Nick couldn’t have imagined a better confession.

He had given himself a half dozen pep talks in the car ride to Mendocino and then he got to Joel’s house, only for the man to be decked out in a suit and tie, literally sounded by flowers and candles, and offering him a confession of his own.

Nick had always heard the saying if you want something done right, do it yourself. That definitely didn’t apply for him and Joel—Joel should definitely be in charge of romantic confessions between them.

Though, Nick should probably start pulling his weight. He fisted one hand around Joel’s tie and tugged hard, bringing their light kiss into one of crushing pressure and gasping breaths.

“Nick,” Joel bit out, inhaling quickly before Nick pressed back up against him again. He slid his other hand around Joel’s waist, tugging him closer. Joel brushed against him and Nick’s half-hard cock twitched in interest.

He pulled back and watched with rapt attention at the ragged way that Joel was breathing. He grinned. “Cat got your tongue?”

Joel glared at him. “I’ll kill you.”

“Aw,” he clicked his tongue. “Aren’t there more fun ways to punish me?”

Joel’s glare was startled off his face. He visibly scrambled for a response. “I—you—”

“Exactly my thinking,” Nick tugged again, lighter this time and kissed Joel gently on the cheek, across his jaw, down his throat—Nick was careful and dedicated as he lavished each inch of Joel’s jaw and neck with his attention, slowly crawling back up his throat. He gently slipped his teeth around either side of Joel’s earlobe and bit down. “How about we go someplace less floral and flammable?”

Joel laughed, head falling back with the motion. Nick watched him and grinning. He let go of his death grip on Joel when he pushed gently on his chest. Joel started to blow out candles, moving quickly, and Nick helped with the second half once his brain caught up. He had been momentarily distracted by the hard line in Joel’s pants, the likely motivator for such quick candle blowing.

Joel started down the hallway without stopping to make sure Nick was following.

“Does this mean I actually get to see the famous bedroom?” He asked, trailing after Joel.

Joel shot him a look over his shoulder that he had definitely learned from his kid. “It’s not famous.”

Nick winked. “It’s about to be.”

Joel stopped with his hand on the door, sighing. “Do you ever shut up?” He asked, exasperatedly.

Nick kept walking despite the fact that Joel had stopped. He pressed him against the door, chest quaking with victory when he felt Joel suck in a ragged breath. Slowly, he rotated his hips and dropped his lips to the back of Joel’s neck. “You could make me.”

Nick let out a delighted, surprised chuckle when Joel spun around to do just that. His hands were in Nick’s hair in an instant, fingers raking and blunt nails scraping against his scalp in such a good way Nick was only faintly embarrassed at the purring sounds he was half sure he was making.

Joel caught his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down, just shy of hard, and sucked it into his mouth. Nick would have been chanting if Joel hadn't been keeping his mouth too busy for sounds.

Note to self, he thought in half jagged bursts, make sure to challenge Joel more often.

Nick gave into Joel’s hard manhandling of him immediately, head turning to mush as his body rocked relentlessly against the other man. His hands fell to Joel’s sides and started fumbling for the doorknob. He found it and pulled back to warn Joel when Joel slipped a knee between Nick’s legs and Nick’s vision nearly blacked out. He turned the doorknob hard without meaning to and they both stumbled into the room, nearly tripping and falling to the ground.

Nick managed to get one hand on the door frame and one one Joel’s arm, keeping them both upright. A bit of the urgency leaked away at their almost fall and he looked up, embarrassed. Joel was already laughing.

Nick couldn’t help but laugh, too.

They fell to the bed still laughing, their kisses light and interrupted by their chuckles every few seconds. Nick rolled until he had one knee on either side of Joel, straddling his hips. He sat up and placed one hand on his chest and the other clenched around the doorknob.

“We’re a mess,” Joel said in a whisper.

Nick smiled fondly down at him. “Yeah, probably,” he agreed easily.

There was something heavy about this moment. This was a moment that Nick wouldn’t forget. He gazed down at Joel, trying to memorize the slopes of his face, the curve of his smile and flush of his skin—he wanted to remember every last detail of tonight.

But that all went to hell when he realized that Joel was gazing right back up at him, doing the exact same thing. The urge to kiss him was too strong then and he bent down to collect.

