Can’t keep this charade up anymore.

I keep my shades on, unable to look my friend in the eyes. “The bar’s yours.”

“Why?” His lips purse, the lines on his forehead deep as he frowns at me.

“Thought you’d be happy. You no longer have to worry about me coming back and suing your ass for neglect.” I chuckle, trying to make light of it. “Jesus, Kade, it’s called paint. Honestly, the entire place needs to be gutted and revamped.”

“You think I wouldn’t update the place if I had the money?”

I shrug. “If you need a loan, I can give you—”

“I’m not taking money from you. And I’m not accepting this.” He tosses the papers on the bar.

“What difference does it make? I’m not here—”

“You’re here now. Stay and we’ll get this place running again. Together.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because I fucked your girlfriend before she was your wife. Because your kid might actually be mine. Because I’m half in love with your baby sister and you’re going to take a sledgehammer to my balls when you find out. Because this place holds nothing but demons and memories that threaten to drown me every second I stay here.

I drag my fingers through my hair. “I’ve got a life—”

“Yeah, I know all about your crazy ass rock star life. But this is your home. Your family is here. Time to come back.”

Silence stretches between us.

“Need to tell you something,” I say eventually.

Kade inhales deeply, then breathes out. “Okay.”

“I—”

“Daddy, Daddy, look.” Lola runs through the front door, holding a grizzly looking orange tom cat, that’s missing a half of one ear. “I found him by the docks. I don’t think he has a home.”

Quinn comes running in after her, face flushed and out of breath. “Lola, I told you not to touch that filthy thing.”

Lola ignores her. “Can we keep him, Daddy? Please.”

I catch Quinn’s gaze, but she only frowns at me and looks back at Lola. “It probably has fleas, and God knows what else. Put it back outside.”

“He’s hungry.” Lola pouts up at Kade, who looks ready to give into the kid’s demands.

I watch the way he is with the girl. He’s got a natural way with her. Of course he does. He is her father.

Even if, and the keyword is if, he isn’t biologically, he’s the one that raised her. The one she calls daddy.

I study the kid’s face, looking for any resemblance, some hint of who she really belongs to, and can find none.

“How about we get him something to eat,” Kade says. “Then we’ll ask around, see if he belongs to anyone.”

“He doesn’t,” Lola insists.

Kade just chuckles, then looks at me. “Want a cat?”

I grunt. “Looks like you just got yourself one.”

“We’ll talk later,” Kade says, taking the large orange fur ball from Lola’s arms.

“Sure,” I mutter, not knowing when I’ll get the nerve up again to tell him everything. I’m starting to wonder if it’s really what’s best for everyone.

If the kid is mine, then what?

I hadn’t thought that far ahead.

At least not what it would mean to Lola. But seeing her now, she’s real to me. Not just some mental construct, or another screw up to check off my list. I have to think about how this could affect her too.

If she’s mine, am I really willing to take her away from Kade?

It would destroy them both.

I watch the two of them leave, then turn to Quinn when we’re alone.

She’s wearing a thin pink tank top that hugs her breasts, and a pair of jean shorts that show off her curves. She doesn’t meet my gaze.

“How’s the new mattress?” I ask, mentally smacking myself on the forehead for bringing up the damn bed as my mind constructs a dozen images of her in it.

Quinn stretched out, naked on the mattress, her hips rising to meet my mouth.

Quinn on her hands and knees as I take her from behind, her moans filling the room.

Quinn crying out in pleasure as I thrust deep inside her sweet pussy.

I must hold back the guttural groan that rises in my chest.

Get a grip, man.

Quinn just shrugs, obviously unaware of what she does to me, and says, “It’s fine.”

I frown. “I can get you a different one.”

“I said it’s fine.” She moves to the bar and picks up the contract Kade left there, her expression unreadable as she skims it.

“Are you upset with me?”

She shakes her head, but I see the way her jaw clenches, like she’s biting back words.

“If you have something to say, just say it.” I hook my index finger in her shorts and pull her towards me.

Dark eyes finally meet mine, and she glares at me. “I’d just forgotten what an asshole you really are.”

“I won’t argue with that, but mind telling me what exactly I did to piss you off.”

“I heard you last night.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Heard what?”

“Your conversation. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but you were shouting, and it was hard not to hear everything you said.”

She overheard me talking to Ana. Shit. I try to think back on what was said. How much she heard. What she knows. Obviously not that much if she’s still semi-talking to me.

“And?” I pry.

Her eyes lock on mine and I can see the damn tears she’s holding back. “How could you?”

