“Don’t ever leave.”
I probably was squeezing Edie too damned tight as I begged it into those silky strands of white, my hands fisting them tight.
I was struggling.
I had struggled through the whole damned set.
Usually I lost myself to the lyrics. The words I bled out for Julian. Offering him more of the penance I would forever live.
I hadn’t planned on singing her song.
But I’d felt overcome. Overcome with the rage that blistered through my veins. Rage directed at that bastard who had the audacity to text her and demand more of her than he’d already taken. That violent need had gotten bound up with the undying devotion I had for my girl.
So I played her the song. It was a song I’d written and played only for her during the years she was gone. Usually I played it within the quiet confines of my room. Sometimes on the rooftop of the Sunder house as I looked over the sprawling city below. Wondering where she was and if she was okay.
Those lonely nights had been spent praying she could somehow sense it…feel it…gain some kind of comfort from it even in our separation.
Playing it tonight?
I knew what it’d been. It’d been an obscured plea for her to hear me. For her to understand why I’d done what I’d done after she’d gone. All the while praying I could figure out how to fix it without her ever finding out.
I was so tired of always ruining the good I was given. This time I was going to make it right. Wipe away the horror that had seized her features when she’d looked down to find that text. Of course because she was Edie, she’d tried to hide it just as quickly, the girl trying to protect me.
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Her breath was at my ear. Whispering ease. I hugged her again. I allowed myself one more second of pretending it was only the two of us and there wasn’t anyone surrounding us.
Finally, I pulled away and threaded her fingers through mine. I turned and talked to a few of the people who’d come forward. Most of them were just there to tell me how much they’d enjoyed the show. Saying they were moved. Curious if I’d signed a deal or if I was waiting for my big break.
None of them had a clue that I was just an outsider in a world that was so much bigger than me.
That I was almost a part of greatness. A stranger to it all the same.
But I forced smiles and pleasantries, focused on my girl.
My strength.
A few of the chicks who always hung around hoping to take a bite out of any guy who had a mic or a guitar or a lick of talent circled like wolves. Like some kind of pathetic groupies. Waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Not a fucking chance.
“Show was awesome, man,” Damian said once everyone had finally moved out of my space. He gave a clap to my back. “Craig will be pleased. Want me to grab you a beer?”
“Sure. That’d be cool.”
Blaire was right there. Grinning with a flirty cock of her head. “What about me?”
Damian’s head swiveled her direction. Like the guy was surprised she was talking to him. “Oh…sorry…can I get you something?”
She sidled up to him, linked her arm with his. “I’ll come with.”
I chuckled.
Dude never picked up on the scent right under his nose.
He lifted his chin to Edie. “How about you?”
“Um…a beer would be nice.” She said it almost like a question.
So fucking cute.
“Got it.” Damian and Blaire disappeared into the crowd.
I turned to Edie. Kissed her softly. “Thank you for being here.”
“Where else would I be?”
I edged closer, lining us up in an embrace, my body just about eclipsing hers. “Nowhere but with me,” I reaffirmed.
She fiddled with the top button on my shirt, peeked up at me. “You were amazing, Austin. Truly amazing. I hope you realize that. How you affected everyone here. The songs…they’re brilliant.”
I gulped around the thickness evoked by her praise. Wanting to accept it. All the while my spirit rejected it. “I sing because I have to, Edie. Nothing more.”
She nodded like my statement made her sad.
Damian and Blaire broke back through the crowd. Damian lifted the beers he carried in the air. “Time to celebrate, suckers.”
“Oh, yeah? And what is it we’re celebrating?”
“Um…me being the most kickass manager you could ever have. I’d think that’d be obvious.”
I laughed. “All right then. Wouldn’t want the talent to go unrecognized, now would we?”
“Hell, no. That would be a damned travesty,” he said, widening his eyes like he couldn’t even fathom it.
Edie cast me a sweet, sweet glance, one that streaked through me like warm rays of bright summer sun, just as warm as the fingers she wound through mine. “Are you ready?”
Yeah.
I was ready.
Three hours later, we stepped out into the late Santa Cruz night. The Lighthouse lights clicked off behind us. A slight chill hung in the air, and a misty fog crawled through the streets. The sound of the sea crashed in the distance.