This kiss was different between them. Nick wondered if their kisses would always be different, always a surprise, or if eventually he would get used to the different kinds that Joel gave, if he’d start to understand Joel’s moods just based off of how he shifted his lips and how loud his sigh was. Anticipation shivered up his spine. Nick thought both options sounded nice.

This kiss—it tasted like certainty. It felt like a promise against his lips, again and again, over and over the brush of his upper lip saying stay, the push of his bottom telling him to fall. It was slow and meticulous and Nick pulled away when he felt completely undone, like one more gentle kiss would break him in half completely.

He pulled back and looked down at Joel.

Joel’s eyes were wide, pupil-blown, and his lips were parted as two swollen, red-pink pillows. His chest heaved up and down.

Nick bent and kissed him gently, then sat up and shucked his flannel off. Joel shifted and sat up a little, leaning forward on his elbows. He dragged his gaze down each of Nick’s arms.

Nick hesitated with his fingers wrapped around the bottom of his t-shirt. When Joel’s eyes flickered back up to his and he tilted his head, his lips quirking just a bit in one corner, Nick tore that shirt off, too.

He waited. Joel shifted until he was sitting all the way up, scooting until his back was pressed against the headboard and Nick was sitting in his lap. Their chests were touching like this, but Joel nudged him gently until he was leaning back enough for his hands to fit between them.

Joel ran his fingertips across Nick’s skin, goosebumps rising as a trail, desperately chasing Joel’s touch. It was careful and reverent.

Joel continued his ministrations, a thorough mapping of all the skin Nick had offered him. When his fingers reached the bottom of his torso, he looked up for permission. Nick nodded and Joel flicked the button open and dragged the teeth of his zipper down. There wasn’t enough room like this for anything else but it was already near enough—near too much. Joel’s fingers slipped underneath the material and pressed against Nick’s hard, slick skin and Nick’s head fell back, a low groan torn from his throat.

He let himself be rolled onto his back, eyes squeezed shut as Joel slowly undressed him the rest of the way. Nick could feel his whole body tremble with the struggle to stay still and let Joel take his time.

When Joel finished undressing him, Nick forced his eyes open. Joel was staring down at him, eyes everywhere, his hands hesitating above his thighs as if he didn’t know if he was allowed to touch.

“Please,” Nick barely managed to get the word out, as closed as his throat was.

Thankfully, it was enough—and all he needed, apparently. Joel’s hands fell and he grabbed lightly at fistfuls of Nick’s thighs, squeezing there before letting his nails drag up as he got closer and closer to where Nick needed him.

“You—you—” and gosh, when was Nick ever this breathless, this unable to focus, or speak? He had always been so calm, so in control. Joel made him completely undone. “Too dressed.”

Joel, at least, looked equally as wrecked already. His head snapped up and his pale blue eyes were almost entirely black. His chest was heaving as if he’d been running. He opened his mouth to reply but seemed unable to.

Nick reached up and tugged on the red tie again, trying to take a semblance of control. But the silky material dipped low and dragged against the exposed swollen head of his cock and the sound that Nick made, coupled with the way his hips jerked completely of their own accord, took away the power he was trying to put into the motion.

Joel’s breath caught. “Jesus,” he hissed.

Nick’s hips twitched again and it knocked Joel into focus.

He tore the tie off of his neck viciously but sat it delicately on the side of the bed next to him. He paused when Nick’s cock twitched at the delicate handling.

Huh. Guess that’s a thing now.

His thoughts stuttered to a grinding halt when Joel took off his shirt. He threw it off the bed and the expanse of tan skin nearly melted Nick’s brain.

I’m going to die here, he thought blissfully. Joel might actually be so hot, I die.

The new surge of arousal gave Nick the kick he needed and he lifted himself up, carefully sliding them down until Joel was on his back. Joel let out a low keening sound and Nick followed his eye line down to where his hands were pressed. He had been undoing his dress pants when Nick had moved them, and now his hands were pressed hard and firm over the bulge in his pants.

“I can help you with that,” Nick teased. He knocked Joel’s hands away, ignoring the indignant protests, and in one long, swift move, tore Joel’s dress pants and boxers down his legs. He slid them off one leg at a time and threw them to the side.

Nick felt the breath get knocked out of him. His already aching cock starting begging for attention, its head weeping. Nick let his hand fall without thinking and lazily fisted around his own cock, jerking up in shallow pumps as he looked down at Joel.

