I set my cell phone down next to me in bed. Holy hell, I just had to hear his voice and I got an ache between my legs. Why did he have this effect on me? It was insane! Argh . . . this whole friends thing was starting to really suck. I knew Gunner wanted more, but I just was not ready to give up my heart again. I trusted him with my life, but I barely knew him. This is what was scaring the shit out of me. I couldn’t get dependent on him like I was Jefferson all those years. I needed to get my big-girl panties on and figure my shit out.

I got to see him today, though, and I had to smile at the thought. I was already wondering what he would wear. He always looked so damn good when I saw him. Shit, he could have on a paper bag and still look good. Speaking of looking good, I needed to get up and get going!

Eeeepp! I couldn’t believe Jefferson was buying me a car! I turned on the shower and threw my hair up into a ponytail. After a quick five-minute shower, I hopped out and went to the closet. I pulled my hair out of the pony and started to look for something to wear. Shit, I really needed Ari’s help picking something out. Just then, I heard her open the door to my room.

“Well, look at you all ready to start your day!” Ari said as she came and sat down on my bed. She was already dressed herself in a pair of white shorts and a navy blue sleeveless shirt. Her hair was in two braided pigtails and she had on a pair of cowboy boots.

“Shit, Ari, how do you put these outfits together like this? You look adorable! What the hell are you doing up and dressed so early anyway? I heard you come in last night. Why did you leave the hospital? Jefferson wanted to see you,” I said as I sat down on the bed next to her. I saw her eyes light up when I mentioned Jefferson wanting to see her.

“Why did he want to see me?” Ari asked, trying to sound disinterested.

“I think he just really wanted to talk to you, apologize for everything. He said he has been trying to call you, but you won’t return his calls,” I said as Ari closed her eyes briefly before opening them again.

“I’m sorry I skipped out on you yesterday, but once I heard he was fine, I figured it would be for the best if I just left. I ended up calling Brian back to the hospital for a ride home. Once I got home, I went with my mom to the club to play a game of tennis and I ran into Jason Reed from high school. We talked for a bit, he asked me out to dinner, and so I figured why not. I came home and left to meet him at Hula Hut. We ended up going and shooting some pool and then I came home. I actually enjoyed myself for once. I forgot what a nice guy he was,” Ari said as she stared down at the floor.

“Oh, um . . . wasn’t Jason a few years older than us? He played football and hung around Jefferson and them right?” I asked as I got up and started looking for something to wear again.

“Yep, that’s him. Anyway, he called me this morning and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him. I told him I would see what your plans were and call him back.”

“Oh, well . . . Jefferson is taking me to get my graduation present today along with Gunner.”

Ari sat up a little straighter. “Do you know what he’s getting you?”

“Yep, and you won’t believe it! I hardly can!” I said as I jumped up and down.

Ari threw her head back and laughed. “Well, what is it, bitch? Don’t just leave me hanging here!”

I cleared my throat and looked at her. “He’s getting me a car!”

Ari jumped up and screamed, “What the fuck! A car? He’s getting you a goddamn car? Oh my gosh. What kind of car or do you get to pick it out? Is there a price max? How the hell can he afford to buy you a new car?”

Jeez, this girl . . . “Ari, if you would just take a breath, I could fill you in!” I said with a laugh.

“Oh yeah, sorry. Go, fill me in . . . I’m all ears!” Ari said as she sat back down on the bed, clearly trying to keep quiet.

“Okay, well, he told me he had some money saved up from working and that this was my graduation present. Yes, I get to pick it out, and no, he has not told me a max price . . . yet! I was really hoping you would come along with me to help me pick it out, but if you made plans with Jason, that’s okay.”

Ari’s smile faded. She started fiddling with her shirt. Were those tears building in her eyes? When she looked back up at me, a single tear started to slide down her face.

“Oh my God, Ari, what’s wrong?” I asked as I pulled her toward me and hugged her.

“Oh, Ellie, I want to go but I don’t think I could see Jeff, not today anyway. He left a voice mail this morning asking me to please call him back and for me to stop acting like a baby. I don’t know why I did it, but I called him back and I shouldn’t have because I was so pissed off at him. I reached his voice mail, so I left him a message.” She started to cry hysterically.

Oh no . . . “What did you say, sweets?”

She was now just sobbing and shaking. What the hell?

“Ari, what did you say?” I asked her as I pushed her away from me to where I could look into her face.

