My eyes popped open to the fading darkness. Dawn was nothing but a suggestion preparing to break.
My heart raced like a thoroughbred horse, and every single muscle in my body was hard.
Rigid and straining.
A needy growl fought to burst free when I realized what’d drawn me from sleep. I tempered it, gritted my teeth in restraint.
Problem?
I was lying flat on my back, and her sweet, delicate body was tucked to my side, the girl too fucking close for comfort. She had one leg hooked around my waist and a fist tightly wound in my shirt.
Heat burned hot, and the satiny underwear she wore did nothing to conceal the fact her pussy was pretty much grinding against my hip.
Yeah.
Perfect. Problem.
I groaned, hating myself a little bit. Leave it to me for my thoughts to go straight to the depraved and corrupt.
But the truth of the matter was my cock was harder than fucking stone.
I had the intense urge to bang my head against the wall.
Instead, I banged it against my pillow.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Fuck.
When that didn’t work, I crushed the heel of my palm into my eye. Hoping the pressure might quell the overpowering lust. The all-consuming need to bury myself in all that sweet and soft.
To get lost in the warmth tucked into my side.
A tiny, breathy moan.
This from that pouty mouth.
And I was sure I just might die.
No chance could I just lay there like some kind of saint.
Because I was nothing more than a man.
Begging for some kind of mercy that I didn’t disturb her, I unwound her gorgeous body from mine and slipped out from under the covers, sucked in a cleansing breath I hoped would rein it in, and tiptoed into the bathroom where I quietly latched the door shut behind me.
Needing space.
Distance.
Or maybe a fucking brick wall with padlocks and chains.
I scrubbed both hands down my face, before I pushed some of the tension out with a heavy sigh.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
God, this girl had me in knots.
Wanted her so bad. But I knew better than to push her. Knew she deserved time and respect.
My gaze traveled right.
Shower.
Yes.
Shower.
Hidden away in this tiny room with her on the other side, a cold one might be the only solution.
I turned the faucet on high, all too quick to strip out of my clothes. I stepped right into the driving cold.
“Shit,” I hissed, bracing myself against the spray of icy shards pelting from the shower head.
I sucked in a breath, released it between clenched teeth, and forced myself fully under it.
Head dropped and chest heaving as rivers of ice-cold water slicked down my shoulders and back.
But it did nothing to lessen the need. Gave me no sanity or pacification.
Because all I could think about was the girl on the other side of the door.
My girl.
In my bed.
Wearing just her panties and my shirt.
An angel I wanted to dirty.
I always had.
Love was messy like that.
All of my restraint scattered. I gripped my cock. Squeezed the base. My mouth dropped open at the pressure of my hand against my rigid length.
I was a fool to think it might be enough.
Shit.
God, I was a bastard, but there was nothing I could do before I was giving in, leaning forward and bracketing my forearm above my head to hold my weight.
Water pounded down on my head and back while I pounded my fist against my dick.
Trying to keep silent when all I wanted was to moan, teeth digging into my bottom lip as I pictured the girl spread out for me.
My breaths were coming short.
Panted and hard.
I gave into imagining the sounds she would make when I finally got to bury myself in her body.
A soft, soft gasp.
I slowed, trying to convince myself that throaty sound was all in my mind.
Just another part of this fantasy.
Until I heard the small thump against the wall.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I mashed my eyes closed, like it might hide me.
Conceal the depravity of my actions after I’d just been comforting her hours before.
Heart thrashing, I turned and moved far enough to peek out the small section where the fabric shower curtain hadn’t been drawn fully closed.
It was just a little sliver that left me exposed.
But it was enough. When I peered out, I was looking right at my girl pressed up against the wall.
She stared right back at me.
And I wanted to be horrified, my mind scrambling to conjure every weak apology I could summon. Ready to fucking grovel to keep her from turning and running once again.
Because that’s exactly what I expected her to do.
But her expression…her expression clutched me in the center of the chest and sent what little brain function I had left stampeding south.
Red, lush lips were parted, her hand pressed to the hollow of her throat, pupils dilated so big that her hooded, cerulean eyes appeared black. Needy breaths were coming at me from that sweet mouth like a goddamned freight train.
Desire swelled in the confines of the too-tight room.
Alive.
She pressed deeper into the wall as if it might support her weakened knees. Head rocked back. Thighs squeezing together.
Motherfuck.
My hand shot to the shower wall to steady myself. “Warning you, Edie, you need to get out of here. Right now.”
“I…I…” The words caught, and a tremor rode on her exhale. “I heard you.”