I hiked my duffle bag higher up on my shoulder and carried my guitar case in my other hand.
I glanced over at the girl walking at my side.
It felt like a miracle she was there.
She lifted her face to the thick clouds sagging from the sky. “It’s gorgeous tonight.”
I grinned. “It’s gloomy.”
She shot me a wry smile. “You don’t always need sunshine for the weather to be beautiful.”
My hungry gaze raked the girl.
I had to disagree.
Wholeheartedly.
This fucking gorgeous girl dressed up in a flowy white skirt and a fitted blue blouse, little heeled boots rising up to her ankles, wavy locks flying around her.
My sun.
“No?” I asked.
“No.” She lifted her hands out to her sides. “There’s beauty in all things. In the deepest night and in the brightest day. In the snow and in the sun.” Her voice dropped. “Sometimes the greatest beauty is in the darkest storms.”
I breathed out, leaned in close enough I could press a kiss to her head. “Edie.”
It was a statement.
This girl who got me the way no one else ever could.
Our footsteps echoed as we walked the deserted streets to where my truck was parked along the curb. Considering the late hour, it sat by itself. “This is me.”
Last night I’d had Deak’s car. Figured since I had a hot date, she might want an AC that actually worked.
A smile lit up Edie’s face, a question in her teasing tone. “This is you?”
“What? You don’t like Bessie?”
She ran her fingertips along the outside panel of the bed. “Oh I like Bessie. I think she’s perfect for you.”
Bessie was an old girl, dinged up body and rusted from the sea. I’d scrounged together enough money when I’d first left L.A., knowing if I wanted to roam, I needed a ride. I’d figured she wouldn’t get me far. Yet somehow she’d taken me exactly where I needed to be.
I hoisted my guitar case up and over the side, setting it in the bed. “She’s been damned good to me, that’s for sure.”
I moved and pressed Edie up against the metal, my mouth coming in close, lips brushing her jaw. “She doesn’t look like much, but she brought me to you.”
Edie was all smiles as she gazed up at me. “Then I’d say Bessie is my new best friend.”
I groaned, lust clutching my guts, because this girl. She had me in knots. “Let’s get out of here,” I said.
“Where are we going?”
“Ice cream?” Seemed safe enough.
She feigned a gasp. “You want to get ice cream on such a gloomy night?”
Laughter rolled from my chest. “Well…I guess it is a beautiful night, after all.”
On the passenger side, I wedged the key into the old lock, opened the creaking door, and helped Edie into the cab, before I rounded the front. She leaned over and unlocked my side just as I got there, and I was slanting her a wide grin as I climbed up and tossed my bag in the middle of the bench.
There was something so completely normal about the act. Like we were an ordinary couple who didn’t have the need to hide or pretend.
Two people who weren’t ashamed.
It felt…good.
Right.
I turned over the ignition, and the big engine rumbled to life. Ten minutes later, we were pulling into the drive-thru of the 24-hour ice cream shop.
“Plain vanilla cone for me,” Edie said, while I ordered a vanilla dipped in chocolate.
“Here you go, baby.”
Redness flushed her cheeks at the affection, but she didn’t do anything but give me one of those smiles that twisted through me when she accepted it.
She licked up the side, moaned a little.
Good God.
I cocked my head, shot her a smirk and lifted a brow, accelerating as I did.
So maybe I had some ulterior motives when I suggested we get ice cream. But damn. I remembered the one time we’d shared it before, me sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night and grabbing a tub from the freezer and two spoons, two of us sharing it in bed.
The little noises she’d made.
The taste it’d left on her tongue.
Who could blame me that I wanted to experience it again?
I drove the short distance back to her place. Little droplets of rain pelted the windshield as we drove in comfortable silence. Both of us relaxed and enjoyed the ice cream. The company. The change and the chance.
One I didn’t think I’d ever get.
I parked under a big shade tree in the front of her yard, cut the engine. Silence descended, the little house Edie shared with Blaire and Jed sleeping. A foggy mist hugged the truck and the sky. The subdued glow of the moon peeking out in a break in the gray, heavy clouds was the only illumination.
Peace.
We both sat there, licking at our ice creams, me watching her and her watching me.
She giggled.
A grin took hold of my mouth. “What?”