“How could I what?”

She throws her hands up in frustration. “Kiss me...touch me, when you’re with someone else.”

Of all the things she could rightfully accuse me of, that’s not one of them.

“I’m not with anyone.”

“I heard you.” She puts her hands on my stomach and tries to push me away.

“You heard wrong.”

“Then who were you talking to?”

Moment of truth time.

I inhale, then let the breath out slowly, before admitting, “Ana.”

A pause.

“Ana? You mean Kade’s Ana?’

I nod.

“Why? How? We haven’t seen or heard from her in years.”

“She reached out to me some time back.” It’s not really a lie. “I’ve been trying to help her.”

I hate that I made myself sound like the good guy, when I know the truth.

“Is that why you came back? For Ana?”

“No.”

Quinn continues like she didn’t hear me. “If she’s wanting to be part of Lola’s life again, that’s not a good idea. You have no idea what she did to her before the courts gave Kade custody.”

My throat constricts, because I can guess at the neglect the kid would have faced. I grew up with two addicts for parents. And until the woman gets clean, I know Lola’s better without her mom in her life.

“Kade must be freaking out.” Quinn says, closing her eyes, expression pained.

“I haven’t told him yet.”

Her eyes widen. “Why?”

Because I’m a fucking coward.

“Waiting for the right time,” I say.

She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “I guess it’s good she’s getting help.”

“Doesn’t mean it’ll stick. Once an addict, always an addict.”

Her palm rests on my chest above my heart, and compassion replaces all other emotions in her gaze. “Is that how you see yourself?”

My chest rises when I inhale deeply, keeping my hands around her waist, not wanting to let go, even though it’s exactly what I’ll be doing as soon as I finally have my heart to heart with Kade.

“I have to.”

“But you’re clean now.” Her brows pull down.

“Of drugs and alcohol. But an addict always replaces one addiction with another.” My drug of choice right now, just happens to be pressed up against my aching cock.

I could easily drown in her.

Consume her.

Use her.

She’s right, I am an asshole.

I need my drug.

Need her.

Can’t leave.

Not yet.

Maybe I don’t have to, a voice says in my head. Can just pretend to be the man they all think I am.

“So you’re not dating anyone?” she asks skeptically.

“I don’t do relationships, Quinn.” It’s meant to be a warning.

Her fingers fist in my shirt. “Just sex, right?”

I know she wants more. And a part of me wishes I could give it to her. Give her all the fucking rainbows and unicorns she’s probably been dreaming about since she was a kid. But there’s no room for that stuff in the darkness I live in.

“Just fucking,” I growl against her ear, letting her know there will be no white picket fences with me.

She sucks in a shaky breath, then wraps her arms around my neck, pulling my mouth to hers, and kissing me.

“I don’t care what you call it, as long as I have you inside of me,” she says against my lips.

I groan, barely aware that we’re in the middle of a bar, and that Kade and Lola could come back at any time.

“Upstairs,” I demand. “Now.”

She pulls back and gives a look of apology. “I can’t. Liam’s picking me up in a few minutes.”

I pause.

“My brother?” Something that feels like jealousy twists in my gut.

“We help out at Rosewood nursing home every Friday morning.”

“You should join us,” my brother says from the entrance, and I hear the anger in his voice, despite the invitation of his words.

Quinn immediately drops her arms from my shoulders and starts to pull back, but I only tighten my grip. He’s already seen us, and from the dark look in his eyes when I meet his gaze, he’s not happy about it.

The damage is done.

And I’m not ready to let her go.

“Didn’t realize you two were so close,” I say, holding his gaze.

“A lot of things you don’t know,” His eye twitches. When he glances at Quinn, it’s with a look like she’s lost her fucking mind.

Quinn clears her throat, then slips out of my arms. “I’m ready to go.”

“You’re supposed to be resting,” I say, wanting to pull her back. To make sure my brother knows she’s mine.

“You coming?” Liam asks me. I can tell he’s hoping my answer is no. I almost say yes, just to spite him.

“I’ll leave the philanthropy to the better brother,” I say stoically.

Both Liam and Quinn give me an odd look. Liam, like he’s struggling with some internal conflict; Quinn, like she’s disappointed with me.

I watch them leave, and that knot of jealousy I’d initially felt, only grows, because I see the way she smiles at him, the way he touches her back as he opens the door for her, guiding her out.

I have no right to be jealous. But I am. And for the next three hours my head spins around the possibility that there’s something more between them. It’s ridiculous. And irrational. But then all rational thought seems to go out the metaphorical window when it comes to Quinn.