A ring of shot glasses met in the middle of the table.
Excited, Ash’s gaze bounced around at everyone sitting in our circle.
Baz, Lyrik, Zee.
Me.
“To an endless well of inspiration and songs,” he said with that easy-going smirk he couldn’t help but wear. “To our fans. To our friends. To this mismatched family that’s always gonna belong. Most of all…to Austin for stepping up into his rightful place. Deserve it, man. Welcome home.”
A ripple of disquiet weaved through my insides. It bound with an overwhelming sense of right.
God. I couldn’t make sense of this. The push and pull. Seemed the longer I was here, the stronger it grew.
The truth of it was, it felt good being home. Like I’d reclaimed something I’d lost.
But it didn’t come close to touching how fucking bad I missed Edie. It’d only been three nights since I’d destroyed another piece of her. Two days since I’d come here. But each of those nights? They were spent wide awake. Arms aching. My body a void.
Lost to that black, black sea.
Desperate to climb back onto land.
From his spot across from me, Baz eyed me.
Toasting before a show?
This was one of the traditions I’d been excluded from long ago. Back when things had gone south and I started pumping my body full of shit that had only served to fuck things up more.
Seemed all of us had that proclivity. Save Zee. Dude was without a doubt hands over fists wiser than the rest of us.
Thick, dark liquid sloshed down the side of my glass as I knocked it against the guys’. I poured it back into my mouth. It slid down my throat, hot in my gut.
“So tell me how this is going to go down.”
Lyrik leaned forward, all sly and dark, way he always was. He raked a tattooed hand through his unruly black hair that was just as black as his eyes. “You keep up with the songs?
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Of course I did. Think everyone here knew there was no chance I’d just up and stopped listening to the words they wrote. To the songs they played. Didn’t matter how much distance separated us. I never could have gotten that far.
Like Baz had told me when he’d given me my first guitar.
Music beat in my blood.
It was part of what tied all of us together. The threads of their songs were just another part of the bond.
Lyrik nodded. “Then you go out there. You play. You see how it feels. Then you make the decision if you want to stay. Simple as that.”
Incredulous laughter threatened. Because there was not one simple thing about it.
Lyrik sat back with that dark gaze. “You willing to take a chance?”
A chance for my brother?
A chance to make this right with Edie?
“Yeah, man, I’m willing to take the chance.”
Ash slapped both hands on the table. “Hell yeah. This is gonna be epic. Baz’s baby brother taking his brother’s spot. Girls are gonna lose their heads.” He lifted his arms out at his sides. “This boy right here needs some lovin’, but I’m pretty sure this asshole is gonna give me a run for my money.”
A chuckle rolled from me, all mixed up with more of that guilt. It felt wrong keeping something so significant from Edie’s brother. But what the hell else was I supposed to do? “No worries about that, man. They’re all yours.”
Zee widened his eyes. “Like he needs more encouragement.”
Tamar and Shea, Lyrik and Baz’s wives, appeared at the door.
“Knock, knock,” Shea said with a smile as she peeked her head inside.
God. It was weird seeing Shea after everything we’d been through. Part of me felt so removed. The other? I felt as close to her as I could be. The things about her past I’d unwittingly known, not having the first clue how tied we were. Not until it’d almost been too late.
Thank God it was behind them.
Behind us.
Now Baz and Shea could live in peace.
Peace.
Fuck.
That’s all I wanted for my girl. Sitting there? I felt antsy. Desperate to make it happen. Unsure if I could.
Tamar walked into the room ahead of Shea. Her stomach was just beginning to hint with the swell of the child she carried inside.
Lyrik had to be one of the hardest, most intimidating guys you’d ever meet. But the second he saw her? Swore the guy turned to goo. “There you are,” he murmured as Tamar weaved his way to him.
Ash swiveled in his seat, grinning wide like the cocky bastard he was. “Ahh, Tam Tam. We were just talking about the fact I need some lovin’. And here you are. Come give me some kisses.”
