Quinn

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This is not happening. I slowly slide down the bathroom wall, until I’m sitting on the cold, tiled floor, my fingers trembling around the positive pregnancy test.

I’m on the pill. Never missed one day. It can’t be right. Can’t be... But my boobs hurt, I’m moody, and I’ve thrown up the last three mornings in a row. And the two pink lines on the stick confirm my fears.

I’m pregnant.

Tears burn my eyes. All my life I’ve dreamed about having a family. Being a mom. But not like this. Not with a man who doesn’t love me. A man who probably isn’t even capable of the emotion.

God, he’s going to think I did it on purpose. That I’m trying to trap him.

Maybe he doesn’t have to know. Maybe no one has to know. I have options. But even as I think it, I know I’d never be able to go through with it. I didn’t plan this child, but it’s mine...and Zee’s.

Zee. He’s going to hate me for it. Or worse, feel obligated to be with me.

There’s a knock on the front door and I moan. I can’t see anyone right now. Especially not any of my brothers. I’m not sure I can keep my emotions from flooding through me. I don’t want anyone to know. Not until I figure out what I’m going to do.

More knocking, this time louder.

Damn it.

It takes me a long time before I gather the strength to stand up.

Abbott frowns at me when I open the door. “You ready?”

“Shit.” I was supposed to go with him to Harristown to get supplies for Mom and Dad’s anniversary party tonight.

“You forgot?” He gives me a disgruntled look.

“Just give me a second and I’ll be down.” I don’t want to go, preferring to curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. But this night is important to my parents. And to me. A reminder that some people still get their happily ever afters.

I frown when I meet Abbott in the parking lot and see Ace sitting in the back seat of his Jeep. He’s been coming around a lot lately. Now that Zee is gone, I think he still thinks he has a chance with me, because as hard as I’ve tried to put him in the friend-zone, he still keeps hinting that he wants that third date.

Not happening. Especially not now.

“You look pretty,” Ace says, when I get in the car.

Even Abbott rolls his eyes.

“Thanks,” I mutter, pulling my sunglasses over my eyes and glancing out the window.

Seeming to sense my mood, Abbott turns on the radio and we drive in relative silence to the nearest big-box store. Our relationship has been strained since the night he called Zee out on his lies. I know he feels like shit for the things he said to me. I also know it’s not his fault for the things Zee did, but I can’t let go of my anger.

I’m not even sure it’s Abbott I’m ticked at. In truth, I’m probably angrier at myself than anyone. Everything was falling apart around me, and I was falling with it. I couldn’t see any way out of the destruction that Zee left in his wake.

It would be so damn easy to fall into despair, easier to just swim down, then struggle to reach the surface to breathe.

“It’ll be faster if we split up,” Abbott says when we’re inside the store. He tears the list of items in half, then hands me a piece.

“I’ll go with Quinn,” Ace says with a crooked grin as he pulls out a cart.

I stifle a moan and give Abbot a thanks-a-lot-look, but he just sighs and grabs a cart of his own and starts towards the grocery section.

“It’s amazing how long your parents have been married,” Ace says as we head in the opposite direction of Abbott, towards the party supplies. “Thirty-five years. I can’t imagine being with the same person for that long.”

I can. It’s all I ever wanted. But not everyone gets their epic endings.

Ace fills the space between us with words, not seeming to care that I only respond with murmurs and nods. Can’t even try to be civil today. I feel cold and distant, still trying to process that I’m really pregnant.

In the party supply aisle, on tiptoes, I reach for a bag of silver balloons, and when I do a wave of dizziness has me taking a few steps back and reaching for something to grasp hold of.

“You okay?” Ace asks, one large arm wrapping around my waist to steady me.

“I...” Small flashes of light still dance in my vision, and I’m glad Ace is there, because the world spins around me. I hold onto him, fingers digging into his arm as the trembling in my body slowly subsides.

“Hey,” His gaze is filled with concern.

“I’m just dizzy.” I give him a small smile.

He frowns down at me. “Maybe you need something to eat.”

I shake my head. Haven’t been able to keep any food down until well after noon. “I’m okay.”

Except, I’m not, because when I look past Ace’s shoulder, a pair of intense, angry green eyes are boring a hole in the back of Ace’s head.

