Joel didn’t feel great that it took a pep talk from his twelve year old to convince him that he was finally ready to start dating again—or, whatever it was that was between Nick and him or whatever it was that Nick wanted or—okay. Maybe “ready” was a bit too strong of a word.

But either way, it didn’t quite feel right and it wasn’t quite his doing. He would probably still be drinking beer on the couch if Janie hadn’t essentially told him to man up.

Joel smoothed his hand down his tie.

It was red and two years old. He had bought it for Janie’s tenth birthday party, an event she demanded be invitation and formal wear only. Despite her assurances to the contrary, Joel was still pretty sure he only got in because he was the chauffeur and the only one old enough to actually cut the cake.

Janie had declared it a poor attempt at business casual but after scouring his wardrobe, decided it was good enough.

He frowned in the mirror, eyes raising to Janie. His daughter stood on a chair behind him, her hands tugging at his hair and a frustrated expression on her face. “I know. It’s a mess.”

“There is nothing to work with!” Janie exclaimed, throwing her hands up. “I give up. It’s going to be short because that is the only hair style you’re giving me.”

Janie’s nerves were fried. He would not want the poor girl to ever have plan something like a wedding. He was going to have to keep that in mind and save enough to hire a planner for her one day in the far, far, very distant future.

As it was, Janie had woken him up that morning with his cellphone half an inch from his face and an excited grin on her face. Nick had texted. He was coming back.

Well, the text actually said suck it, Joel and emphasized that he was coming back to see Janie but—still. It was an opening.

And as Janie was happy to point out, an opening was all they needed.

The day had sped by in a furious rush, a flurry of candles and literal rose petals. Every new thing that Janie demanded they buy and then spread in with an obnoxiously heavy hand around the house made Joel wince. But she had looked so excited all day, so confident that if they had enough flowers and enough candlelight and the right kind of strawberries, everything would be just right for them that night.

Joel considered that he probably ought to be teaching his daughter that ambush dates weren’t actually a very polite thing to do.

She hopped off the chair and gave him a once over, nodding in satisfaction. “You look alright.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Jeez, thanks, kid.”

She waved a hand at him. “We don’t have time for your ego, Dad.”

Joel raised his hands in defeat and followed her out of the bedroom. The living room looked worse than it had when they had went to get him dressed. There were literal rose petals on the couch and floor, as well as several vases full of red and pink flowers. So many candles were lit that Janie’s assurance of we live next to the ocean was starting to sound comforting. It looked like every romantic comedy’s worst nightmare had thrown up in his living room.

Janie clapped her hands together, delighted. “It looks perfect.”

Pick your battles, Cetokavich, he reminded himself. He smiled down at Janie and repeated her horrifyingly inaccurate statement.

She smiled up at him. A car honking outside startled them both and Joel looked at her, panicked.

“Settle down, Dad,” she chastised. “That’s just Mary’s mom. I’m going over there.”

“You’re not staying?” Joel had no idea his daughter had plans. God, he needed to get himself together.

Janie rolled her eyes. “And spoil your big romantic gesture? Romance isn’t exactly at its best with a kid around.”

Joel softened. “Janie, we’re a package deal.”

She rolled her eyes again but was still visibly pleased. “Jeesh, Dad, I know. And so does Nick! I’m just saying—save the love confessions for when I’m not around.”

“This isn’t—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Janie cut him off and then wound her arms around his waist. She hugged him tightly. “Don’t screw this up, Dad.”

He saluted her. “Scout’s honor.”

She grinned and grabbed a packed bag that he hadn’t even noticed between the Valentine’s Day sale his living room had turned into. Janie darted out of the house. “Love you! Luck!”

Joel went to the window and waved goodbye to Penny, Mary’s mom, and watched as the car drove away.

And then there was one.

Joel could feel his nerves start to split and splay. The whole day had been a rush of Janie’s dictated list of things to do and now that there was nothing left to do but wait, Joel was starting to regret.

