It had been three weeks since I last saw Gunner. He called me every morning and I never answered. I thought after the first few days he would just give up. He called every night, too, and each time he would leave me a message. I cried every time I listened to him beg for me to call him back. This morning he left the longest message, and it tore me apart.

He said since I wouldn’t call him, he was just leaving it on my voice mail. He told me how upset he had been that I made him dance with Lori. He said he had to close his eyes and imagine that he was dancing with me. He just kept saying how sorry he was and that he was so pissed at the time that he didn’t even realize how it looked. It almost sounded like he was crying as he begged me to call him back. He was starting to sound just as bad as I felt.

Ari knocked and opened the bedroom door. “Hey, we’re moving into the cottage today.”

“Sounds good. I just need to get a few more things packed up,” I said with a weak smile. After looking at apartments near campus for the last two weeks and deciding we would have to work full-time jobs to afford anything, we took Ari’s parents up on their offer to let us live in their two-bedroom cottage guesthouse.

Ari came and sat down next to me. “Did he call again, Ells?”

I started to cry and handed her my cell phone. Ari listened to the voice mail.

“Holy fuck, Ellie. Can you not hear it in his voice? He said he’s sorry . . . he’s begging you!”

“I can’t get the image of him dancing with her out of my head, Ari!”

“Ellie, he said that he was thinking of you. Do you not think that maybe that is why he got a little bit too much into the dancing? You went out with Rich last week and you even said you had to pretend it was Gunner almost all night just to get through the date. Why is it so impossible for him to have to do the same thing? He made a mistake, Ellie, and in a way I’m sure you confused the shit out of him with you offering him up to that bitch like that.”

I looked up at Ari. She had a point. She had talked me into going on a double date with her and Jason and Jason’s cousin Rich. I had a terrible time and couldn’t stop thinking about Gunner the whole time. I did push him into dancing with Lori . . . I knew that. Damn, it was just hard to admit it.

“Ari, it’s impossible for me to do this. I’m so scared of being hurt and I have such strong feelings for him. It scares me shitless!”

Ari let out a laugh. “I’m going to pull a Susan on you. ‘Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I’m possible,’ to quote the great Audrey Hepburn. We won’t let Mom know we didn’t quote Katharine!”

I started to laugh. Ari always had a way of making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry.

“I guess we could use some help moving?” I said with a small smile on my face.

“Yes, we could! Jason is leaving for Europe today, so maybe Gunner can help. Call him, Ellie. You have been miserable, sweets.”

“What about Jefferson? I haven’t seen him in two weeks. Would you be okay with him coming over?”

“Of course I would be. We need to get things back to normal between us. Besides, I’m happy with Jason, so being around Jeff will be fine,” Ari said as she attempted to give me a sincere smile.

Bullshit! She was not happy, and I could tell. When she was around Jason, she seemed lost. She actually seemed happy when he told her he was going to Europe with his dad and brother on a hiking trip and was not sure how long he’d be away.

“Call him, Ellie.”

I picked up the phone and dialed his number. The moment I heard his voice the tears started to roll down my face. Oh God, how I missed him.

“Ellie . . . Thank you for calling me, sweetheart.” Gunner said my name with such a sadness I almost couldn’t talk.

“G . . . Gunner . . .” It was all I could get out. I lost it and started crying.

“Oh, baby, no, please no. Don’t cry, Ellie.”

“I’m so sorry. I . . . I just—”

“No, don’t you apologize for anything, Ellie. Please don’t, it was entirely my fault. Don’t cry, baby, please.”

I sat there for another minute or two and cried. Gunner waited patiently for me to settle down enough to where I could talk. This was it: I was going to put my heart out there and pray to God it would be safe with this man.

“Gunner, I’m just so scared. I’m so scared of the feelings I have for you. They are so strong, and I’m so afraid if I give you my heart it will shatter in a million pieces if you break it, and I’ll be left like my mother. I can’t let that happen . . . I won’t let that happen. But . . . I can’t live my life without you in it, either. I’m so confused.”

I heard Gunner take a sharp intake of air. He slowly exhaled and I thought I heard him . . . crying? No, now I was just hearing things. He started to talk, but had to clear his voice.

“Ellie, I have never in my life . . . ever, sweetheart . . . experienced these feelings that I have for you. You walk into a room, and I have to catch my breath at the sight of you. You flash your beautiful smile at me, and there’s not a damn thing in this world I wouldn’t do for you. Your laugh moves through my body like a jolt of electricity. Your eyes captivate mine; your lips bring me to my knees. I want to know every part of you, Ellie. I’m just as confused by these feelings as you are, sweetheart, but I want you to know something: I’ll never push you or give up on us, I promise you that. Please, Ellie, please just let me in. Let me prove to you how much I want to be with you.”

Oh, my. In my deepest hidden fantasies I never dreamed of hearing anyone say such beautiful things to me. Never. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my throat. I know Ari heard every word Gunner said because she was sitting right next to me holding my hand, and she was crying just as much as I was. We both looked at each other and Ari smiled and mouthed to me, I told you so. I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t want Gunner to think I was laughing at what he just said to me.

“Umm, Ellie, you still there?” Ari hit me on the shoulder to snap me out of it.

I cleared my throat and tried to wipe away my tears. As soon as I wiped them away, more tears just rolled down my face. “Yes, Gunner, I’m still here. I . . . I don’t even know what to say, but . . . but . . . that was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I’m afraid I might be dreaming and . . .” I couldn’t say another word.

Your eyes captivate mine . . . Your lips bring me to my knees . . .

Next thing I knew, Ari took the phone from my hand.

“Um, yeah, Gunner, I think you’ve left her in a speechless state of happiness here. She is just staring off into space with a dopey smile on her face.” I felt like I was listening to Ari speak from a bubble.

You walk into a room and I have to catch my breath at the sight of you . . .

“We’re moving into the guesthouse on my parents’ property today since the last two weeks of apartment hunting got us nowhere but fucking depressed. We sure could use a little manpower to help us move. I know Ells mentioned she wanted to see Jeff, so, if he’s available, too? . . . Great! Y’all come on over anytime. Let me see if she is able to talk now.”

Ari handed me the phone and I just smiled before I even heard his sweet voice.

“Gunner—”

“Ellie, I’m on my way over right now.” I had to let out a laugh. The butterflies in my stomach went into hyper-speed mode. I had not seen him in three weeks and he was on his way over right now. I jumped up off the bed.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon!”

“Bye, sweetheart,” Gunner said, so soft and sweet.

I started to cry again . . . I was really doing this. I was going to give Gunner my heart and pray to God that he’d guard it with his life.

“Bye. Be careful driving,” was all I could get out, and that I barely got out.

“Always.” And then he hung up.

I turned to look at Ari, who flew up and wrapped me in her arms.

“Oh. My. God! How . . . How can I feel this way about him, Ari? I just met him and I feel like I’m . . . I’m . . .” I could not say it.

Ari was about to say it but I cut her off. . . “No! Don’t say it. I’m not sure that is what this even is! Please don’t say it.”

Ari laughed and guided me into my closet, which was pretty much packed up. “Let’s find you a hot moving-day outfit!” We both started laughing, and for the first time in three weeks it didn’t feel like I had someone sitting on my chest. I could breathe and I could smile.

Gunner was coming for me.