Yes. Blue balls are real. The pain is real. 

But the ache in my groin was all but drowned out by the sheer pleasure of having Rachel waking up in my arms. 

The morning light was seeping in through the uncovered window and the sound of the creek was a constant babbling murmur outside. I shifted a little, feeling the stiffness from being jammed into a too-small bed for the night, but it was worth it when I looked over and saw her stirring. 

She sniffed and made a small mewling noise of protest that had me shushing her and brushing back her hair in sleepy contentment. 

She stretched and shifted. And then kicked out with her leg, catching me right in the shin. "Ow!" I was suddenly quite awake. 

"Shit!" Rachel had apparently broken her own cussing taboo forever. She rolled over to face me, adorably covering her mouth. "I... forgot you were here."

"You sleep like a dead person." I yawned and reached down to rub my leg. "I checked a few times over the course of the night. Just to make sure you were breathing."

"I know." She glanced down sympathetically and put her hand over mine and we rubbed my leg in tandem. "Comes from growing up with nine brothers and sisters."

I froze. “Nine?” When she didn't correct me, I whistled, impressed. "And here I thought I had the surplus of siblings."

"It might be more now." She sat up, tugging her shirt back down over her stomach, much to my sadness. 

"Yeah?" There was a story here. A clue to who she was, who she'd been and what she'd fled from. I held still, the way I would when I spotted a deer in the woods. Not wanting to spook her. 

She was staring at some spot on the wall. It was probably sleep that made her eyes look so tired, but her sigh made me wonder if it was something more. "Chosen families are big," she said carefully. "We... they... believe in collecting souls. So not only do you have large biological families, but we... they... adopt kids out of foster care a lot too. I've been gone two years now. So that's plenty of time for my mother to have another baby and maybe even adopt one too." She sat up straighter and seemed like she was trying to shake the sadness off, but it settled back down around her shoulders like a shawl, making her slump. "My mother writes to me maybe once every couple months or so, but she doesn't tell me much that's important."

"Your mother writes to you?" This was news. This was definitely surprising news, and it banished that last bit of ache from me when I realized that this - her sleeping in the same bed as me, her confiding these secrets to me -  was a far bigger step than her having sex with me. This mattered much much more. "I have to confess, that's surprising to hear. I thought you'd be—"

"Cut off completely?" She slid from the bed and looked at me, then exhaled something that might have been a laugh before looking down and twisting her bare toes on the floor. "My... leaving. It was... I wasn't kicked out if that's what you're thinking. And I didn't... run away in some kind of dramatic night escape."

She must have seen the surprise on my face because this time her laugh was more genuine. "I know. Sorry to disappoint you. But I left because..." Here her words tripped up like she was about to reveal something before she caught herself. "It was a kind of mutual decision. Because there really wasn't a..." She sighed heavily again and looked at the window. "Place for me," she finished hurriedly. "There wasn't a place for me there anymore."

A small, tight ball of worry suddenly knotted inside of my chest, though where it had come from I wasn't exactly sure. "Would you go back? I mean, if there was a place for you?"

"I don't know." There was nothing but truth in her voice and for some reason that broke my heart. "At this point, I'm not sure I really can." She glanced at me like she remembered I was there - and what we had done - all of a sudden. "I mean," she gestured between us with a glint in her eye that was much more reassuring than the wistful one that had been there a second ago. 

I stood up and went to her. Putting my arms around her felt like the most natural thing in the world. "Right here. Right here is a good place for you," I said as I folded her against me. 

She made a small noise that could have been a laugh or a sob, and I knew she needed the privacy to decide which it was so I just held her a moment. 

She took a deep breath. "I need a shower," she said looking up at me. "If you're going to keep hugging me like this."

"Oh I am."

She smiled. Then licked her lips. She didn't say anything more, just padded over to the bathroom. But then she paused in the doorway and looked back at me before she stepped in. 

Without shutting the door behind her. 

"Well fuck me," I breathed. Was that an invitation?

I was just stepping forward to find out exactly that when a faint buzzing caught my attention. I nudged my toe against my jeans which were puddled on the floor next to Rachel's bed and felt the vibration of my cell phone on my foot. "Fuck." Only nine people in the whole world actually had my number which meant that if someone was calling, I needed to hear from them. I glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was the ninth person. Dale Fenwick of Silvergate Records. Our label rep. Returning my call. 

I'd forgotten that I'd put in a call to him last night. Just to gauge if there was any interest in the reunion show. I'd meant to go immediately to my siblings and see how they felt about it, but then... Rachel.

Rachel had happened and made me forget everything but her. 

Feeling guilty, I let it go to voicemail with a whispered, "Sorry Dale." 

Then the water swished on and the thought of Rachel naked drove the guilt away.