He didn’t—he had told Nick to get out. He had kicked him out of the house when he had nowhere else to go, no one else he knew. He had just thrown him out and if the text from that morning was any indication, he was pissed about it.

And Nick had good reason to be pissed. Because as hurt as Joel had been, Nick hadn’t been wrong or even cruel. Nick just saw what Joel was too closed off to notice: he needed to stop punishing himself for being alive.

He sucked in air and fought the urge to loosen the tie around his neck.

He was about to give into the urge and follow it with shotgunning at least half the crappy strawberry wine Janie made him buy when he heard the unmistakable sound of a car creeping up into the driveway.

The sound of rocks against tire and concrete was suddenly the most foreboding thing that Joel could think of.

He waited with his breath held and his eyes closed, just listening. Adrenaline pumped through his veins. The car door slammed. Shoes against rocks. Silence. Silence. Then, knocking.

Joel threw the door open and tried to calm his hammering heart.

Nick stood with his fist still raised and his mouth open.

He was wearing a green flannel over his white t-shirt, loose over his jeans. His red hair was as messy as it always was, the strands curled over and around the others. His eyes were wide, nearly the exact same shade as his shirt. His lips looked as soft as Joel remembered.

He looked so incredibly good—and nervous, too, as if Joel was going to throw him out again. His heart twisted, guilt back and suffocating the nerves instantly.

He cleared his throat and stepped back.

Nick ignored Joel’s clear invitation and studied him instead. His hand fell to his side and his gaze dragged down Joel’s suit and then back up again, a slow, warm sensation that Joel felt down to his toes. His throat closed and his mouth went dry.

Nick kept flickering his gaze down his arms, across his chest, down his legs and up again, over and over, as if he couldn’t quite understand what he was seeing. When his eyes finally locked onto Joel’s, they were wide with surprise and he swallowed, licking his lips.

“I hope I’m not interrupting…” he trailed off and made to make a surreptitious glance into the

house. But much like with Joel’s suit, Nick attention was suddenly caught. His jaw fell and he used one hand to gently push against Joel’s chest, moving past him to get into the living room.

His head swung around as he took in the candle lit living room and the garden that he had decimated in attempt to show his affection.

Seeing Nick there, his incredulous face whipping around the house to take in all the dramatics,

Joel suddenly felt like a fool. He shouldn’t have—even though Janie wanted to do this, he should have put his foot down. This was not the kind of thing that a man like Nick would like and it wasn’t even the kind of thing that Joel would like and this was his one shot and—

Nick spun around and looked to Joel for answer. “What is all this for?”

The nerves that had been washed away by guilt came back with a vengeance. They were angry now and out for blood. He nearly passed out from the anxiety coursing through him.

“To apologize. Or, get your attention. Or, I don’t know. There was a list, a very particular and important list that was to be followed directionally to a T and—” He swallowed hard. Blame slid out quickly. “It’s all Janie’s fault.”

Nick glanced at the wine on the table and the dozens of stalks of flowers. His expression looked halfway between amused and guarded. “I—can believe that. Where is she?”

“At a friend’s,” Joel jumped a little and remembered that the door was open. He closed it and

walked towards Nick, hesitating halfway to him. He didn’t know where they stood and he didn’t know where he should stand. Nick’s head snapped towards him at that. His was unreadable, his eyes wide and mouth still open in shock.

“What, she’s gone?” Nick asked, looking around again as if she’d pop up from behind the couch.

Which, to be fair, did sound a lot like Janie. But when no Janie popped up, he looked back to Joel, impatience starting to war with the worry. A wrinkle pinched between his brows and he frowned.

“Yes,” Joel could feel himself fidgeting but it was taking all his concentration not to wring his hands together. He shuffled from foot to foot and hot spots danced along and up his throat. He felt the blush spread up his jaw and to the apples of his cheeks. He was also faintly sure he was sweating. How visible would that be in a white shirt? Joel had no idea. He wanted to rip the tie off his neck, outfit and proper conduct or whatever it was Janie cited be damned.