“I . . . I just said . . . I said that I accepted his apology and that he was right, I needed to grow up. I told him he didn’t need to worry about my virginity anymore because . . . because . . .”

Oh. My. God. I knew where this was going.

“Ari, just tell me what you said in the voice mail!” I yelled at her.

She started to settle down a bit. She took a deep breath and started talking again. “I told him he didn’t need to worry about my virginity anymore, because I gave it up last night to Jason Reed.”

No, oh please, God, no!

I felt like I was going to throw up. I had to stand up and go into the bathroom and splash water on my face. I was leaning up against the counter listening to Ari crying. Oh my God, how could she do this? Why would she do this? This was all so wrong! I took a deep breath and walked back into the room. I was so mad at her for doing this.

Ari looked up at me with tears streaming down her face.

“Of all the stupid-ass, fucked up shit you have ever done! How could you be so stupid, Ari? I’m so disappointed in you right now, you have no fucking idea!” I was shaking from head to toe.

“Wait! Ellie, wait! Let me tell you—” Ari jumped up and started to walk over to me.

“I can’t believe you would sleep with some guy you barely know just to get back at Jefferson. What the fuck is wrong with you two anyway? Does fucking other people help you two solve your problems? You probably just ruined everything, Ari . . . everything!” I shouted at her.

“No, wait . . . Ellie, please just let me talk,” Ari begged.

I just stood there and waited for her to start talking. Nothing she was going to say to me was going to make any this better. Jefferson was probably devastated thinking he drove Ari to have sex with someone.

Ari wiped the tears away frantically. “I didn’t have sex with Jason! I was just so angry and hurt that all I wanted to do was hurt Jeff back. I know it was a childish thing to do, believe me I know. I just . . . shit, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I stood there for a second taking every bit in that she just said. I felt like I wanted to slap the shit out of her. “You bitch! I don’t know what’s worse. You making me believe you lost your virginity or the fact that you just hurt Jefferson like this. How could you do this? I’m so mad at you right now, I don’t even want to talk to you!” I shouted at Ari. I picked up my cell phone to call Jefferson. It went straight to voice mail.

“Great! It’s going to his voice mail. You have to tell him the truth,” I said as I looked at Ari with pure disgust on my face.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’? You can’t make Jefferson think that you slept with Jason just because you got your feelings hurt. You’re behaving just like he did Saturday night,” I said as I walked to my closet. I needed to get dressed and ready before Jefferson and Gunner got there.

“I think this is for the better. If Jeff thinks I’ve moved on, then he will be able to move on as well. It’s pretty fucking clear, Ellie, that Jeff never had any intention of taking things past friendship. This way maybe we can somehow be friends again later on down the road. He can date whoever he likes. I need to move on, and I think Jason might be the guy I need to move on with,” Ari said as she walked into my closet and pulled out a pair of white Capri pants and a black sleeveless shirt. “I have a pair of black flats and a belt that will look really cute with this.”

And just like that . . . she was moving on.

“Do you really think that telling Jefferson you had sex with another guy last night is going to make him just . . . move on? Ari, I know Jefferson has feelings for you. Why don’t you—”

“I said no! I’m done with all of this; I’m not talking about it anymore. I’m going to get you the shoes and belt then I’m heading out to meet my mom for breakfast, and then I’m going to call Jason. Tell Gunner I said hi.”

She turned and walked out the door. I put on the pants and shirt and walked back into the bathroom. I tried messing with my hair, but nothing looked good so I ended up pulling it back up into a ponytail. I put on a little bit of makeup and ran my fingers over the daisy necklace. I had to smile at the memory of our first kiss. Good God, how I wanted to kiss him again so badly. To feel his warm breath against my face, his hands wrapping around my body to hold me close to him. I closed my eyes and dreamed of that kiss. Everything about it was perfect. He was perfect, but did he truly want me? Was I good enough to keep someone like Gunner?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. This is why I needed time. I needed to get my feelings and thoughts in order.

Here I was pushing Ari about Jefferson, and I was too damn afraid to admit my own feelings for Gunner. I heard the bedroom door shut, so I walked out to see if Ari had come back. She had left a pair of black flats and a black belt lying at the foot of the bed.

I looked at the clock. They would be here any minute. I tried to call Jefferson again . . . right to voice mail. I tried Gunner’s cell next.

“Hey, sweetheart, we’re almost there.” My goodness, my heart stopped beating for a second when I heard his voice. I would never get tired of hearing him call me “sweetheart.” Never.