My breath catches in my throat, and my fingers tighten around Ace’s arm as Zee leaves the cart he’d been pushing behind him and storms towards us. For a second, I feel my heart stop, just before it begins to race again with a rush of adrenaline.

“Quinn.” Zee’s left eye twitches.

I want to smack myself, because the first thing I think is, God, he looks good.

But he does. His skin is a warm bronze, like he’s been working in the sun. His muscles bunch and tense under the dark t-shirt that hugs his broad shoulders and chest.

All I want is to fall into him, have his arms around me, and for him to tell me everything is going to be all right.

Except it isn’t. Nothing will ever be right again.

I knew this morning, when I saw the test results, that I’d have to see him again. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. I’m not prepared. My heart is still too fragile.

Focus on the anger, Quinn, not the despair.

Zee’s jaw clenches as he looks between Ace and me, and I can see the conclusion he comes to. He thinks we’re together.

I almost correct him, but honestly, I’m too angry to worry about what he thinks. Maybe if my hormones weren’t all over the place, making me cry one second and rage the next, I might care that he seems jealous. But he has no right. No right to be angry. No right to jealousy. No right to me.

“Why are you here?”

Zee St. James in a big-box store in Harristown doesn’t make sense. Unless... He can’t be back. He would have contacted me. Wouldn't he? But here he is. Crushing the last spark of hope I’d held onto.

I want to hate him for it. But damn my stupid heart, because even with no hope, I still love him.

“Getting supplies.” Zee drags a hand through his hair. “Can I talk to you?” He glances over at Ace, then back to me. “Alone.”

Not a good idea, my head warns.

“Please,” Zee says roughly.

My lower lip quivers, and I want to shake my head, but I can’t. I hate the hold he still has over me. One kind word, one small touch and I know I’d unravel in his arms.

“Quinn?” Ace says.

“It’s okay.” I hand him Abbott’s list, then give him an apologetic smile, trying unsuccessfully not to let my emotions spill into my words, “Would you mind finding the rest of the stuff. I’ll meet you at the cashier.”

With a heavy sigh Ace takes the list, glaring at Zee before he turns and walks away with the cart. I think I hear him mutter, “Abbott’s going to be pissed.”

But Abbott’s not the one I’m worried about right now.

When Zee and I are alone, I don’t look up, can’t meet his eyes, because I know they’ll consume me, tear away the only thing that’s letting me stand here right now, my anger.

“Quinn.” My name on his lips is almost worse, and it sends a tremble through my entire body.

“What do you want, Zee?”

I watch his throat bob. His gaze is tortured, just like me. But it’s my heart I need to protect now. Or at least try to salvage.

“Are you with him?” Zee nods over my shoulder, in the direction Ace left.

“Does it matter?”

He inhales through his nostrils and grits out through clenched teeth. “It matters.”

A frustrated sigh comes from the back of my throat. “You left.”

“I’m sorry—”

“And now you’re back?” I shake my head at him, allowing my anger to grow, to consume me. “For what? Obviously not for me, because you never even bothered to tell me. We both know you’ll leave again. So, let’s not do this thing where we act like there was anything more between us than sex.”

He takes a step towards me and growls out, “It wasn’t just sex.”

The fierceness in the way he says it has me sucking in a breath.

But it was just sex. I have to believe that now. Can’t let him pull me back into his vortex of torment and despair.

I love him. Nothing will change that.

He reaches out and his palm rests on my cheek, and he repeats, “Wasn’t just sex.”

My traitorous body melts under his touch. No, I want to shout, but my stupid heart cries out for more.

“Don’t,” I whimper, feeling tears build behind my eyes.

I can’t cry here. Not in front of him. I won’t be able to stop if I start.

“I’ve missed you.” He leans closer.

I won’t let him break me. Because he will.

Thought I was strong enough to survive him. But I’m not. And I have more than myself to think about now.

Panic claws at my throat as the reality of the child I’m carrying comes crashing down on me.

“I can’t do this. Not here.” My pulse is racing rapidly, and I feel like I’m being strangled. Unable to breathe, inky spots start to dot my vision.

It’s too much.

I take a step back, banging into the rack, causing several packages of balloons fall to the floor. When I turn around, with the intention of running away, the world shifts again, spinning around me, but this time as I start to fall I have nothing to steady me.