Joel’s eyes were squeezed shut, bruised lips wide open, and hard cock curling angry and red up against his belly. It was a sight that could have blinded a lesser man.

Nick’s mouth watered with the memory of what Joel would feel and taste like in his mouth. He wondered what the chances were of getting him between his lips again.

“Don’t even think about it,” Joel ground out, hips rotating uselessly into the air.

Nick blinked. He hadn’t even realized he was talking out loud. He swallowed hard and mourned not being able to taste him. “What do you want, then? What can I do?”

Joel’s eyes opened. They were dark as night and Nick felt breathless again. “You can fuck me.”

Nick really needed a damn respirator if he was going to be seeing Joel for any indeterminate time. “You—sure? Are you sure?”

Joel was nodding, hips still thrusting against nothing. “Please, please. Yes.”

He glared when Nick just sat there, not doing anything, and sat up halfway. He dug around in the bedside table until he came out with a small packet of lube and a condom, handing it to Nick, who reluctantly let go of himself to grab it. “Always be prepared?” Nick teased.

Joel probably would have rolled his eyes any other time. This time, though, his cheeks burned red.

Nick’s heart skipped a beat. He was so gone for this man.

He looked down again, licked his lips. “You’re sure?” He repeated.

Joel readjusted and leaned back against the pillows again. He lifted his knees up, feet planted firmly on the bed. “Yes.”

He ripped the edge of the lube packet and coated his fingers generously. Leaning a little, he carefully trailed his fingers down the underside of Joel’s cock, sliding lower and lower until he was at his hole.

Nick worked him open in slow, careful motions. He slid a second finger in, and then, after adding a bit more lube, a third. Joel had his hands fisted into the sheets beside him and ground his hips hard against Nick’s hand, a litany of pleas that went straight to Nick’s straining cock.

“Now, now, I’m ready, please,” Joel tried to shove Nick’s hands away, but his whole body was trembling and his hands were weak.

Nick swallowed hard and slowly removed his fingers. Tearing the condom packet with his teeth, he carefully rolled it on his already sensitive cock, hissing at the contact. He wrapped his still wet fingers around his cock and pumped it once, twice. Then he emptied the rest of the lube packet onto the condom and looked down at Joel

Joel’s face was turned, half-pressed into the pillow, his hips raising in open invitation almost as if without consideration. Nick closed his eyes and tried to steady his breath. “There’s no way I’m going to last very long.”

Joel let out a strangled laugh. “If you don’t hurry, I won’t be lasting at all.”

Well, at least they were on the same page.

He carefully lined himself up and slid in slowly, inch by inch.

Joel started moaning as soon as he got the first inch in, the sounds getting louder and lower with every passing second. Nick closed his eyes, concentrating hard on not just fucking into Joel. Do not hurt him, go slowly, come on, man. Sweat dripped down his shoulders, his chest, his forehead.

When he was finally fully seated in Joel, he waited. Joel twitched around him and when he let out a harsh, move, Nick, now, Nick gave in completely.

His hips snapped forward fast, with little abandon, and Joel met each hard thrust with his own, grinding down and against Nick. It was dirty and fast and Nick could have died and gone to heaven and never noticed the difference. His cock sliding in and out, the wet slaps of their bodies colliding, the breathy litanies that fell from Joel’s beautiful mouth—

Joel tensed around him, his body stiffening and his hands flying up to Nick’s hair, tugging hard to the point of pain as he chanted Nick’s name over and over again. Nick watched desperately, hips still fucking hard and with abandon, as Joel’s cock twitched and he came all over his stomach in long bursts, completely untouched.

Nick fell over the edge the second Joel’s body relaxed and his lips pulled from a glorious round shape to a blinding smile. His hands tightened, one on Joel’s hip and the other on the bed frame, his whole body shuddering as he came.

Slowly and with trembling limbs, he pulled away from Joel and slid to the other side of the bed. He took the condom off his softening cock and tied it, dropping it into the wastebasket.

They lay side by side, struggling to catch their breaths.

The minutes after passed in glorious, hard-to-breathe silence.

Nick had never felt quite this good before.

He felt satisfaction humming underneath his skin.

Nick breathed out, shifting over until he was resting on the side of the bed. Joel’s arm was underneath his head and with very little effort, he managed to roll over until his head was on Joel’s chest.