“You’ve got a little something…” She reached out and wiped a fleck of chocolate from my chin, lifted it out between us. “…right here.”
I leaned forward and sucked her finger into my mouth.
Chocolate and girl.
Fucking delicious.
“Mmm.”
The freest laughter rang from her, and she jerked her hand back. “Watch yourself, Stone. I might get the impression your intentions were more than just to please me with the most awesome ice cream in the whole wide world.”
Oh yeah.
I had all kinds of intentions.
She sat there grinning at me in the big cab of the truck, not even noticing the glob of her ice cream going for a slippery slide. It dropped onto her shirt. “Oh crap.”
She cupped her hand under the vanilla that began to melt faster than she’d expected, quick to lap up the rest, laughing the whole time. “Oh my God, look at me, I’m a total mess.”
Did she think I’d ever stop looking at her?
I popped the rest of my cone into my mouth, unzipped my bag. “Hang on a sec…has to be something in here you can clean up with.”
I rooted around in the bag, finding a clean, folded up tee at the bottom. I yanked it out.
My breath locked with what I dragged out when I did.
The green monkey flipped up and landed in a heap on its side, body tattered and dirty, one of the arms hanging on by barely a thread, the forever grinning white face peeping out.
The damned stuffed animal my twin had carried with him everywhere. The one thing that’d set us apart. His security blanket.
Now I took it with me wherever I went. Still wasn’t sure if I thought it was comfort for me or for him.
Edie frowned when she saw it, before she slowed in awareness, glancing up at me for my reaction.
She’d never seen it before.
Of course she hadn’t.
Baz had had it all those years. That was until the day I left L.A. last, when I’d gone hunting for it and found it in his room.
Edie picked up the shirt, her movements slowed as she dabbed the goop of ice cream from her shirt and wiped her hands clean.
Every so often she glanced at me.
Gauging.
Calculating.
Understanding.
Setting the shirt aside, her fingertips crawled out, moving just far enough to stroke the plush fabric, as if she were petting it. “Was this Julian’s?”
Hearing his name come from her mouth the way it did? With some kind of adoration?
Brutal, searing pain cut me right down the middle.
I squeezed my eyes closed, just as tightly as I squeezed my fist against my leg, trying to keep it contained.
“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you.” She released it on a murmur as she continued to pet the monkey while she stole quick glimpses at me. “Can’t imagine how much you must miss him.”
Could almost feel my Adam’s apple getting caught in the web that’d grown thick in my throat. Trapped in the memories. In the misery. For once in my life, I wanted to climb free of it.
Fuck. I just didn’t know how.
My teeth ground, and I stared out the windshield that was now clouded with fog and condensation.
Closing us in.
Like we were back in the sanctuary of her room back in L.A.
I found myself speaking before I even realized what I was going to say. “It’s not as simple as me missing him, Edie. It’s that he’s a missing part of me. And being without that piece makes me feel like I’m forever drowning. Like I can never get a full breath. Like my heart doesn’t beat all the way.”
She kept petting the monkey.
Giving me time.
Silent encouragement.
My voice turned wistful as my mind drifted back in time. “I remember hating being a twin.”
I laughed, but the sound was pure torture.
“Hated that everyone confused us, always switching up our names. Hated that we wore the same clothes and the same eyes and the same fucking everything. Hated we were compared at every turn. Hated that he was always better. Hated most that I felt like I couldn’t do a damned thing without him. When I wasn’t with him? I always felt antsy. Like I’d forgotten something. Like I was empty.”
The last broke.
Because that was an emptiness that was going to go on forever.
Vast and wide.
I looked over at her. Moisture had gathered in those aqua eyes. The clearest ocean and the deepest sea. She shook her head. “Maybe the emptiness is meant as a reminder. Maybe it’s a gift so we don’t ever forget. So we don’t really have to live without them.”
Pain crushed my chest. Pain for her. Pain for me. It squeezed so tight I thought it might crack my ribs.
Because her voice had gone so soft. Filled with longing. I knew she’d gone missing to her own emptiness.
Clinging to the loss like it might be a good thing.
Refusing to let go.
I reached out and cupped her cheek. “You’re so brave.”
She shook her head against my hand. “No. I was so weak.”