“Edie.” Another warning from between gritted teeth.
“Austin…I…” It was a plea.
If I were a wise man, I would jerk the curtain shut tight. Shout at her to go before we both did something so stupid we’d end up driving a wedge so deep between us we’d never be able to cross it.
But no.
Like a fool, I pushed it aside. Metal rings screeched against the rod. The part of me that’d wanted this girl for what seemed like forever convinced me it was okay to return to pumping my cock.
Body soaked, water streaking from my shoulders and chest in thin rivulets.
Words raw. Rough. “This what you heard?”
She gave me no answer.
Instead those eyes roamed.
Hungry.
Desperate.
Tracing the parts of me she’d never before seen.
“Edie,” I groaned, not looking away when I reached over to kill the faucet, turning back to face her in the emerging light.
“You’re so beautiful.” She whispered it like it caused her pain.
“No…Edie…it’s you. You who did this to me. You’ve always done this to me.”
A needy gasp and she was pressing harder against the wall.
Begging.
I stepped out of the shower.
Closing in.
I felt it the second she saw it, when the design etched into my skin became clear in the faint rays of morning light.
A tremble rolled through her like thunder and everything went from intense to severe.
Escalating.
The power that bound us surged.
Magnified.
I took another step closer, completely exposed until I was standing right in front of her.
Standing in the storm.
Firelight.
With a trembling hand, she reached out and traced her fingertips across what had been marked over my heart. Reverent and awed, she touched the spot that was always going to belong to her.
It was the first tattoo I ever got.
My chest was covered in ink. Like the demons inside me had been captured on my skin.
Hidden in the middle of it all was a dream catcher.
It blew in the wind, bright feathers ripping and wild as they were pummeled, in flight where they lashed down across my abdomen. The entire thing was threatened to be ripped apart by the raging storm that ruled our lives, the leather strands clung to the webbed foundation that held it all together.
That endless ring stamped right over my heart.
A diamond sat right in the middle.
My forever.
My hand cupped the side of her neck, thumb brushing along her jaw. “You get it now, baby? What you mean to me?”
The words grated as they were expelled, me standing there naked in front of her.
Physically.
Emotionally.
“I was never supposed to mean anything.”
I pressed her hand flat over the web. “Doesn’t matter. You were right here, all along.”
Her chin trembled as she lifted it, gaze catching mine. “You make me want things I can’t have.”
I wanted to tell her I could give it all.
That all her boundaries were safe with me. That I’d protect them. Wouldn’t cross them until she was ready.
Until she was sure.
Instead I leaned in and barely brushed my lips at the corner of hers.
The softest promise.
I’ve got you.
She rocked with a full-body quake.
This time I uttered it aloud, voice soft. “I’ve got you. I won’t ever hurt you.”
That storm raged and warred. “Austin.”
We were held back by all those reservations, pushed forward by need and want.
“I know you,” I told her so quietly, placing feather-light kisses along the curve of her jaw. Eliciting chills.
And I knew she got my meaning.
She recognized I still clearly saw the limitations.
I wasn’t going to push. I wouldn’t chase her until she was trapped.
She’d always maintain control until she was ready to surrender it to me.
She lifted her chin and whimpered, “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” It oozed on a growl.
“Don’t hurt me. Don’t leave me.”
Don’t.
Don’t.
Don’t.
This time it was surrender.
The word sent tension bounding through the room.
Winding us up higher.
Tighter.
Until neither of us had a choice but to snap.
She threw her arms around my neck and my mouth came crashing down.
Taking that mouth I’d been dying to take. So fucking soft and sweet. And I was pretty sure I still had to be lost somewhere in that fantasy when I sucked at the plush softness of her bottom lip, rolling it between mine.
I turned and did the same to the top.
Savoring.
Tasting.
Taking.
She tilted her head back and her tongue peeked out.
Tentative.
That was until the second mine brushed hers.
Fire.
We were gone.
Absent but to us.
Hot hands pressed against my chest and she pushed up on her toes, the girl shocking me by being the one to deepen the kiss.
Demanding more.
A low growl rumbled deep in my throat, and I drove my hands into the long locks of her hair.
So damned soft.
I yanked a little to grant me better access.
And I kissed her and kissed her.
Dancing tongues and nipping teeth and soaring spirits.
My bare cock pressed into her belly.
She whimpered, the girl sagging into my hold when her knees went weak.
I pinned her to the wall, keeping her from falling. Her body felt so fragile beneath mine.
“I’ve got you,” I murmured as I lifted her into my arms and carried her back into the sanctuary of my room.
The barest light slipped in and washed the white walls in warmth.