“Okay, great. Um, I’ve been trying to call Jefferson. Does he have his phone turned off do you know?” I asked.

“Yeah, um, about that . . . we have to stop and pick Jeff up a new phone. He kind of, well, he kind of broke his phone earlier so that’s why it’s going straight to voice mail.”

“I see . . . I take it he got Ari’s message then?”

“Oh yeah . . .” Gunner said in a hushed tone.

“Right. Well, I guess I’ll just meet you out front. Ari might still be here and she made it pretty clear she didn’t want to see Jeff today.”

Gunner laughed a nervous laugh. “Okay, Ells, we’ll see you in about three minutes.”

I hung up, grabbed my purse, and headed downstairs. Sure enough, Ari was still home. I heard her on the phone as I walked to the front door.

“Lunch sounds great, Jason. Do you want to just pick me up or should I meet you?”

I had a terrible feeling in my stomach. What was this about? I poked my head into the library where Ari was sitting and waved goodbye to her. She smiled up at me but the smile was so lost and insincere. She then looked out the window and her smile quickly faded. She looked back at me and I could see the tears building in her eyes as she tried to give me another smile and a wave.

Shit . . .

As soon as I walked outside, Gunner jumped out of Jefferson’s truck and helped me into the front seat. He kissed the back of my hand and his smile grew larger when he saw the blush creep up onto my cheeks. Shit! Why does he have this effect on me?

Snap out of this, Ellie!

I turned to look at Jefferson, who leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I saw him look past me like he was looking for Ari to be right behind me. There was that sick feeling again.

“Good mornin’, honey!” Jeff said as he looked over my shoulder. “Um, where’s Ari? I thought for sure she would be coming with you to pick out your new car.” He kept looking at me and then back at the house.

“She, um, she really wanted to come, but she’d already made plans for today.” I said as I tried to think of a way to change the subject before he asked me what her plans were.

Too late . . .

“Oh, really? What could be more important than her best friend getting a new car?” Jefferson said as he stared at Ari’s house.

“I guess she had lunch plans,” I said with a shrug and turned back to look at Gunner. “Gunner, I’m so glad you’re coming with us.”

“Do you know what kind of car you want, Ells?” Clearly, he knew I was trying to change the subject, but Jefferson was not letting this go.

“Who did she have lunch plans with?” he asked before I could answer Gunner.

Fuck a duck, why me? Damn Ari for putting me in this spot.

“Um . . . with, um, an old friend from high school or something,” I said as I looked up at Jefferson who was staring at the house still. I turned to look and I could see Ari standing in the window talking on the phone, probably to Jason still.

“Is it Jason Reed? Is he the old friend from high school?” Jefferson asked as he looked back at me.

God, when I got back I was going to lay into Arianna! Her stupid, childish behavior put me here in the middle of all of this . . . shit!

I looked up at Jefferson and did the only thing I could do. “Yes, Jefferson, she’s having lunch with Jason Reed today. I guess they ran into each other at the country club yesterday.”

“Did he take her out last night?”

“Umm . . . she mentioned something like that.” Oh, dear God, please, Gunner, change the subject.

Just then Gunner cleared his throat, and Jefferson seemed to snap out of it.

“Brad called earlier to see if we wanted to join him and Amanda at Rebels tonight. Do you think you would maybe like to go?” Gunner asked me as Jefferson started to pull out of Ari’s driveway.

Oh, God, if I could jump across this seat right now I would so plant my lips onto his. I turned around and he winked at me. I smiled back.

“Heck yeah, I’d love to go! Ari, Amanda, me, and Heather have all been there once before. Are you going to ride the mechanical bull?” I asked with a smile and a wink.

Gunner tossed his head back and laughed. “No! But Jeff here . . . he can ride that thing like he grew up in the damn rodeo!”

“Wait, did you just say Amanda and Brad were going? Like as in, they’re going together . . . as, like, a couple?” I asked as it hit me what Gunner had just said.

Jefferson and Gunner both let out a laugh.

“Yep, looks like your little friend Amanda left an impression on Brad!” Jefferson said as he raised his eyebrows up and down.

“I guess so,” I said as I laughed along with them.

“Why don’t you go ahead and invite Ari to come along tonight also. Maybe her and her friend Jason would like to go,” Jefferson said with sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

“Oh, okay, yeah, I’ll send her a text. What time do you think we’ll go?” I asked as I turned to look at Gunner.