I tried to keep my voice even, because every part of me wanted to lash out and cut down that bastard who’d made her feel that way. “It was his fault, Edie. He was the one responsible. Not you.”
“You’re wrong. I didn’t even tell him no.”
Anger fired through my nerves. “He was a man, Edie. A fucking man and you were fourteen years old. He—”
“Don’t say it,” she pled, cutting me off. “Please, Austin. Don’t say it. I don’t want to give him voice.”
She’d shifted, one leg twisted under her so she could fully face me. She clutched one of my hands in both of hers and held it against her chest. “I don’t want to allow him to steal any more of this than he already has.”
God. I wanted it to be as simple as that.
Of all the things I’d leave in the past?
It was that asshole.
But there he was. Catching up to us again.
“If he texts you again, you need to tell me, baby. None of this hiding shit. You got me?”
She nodded, moving closer. “I won’t let him take you from me again.”
Unease gusted. A gale force wind.
I knew with every part of me that was going to be on me.
That if we were going to make it, I was the one who had to fix this. I was the one who fucked it up in the first place.
A smile trembled at her mouth, the somber mood shifting as she moved to her knees. The girl’s tiny body filled up the big cab with her overpowering presence. She leaned over the bag to get to me, hair falling around her, and I lifted my face, welcomed her tentative kiss.
Her lips so soft.
So warm.
So sweet.
Vanilla and sunlight.
Blindly, I stuffed the monkey back in my bag, pushed it to the floorboards to make more room. I weaved my fingers through her hair and pulled her closer until she was straddling my lap.
Thank God for big ass trucks.
My hands wandered her back, skidding up and down, while I kissed her slow.
Long.
Deep.
She’d begun to sway, and I tucked her closer, her sweet body rubbing on my dick.
“Oh,” she whimpered. Like she was surprised. Like she had no clue how my body was going to react to her.
She pulled back. A wistful smile graced her face. “Look at us, fooling around in a truck like a couple of teenagers.”
She traced her fingers across my lips, glancing at my eyes, her tease netted in something serious and severe. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, tentative fingertips fluttering along the hollow of my neck. “But I feel like this…right here…is where we left off. Where our time was stolen.”
She glanced up at me, insecure and bashful, teeth tugging at her lip. “And here I am, still fumbling.”
My hands framed her trusting face. “You’re perfect, Edie. Every girl I ever touched should have been you.”
Regret captured her expression, before it was chased away by the desire filling the cab.
Waters rising.
She kept moving over me, looking down as I stared up. Intensity growing and building.
That power that held us profound.
Fogged up windows.
Thrumming hearts.
Panted breaths.
“You’re so beautiful, my sweet, sweet girl.”
Her sigh was slow, and she clutched my shoulders as she rocked against me. My cock hard and begging.
Be careful with me.
I was always going to be, so I just gently gripped her hips and let her set the pace.
She rose up on her knees, her perfect tits bunched against my chest as she rode me with our clothes separating us.
Still, I didn’t think I’d ever felt so close to someone than now.
She kissed me so deep I was sure this girl managed to touch my soul.
Everything spun.
I shifted so my back rested against the door, and I spread my legs out across the long bench seat, my head against the window.
Knees on either side of me, Edie edged back, her head touching the roof, her hands on my face.
Touching.
Memorizing.
The girl left a trail of fire as she slid them down my neck and across my chest. Pressing over the spot that would forever belong to her. The girl marked on my heart.
You are good.
You are good.
I feel it here.
I felt her whispering her belief as if she’d uttered it aloud, just as sure as I could feel her entire body shaking as she moved to fumble with my fly.
My hand went to her wrist. “Baby…what are you doing?”
“I want to touch you.”
My dick jumped.
Totally on board.
I swallowed hard, beating back the lust. “You don’t have anything to prove.”
Her words were breathy. “You’ve never made me feel that way. Never. Let me touch you. Taste you.”
Oh. Fuck.
I exhaled a shuddered breath, lifting my hips a fraction so this courageous girl could tug them down.
My cock jumped free.
Edie gasped a tiny gasp, furiously chewing at that bottom lip in uncertainty as she stared at me exposed. Hard and ready.
Then she turned her attention to my face. Something bold and brave filled her eyes. Lust and desire.
She wrapped her little hands around my cock, right at the base.
So soft.