It bathed the bed in shimmery light.
I laid her in the center of it. Looked down at the one who’d changed everything. My heart and my focus and all the fucked-up thoughts that ruled my head.
Standing there with my hands fisted at my sides and her trusting eyes taking in every inch of me, I yearned to be someone better.
I’d walked from my brother’s house hoping to find that man. To find the strength inside of me to be the person I wanted to be.
I’d left knowing with every part of me I had someone out there who needed my strength. A girl who needed someone to stand for her.
The same way as she’d stood for me.
Breathing belief.
Imparting faith.
Could I become him now?
Could I handle something so delicate without again squashing it in my hands?
Edie writhed. “Austin… Please.”
I was damned sure going to try.
My movements were cautious and controlled when I climbed up onto the bed. Her feet were planted on the mattress, and I crawled into the well of her legs.
Hovered and gazed.
So beautiful.
I palmed her cheek.
“You steal my breath.”
“And you make me weak,” she returned.
I dropped to my elbows, and she arched.
Our bodies met in the middle.
That energy pulsed.
She stuttered out an exhale as I settled over her, careful not to crush her.
Never.
I sifted my fingers through her hair. “No…Edie. I’m gonna be your strength. Your courage. Stand behind you when you need the support. Hold you up when you’re failing. And when you’re soaring, I’m going to be the one watching you fly. I will never drag you down or hold you back. Tell me you trust me.”
Tears gathered at the creases of her eyes, and her tongue swept along her lips. Her heated gaze darted to my lips before it flashed back to my eyes. Transparent and clear. “You know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
Relief stole my exhale, and that hope was no longer just a glimmer. Now it was blinding light. Blazing and burning and consuming. My chest felt so damned tight, and I leaned down to kiss my girl.
Slowly at first.
Relishing what it felt like to stand in the sun.
She clung to my bare shoulders and wrapped her slender thighs around my hips.
I rocked against her.
All my hard against the softest soft.
She whimpered a sigh.
And I did it again.
And again.
And it was too much.
And not close to being enough.
Edie started panting as I increased the pace. Increased the pressure. Kissed her harder and deeper.
Losing her grip.
She looked up at me as if she was begging me to rescue her.
“I feel you,” fumbled like desperation from her mouth.
My spirit lit in a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my knees and set a single hand next to her head. The pads of my fingers crawled over the material of my shirt, my heartrate kicking an extra beat when I brushed over the swell of her breasts, nipples tight and straining against the fabric, before I went skimming down.
A shiver racked her when I moved over her belly.
I caressed over the satin of her underwear.
She panted.
I pushed the satin aside, caressing soft. She moaned encouragement, and I pushed two fingers into the deep well of her hot body.
Oh fuck. So warm and tight.
Edie gasped and her back bowed.
“Please.”
God.
She was so fucking sweet.
Hot and wet.
I brushed my thumb across her clit.
So damned light.
Back and forth as I slowly began to fuck her with my fingers.
Still, that’s all it took for her to be crying out, my name on her lips as her walls clamped down, riding the sharp edge of her orgasm.
My chest tightened at her expression, her sweet, sweet face lost to the bliss I was bringing her.
She lifted her hips from the bed as she gasped. Fingertips sank into my shoulders. Clinging as she broke.
Beauty.
Fucking beauty, watching her come undone, my spirit going wild with the need to get closer to her.
The girl whimpered and writhed as aftershocks sent tremors through her body.
My hand that had been exploring her body was back on my cock. I gripped tightly in hesitation, wondering just how much this girl could take before she spooked, then I gave in because she was looking at me like I could possibly be the light in her darkness, too.
I jacked myself with brutal, savage strokes. Our faces were so close, my nose was brushing hers.
Staring down at eternity.
Into those bottomless depths that led directly into her soul.
My mouth dropped open and every muscle coiled, this girl my complete ruin.
White hot streaks of ecstasy ripped through my body, shudders ripping far and wide, my body going rigid above her as I came.
Her hands flew to my cheeks, holding fast to my jaw, her emotions laid bare when she mouthed again and again, I feel you, I feel you, I feel you.
Pleasure gripped me everywhere, and I slumped forward as I struggled for air, my arm wrapped tightly around her head as I pressed her face into my neck.
Because Edie Evans was my first.
The first girl who’d managed to touch something within me when I’d been completely dead inside.
A strike of light in the darkness.
The one to evoke. The one to inspire. The one to instill this burning hope that flickered and flamed at my insides.
Spurring me to stand.
Since the dark day I killed him, she was the first to make me feel.