I sat there on my bed, devastated. How did this happen? What was Gunner going to think about me now after my mother called me a whore? Oh God, I hope he didn’t believe a word she said. My hands started to shake, and I almost started to cry again. I could not lose him, even though I knew we would never be more than friends, but he truly did seem to care about me. I felt like I was in a box and everything was muffled. I could hear Ari and Jefferson talking. I looked over at them. What was Ari saying? Something about the cottage on her parents’ property. Gunner was standing next to me, waiting. I was trying to find the strength to stand up.

Oh my God, we were going to have to walk by my mother on the way out! What if she started calling me names again?

“Ellie, come on, sweetheart, let’s go. Jeff is going to walk out first and talk to your mom. Come on, Ells, it’s okay. Let’s go,” Gunner said as he helped me to my feet.

Ari came up and gave me a hug. “I’ll see you back at my house, okay, sweets?”

I just smiled and nodded my head yes. I just wanted to be alone with Gunner. I had to make him understand I was not the things my mother said I was.

As we walked out of my room and down the hall, I saw Jefferson standing over our mother. She was passed out on the sofa. Perfect. Why couldn’t her ass have been passed out thirty minutes ago? I wasn’t surprised . . . this is just how my life went. Another serving of shit served on a platter just for me. The Ellie special this week, I guess.

Next thing I knew, I was sitting in Gunner’s truck. He was standing outside talking to Jefferson. They both looked so pissed off. I was the cause of all of this, or I should say my drunken mother was the cause. God, I hated her more than anything at that moment. I never wanted to see her again. Ever!

Gunner opened the door and hopped in his truck. Once he had it started, he turned on his iPod. I think he was trying to give me time to gather myself without there being an awkward silence. My God, could he be any more perfect?

I had no idea where we were going. I was finally able to open my mouth to speak. “Um, can we go somewhere quiet to talk, Gunner? Somewhere we can be alone, if that is okay?”

I noticed Gunner tightening his grip on the steering wheel. “Of course we can, Ellie. Is there anywhere you have in mind, sweetheart? We can go anywhere.”

Just then an idea popped into my head. “The canoes down at Zilker Park. I’ve always wanted to sit in one and just think . . . it seems so peaceful,” I said as I stared out the passenger-side window. I was so afraid he just wanted to get rid of me.

“Ellie, please look at me, sweetheart,” Gunner asked as he used his hand to turn my face toward him.

“You’ve never been in a canoe?” Gunner asked with that drop-dead smile of his. He made my heart hurt, but for all the right reasons. Oh, please take this pain away, Gunner, please . . .

I let out a small laugh. “Nope, but I’ve always wanted to go. Pretty stupid, huh?”

Gunner’s smile got even bigger. God, it was contagious, because next thing I knew I was smiling back at him.

“What? What is it?” I asked him, wanting to know why he was looking at me all goofy like that.

“It’s just that I get to take you on another first today. I need you to write down all the things you’ve never done before but want to do, Ellie,” Gunner said as he took my hand in his. I decided I wouldn’t try to pull my hand away this time. I was going to pretend we were a couple, and this was a perfect first date. It was just Gunner and me, together.

“Why do you need to know that?” I asked, confused but very curious as to where he was going with this.

“Well, because I want to be the person who gives you all of your firsts. I want to experience them with you so I can see that beautiful smile of yours light up every time you do something new. I want to make all of your dreams come true.”

“Oh . . .”

Wow . . . I was not expecting that at all. Maybe Gunner was different, and he might just be interested in more than what I was giving him credit for. Then again, maybe he was just interested in being friends, like how Jefferson was with Ari. He would never want it to go past friendship.

The thought of Gunner and I never becoming closer than friends almost had me feeling sick again and ready to cry.

As Gunner pulled into the parking lot of Zilker Park, my heart started to beat faster than ever. Was I more nervous about the canoe ride or talking to him about my mother? It was clear he was not going to bring it up until I was ready to talk about it. I needed to do this. I HAD to do this.

“Gosh, Gunner, I never even asked if you had plans today. I’m so sorry. I feel like shit now, just assuming you would be able to spend the day with me,” I said as I realized he might have actually had things to do today.

Gunner let out a laugh that moved through my body and sent chills up and down my back. “Sweetheart, I would much rather spend the day with you than run around and do errands. I just need to swing by James Avery to pick something up and that’s it. I’m yours for the whole day!”

He looked at me and gave me a wink. Yep, my knees felt weak as I tried to walk down to where they rented out the canoes. Oh, shit, with how my stomach was feeling, why the hell did I pick this? It just popped into my head . . . canoes. Jesus, watch me hurl right onto him.

Good going, Ellie, picking a damn canoe ride. Argh!

As Gunner was renting the canoe and getting our life jackets, my mind kept going back to what he said a few minutes ago. He needed to stop by James Avery? I wonder who he was buying jewelry for. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend. Maybe it was his mother’s birthday coming up or his grandmother’s. It was driving me crazy! Why was it driving me crazy? It really was none of my business, but I was still fixated on who the hell he would be buying jewelry for.

Just then, I felt his hands on my shoulder and he leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Are you ready to go on your first canoe ride, Ells?”

Yep, I knew it the moment I leaned back and felt his strong chest against my back: I was so fucked. I didn’t even care how this might look to him. The feel of his hot breath against my ear and the touch of his hands on my body . . . I needed to lean against him before my knees gave out. He turned me around and lifted my face up toward his. He smiled, leaned down, and kissed . . .

. . . My forehead! What the hell! Shit! Why didn’t he kiss me? I had wanted him to kiss me so badly, and earlier he tried to kiss me, but I stopped him. What changed?

Maybe it was what my mother said. Now I really felt sick, as he was walking me over and helping me climb into the canoe.

Holy hell, don’t let me puke, dear Lord . . . just please don’t let me puke.