So good.
My head rocked back and I groaned her name.
Fuck.
Slowly, she tightened her hold, stroking up, palming my throbbing head like she knew exactly what to do. But she kept glancing up at me for encouragement, so clearly asking if she was doing it right, and I was cupping that sweet, sweet face, brushing my thumb across her lips. “Nothing’s ever felt so good.”
But then she dipped down. Flattened her tongue across the tip. Swirled it around.
I jumped.
And I was quick to change my mind. Because nothing had ever felt better than that.
Edie stroked me and sucked me in sync. Her hot mouth pulled hard at my head. Pulling pleasure. Pulling belief.
She glanced up. The intensity behind those eyes nearly gutted me.
The unadulterated shock.
The rapture.
The need.
The regret and remorse.
Above it all was the hope that shined around her like a white halo.
That girl taking me under her spell.
My stomach knotted and tingles gathered at the base of my spine.
“Edie, baby, I’m going to come. Fuck, you feel so good. So good,” I mumbled as she continued the perfect assault of tongue and mouth and hands.
And this girl…
This girl just took me deeper.
Moaning as she began to writhe.
Her thighs pressing together.
And that was all I could take.
“Edie.” It was a moan as I gripped her hair, my hips lifting from the seat as she took me as deep as she could take me, holding me there in the firm clutch of her mouth while I came apart.
Fucking sublime.
She eased off and my chest was heaving, my eyes hooded as I stared back across at this girl who sat back, facing me.
Looking a little stunned.
I sat up. The pad of my thumb brushed across her swollen lips, because I just couldn’t help it. “Are you okay?”
A shy smile, and she nodded. “Really, really okay.”
And I knew she meant more, that she was feeling proud and brave.
Beyond that?
She was flushed.
Hot.
Wet and wanting.
I slanted her a grin, knowing it was predatory and full of promise.
Because God damn. This girl had just blown my mind.
I tucked myself back into my jeans, shifted to a knee, edged forward. She inched back as I moved over her and pressed her back against the door. Getting her in the same position she’d just had me.
All except for her legs.
I nudged them open.
Spreading her for me.
Her skirt gathered at her waist, her little white panties covering up that tight little body.
Edie moaned, shifted in nervous need.
I edged back, let my hands wander up the soft, soft flesh along the inside of her thighs. “You are so gorgeous, Edie. Do you know that? Did you know every night for the last four years, this is what I’ve been dreaming about? About touching you the way I never got to. Loving you the way I should have.”
An anxious, incoherent murmur mumbled from her mouth.
I hooked my fingers in the edges of her underwear, and she lifted her hips. I slowly pulled them down, the movement a little awkward in the confined space.
But so, so worth it.
Her pussy was bare, and there was nothing I could do but run my fingers through her slit.
My movements slow.
Filled with caution as I parted her.
Watching the whole time.
A groan escaped me when I found her wet and so deliriously warm.
Exquisite.
Her legs dropped open farther.
A needy sigh.
Of course, that sigh was my name.
I placed the softest kiss at her inner thigh, holding her open by the knees as I whispered at the silky flesh, “Can’t wait to taste you.”
She bucked when I licked through her folds. “Oh…God.”
My head spun with an onslaught of dizziness.
Completely consumed by her. By her taste and her trust and her touch.
How long had it been that I’d been desperate for them all? How many fantasies had played out?
But reality was always so much better than fantasy.
Because the girl was fucking spectacular.
Her whimpers filled up my ears and her belief filled up my spirit.
I lapped at the delicate flesh, tongue exploring and memorizing. I changed direction and let my tongue sweep across her clit.
Those soft fingers ripped at my hair.
I sucked and pushed two fingers into her tight body.
Her walls clenched down.
I fucked her with my fingers, my tongue stroking soft and sure against that sweet spot, my other hand burrowed into the lush skin of her ass.
Her body bowed. Tightening. The energy rising higher and higher.
And she was making all these little noises that shot straight through me, all her pleasure dependent on the hands I’d come to hate.
The ones that’d caused so much destruction.
And fuck…all I wanted…all I wanted was to hold on to something good. To be responsible for it.
And then this girl…this girl broke as I held her in the palm of my hands.
Shattered.