“How about I pick you up early and we grab a bite to eat? Then we can just meet everyone there. Does that sound okay to you, Jeff?” Gunner asked as he gave me a wink. I saw his eyes look down and land on my daisy necklace. I reached up and touched it with my fingers and his eyes instantly snapped back up and captured my eyes. His smile about melted my heart. I tried not to, but I dropped my eyes to his lips. Those beautiful, soft lips . . . Shit, I wanted those lips on mine so damn bad. I felt my tongue run over my now-dry lips as I looked back up at Gunner.

Oh my . . . The smile that was on his face was replaced by a look of pure lust. I felt a tremble go through my whole body and the heat instantly on my cheeks. He leaned forward and brushed his hand along the side of my face and gave me that crooked smile of his. He sat back once Jefferson started to talk.

Holy hell . . . I could still feel the heat on my face from where his hand touched my skin.

“That sounds like a plan. We’ll just plan on meeting there around eight thirty. Now, Ellie, what kind of car do you want?” Jefferson said as he looked over at me with a huge smile on his face.

“Well, do I have a price range I have to stick with?”

Jefferson laughed. “Not really. Just no BMWs, okay?”

“Okay, then I’m thinking fuel efficient here.”

Jefferson and Gunner both laughed. “I’m sure you are, honey,” Jefferson said with a wink.

“A Honda Accord, if that’s something we can afford,” I said as I watched Jefferson’s face.

“Somehow I knew that’s what you were going to say. Let’s go get you a car.”

I never thought shopping for a car would be so much fun! I ended up with a silver 2013 Honda Accord. Between Jefferson and Gunner, the poor salesman had no hope. They got it for $300 below invoice and Jefferson wrote a check for the whole amount. When he saw my shocked expression, he told me he had put money aside from our grandmother’s inheritance and had been adding to it the last three years plus what it earned in investments.

I ran into his arms and gave him a huge hug.

I would be so lost without him.

I was on my way to pick up Gunner in my new car with Taylor Swift’s “Fearless” blasting from the speakers. This song reminds me of how I feel when I’m with Gunner. I had to smile as I was singing along to the words. I had invited Ari to come along, but she said maybe another time since she’d made other plans with Jason.

I pulled up to Gunner’s house, and he was sitting on the front porch on his cell phone. As soon as he saw me he smiled and must have said he had to go to whomever he was talking to. He jumped up and jogged over to the car. I turned Taylor down and put the car in park. He hopped up, leaned over, and kissed my cheek.

Shit, there goes that all-too-familiar ache between my legs. I tried with all my might not to let out a moan. For Pete’s sake, it was just a kiss on the cheek, Ellie!

Gunner and I ate at a little Mexican restaurant in Hyde Park and then headed downtown to Rebels. We spent most of the night just sitting at a table talking. Amanda and Brad sure were getting along. They practically hung on each other all night. Jefferson seemed disappointed that Ari was not there, but he quickly recovered and spent most of the night dancing. I swear every time he sat down, six girls would walk up to him and ask him to dance. He tried being as polite as he could and danced with most of them, but by eleven thirty he was exhausted and started turning them down.

I was shocked at how many girls asked Gunner to dance as well, completely ignoring me. He turned them all down, even though I told him I didn’t care. I mean, we were just friends, right?

Then she showed up.

I noticed her chatting up Jefferson first, but then she first walked up to Gunner and said hi. Her name was Lori. From what I could tell, she must’ve been majoring in architectural engineering as well. She soon turned her full attention to Gunner. He introduced us, but she did pretty much everything she could to keep me out of the conversation.

“So, your name is Ellen, did you say? You’re Jeff’s little sister, right?” Lori said to me with a fake-ass smile.

“It’s Ellie, and yes, I am Jefferson’s sister,” I said back with a fuck-you smile of my own.

“So, Gunner, I didn’t know you were dating someone, let alone Jeff’s baby sister.”

Gunner looked at me. I know he was waiting for me to respond. So, me being the idiot I am . . . I answered the question for Gunner.

“Gunner and I are just friends, Lori. We’re not dating.” A smile spread across her plastic-looking face.

That was all the bitch needed to hear. She jumped up, grabbed Gunner’s arm, pulled him halfway up.

“Then let’s dance!” Lori said as she was smiling at me.

Gunner went to sit back down, “Um, no, really, I’m here with Ellie, Lori, and—”

“It’s fine. Go dance, Gunner, we’re not together, you can dance with someone else,” I said before I could stop myself. What in the hell, Ellie?

Gunner turned and looked at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, and he just shook his head. He looked mad.