“Watch yourself, man.” Lyrik’s words were almost a growl, but he was too busy pulling his wife onto his lap, kissing her obscene right in the middle of the room.
“Hey, now. Why do you always have to go and get hasty with the assumptions? I was just gonna tell her hi.”
Zee flicked a pen at Ash. “Maybe it’s because we’ve all been subjected to the way you like to tell girls hi for far too long.”
Ash dodged it, gave one of his dimpled grins. “What? I can’t help it if I’m irresistible.”
Shea smacked him on the back of his head as she passed by. “You wait, Ash. I still have one hundred bucks on you filling up your ridiculous house back in Savannah. All those rooms painted pink and blue. I saw some super cute boots that are just calling my name.”
She gave me a soft smile as she rounded the table, heading toward my brother.
Ash shook his head like he was getting ready to tell the saddest story. “Guess those boots are going to sit there…going out of style.”
“We’ll see,” she said, winding her arms around my brother’s neck from behind.
I laughed, propped my elbows on the table.
So confused.
Because God. Being here, with the guys? With Shea and Tamar? It felt like home.
All the while my spirit thrashed for the one thing that set it at ease.
Do you feel me?
Thoughts of Edie out there, alone again, swamped me. Sucking me deeper toward that storm.
I could feel it.
Building in the distance.
“How was your day?” Shea asked, her mouth soft at my brother’s ear.
Baz looked directly across at me. Holding me in his gaze. “It was a good day. A damned good day.”
For the next two hours, we all hung out in the solitude of Lyrik’s basement at the house he shared with his family.
Baz handed me an electric guitar and the four of us worked through their set list. Making sure I was on. That I could handle it.
Baz paced behind us, tapping out a beat on his thigh as he bobbed his head, already taking the position of support. In the background for input and advice, a shift of key and a lift of voice.
It felt so fucking good.
So right.
With each screaming lyric I sang, with the hard, chaotic, thrashing beat I tapped into—that one glaring, bitter piece screamed out from within me.
Fix this. Set her free. For once, do something right.
“Anyone mind if I step out to get some air?” I asked.
Baz inclined his head toward the stairs. “Take all the time you need.”
I set the electric guitar that belonged to my brother aside. An overwhelming sense hit me with the force of a freighter.
I gasped around it, climbed the stairs to the main floor of Lyrik’s enormous house. The two upper levels were all luxury and opulence and clean lines.
Still, there was something homey about it. Maybe it was the way a bunch of toys were strewn about, evidence of the presence of Lyrik’s son, Brendon. Or maybe it was the way Tamar scurried around on her bare feet. Or the way Shea’s and her laughter rang out and echoed on the stone tiles.
Maybe it was the joy climbing the walls.
And that’s what I wanted for Edie.
Her joy.
Her freedom.
For my girl to finally be free of all the bullshit.
Then maybe she’d finally see the decision she’d never wanted to make was the right one. Maybe then she’d be free of the guilt and shame.
Free of Paul’s vile and vengeance.
All of that belonged on me.
Whatever it took, I was going to protect her.
Set her free.
I opened one side of the massive French doors framed in carved, ornate wood and centered in ten-foot plates of glass. I stumbled out into the hazy heat of the late afternoon light, the City of Angels rambling forever below.
I pulled out my phone, entered the number I’d memorized. The one that had been haunting Edie for the last two months.
I played the fool as I tapped out the message for the bastard I had every intention of destroying.
Every intention of finally silencing the voice at the helm of her regrets.
The root of it all.
One mistake.
That’s all it took for a cataclysm to ensue.
But this was a choice I wouldn’t ever regret.
Hey man, it’s Austin Stone. Heard you’re out. Sunder’s playing tomorrow. Lucky’s @9. You should hit us up. Been a long time. Want to talk to you about an opportunity with the band.
I pressed send.
Knowing full well he’d be shocked I’d texted.
But I also knew with all of me the piece of shit would be chomping at the bit for the chance of having any part of Sunder.
He’d come.
And I’d finally stand up and take the responsibility that was mine.
For Edie, I was gonna be sure I made this go away.
Once and for all.