Morning light spilled into the room. A room so familiar. The boy wrapped around me from behind so right.
His skin burned hot against mine, his heart rate steady.
Strong.
Slowly, I untangled myself from his arms and legs, smiling down at where he slept.
The boy who made me believe.
The one who made me see I didn’t have to be ashamed.
Careful not to wake him, I slipped into my clothes that Austin had left a messy pile on the floor the night before, and quietly tiptoed out the door. I edged down the stairs to the slumbering house below, everything so quiet.
I headed across the living space that looked out to the city shimmering with the sun. I pushed the double swinging doors open that led to the kitchen.
I froze just inside when I saw I wasn’t alone.
A rustle of anxiety rushed through my nerves. I pushed them down.
You don’t have to be ashamed. You don’t have to be ashamed.
My brother stood at the counter facing away, wearing only a pair of worn jeans, feet and chest bare, blond hair a disaster on top of his head.
“Ash,” I managed, my word lame and useless, but I had no idea how to broach all that had transpired under Ash’s nose. “You’re up early.”
He chuckled but there was no true laughter behind it. Missing was the casual ease he typically wore. He shrugged a single shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep. But I guess no one could blame me, could they?”
I cringed, stayed quiet while he poured a cup of coffee. He waved the carafe my way. “You want one?”
I moved to the island, my entire body ill-at-ease as I leaned up against it. “No…thank you.”
He spun, leaned back against the opposite counter, eyed me over the top of the mug. His voice was rough. “Didn’t know you were here this morning.”
I let my eyes dart up. A silent indication of the boy who’d drawn me here in the middle of the night.
Because I hadn’t been able to sleep, either. I had only tossed and turned and fumbled through my emotions until I came to the most important one.
What glared and glowed within me.
I was in love with Austin Stone.
And the boy was in love with me.
Now it was on us to figure out the rest.
He nodded slow. “Baz dropped Austin here last night. And you came.”
Another nod.
He pushed out a sigh, winding himself up, finding the strength to say the things that needed to be said. “You were pregnant.”
“Yes.” The admission caught in my throat like spiky barbs.
God. It hurt so bad to admit it aloud. Especially after I’d protected it for so long, the most priceless, perilous secret.
“Paul.” He spit it.
My mouth trembled, but I didn’t need to respond.
Looking at his bare feet, he shook his head, trying to figure it out. “When…how?”
“You took me to a party…right before we moved to Ohio.”
His hands shot up to cover his face as if he’d been punched. Then he dropped them like they were bricks. “What?” He blinked as the memories assaulted him. “I took you to a party.”
He said it like he just realized the fact.
“I begged you to.”
Disgusted, he shook his head. “I took my fourteen-year-old kid sister to a party…and I…I left you alone.”
He began to pace. “I took a little girl to a party like that? Left her alone with the vultures so I could get an easy piece of ass?” He sucked for air. “Shit. All of it…it’s on me.”
He gripped his hair at the sides of his head, guilt pouring free.
My mouth trembled. “It wasn’t your fault.”
He scoffed. “I’ve always treated life as nothin’ but fun and games.” Bitter laughter seeped free. “I didn’t even give it all that much thought when you asked me to tag along. I had not one fuckin’ clue what went down that night. I promise, Edie, I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. I never blamed you, because it wasn’t your fault.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me? Kills me that all this time…all this time I never knew.”
Everything I’d repressed for so long broke free. “I…I was terrified Ash. I had no idea what to do. I went to Paul for help…he…he gave me money…three hundred dollars.”
A gasp punched from him. “Motherfucker—”
I kept on, needing to get it out before I lost my nerve, my words a ramble of regret. “And I just ran. I hid and pretended. Because that seemed so much easier than facing it.”
Emotion pressed down on my chest. “Mom finally figured it out when I was about five months pregnant. She convinced me to find an adoptive family. To keep it a secret. Not tell anyone so I could move on with my life afterward. She promised me over and over it was for the best…and somewhere inside…I knew it was. I knew it was. But that didn’t change what I felt inside, Ash. It didn’t stop the devastation. I loved her so much.”
My big brother looked to the ceiling, trying to rein in his emotion. Sorrow. Grief for me. “I don’t…kills me, Edie. Fucking kills me. I didn’t even know. How the hell can that happen? Right under my nose? I’m over here thinking all is good…and you’re hurting in the worst way. Alone.”
My mouth trembled. “But he found me, Ash. He found me in the middle of it. And for the first time…for the first time I thought maybe it would be okay. Austin and I…we’re probably all wrong for each other because we’re so right.”
He was my weakness and my greatest strength.
My turmoil and my greatest peace.
Peace.
I wanted it.
I wanted it so desperately, to sink into his warmth.
Forever.
“I spent so much time blaming myself. Taking all the responsibility. But I’m ready to let it go, Ash. Please understand that. I know it’s new for you, but this is something I’ve been dealing with for a long, long time. And the time’s come for me to finally truly deal with it. Face it. Accept it. And that means if I’m going to stay here, I need you to accept it, too.”
“And I’m guessin’ that staying here involves staying with him?”
I raked my teeth on my bottom lip, gave a slight nod. Nervous but hopeful.
Ash stalled, before he finally cracked one of those too-wide grins, but there was something sincere behind it. “So you’re telling me I don’t get to kick Austin’s ass?”
Soggy laughter slipped free. “No…you don’t get to kick his ass.” I sobered. “I love him, Ash. I love him so much it hurts. But it’s the good kind of hurt. I don’t ever want that to go away.”
Ash set his mug on the counter. “Come here, baby sister.”
He pulled me against him, his chin on top of my head, his arms banded around my waist. “Don’t ever take off again. You don’t have to hide anything from me. Not now. Not ever. You understand me?”
Out of the blue, he chuckled. “And if you’re ever in need of some ass kickin’? First order of business is to let me know. You do realize that’s what big ass, awesome big brothers are for?”
I laughed. “I don’t doubt that.”
I stepped back, looked up at him in all seriousness. “I really missed you.”
He hooked his knuckle under my chin. “I missed you, too.”
We both looked to the side when the door swung open.
Austin stood there, shirtless, his hair an utter, perfect mess from my hands tugging at it all night.
Desire.
Devotion.
Love.
Hope.
They were all there.
Reflected back in his smile.
“Hey,” he said, voice rough with sleep.
“Hi.”
Ash sighed dramatically. “Ahhh…I do believe that would be my cue. A guy knows when he’s no longer wanted.” Shooting me a wink, he grabbed his mug, sauntered toward Austin. He stuck out his fist as he passed. “Take care of my sister, man, though it sounds to me like you’ve been doing a damned good job of it all along.”
Austin bumped it. “Always.”
Ash kept moving, heading through the double doors, before he paused half way out and peeked his head back in. “Oh…and just so we’re clear…I’m official ass-kicker. Baby girl has an issue with you? You’ve got an issue with me. Got it?”
It was all a tease falling from a cocky smirk.
“Not gonna be necessary,” Austin said, glancing at him and slanting me a smile.
Ash cracked a grin. “Young love. Suckers. Whole lot of you.” The door swung shut behind him, and his voice echoed back through the walls. “Everyone around here has lost their ever-lovin’ minds. First my beautiful Shea then my Tam Tam.” His volume rose, crestfallen and fake, before the words began to fade as he walked away. “Then my baby sister. Heart. Broken.”
And Austin stood there, staring at me, before he was moving. Winding me in his arms. Relief in his kiss. A promise in his hold.
No more shame.
No more hiding.
Just the future waiting out ahead of us.