Zee

I wince as Quinn’s door slams shut and I hear the click of a lock.

“Nice job, dickhead,” I mutter to myself as I start to pace again, the heaviness of everything she said weighing down on me.

God, what I’d do for a drink right now. Or, even a joint. Anything to take the edge off. To help me forget what a fuck up I am. But the only drug I have right now is Quinn, and I just screwed that up too.

I pull out my phone and find Liam’s number, then go outside on the stairs as it begins to ring. Need to start trying to fix things instead of making everything worse.

“You got my text,” Liam says flatly when he answers.

“I need you to be straight with me.” I sit on the top step, head in my hands.

There’s a short pause. “Okay.”

“Do you have feelings for Quinn?”

Silence.

“Liam?”

“Would you stay away from her if I did?”

I’d fucking hate it, but I would. Hell, maybe it would make leaving easier.

I sigh. “Yes.”

More silence.

Finally, he exhales heavily. “No. Quinn’s just a friend. Shit, even if I’d thought about it, I’m not a masochist, the woman’s been in love with you since she was a kid. I’m not going to compete with that.”

I grunt. “Lust and love aren’t the same thing.”

“No,” he agrees. “They’re not.”

I swallow hard as silence stretches, until I think he might have hung up on me. “Liam?”

“You’re going to break her, you know that.”

“She’s stronger than you think. And she’s not a kid anymore.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, wondering why I’m trying to justify something that hasn’t even happened yet.

“Is that all you called about?”

“I wanted to make sure you were...all right.”

“If you’re asking if I’m all right with you fucking the closest thing to a sister I have, with every intention of breaking her heart, then no, it doesn’t really sit well with me.”

“That’s not what I was asking. But good to know your opinion,” I say with a bit of a bite. “I wanted to know if you’re okay.”

He snorts. “Define okay.”

I grunt in response, because I’m not even sure what okay looks like anymore. Just know that being back here feels like the closest thing to it I’ve felt in years.

“If you need anything—”

“I don’t need your money, Zee. And I received your bullshit papers about signing the shop over to me.”

“The place is yours. I should have signed it over to you years ago. Dad would have wanted you to have it.”

“So you handing the place over to me has nothing to do with you finally cutting all ties to this place?”

Maybe.

“Just trying to do the right thing.” It’s not a lie, but I know it sounds like a bullshit answer.

“Which always ends up being the wrong thing.”

“You have no idea how right you are,” I mutter.

There’s silence on the other end.

“You in some kind of trouble?” Liam finally says.

“Aren’t I always?” I say lightly, chuckling as I drag a palm over the back of my neck.

He doesn’t laugh.

“You know I’m always on your side.”

“Even I’m not on my side for this.”

As I’m talking to Liam, I see Kade as he pulls into the parking lot below. Lola waves at me when she hops out, a huge smile brightening her face.

“I have to go,” I say, then add, “and sign those damn documents.”

He mumbles something I can’t make out then ends the call.

“What happened to the cat?” I ask as I walk down the stairs towards Kade and Lola.

“Daddy said we can keep him.” Lola bounces on her toes, grasping Kade’s hand. “Right Daddy?”

Daddy. It’s a word I’ve never wanted to hear. Not directed at me anyways. But I would have honored my responsibility. Hell, maybe it would have been the wakeup call I needed. Or maybe I would have just fucked everything up like I always do.

“He’s being checked out by the vet,” Kade says, clearly not as thrilled about the cat as Lola is. “If he’s healthy then we’ll bring him home.”

“His name is Princess,” Lola tells me. “And we get to go to the store and buy him a collar, and toys, and something to scratch his nails on, and he gets to sleep in my room with me.”

“Sounds like Princess is going to be one lucky cat.”

“He is.” She keeps bouncing. “I can’t wait to tell Aunt Q.”

“Tell me what?” Quinn walks down the stairs. She frowns at me when she meets my gaze, then turns her attention to Lola, who starts excitedly telling Quinn about the cat.

Kade motions me to the back of his truck.

“You let the kid call a male cat Princess?” I joke.

He shrugs. “Some things aren’t worth arguing over. And some things are. I’ve thought about it, and I’m not signing those papers.”

Jesus, what’s with everyone being so damn difficult today?

“It’s not like I’m trying to give you the plague. It’s your business. I’m just taking my name off it.”

Kade raises an eyebrow at me and I realize that I’d yelled the last few words.

“Look. I’m trying to fix things, but no matter what I do, I’m only going to make things worse.” I sit on the bumper of the truck and lean my head back, eyes closed and admit, “I know where Ana is.”

I swear, I hear Kade swallow, and when I open my eyes and look at him, his gaze is haunted. Shit. Never seen that look from him before.

“She contacted you?” His voice cracks.

I nod. Not sure I have the guts to tell him the rest. Not when I already see him breaking down just from the mention of Ana’s name.

Kade leans on the truck beside me, glancing back at Lola and Quinn, and curses under his breath, then louder.

I see Quinn look over.

“Where is she?” Kade says through teeth clenched.

“I checked her into rehab a few weeks ago.” I leave out the part of her leaving, because I’m hoping that she listened to me, or at least wanted my money enough to go back.

“She’s getting clean?” Emotions twist Kade’s expression. “That’s good. It’s good. Really good.”

I can tell he’s in his head. His eyes are clouded and he drags his palms back and forth on his thighs.

“Look,” I say, knowing I’ll never get it out if I don’t say it now. “The last time I saw her, she told me something—”

“Thank you.” Kade looks at me, and I know he didn’t hear a word I just said.

His thoughts are only on Ana. No matter the nightmare she put him through, he still loves her.

“I don’t know how you did it. But thank you.”

Lola comes bouncing around the truck. “Can we go to the store now. Please, Daddy?”

“After dinner,” Kade says, shaking himself out of his memories. He picks her up and puts her on his shoulders, and she lets out a little squeal as he does it.

“There are still things I need to talk to you about.” I say, glancing up at Lola, knowing now's not the time.

Guilt chews at my guts.

Kade frowns at me, and I hold his gaze. He seems to understand that whatever I have to say, can’t be said in front of the kid.

“I know,” he says.

Except he doesn’t.

He has no idea the torment I’m about to unleash.

With Lola on his shoulders, Kade walks back to Quinn. He says something to her that has her rolling her eyes, then glancing over at me.

I swallow tightly before pushing off the truck and heading towards them. Two different voices war in my head. One that tells me to just come clean, with everything, the other telling me that the truth will serve no purpose but to ruin the people I care the most about.

Quinn heads back upstairs, and I see Kade shake his head, then glance back at me, “Maybe you can convince her to rest. She won’t listen to me.”

“And you think she’ll listen to me?”

Kade smirks. “I think she’d do anything you asked.”

I swear to God I fucking blush like a sixteen year old girl, which just makes Kade laugh.

“You think anyone in this town doesn’t know she’s been hung up on you since we were kids?”

“I take it, this is when you give me the lecture.”

Kade tilts his head and his lips twist, then says, “No. You’ll do the right thing.”

His vote of confidence leaves me shaken. I’m better dealing with people’s disappointment than their expectations. Because I know I’ll never be the man he and Quinn think I am.

Why the hell not? The voice that’s been subdued shouts in my head.

For Quinn. For Kade. For Lola.

Maybe I can be that man.

I glance up at the apartment. My arms ache to hold her, to make things right, to drown in her light and feel that wholeness I never thought I’d have.

Damn her for making me feel things I’d fought so hard to shield myself from. And damn Kade for thinking I could actually do right by her. And damn myself, because I know I can’t walk away. Not now.