Her hands fisted in my hair. And she was trying to hide the scream that erupted from her throat as pleasure took her hostage.
The severity roared and raced. Bounding around the confined space. She clamped around my fingers that were touching her deep.
She was panting, her body still bowed when I pulled her back onto my lap. My mouth demanding as I kissed this girl.
The girl.
The girl I’d once thought another penalty. The loss of her had almost been more than I could bear. It’d sent me spiraling to a depth I never could have anticipated.
Rock bottom.
She moaned my name, kissed me back. My mouth moved, this time a breath from her lips. And the words were so fucking low, like grit as I sang them quietly into the confines of the cab.
“My whole world in black and white…Until I was staring at it through the eyes of Firelight. Let me see it through the eyes of Firelight.”
Edie pressed against me. Clinging.
I wrapped my arms around her waist, buried my face against the beat hammering in her chest. “You change everything, Edie. Everything.”
We stayed that way for the longest time. Holding each other the way we always should have done. She leaned down, her lips gentle at the top of my head, at my temple, at my mouth. “Together,” she said.
I breathed out relieved laughter, giving her another squeeze. Helped her back into her underwear. Touched her face.
The windows were fogged and the cab steamy.
“We’d better get you inside.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, and I hopped down from the cab, silently moved around the truck and helped her down. We held hands as I walked her to her door.
She hesitated, glancing back at me, and I kissed her slow. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Promise?” She smiled a shy smile. “This almost feels…like a dream.”
I tugged her close, murmured at her mouth. “You are my dream.” I pecked her lips before I nipped at them to lighten the mood. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.”
“Okay.” She let herself into her house, and I shoved my hands into my pockets, rocked back on my heels while I waited to hear the lock engage, then waited a little longer because I couldn’t seem to be able to pull myself away.
With a smile pulling at the edge of my mouth, I finally spun around and headed back to my truck, swung open the door.
Then I fucking froze.
I could feel it.
The freezing cold chill that slid down my spine. The presence encroaching on me from behind was definitely not the pleasant kind.
Slowly I turned.
That big, burly motherfucker stood there with his fists clenched, looking like an irate bull who was getting ready to charge.
And apparently I was wearing red.
I stood up taller.
Knew I could take him simply because I knew exactly what I was fighting for.
His face pinched, and he gave his head a harsh, disbelieving shake. “You think she doesn’t deserve better than that? A quick fuck in some piece of shit truck?”
This guy didn’t have the first clue what Edie deserved.
Had no idea she deserved absolutely everything.
All things good.
And I was going to be the one to give them to her.
I tipped my voice into something I hoped was placating, knowing full well it was edged in spite. Just couldn’t curb it. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, man. Maybe the better question would be what the hell are you doing, lurking out here like some kind of perv?”
He flinched.
Yeah, asshole. Not cool.
He shook it off. “You know that’s not what I was doing. Heard that pile pulling in here close to forty minutes ago. You think I didn’t know what was going down?”
“I know you don’t know what was going down. But even if you did, it isn’t any of your business, so I suggest you take a step back and cool the fuck down. Edie doesn’t answer to you.”
And I sure as hell didn’t.
He tore at his hair. “I waited for her. Fucking waited for years for her to be ready. And you waltz in here and rip her right out from under me.”
My brow twisted, and I took a step forward as I cocked my head. “Did she ever tell you once to wait for her? Did she ever give you any indication there was more to the two of you than what you made up in your head?”
His rebuttal flew out fast. “I’d treat her right.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Silence. No words said as he stared at me through the hazy glow of silvery moonlight. Because we both knew she hadn’t.
I roughed a hand over my face. Because fuck. This was Edie’s friend and I wanted to tear into him. Beat him if only for the fact I knew where his thoughts had been.
In her body and in her head.
But I knew well enough you couldn’t help what the heart claimed. “I’m sorry, Jed. Sorry if you’re hurting. Sorry if it hurts you to see her with me. But I’m not going anywhere. As long as Edie wants me…this is where I’m gonna be.”
He seethed the words. “Hurt her, asshole…hurt her…and I’ll be coming for you.”
A snort shot from my nose and I hopped into my truck. I leaned out to grab the interior handle, attention turned on Jed. “I sincerely hope you do.”
Because the thought of hurting Edie again?
I’d rather be dead.