Nick pursed his lips, apparently oblivious to the heatstroke Joel was experiencing. “I—I don’t understand. The whole point of this was to say goodbye to Janie.”

Joel took a step closer. He held his breath. Here goes nothing. “What if you didn’t say goodbye?”

Nick froze. Slowly, melting he said, in a small voice, “I don’t get to say goodbye?”

Air rushed out. “No,” Joel closed the space between them, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry. I—I’m really messing this up, aren’t I?”

Nick caught his hands. Joel hadn’t even realized he had been moving them.

“What are you saying?” Nick asked, his eyes wide.

Joel spoke carefully. “What if you didn’t have to say goodbye? What if—what if you stayed?”

Nick shifted closer. His head tilted just a small amount, so little that Joel wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t watching so hard, and he held perfectly still. He recognized the look on Nick’s face, the narrowed eyes and bright pink cheeks and frozen muscles—Nick was looking for the truth in Joel’s words, in his face, and Joel swore to give it to him.

He waited. The moment dragged on, endless and short all at once. Joel could smell the sweetness of the flowers and the candles. His hands trembled even as they were caught in-between Nick’s.

Joel was glad he’d said it, even if Nick said no. Even if Nick cursed him and left California and never came back to the west coast again, he’d be glad he said it. Nick was worth failing for.

“Okay.”

Of course, not failing was much preferable.

Joel’s whole body shook, the adrenaline crashing. “Wait. Are you—really? You—” Joel didn’t know what to say. No words seemed big enough. He regretted all the time he spent on the sidelines quietly if only because if he hadn’t been, he might actually have something to say to Nick.

But Nick didn’t seem to mind. He tugged a little, his grip still tightly wound around Joel’s hands, and Joel stumbled closer. Their hands were folded together, caught between their chests.

Joel’s head rushed. He couldn’t stand still, his whole body trembling. “I know I can be—stubborn. Sometimes. And I do know I come with a lot of issues, like a—some commitment issues, maybe, and an incredible amount of distance between us, and Janie and I, we are a package deal, always, and if that is too much for you, we both understand but—”

Nick squeezed his hands. Joel shut up instantly. “Joel. You’ve got some shit. I’m not trying to pretend like you don’t because I’ve only known you three days—”

“And that’s another thing!” Joel blurted out.

Nick ignored him and kept talking. “—and already, I know there’s baggage. I know you’ve got a kid. I know all that.”

Joel refused to let himself hope. He swallowed hard and tightened his jaw. “And?”

“And I’m still here.” Nick’s eyes flickered across his face. He took a deep breath. “And I don’t—I really care about you, Joel. The whole package.”

“I’m sorry.”

Nick frowned. “For what?”

“For kicking you out last night. For pushing you away so much.”

Joel didn’t realize he was staring hard at the floor until Nick’s hand was underneath his chin, slowly pushing his head up until they were looking at each other again. “I’m sorry, too. For what I said.”

Nick had never looked as earnest as he had in that moment. Joel felt all the anxiety and adrenaline from earlier seep away, his nerves and fears starting to fall back into the remnants of his memory rather than the forefront of his actions. He relaxed into Nick’s grip and he could tell when the crinkles around Nick’s eyes deepened that he was smiling widely.

Joel knew there was more to discuss. There was more to say, more to consider—things were far from solved.

He didn’t care. He pulled his hands away and Nick let him go easily.

Joel didn’t know what he had done to deserve a man like this in his life—one so good and kind and fun, one that was willing to put up with his bullshit, one that could love him and his daughter.

But Joel decided he didn’t care. It was time to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.

He surged forward. Nick met him halfway. Joel’s fingers found purchase in Nick’s long hair and Nick’s hands framed Joel’s face. They were both breathing heavily, their chests bumping into each other when they inhaled. Joel thought he might feel as safe as he ever had.

They were grinning when their lips met.