He could hear the fast, steady beat of Joel’s heart. It hammered out just underneath the skin and against Nick’s ear. He could feel his own heart rate slow to match Joel’s.

He smiled. He could get used to two hearts trying to match pace.

“Nick,” Joel’s voice was low and scratchy, as if he had been dragged through the gravel and dirt. It brought shivers down Nick’s spine and his already spent cock gave a half twitch in interest. He ignored it and shifted until he was looking up at Joel.

Joel was already looking down at him. From Nick’s angle, he could see the hard, black-blue bruises on his shoulders and chest. There was one, large and shaped like his mouth, on his neck that he already was regretting having to explain to Janie. But Joel was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and his eyes were wide and clear.

Nick nudged him with his forehead. Joel’s lip fell from his teeth and a smile tugged at it instead.

“Nick,” he repeated when Nick let his tongue fall out of his mouth a little messily, swiping across Joel’s chest. He was too tired to do much more than nip and kiss at the bare flesh but it was enough to bring vibrations back to his skull. “Nick.”

At the warning tone Joel used, Nick reluctantly pulled away. He shifted over until he was no longer laying on Joel, balancing instead on his hip with his head on his hand. The sheet still covered him from the waist down, but from the way Joel’s eyes started flickering across his chest and arms, Nick figured that wouldn’t be that much of an issue. He grinned wickedly.

Joel started to smile back and then pulled himself out of it, scoffing and swatting at Nick lightly. “Stop it. I want to ask you something.”

Nick wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m going to need at least a few more minutes, babe.”

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head slowly. “What have I gotten myself into?” he wondered aloud.

Nick laughed. “A rocking good time?”

“Nick,” Joel repeated for a third time, though this one was surrounded by a laugh. “Be serious.”

Nick still smiled but he managed to stop doing it suggestively. Joel, on the other hand, remained looking near illegal laying there. “Okay.”

“I—are you still leaving?”

Nick cocked his head. He glanced around. “Like, right now?”

“At the end of your week. Will you be returning to Kansas?”

Nick’s heart skipped a beat. He could feel his shoulders start to cave in, his worries that Joel wanted him to leave back again in half a second—but then, if that was the case, why would Joel look so worried himself? Why would he be frowning, with a pinch of a wrinkle between his brows?

He doesn’t want me to leave, he wants me to stay, Nick thought.

Too goddamn stubborn to ask, though, apparently.

Nick stretched his legs, toes curling and back arching. He yawned, fake thoughtfully. Then he shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, probably.”

Joel deflated so instantly that Nick regretted teasing him a half second after the words left his mouth. He quickly added, “I have to put in an official notice at work, after all, and pack up all my shit. But I’ve been driving around here for days and there are a lot of rental signs. I think I could get something squared away so—”

His words were cut off by Joel half throwing himself across the bed, lips crashing into Nick’s. Nick laughed as Joel peppered his lips and jaw with light kisses. He pulled back and was grinning that large, wrinkly-eyed, gummy smile that made Nick’s heart stutter just a bit more than was probably safe.

“You would do that?” Joel asked, eyes flickering across his face to read him. “You would just—move here?”

Nick smiled. “Well, yeah. But my own place. A live-in, brand new boyfriend is probably not a good idea with a kid in the mix.”

Joel stared at him with wide eyes, unblinking. It was the same searching look that he’d given Nick when they first met, when Nick was dripping sea water on the floor of his kitchen and Joel was debating on punching him in the face or giving him a medal.

“I can’t promise you anything,” Joel started.

Nick interrupted. “I’m not asking for anything. It’s just—what we’ve got? It’s worth trying for, isn’t it? And if it doesn’t work, no hard feelings.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Joel admitted, though he leaned back into the pillows, hands dragging Nick down with him.

Joel turned away from him and Nick wrapped himself around his body, arm around his waist and fingers intertwined. “I don’t know either. But it wouldn't be half as fun if we did.”

“We’ll—we’ll just have to figure it out as we go,” Joel added.

Nick hummed his agreement and kissed the back of Joel’s neck. The exhaustion of the day, of the past week, was pressing down on him. He felt his body relax further and further, sleep closer and closer every deep exhale he felt pressed against his chest from Joel’s back.

He didn’t say it, but as they fell asleep, Nick had a sneaking suspicion that they didn’t need to plan out where this was going.

He had a pretty good idea of where it was going all on his own.