Oh my gosh! I wanted to slap myself for being so damn stupid. I’m sure I just pissed him off with my whole “we’re just friends” bit.

“See, she wants you to dance, Gun,” the bitch Lori said as she winked at me and walked with her arm wrapped around Gunner’s waist.

Just then Usher’s “Hot Tottie” started. Really? Why that song of all songs?

Because life was serving me up another plate full of shit.

I just sat there and tried not to watch them dancing. I looked over at Jefferson, who was watching Gunner. He looked over at me and gave me a small, weak smile. Well, fuck, that just made me want to look at them all the more.

Holy hell, this girl was grinding all into Gunner, and that bastard was giving her just as much as she was giving him, but he had his eyes closed for some reason. She turned and put her ass on his dick, then she looked over toward me and put her finger in her mouth and sucked it as she pushed her ass into him farther. She lifted her other hand and ran it down his face and side. He had his hands on her hips moving right along with her.

Oh. My. God. I was going to throw up.

I stood up and walked over to Jefferson. “Can you please walk me to my car?”

“You’re leaving? Honey, what about Gunner?”

I looked out to the dance floor. “It looks like he found someone else to go home with.”

“Ellie, he’s just dancing and you told him to.” Jefferson looked back out to the dance floor. I saw him frown. I looked back out. They were still going at it. Now she was turned back around, but Gunner still had his hands on her hips and they were really moving. Gunner’s back was facing me now.

“I want to leave . . . now,” I shouted at Jefferson.

“Okay, Ellie, Jesus.” Jefferson took my hand and we started to leave. I took one last look at Gunner. He didn’t even know I was leaving. My heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it. This was why I could not give my heart to anyone again. If he truly wanted me, he would not be dancing with some girl like he was ready to fuck her right there on the dance floor. All I could hear was my mother’s voice over and over in my head.

You will never be wanted by anyone . . .

As soon as we got outside the club, I stopped and inhaled deep.

“Ellie, I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset. You have told Gunner y’all are only friends. You told him to dance with Lori, and then you get upset because he does.”

“What?” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Did you not see how they were dancing? Did you not see what I saw, because to me they were practically fucking on the dance floor!” I screamed back at Jefferson louder than I wanted to.

“Oh my God, Ellie . . . they’re just dancing. Everyone dances like that! Stop acting like this and decide what you want. Do you want Gunner as more than a friend or not? If you do, then go back in there and tell Lori to take a fucking hike. If not, then—”

“Then what, Jefferson? What? Please tell me, because you are such an expert in this field.”

Jefferson looked stunned. “You’re right. I need to just keep my mouth shut. Let’s get you to your car.”

Jefferson walked me the short distance to my car in silence. “I’m sorry, Jefferson, it’s just that I’m so scared of the feelings I have for Gunner. I don’t see what he really sees in me when he can have someone like that Lori or Crysti,” I said as a tear escaped from my eyes and rolled down my face. Jefferson wiped it away.

“Ellie, like I told you before, honey, you are exactly what Gunner is looking for. You’re beautiful, smart, and you make him happy. You’re not one of those girls who will fall into bed with the first good-looking guy who gives them attention. You have to stop hearing Mom’s words play over in your head. You are not Mom. You never will be. You have to stop pushing him away. He wants to be with you.”

“He sure didn’t look like it tonight while dancing.”

“I know you think that, Ellie, but honey, you have to see it from his point of view. You practically pushed him to her tonight. Of course she is going to try and make you jealous, ’cause she’s a bitch who’s been after Gunner for three years now. I’m sure he was hurt by you telling him to go dance. He made a mistake, Ells,” Jefferson said as he lifted my chin to look up at him.

“I know how it feels to make a stupid decision. Please just talk to him when he calls you, okay?”

I took a deep breath and tried to smile. “I just want to get home. Thanks for walking me to my car, Jefferson. You’re a great big brother. I love you,” I said as I stood on my tippy toes to kiss him.

He bent down and gave me a hug. “I love you, too, Ells . . . more than you will ever know.”

I got in the car and watched Jefferson walk back toward Rebels. My hands started to shake, and all I could hear was my mother’s voice telling me how I would end up alone like her. I would never be good enough to keep someone like Gunner Mathews happy for long.

I pulled out of the parking space and started driving back home to Ari’s. That same sick feeling I kept getting off and on today was back. I felt the tears roll down my face as I touched the daisy necklace around my neck.

You will never be wanted by anyone . . .